NanceXToo Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 If You Give A Mom A Muffin If you give a mom a muffin, She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some. Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry. When she puts the laundry in the washer, She'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper. She will get out a pound of hamburger. She'll look for her cookbook ("101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger"). The cookbook is setting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook. The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old's diaper. While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring. Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. And chances are... If she has a cup of coffee, Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it. ~author unknown -------------------- Stay At Home Moms A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." ------------------------------------ (See Next Post In This Thread For Still More Mother's Day Funnies)! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 A Baby's Perspective On Sleep Training OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great--I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months. Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this: Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good. Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed. Night 3--every hour. Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in.. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it. Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears (I hadn't eaten pears since lunch - what's up with that?) The dog said "woof" (I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day.. LOL.) Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. Too hot, too cold, just right--doesn't matter! Keep crying!! It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clock. --------------------------------------------------------------- The Lighter Side of Birth Order by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. We parents love all our children equally, of course, but most of us admit that, after each baby, our standards relax just a bit when it comes to the little things in life. Check out the observations listed below and see if any ring a bell in your household. (Please keep in mind that these aren't recommended practices-they're just meant as humorous observances on the art of parenting!) Baby bottles First child: Not only do you have your bottles lined up neatly in your baby bottle cabinet, color coded for breast milk, formula, juice, and water, but you buy a sterilizing kit and routinely boil nearly everything that comes in contact with your baby's mouth. Second child: You buy a convenient plastic rack to hold baby bottle lids and nipples, and pop everything in the dishwasher. Third child: Remember the five-second rule for when a piece of food falls on the ground? Diapers for your new baby First child: You buy top-of-the-line newborn diapers with the convenient umbilical cord cutouts and carefully stock the diaper holder so that it matches your baby's room. Second child: You move on to generic diapers and fold over the part that covers the umbilical cord until the cord dries and falls off. Third child: You grab as many extra diapers from the hospital's newborn nursery as allowed, and when you run out at home, you settle for the unused size 4's left over from your previous diapering days while you send someone out to buy more. Diaper disposals First child: You buy a Diaper Genie or other specialized container and use it religiously to dispose of all of your baby's diapers. Second child: You still have a Diaper Genie, and if you happen to change your baby in its vicinity, you use it. Third child: You ran out of replacement bags for your Diaper Genie last time around, and instead you keep a lot of old plastic shopping bags on hand to cut down the smell of the diapers in the household garbage cans. Monogrammed baby clothes First child: Your friends throw you a big party after the baby is born and you get the cutest little monogrammed baby outfit. Second child: You decide to spring for a similar monogrammed baby outfit for your second child so that she can have a baby picture that matches your firstborn's. Third child: Your baby is still decked out in a monogrammed outfit--it's just pink and bears his sibling's initials. Onesies First child: You look in a book to find out what a "onesie" is and then make sure to buy one for each day of the week Second child: You go through your old onesies and sort out the ones in the wrong color or that are too stained. You also make sure to buy enough to have a week's worth of onesies (which you now realize is closer to three per day!) Third child: You figure that color and spit-up stains don't show through an outer layer of clothing, and if one of the three snaps is functional, hey, it's acceptable. Stocking up on baby clothes First child: Full price. Second child: You still spring for full price for special occasions, but you basically outfit your child off the sale racks. Third child: Hand-me-downs and garage sales. Can't beat 25 cents a shirt, now, can you? Dealing with tantrums First child: You question what you've done wrong, get out the parenting books, and ponder how to best handle the situation so you don't damage your child's fragile ego. Second child: You yell at your child when she throws a tantrum, but give in because you don't want her shrieks to wake your other child. Third child: Your calm response to your child's tantrum is to ask "OK, so whom do you want to go live with?" Baby books First child: You record every coo and hiccup, and the pages are so full of memorabilia that the book won't shut. Second child: You keep your baby book in a big storage box along with all of the important notes, scraps, and photos in hopes of one day finding time to record all the memorable moments. Third child: Memorabilia gets hung on the refrigerator with a magnet and the baby book is still in its original wrapper, which proves to be very fortunate when you are invited to a friend's baby shower and find yourself at the last minute without a gift. Feeding supplies First child: Tiffany silver spoon and Royal Doulton Bunnykins cup and bowl. Second child: Matched sets of plastic, compartmentalized kid plates and utensils with cute designs. Third child: A motley assortment of free souvenir plates and cups collected from countless meals at family restaurants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 The Lighter Side of Birth Order by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. We parents love all our children equally, of course, but most of us admit that, after each baby, our standards relax just a bit when it comes to the little things in life. Check out the observations listed below and see if any ring a bell in your household. (Please keep in mind that these aren't recommended practices-they're just meant as humorous observances on the art of parenting!) Baby bottles First child: Not only do you have your bottles lined up neatly in your baby bottle cabinet, color coded for breast milk, formula, juice, and water, but you buy a sterilizing kit and routinely boil nearly everything that comes in contact with your baby's mouth. Second child: You buy a convenient plastic rack to hold baby bottle lids and nipples, and pop everything in the dishwasher. Third child: Remember the five-second rule for when a piece of food falls on the ground? Diapers for your new baby First child: You buy top-of-the-line newborn diapers with the convenient umbilical cord cutouts and carefully stock the diaper holder so that it matches your baby's room. Second child: You move on to generic diapers and fold over the part that covers the umbilical cord until the cord dries and falls off. Third child: You grab as many extra diapers from the hospital's newborn nursery as allowed, and when you run out at home, you settle for the unused size 4's left over from your previous diapering days while you send someone out to buy more. Diaper disposals First child: You buy a Diaper Genie or other specialized container and use it religiously to dispose of all of your baby's diapers. Second child: You still have a Diaper Genie, and if you happen to change your baby in its vicinity, you use it. Third child: You ran out of replacement bags for your Diaper Genie last time around, and instead you keep a lot of old plastic shopping bags on hand to cut down the smell of the diapers in the household garbage cans. Monogrammed baby clothes First child: Your friends throw you a big party after the baby is born and you get the cutest little monogrammed baby outfit. Second child: You decide to spring for a similar monogrammed baby outfit for your second child so that she can have a baby picture that matches your firstborn's. Third child: Your baby is still decked out in a monogrammed outfit--it's just pink and bears his sibling's initials. Onesies First child: You look in a book to find out what a "onesie" is and then make sure to buy one for each day of the week Second child: You go through your old onesies and sort out the ones in the wrong color or that are too stained. You also make sure to buy enough to have a week's worth of onesies (which you now realize is closer to three per day!) Third child: You figure that color and spit-up stains don't show through an outer layer of clothing, and if one of the three snaps is functional, hey, it's acceptable. Stocking up on baby clothes First child: Full price. Second child: You still spring for full price for special occasions, but you basically outfit your child off the sale racks. Third child: Hand-me-downs and garage sales. Can't beat 25 cents a shirt, now, can you? Dealing with tantrums First child: You question what you've done wrong, get out the parenting books, and ponder how to best handle the situation so you don't damage your child's fragile ego. Second child: You yell at your child when she throws a tantrum, but give in because you don't want her shrieks to wake your other child. Third child: Your calm response to your child's tantrum is to ask "OK, so whom do you want to go live with?" Baby books First child: You record every coo and hiccup, and the pages are so full of memorabilia that the book won't shut. Second child: You keep your baby book in a big storage box along with all of the important notes, scraps, and photos in hopes of one day finding time to record all the memorable moments. Third child: Memorabilia gets hung on the refrigerator with a magnet and the baby book is still in its original wrapper, which proves to be very fortunate when you are invited to a friend's baby shower and find yourself at the last minute without a gift. Feeding supplies First child: Tiffany silver spoon and Royal Doulton Bunnykins cup and bowl. Second child: Matched sets of plastic, compartmentalized kid plates and utensils with cute designs. Third child: A motley assortment of free souvenir plates and cups collected from countless meals at family restaurants. We have three kids all close to each other in age. The above isn't just humor, it's pretty much true... ;) My mom has a friend who is the 7th child in his family. He says if it weren't for his school yearbooks and a hospital baby pic he'd have no recorded history of his life - yet his oldest sibling has that big overstuffed baby book and more. ;);) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmkzbcb Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 ROTFLMAO!! Thanks for the great Mother's Day gift............laughter!! My 2 yr old asked for one of my special Mother's Day cookies which reminded me that I would like some chocolate, which reminded me that I had made some hot chocolate earlier this am. When I got to it, it was cold and that reminded me that I needed to heat up some breakfast for everyone...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmkzbcb Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 Bumping, too funny for others not to enjoy on this special day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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