I've demonized ps in my mind but now may need to...

[mykdsmomy]

.put ds7 back in school and I'm freaking out!!! We are currently using a public charter school (independent study program). It's been great so far because they have honored ds's IEP and have really supported our choice of curriculum and his slow pace of learning.

 

HOWEVER, our days look like something out of the WWE rings! Ds7 refuses to do any school work. His behavior is out of control (it always has been but we've dealt with it and his meds have helped some). The problem now is that I am feeling like I'm neglecting ds11 and dd12. They both are falling behind academically and my time with them is so limited because ds7 takes up all of my time/energy. I am his "external brain" so to speak. I understand his anxiety and his breaking points better than anyone. I know when to push and when to pull back. I know when he's not getting something that someone is trying to tell him....I just know him better than anyone.

 

The thing is, dd12 and ds11 need a break from him :( his demands are so great that it's taking a toll on everyone. Our household and our lives revolve around ds7...and everyone's patience is wearing thin.

 

I know that something has to give and that either ds7 needs to go to school or dd12 and ds11 need to go.....BUT....ds11 has special needs too and is homeschooled because of those needs.....and dd12 has sort of been our "Jan Brady" and could really benefit from some one on one time with me.....which is why I originally brought her home anyway!

 

Neither of them are getting what they need or what I originally intended to do/give them by homeschooling......but the idea of putting ANY of them in school scares the heck out of me!

 

I fear that ds7 will NOT be able to cope with the structure (and yet he needs structure!). I would of course fight for the best possible placement for him....but I worry endlessly about his fragile self esteem. He KNOWS he has a hard time holding it together....and he also FEARS getting in trouble. So what happens if he refuses to go to school after a few bad days? (it happened in Kindergarten and I wound up pulling him out because I physically could not get him in the car).

 

On the other hand, is it fair to keep him home and throw the other two to the "wolves"? How is that going to make them feel if I make them go back just so their brother can stay home?

 

Ughhhhh I hate feeling this way. There are days when I curse hearing about homeschooling. I wish I could be blissfully unaware of the option of having my children at home....because putting them in school makes me feel like I'm failing them. I worry that I'm ruining them by making them go to public school where the class size is up to 30 kids! What if they have a less than understanding teacher? What if they get made fun of? What if they can't handle being there because they are behind academically from where their peers are? What if ds7 has the mother of all tantrums and they call in the special team that restrains him and takes him to the hospital????? I fear decisions about him would be out of my hands by that time. Ok, I know I sound totally paranoid...but we've worked REALLY hard to get him to where he his now....and where he is now isn't even all that great! What if it gets undone by a less than sensitive teacher?

 

I realize this is a huge rambling mess of emotions but I had to type it all out. I honestly need someone to say they have been where I'm at and made it out the other side unscathed!

 

Anyone? Thanks for listening.....

 

(ds 7 has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and many of the 'side effects' that go with it including ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, GAD, ODD and PDD-NOS)

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I felt guilty about putting youngest DD in a formal classroom setting when she was so young (only 2 1/4) but OTOH there was no way I could provide the kind of services her EI preschool does at home without spending $$$ for private ST, OT, and ABA and putting my older two into a FT brick-and-mortar school. If she were my only child and our budget were not so tight, maybe I could make HS work for her at this point. But that's not where God has put us at this time. We have to do the best we can with the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

 

DD seems to be enjoying her EI preschool and making progress there. Could she perhaps have made more progress with HS and private therapy? Possibly, but I can't worry about the things that might have been.

[mykdsmomy]

Thank you for responding :grouphug: I've spent the day today going round and round already with the school district. They want me to enroll him before they "place" him.....which means he could be placed in a gen ed classroom with no supports while they twiddle their thumbs :glare:

 

I'm reading through his IEP to try and see how I can apply what we have in place now. I believe it states one on one instruction :tongue_smilie: but obviously that's not really possible so we'll see.

[CarolineN]

Your 7 year old sounds a lot like mine. He is pdd-nos and very, very stubborn. This time last year was miserable. It was a nightmare just to get him dressed in the morning and put to bed on time. We also have an autistic 5 year old, a 2 year old and a 4 month old. This was the 7 year old's first year in public school (or any school actually).

 

He is doing very well. Not perfect. There are still meltdowns, but not as often and much milder. The school district first put him in a gen ed classroom and it was a nightmare. Too many kids, too much distraction and activity and too many words. Fortunately at his IEP they placed him into a special ed class for language and social skills. He is really thriving there and his teacher is just amazing with him.

 

If you do send him to public school, will it be for next year? Because if you enroll him now and request an IEP in writing with your enrollment then the IEP should take place this spring and, hopefully, the placement question will be answered before the fall.

 

I hope either way you find your peace of mind.

[ChristyK]

I don't have any special insight for you Judy other than wanting to share that you're not alone. Our family struggles with that situation every day too, although our son is doing early intervention half day for K so I'm able to get in some teaching time for his older brother (cyber charter school). I LOVE having everyone home, but my anxieties are literally turning my hair white with startling speed. Coming up on a decision-making time soon too. Send the SN son for PS; send other son to PS to give me time with SN son; keep everyone home.

 

Praying things will work out for the greater good for you!

 

ChristyK

Mom to 3 Kiddos

Christopher (8), Caden (5 w/DCD), and Kira (3)

[Tiramisu]

I also demonized our ps district. Several years it made national news because of a controversial program. Then, our oldest was bullied and despite their zero-tolerance bullying policy, nothing was done. When a friend who worked for the school tried to help us by telling me what she was seeing and simply telling me to deal directly with the principal, her job was threatened for sharing with me what was happening with my child. I really think I was justified in demonizing them, and I totally understand where you're coming from with that.

 

After hsing for a few years and through a major medical situation and other troubles, one dd started having a lot of issues. The whole family was suffering. Schooling was disrupted but also every aspect of daily life. I've posted on this before, but the long and short of it is that I had to do something drastic, and I decided to send her to school. It was a very good choice for her.

 

It helped me to know that since the controversy and parent uprising years ago, there was evidence that things had changed in our schools, so maybe it will help you to see if the issues that bothered you before are still relevant.

 

I also got in touch with the new principal and others at the school I knew to be sympathetic and hashed out all my concerns and insecurities. Is there someone you can do that with?

 

Like you, I really worried about if dd would even go or what her behavior would be at school. But she also had the fear factor, like your son, and, I think, in part, the anxiety keeps her in line. There haven't been any issues at all. I think there can be some fatigue for dc like this when they have to pull in together all day long, and you can have meltdowns when they come home and let down their hair, but this is nothing compared to dealing with it all day. And, if their other needs are being met in a way that works better for them, they may become happier and this overflows into better behavior at home.

 

It does seem like you have to do something. I feel for the situation you're in. It would be a shame to shake things up for your others when it's the one who is the one most needing help right now. Our other dc felt such a huge relief when the house became peaceful again.

 

I still have issues with ps in general and prefer hsing and wish it would work with all of my dc. But, as another poster said, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.:001_smile:

[Jasda]

I hear you! Have you checked to see if he could be placed in a private school for kids with disabilities? The PS might even pay for it if they can't accommodate him in their classes. Of course I'm sure it would be hard to put in place, but it sometimes can be done. Aren't there advocates that you can contact that can help you with that should you want to utilize that option?