Offshoot: Double Standard Socialization - No Friends

[asta]

I was just telling hubby about this thread (in my usual, over the top, over-dramatized manner...), and he announced back "well, you're just going to have to put him in school - otherwise he'll never have any friends."

 

Um... I seem to recall no "friend guarantee" from PS.

 

Kid starts high school in the fall. Kid has never had friends (plural). And kid didn't start homeschooling until 5th grade. Kid is what we (affectionately) call "quirky"; or what a doctor would call "Aspie" if I ever bothered to cough up the cash for an evaluation.

 

(I don't really see the point, as we've already fixed the speech impediment, I already work around his learning differences/styles, and I keep him in sport to deal with P/T issues - oh, and the state I live in has their head in the sand about ASD people not existing with high IQs, like 130)

 

Hubby had a miserable time in school. I had a miserable time in school. You would think this would be a NON issue. I repeatedly say "he'll find a friend - he'll be in sport, he'll be involved in things" (we're moving to a new area with a larger concentration of teenagers). Hubby isn't buying it.

 

Sage advice?

 

 

asta

 

 

p.s. Kid has had friends in the past, it's just that they have moved on as of late. And, like others from the previous thread, he gets along great with adults and pretty much anyone with whom he comes in contact, in a "safe" environment.

[Sandra in NC]

He said, "In school, you don't have friends. You have acquaintances." He was amazed at the superficiality/fickleness of "friendships" at our local public high school. On the other hand, at our state's residential arts school, my son made many true friendships that I'm sure will last a lifetime.

 

My homeschooled son has always had only one good friend. That's really all he needs. When his first best-friend moved, it took a while to find another, and he was miserable in the interim.

 

Try meetup.com for groups in your new town that share interests with your son. We found an airsoft club in our area that way.

[LisaCA]

I think you need to follow his needs. If he's good with having one or two good friends than leave it alone. If he is reaching out for something and it seems like ps would do him good then you might want to consider it.

 

I have 4 DD's and they are all different, 2 have always been popular, drawing people to them even as toddlers, (one went back to ps and became prom queen, the other is involved in our community through sports, work and police explorers.) My #3 is happy with a couple good friends and sees right through the phony friend wanna bee's. #4 recently commented on her lack of friends and how sad it is. So #4 is where I'll turn attention to the friend finding process. We will look into clubs in our area such as scouts, 4-h, rec. center etc.

 

So follow your sons lead and try not to *brew* over your husbands comments. I think sometimes they think you want a Fix-it answer and so they just say things.

You sound like your on the right track to me!

[dtsmamtj]

Our son is a lovely, precious young man, but has been dejected, made fun of, left out, etc. all because he doesn't communicate well. It is only those who are older teens or adults that see past his limitations to his heart. My husband and our son began attending Alert Cadet this past year and a half or so and it has been a wonderful experience for our son and his father.

 

T

[asta]

So follow your sons lead and try not to *brew* over your husbands comments. I think sometimes they think you want a Fix-it answer and so they just say things.

 

I think that's the part I always forget: I'm emoting, and he is "soluting" LOL

 

Seriously - he is always seeking a solution. Maybe I need to come up with some "umpire" type hand signals for "hey! I don't want a solution! I want validation!" You know, the "Homeschool Mom's Guide to Socializing Husbands..." heh

 

 

asta

[PamJH]

I wish those of us whose children are finding it difficult to find friends could introduce them to each other. A pipe dream, I know.

 

My son is happy having one or two good pals, even if he doesn't see them often. My dd is lonely and would like to have a girlfriend to giggle with once in a while. Hopefully, the situation will rectify itself in the fall. She's taking a college class and I think some local high school kids might be in it. Maybe that will help.

[Liza Q]

I think that's the part I always forget: I'm emoting, and he is "soluting" LOL

 

Seriously - he is always seeking a solution. Maybe I need to come up with some "umpire" type hand signals for "hey! I don't want a solution! I want validation!" You know, the "Homeschool Mom's Guide to Socializing Husbands..." heh

 

 

asta

 

:lol:

 

My daughters went through an awful period three years ago after most of their friends moved away. So I enrolled them in a drama class at a coop (even though I am not a coop person, kwim?) and and they gained a few friends. They have also made a few friends through our homeschool group.

 

My girls have a crowd, like in Betsy/Tacy! My husband and I have worked hard at this. I am always willing to have their friends over (and feed them!) for an evening, and my husband is great about being the chauffeur so they can all get together, even when they are not at our home.

Some of the girls are homeschooled and some are now in school. But they are all nice girls from good families with similar standards. Some of the parents have become my friends! I thank God every day for this :)

 

I will say that my oldest is very shy and has just enough ADHD and SID issues (undiagnosed - I know what you mean, asta!) to make things difficult. However, daughter #2 smooths the way for her, which makes all the difference. I wonder what will happen when she gets to college :confused: