If you were to do a speech/lecture

[Osmosis Mom]

on how to support your high schooler during the process of college application, what would you sort of like to hear? I have been asked to speak on this very vague (to me) topic for a bunch of non-homeschooled parents. I don't want to be too anecdotal so am looking for general ideas on what this talk might look like. There will also be a q and a. I guess if I had been asked to give a prep talk to the teens, then I would have been more confident, but to the parents??

[bugs]

My kids are not old enough to speak from experience but I might want to know how to help the child search for scholarships and how to narrow down the kind of school she wanted to attend. I might want a checklist that we can go through to ensure we covered all our bases. Those are a couple off the top of my head.

 

Are you a school counselor?

[Osmosis Mom]

Nope, just myself. I got asked to speak for a group of parents and want to make sure I cover what people would want to know! There are some things I'd take for granted, but that others might not know.

[Nan in Mass]

Help them to gather the information beforehand. Stay in the room while they are filling out paperwork so you are on hand to supply information they might not know, like whether anyone else in the family went to that college and how to spell your maiden name and when they were vaccinated and whether they should put on their ss#. Help them track down information like when they worked for whom. Make sure they make copies of any paperwork before they fill it out, in case they make a mistake, and tell them never to fill out their last copy. Tell them to make copies of anything they send to colleges and write the date and who it was sent to on the copy and file it. Proofread for them. All obvious things to me, but... Help gather family things like stamps for them (they could do it themselves but it is a nice way to offer support). Help them mark a calendar with all the dates. Help them make a to-do list at the beginning of the process, a nice thorough one that includes things like getting letters of recommendation and auditioning. The parents are bound to have questions about the financial aid process. Hopefully somebody else is handling those questions. : ) Some reassurance that you have double checked the crucial deadlines. You might put them on the family calendar, too. That makes them important and helps everyone to make sure it does indeed happen. The biggest thing for my boys was the to-do list that I helped them make and having me in the room with them whenever they had to fill anything out so they could ask questions. I guess coaching then about what to say when they make any inquiries by phone or email was helpful, too. We also gave them some idea of what sort of questions they might have to face at their interviews, and made sure they knew things like their graduation date or how many years they had taken gymnastics or what was on their transcript. Ice cream cones when they were done the application, to celebrate, were appreciated.

-nan

[Osmosis Mom]

Hahah, thank you, Nan. I think we'll skip right down to the ice cream and call it a day.:D

[Nan in Mass]

Tempting, very tempting... : )

 

I think, from reading these boards, that it is a surprise to some parents, especially ones who haven't had much experience with the college application process or whose lives had resulted in their being independent at a young age, how much help their children might need, and how very much ok it is to help them. Whether or not they are able to do the whole application process by themselves is not an indicator of whether or not they are grownup enough to go to college. Many, many students have lots of help getting into college and then once there, do just fine.

 

-Nan

 

PS - I thought of something else important that you might point out. It is really easy, when you are exhausted and at your wits end about how to get a teenager to go off and do a step, to issue ultimatums like, "This is the last time I am going to remind you." Don't. Just don't. It is too important. This is not the time to try to teach them a lesson. If they are procrastinating, it probably means there is something about the task that seems difficult, tedious, or baffling. Or they are tired and the whole going-away-to-college-to-work-hard idea seems so scary or like so much hard work that they don't want to think about it. Instead, early on, before they have time to think about how unpleasant or difficult the task is going to be, go do it with them. By "do" I mean "help gather materials and tell them what to do and stay near them while they do it to answer questions", sort of like a coach while somebody tries something new. This is something new. I sound about like this: "Let me see... Hmmm... I'm not sure what they want here either. You are going to have to call admissions and ask. Make sure you get the name of the person you are talking to and take notes and we'll file it with the rest of your stuff. Put on the date. It's March 21st. Here is the phone number and the phone. Just say, "Bladdi blah." That goes much better than, "Go fill out your application. The deadline is approaching." : )

 

Maybe a few sample conversations like that would help people? At any rate, it would take up time during your lecture...

Edited May 25, 2011 by Nan in Mass

[Osmosis Mom]

This lecture is for non-homeschoolers, though, which is what is making me a bit ambivalent about what to share. They would get confused if I got too detailed as many are also immigrants and just want some basics 101 on how to support their kids. This is at least what I am thinking, here the day after getting the assignment.

[Nan in Mass]

No, I realize that. I just mentioned the board as an example. I think the process of homeschooling parents trying to get their children to fill out college applications is about the same as the process of schooling parents doing it, once the homeschooling parents figure out what they are supposed to be doing. The part that might make it different is the immigrant part. They might have different expectations of their children and those children might be more immediately cooperative? Maybe it would be useful to explain that the child should do all the actual writing and telephoning and emailing to the college, the child must fill out the application themselves but the parent can tell them the information, the child must do the essay but the parent can proofread and offer criticism, and the parent has to do the financial aid part? Then you could talk about making a to-do list and marking up a calendar and show a typical example of this? Do they know the typical things that get sent to the college: application with basic info and extra curricular activities and interests listed, essays, interview, medical forms and vaccination records, letters of recommendation, financial aid forms, scholarship applications, school transcript, extra transcripts (like community college), test scores, guidance councilor recommendation, school profile? You could list those out and tell them which parts the guidance councilor at the school is responsible for and which parts they are responsible for. You could talk about how to get test scores sent, how to look for scholarships, how to get help filling out the fafsa form, how to get letters of recommendation properly sent. You might mention that test for ESL students (can't remember the acronym), too, since if they are very recent immigrants colleges might want to look at that? I don't know. I've made up to-do lists for several public school cousins who had parents who hadn't been through the process before. They were gratefully received by the parents and the process went pretty smoothly after that. The parents were able to help the students do the list. I was surprised at how helpful I had been, considering that I just spent an hour or two going over the colleges' websites gathering specific dates and then applied them to my own child's list. If the parents haven't been through the process in the US before, even the information that the colleges post to-do lists on their websites might be helpful?

Just a few more ideas...

-Nan

[Julie in MN]

This lecture is for non-homeschoolers, though, which is what is making me a bit ambivalent about what to share. They would get confused if I got too detailed as many are also immigrants and just want some basics 101 on how to support their kids. This is at least what I am thinking, here the day after getting the assignment.

 

I'd definitely talk about the FAFSA.

 

And one of the most confusing things to me was the scholarship vs. grant thing. If they are immigrant families, I am guessing they will qualify for a lot of grants and school scholarships, so their tuition costs will be less than what the school says is "full price."

 

The thing they might not realize is that if they go out and work hard to get other scholarships, those will just replace the school grants dollar-for-dollar (or more, in our case), and there won't be any benefit until they surpass all that the school says they discounted, because the family's "need" will have changed.

 

This might not be an issue for some who want to find their own funding anyways, but in our case our son joined the Army Reserves partly to pay for college, and it actually ended up costing him more that way, at least until a later year when we found someone who actually valued him as a top student.

 

I'd also want them to know the different kinds of "student" loans -- some are just regular loans, and some have perks like low interest or delayed interest. And beware the coming unexpected costs, like books.

 

I hate to be all about money, but I also hate to go to all the effort to get a student into the perfect college and then have to pull him out. I've also known young people who got so over their heads that they were not allowed to finish their last term due to unpaid bills, and the like.

 

Non-money things?

- There are usually tutoring programs in upper math

- There are programs in some colleges for acclimating special needs students

- Research on the job market for various degrees might be important to some parents, since I've known several unschooled parents who thought their kids would automatically get great jobs with a college degree, only to find them cashiering part-time

 

 

Julie

[Brenda in MA]

I agree with Julie -- I'd definitely make them aware of the basics of how financial aid works. Make sure that they understand that the typical line from GCs at schools "just apply anywhere, with financial aid, you can go anywhere" is often times not true.

 

I would stress to them to make sure they have their dc apply to a range of schools, including at least one local choice they could commute to, as this will likely be the cheapest, and at the end of the day, you want the kid to have at least one choice that works. They should also definitely apply to some reach & match schools, too, because you never know how the process will work out.

 

Tell them to try and debunk the idea of "dream school" so their kid understands that he/she could probably be happy in a lot of different schools. This way, if their top choice doesn't work out, hopefully they won't be devastated.

 

You might also recommend the recent book, Crazy U, by Andrew Ferguson. This book is about the process one dad went through getting his kid into college. It covers a lot of the basics in a somewhat tongue in cheek manner.

 

One other thing would be to help their dc keep track of deadlines for applications and also financial aid forms.

 

HTH,

Brenda

[memphispeg]

I would talk about how to use university web sites and college confidential to glean information about schools they may be interested in. Also, the common app for some schools, vs. school-specific applications. I would talk about standardized testing and how it is important to plan out which ones to take and when.

Probably the most important are Nan's calendar and to do list activities. I would stress the need to treat the process like a well-run business. Lots of management skills need to come into play.

If the kids are in ps, I would stress the need to contact and discuss matters with their guidance counselors.

[Osmosis Mom]

Brenda, you have exactly the sentiments I wanted to convey for sure.

 

Also, Julie, good points. Slightly more complex than what they can grasp in one hour. I did encourage a couple of the kids of those same parents to ask for more financial aid from a couple schools this spring (and they got granted more actually). This might actually explain why they trust me and want me to talk to them.

[Nan in Mass]

That is a good point - apply to a range of schools. Even just the vocabulary word "safety school" can be useful. Community college - state college transfer options might be good to cover, too, if your community college is ok.

[Starr]

I would encourage them to talk with the admissions department as often as they need . Many people do not realize that admissions is there to encourage applicants. I would count on the college more than their high school counselor for specifics . I wouldn't worry about home school versus public school. The general information is the same. You'll be great!