Need help with ds14.

[mereminerals]

How do you manage through the high school years without losing your relationship with your child?

 

It seems that all day long, it is a constant battle with emotions running high. Any critique made is taken as a personal attack, no matter how it was worded. Any additional work assigned results in ds 14 wanting to get as far away from me as possible.

 

I am at a loss on what to do. While I know it is my place to push him academically, I do not want it to result in our relationship being shattered.

 

Sorry about the vent, I just really need to hear that it will be okay and we will get through this season.

[Renee in NC]

We have the same issues here.

 

A month or so ago I met 4 young adult siblings that had been homeschooled all the way through school. I asked one of the brothers whether he was glad he had been homeschooled. He answered "Yes!" without even a pause. I asked him if he had appreciated it when he was 13. He said "Absolutely not!" Then he told me how his mother used to threaten to send him to school on a regular basis because she just couldn't handle him anymore.:lol: He said one time that she even had him go to the car and wait for her to drive him to the school. (BTW, he said she was serious - not just trying to manipulate him.)

 

I try to remember that on bad days - someday he may thank me.:tongue_smilie:

[mcconnellboys]

I have tried to get mine into more outside classes as they get to be seventh/eighth grade age. Hearing similar things from other teachers, seeing that other students have similar work, hearing similar stories from other moms - all seem to help them to see that their mom is not the only one with a particular message.

 

In particular, writing has been a touchy subject for both of them, although for very different reasons. I have found that letting them write for others helps ease the critiquing they receive from me. Suddenly I'm the assistant, helping them get ready for an outside class, rather than the old meany criticizing their work, LOL. It's not that I'm any different, it's just that their perspective is different....

[Greta Lea]

I think staying calm and not getting "heated" with him is the best thing to do. NOT the *easiest* (and boy do I fail at that a lot), but I always strive to stay *calm* no matter what emotional state he is in.

 

During times when he's calm and not working on school (in the car where he can't get away;) I talk to him about how I plan his school work for HIS benefit, NOT to torture him. Then I let HIM *talk* too. He can tell me what he feels is confusing to him or maybe wonder why I have him do a certain subject.

 

THankfully, one of his best friends goes to regular school. I remind him often that she's already been at school for 3 1/2 hours when he's still asleep and just getting started on his school work. This reminder works better when he's not in complain-about-school-mode.

[mereminerals]

Thanks so much for the perspective. I have learned that there are two classes that we tend to butt heads more than others and I have commissioned those out to others, so I do hope that will help with some of it. I'm actually relieved to know that it is not an uncommon stage.

[Julie in MN]

My youngest is heading toward 16 and I feel like I've made it thru my last middle school aged misery. I'll just say that it isn't homeschooling. I had just as much trouble getting my public schooled kids to get their work done at that age, and it was worse because some of the work I was pushing them to get done was stuff I considered a waste of time, or even was someone else's work on a group project where they all got the same grade even if they didn't do anything.

 

Best wishes in your endurance. Your child will surely emerge from his metamorphosis beautifully with you there to guide him.

Julie

[smilesonly]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Does your ds want to be hsed??

 

I ask, as my dd does want to be hsed. However, she has such an incredibly strong personality that if she wanted to go to school I would let her go in a heartbeat!:lol:;)

 

I agree with Julie. All of it can't be blamed on hsing-it's just the age for some dc.

 

Things I am working on currently...

 

-Remembering that I am MOM first, teacher second.

-Writing is my best friend! I try to write out every little thing for her. Clear expectations of both school and house work, deadlines, do-overs, ALL critique, ALL praise-and everything in between.:D

-Putting my "non-emotional" face/attitude on. No need to use my "tone" or "tude"-if I am verbally explaining something I try hard to keep my emotions in check.

-Having dh correct her in some areas.

-Having her do a couple of classes with Monarch(same as SOS).

-Giving her LOTS of space.

-Speaking her love languages(gifts and affirmations) so on my way home from work at night I will stop and get her a favorite chocolate and have it waiting on her school desk the next morning.:001_smile:

-Focusing on the good things she does and says.

-Thanking God that I have her in my life-even on the hardest days.

-Staying in prayer.

 

Some days all of the above really help, and some days not so much!!:glare:

[Greta Lea]

Some kids are just HARD. One of my bf's kiddos DRAGS his feet with his homework. There are battles at their house every.single.night. Not just about homework, but *everything*. He's 15.

[mereminerals]

You know, thinking back, I do remember alot of the same attitude with my ds who is now 17 and goes to ps. I just thought most of his was because he was having so many health issues at that time. I didn't connect the dots of it being typical behavior. Today is definitely going better. He is cooperating much more today, as opposed to the can't get away from you fast enough attitude of yesterday.