DiannePf Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 When someone, stranger or otherwise, asks your CAPD child a question and he has no response and stares at the person, what do you do? Do you ignore the question or get your childs attention and re-ask the question in a louder more clear format? (which may cause the child embarassment, and many times for me he will just stare then at me w/o answering the question alltogether) I'm asking this because we have some family parties soon and I know many questions will be asked to him. Thanks! Dianne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 No formal diagnosis yet (we started the process but it got put on the back burner after another sibling got diagnosed with autism), but I would personally worry more about being rude to the other individual in leaving the question unanswered than the child's embarrassment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I think it would be more polite to re-phrase the question than ignore it, but I would not increase the volume. I'm not an expert on CAPD, but my understanding is that making it louder could make it worse because it's not a hearing problem but a processing problem. KWIM? My dd with CAPD-like symptoms can short-circuit when the volume is increased when she's already frustrated by not "getting it." With other, similar disorders I've read that lower volume is sometimes better. The party environment will be especially tough because the background noise. There's also a general discomfort factor to take into account since nervousness seems to make processing worsen, at least in our house. I don't know how old your dc is, but could you talk to him/her and ask what would be most helpful or least embarrassing to them, while still being polite? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I think it would be more polite to re-phrase the question than ignore it, but I would not increase the volume. I'm not an expert on CAPD, but my understanding is that making it louder could make it worse because it's not a hearing problem but a processing problem. KWIM? My dd with CAPD-like symptoms can short-circuit when the volume is increased when she's already frustrated by not "getting it." With other, similar disorders I've read that lower volume is sometimes better. The party environment will be especially tough because the background noise. There's also a general discomfort factor to take into account since nervousness seems to make processing worsen, at least in our house. I don't know how old your dc is, but could you talk to him/her and ask what would be most helpful or least embarrassing to them, while still being polite? :iagree: Involve your child in the solution at home, at a time when he or she is not feeling defensive, and be careful about how you phrase the part about "not being rude" to the question asker; remember that your child is not trying to be rude in the first place or doing this on purpose. I would also avoid asking the question louder. CAPD, despite the term "auditory" is not an auditory issue; it is a nervous system/neurological disorder, and being louder is not going to be helpful any more than ordering a stutter to "spit it out" is helpful. Your (to the OP) suggestion about rephrasing it might work; that can be good; but maybe ask your child if it would help if you placed your hand on his shoulder or arm prior to speaking. For some children, this might assist in maintaining focus (for others, it might have the opposite effect). As the PP said, expect that communication could be difficult at the party, simply because of interference from the background noise. Whatever you do, avoid "apologizing for" your son or behaving in any way as if his behavior is embarrassing to you. Remember that he didn't ask for this problem; it is likely torture for him and he is not doing it on purpose. The time to address it is through therapy outside of social situations, not in front of others. In front of others, he needs your support, not your apologies. Hugs. Our special kids' special personality issues can sometimes be frustrating to deal with, even if they also shape our wondeful kids into who they are. The holiday swirl of parties can bring on exceptional challenges that can be unnerving to deal with. But with a little planning ahead, everyone can be respected and have a good time! Good luck! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DandelionMom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 My oldest was tested for CAPD and it was determined that she did not have it, but I still wonder because she REALLY struggled with this when she was younger. I remember getting her attention and re-asking the question myself. The other people involved always responded better to this as well. Many times people do not understand why the child is not responding and can act rude or weird. When I would step in, it negated any of these feelings and just appeared as if I were just redirecting my child's attention. If the person has to ask, and ask, and ask the child herself, or feel ignored, it can leave them feeling uncomfortable and judgmental I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 When someone, stranger or otherwise, asks your CAPD child a question and he has no response and stares at the person, what do you do? Do you ignore the question or get your childs attention and re-ask the question in a louder more clear format? (which may cause the child embarassment, and many times for me he will just stare then at me w/o answering the question alltogether) I'm asking this because we have some family parties soon and I know many questions will be asked to him. Thanks! Dianne We've had this issue, I just touch my dd on the shoulder to get her attention, make sure she's looking at me, then ask her again. The reason I wait until she's looking at me is if anything else is distracting her she will not hear what I have to say. She can not split her attention at all and when when the environment is noisy its hard for her to track conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 My ds tested as having a APD when he was younger, but retesting this year shows he doesn't. So he's definitely improved with speech and age. Even though he still at times doesn't answer when spoken to like the op mentioned. Keep in mind that it could also be normal child ambivalence at talking to another adult. Keep in mind also that adults sometimes feel no qualms at invading a child's space with questions and expectations for chit chat that they would never do to another adult. Either way I would gently and in a non threatening or scolding way rephrase the question and facilitate my dc in the conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 My ds tested as having a APD when he was younger, but retesting this year shows he doesn't. So he's definitely improved with speech and age. Even though he still at times doesn't answer when spoken to like the op mentioned. Keep in mind that it could also be normal child ambivalence at talking to another adult. Keep in mind also that adults sometimes feel no qualms at invading a child's space with questions and expectations for chit chat that they would never do to another adult. Either way I would gently and in a non threatening or scolding way rephrase the question and facilitate my dc in the conversation. I totally agree about how some adults really put kids on the spot and don't use the same degree of politeness they would use with adults. I'm reading a book on APD right now that seems to confirm your experience. A certain degree of auditory maturity isn't really reached until age seven. If your ds tested as APD before that age, perhaps his auditory system simply hadn't reached its natural potential. Even beyond that age, there's maturation that takes place. Our audiologist said some temporal processing skills aren't in place until age ten or so. In our case, we were told that dd has reached full auditory maturity, so we can't count on much to change on its own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misty Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 (edited) Is it okay to answer for the child? I have to do this often.. My 11 y/o APD daughter has slow processing speed on top of the APD so she just does not say anything when people speak to her. I always have to answer for her. I pause first to see if she can answer.. I see the wheels turning, she is trying to process, trying to come up with something to say, but it just takes too long.. I think she has some social anxiety on top of it all too (she's Aspie). Strangers and family members just aren't used to waiting that long for an answer from a child.. I don't know what else to do.. :confused: Edited January 1, 2012 by Misty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifesajourney Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 I am one to also answer for my child (after waiting a bit to see if he will of course). Im not sure what else to do either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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