cseitter Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 My 5 year old DS is going through this stage (seems like forever) that everything and i mean everything he is asked to do he says "I can't" and starts to whine. School work (which he excels at) he "can't" write his #s or hold his pen, if you ask him to take something upstairs he acts like it is to heavy and falls around even if it is a towel! It is really aggravating and sometimes I lose my temper! Does anyone have any strategies to work through this? Most of the time it becomes a battle and it is really getting old! Thanks in advance for any advice you can give. :001_smile: Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 It's a high maintenance strategy, but I often "help" a child through the motions if they won't do it on their own. It usually seems a little silly and improves their attitude. The rest of the time they stay cranky but do it on their own so I will stop being a pest. It's a better strategy for picking up toys and doing jobs than writing. For something like that I would probably give my mean mommy look and say "Excuse me?" I don't deal well with bad attitudes, but I might be a bit tricky and offer something special to write with before the whining began. I do expect things to be done "right now" when I give my little ones a job, but I have to reinforce that with pretending all the time. For some reason everyone loves to come over to me or put away little things when I make a game of it with my high-pitched pretend voice. It doesn't always carry over into real life. (Not a surprise.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Maybe you can present things as an option. Would you like to use a crayon or a pencil to write your name? Are you going to use the blue crayon or the orange one for this math worksheet? Would you like to stand up or sit down when you ... This may get him thinking over the two options - both of which are absolute yeses (is that a word lol) - rather than whether he'll do it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 that is a good idea... We were working on our writing today and he wrote a beautiful c all by himself while I was watching but when I turned to help his twin sister he fell apart and it was again an "I can't".... An attention thing? Maybe you can present things as an option. Would you like to use a crayon or a pencil to write your name? Are you going to use the blue crayon or the orange one for this math worksheet? Would you like to stand up or sit down when you ... This may get him thinking over the two options - both of which are absolute yeses (is that a word lol) - rather than whether he'll do it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Does "I can't" sometimes translate as, "I can't do this absolutely perfectly every time?" We instituted a rule that any "I can't" had to be followed by "yet." Granted, it's dorky as heck, and it may have worked only because nobody wanted to hear me say YET! one more time, but it can prove useful. And when "I can't" clearly meant, "I don't want to," I countered with an equally irritating, "Then you'll practice until you can." Man, I am mean! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 that is a good idea... We were working on our writing today and he wrote a beautiful c all by himself while I was watching but when I turned to help his twin sister he fell apart and it was again an "I can't".... An attention thing? Does sound like he might be looking for the same kind of attention a little sister might be getting. :) Maybe you could offer a bribe and tell him that when he completes x on his own, that you will sit with him and do x - read a story to him, play a game with him, etc.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I don't know if this would work for your family, but it helped a lot in ours. Google Dr. Ben Carson and read aloud his book Caring Hands. I think that's the title. It's very interesting for kids. As a kid he didn't do well at all in school and his mom finally pulled the plug on TV. Bam -- he became a brain surgeon. His specialty became separating conjoined twins. The best part is when Dr. Carson explains (in kid language) what our brains are capable of and finally says something like, "given what our brains can do there's never a reason for anyone to say 'I can't.'' It's powerful and I refer it when I need to. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Does "I can't" sometimes translate as, "I can't do this absolutely perfectly every time?" We instituted a rule that any "I can't" had to be followed by "yet." Granted, it's dorky as heck, and it may have worked only because nobody wanted to hear me say YET! one more time, but it can prove useful. And when "I can't" clearly meant, "I don't want to," I countered with an equally irritating, "Then you'll practice until you can." Man, I am mean! Me, too. And I'm ok with it. I know my children's capabilities. I spend all day with them. I can't abide laziness and time wasting; we have way too much to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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