Of all the scenarios I prepared myself for...

[WistfulRidge]

... this is definitely not one of them. DS2 was born on the 12th and we're slowly easing our way into functioning as a new family of four. DS1 is handling it very well. He's developed some "selective deafness" when it comes to following directions, but that isn't unexpected.

 

However, DS1 loves his brother. This is a good thing and I'm thankful I have this "problem" versus something at the other end of the spectrum. DS1 has always loved babies and now that he has one of his own it is like he is so happy that he can't hardly stand it. I think he would be perfectly happy to spend the entire day snuggled up with the baby and giving DS2 kisses. The problem is that he tries to do exactly that. Some days it is okay (on the days when he doesn't have a severe case of selective deafness), other days... not so much.

 

Like today. With the exception of the 2 hours that DS1 was down for his nap DS2 hasn't been able to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time - if that. As a result he hasn't been able to eat much either... he is so tired that he falls asleep as soon as he latches on. DS1 wakes him up as soon as he falls asleep because DS1's so snuggly and up in DS2's face with coos and kisses. If we try to put DS2 in a different room or we remove DS1 from the snuggly position DS1 completely freaks out - all out panicked screaming/crying and fighting tooth and nail to get back to his baby brother.

 

I'm sure some of it is attention-need related but I doubt all of it is... a lot of the time when DS1 is at his "worst" (ie: the kicking screaming, OMG don't take me away from my brother!) he wants absolutely nothing to do with DH and I. He'd much rather shoo us away and "read" a story to DS2. It's like in his mind DS2 is clearly his and DH and I given visitation rights... and when something happens that conflicts with this his little toddler self just goes all to pieces. If DS2 is crying and we don't immediately see to his needs (even if the only delay is the simple act of walking across the room) DS1 becomes almost frantic trying to soothe him. DS1 attacked our pediatrician this past week because DS2 was less than impressed with his newborn exam (cute but...:banghead:)

 

All this to say... I'm not sure if this a vent or a WWYD (or both)... but this whole situation has me totally :001_huh:

 

(Okay, and I admit...when it is not causing problems it also makes me:001_wub:)

[Kertie]

My kids were each extremely excited/loving towards each new sibling as well. I see it as a simple boundary issue--something the older child just has to learn. There are certain times that baby is unavailable--and that's not negotiable. And when baby is available, there are appropriate ways to demonstrate that.

 

It's one thing to have the baby woken up because of general noise, but it's a whole other issue if, say, another child climbs into the crib/whatever and wakes them up snuggling.

 

If it were me:), I would put the baby down for a nap in a different room, and take the toddler to another room and focus on dealing with his behavior. Just like with anything else, we don't always get what we want, and that includes baby brothers:D.

[elfgivas]

My kids were each extremely excited/loving towards each new sibling as well. I see it as a simple boundary issue--something the older child just has to learn. There are certain times that baby is unavailable--and that's not negotiable. And when baby is available, there are appropriate ways to demonstrate that.

 

It's one thing to have the baby woken up because of general noise, but it's a whole other issue if, say, another child climbs into the crib/whatever and wakes them up snuggling.

 

If it were me:), I would put the baby down for a nap in a different room, and take the toddler to another room and focus on dealing with his behavior. Just like with anything else, we don't always get what we want, and that includes baby brothers:D.

 

:iagree:

[EthiopianFood]

My kids were each extremely excited/loving towards each new sibling as well. I see it as a simple boundary issue--something the older child just has to learn. There are certain times that baby is unavailable--and that's not negotiable. And when baby is available, there are appropriate ways to demonstrate that.

 

It's one thing to have the baby woken up because of general noise, but it's a whole other issue if, say, another child climbs into the crib/whatever and wakes them up snuggling.

 

If it were me:), I would put the baby down for a nap in a different room, and take the toddler to another room and focus on dealing with his behavior. Just like with anything else, we don't always get what we want, and that includes baby brothers:D.

 

:iagree: (although I only have one child, so what do I know? :tongue_smilie:)

[happypamama]

My kids were each extremely excited/loving towards each new sibling as well. I see it as a simple boundary issue--something the older child just has to learn. There are certain times that baby is unavailable--and that's not negotiable. And when baby is available, there are appropriate ways to demonstrate that.

 

It's one thing to have the baby woken up because of general noise, but it's a whole other issue if, say, another child climbs into the crib/whatever and wakes them up snuggling.

 

If it were me:), I would put the baby down for a nap in a different room, and take the toddler to another room and focus on dealing with his behavior. Just like with anything else, we don't always get what we want, and that includes baby brothers:D.

 

:iagree:

 

Our little guy was also born on the 12th (good day to have a baby!), and he is quite the favorite with the three older children -- I totally understand a lot of what you're going through. My 2yo adores the baby, which is great, but yes, it can mean a lot of snuggling. (Fwiw, each time we've had a baby, the older child/children has/have thought that the baby was theirs; this has been especially true of my boys -- DS1 always assumed that we had DS2 just for his benefit, and DS2 is certain that DS3 is HIS baby. And now 6yo DS1 is just so absolutely tickled to have TWO beloved little brothers that he is the most likely to complain if he can't have the baby every single second. Oy. :) ) Your older son sounds very sweet and loving, and I do expect that some of the novelty will wear off in a bit, and things will calm down.

 

Do you have a grandma or even a neighborhood teen or friend who could come play with your older son for a bit? I say that because I know my older children's games do distract my 2yo from the baby a bit. It eases the sting of not being able to have the baby whenever he wants, at least a bit.

 

Perhaps you can enlist your older son's help. "Baby is napping now -- how about you help me fold his laundry/make lunch/play a game/whatever?" Especially if it's something related to the baby, maybe that will help. (Not that you yourself should be doing too much just yet!)

 

Do you have some special books/games/activities that you can do one-handed with your older son that are just for when the baby is eating? Baby has to eat; that's non-negotiable, and tbh, if the older child is not letting that happen, you need to do whatever it takes to let that happen. I'm not a TV/video pusher by far, but if that's what was necessary to allow the newborn to eat, that's what I would do.

 

Do you have a sling or other soft carrier? If I lay the baby down, not only is he likely to wake up on his own fairly quickly, but the older children are more likely to see it as a chance to hold him. (Can't blame them -- baby i peaceful and happy and not eating.) But if I nurse the baby and then put him in a sling or wrap, he'll fall asleep and sleep soundly for a while, which both gives me the chance to attend to the other children better, and it provides a boundary for the older children.

 

:grouphug: -- I think y'all will get to a more comfortable point, but it just may take some time and some tricks.