maybe a little OT and sorry its long

[tantechell]

What do you do with a 15 yr old daughter who cant complete a daily chore - or- homeschool assignment w/o being reminded every hour? Will not get out of bed until 9 or 10 am..will not sleep until 12 am or so-

 

There is constant complaint about any and all school lessons, and we have switched almost as constant to try to find a "fit" for her- it has become a waste of time and money on material.

 

We dont have a television, (just internet) she has no mp3 player or ipod or the like- to remove as punishment- really we dont have anything that she could "loose for disobedience".

If we try to talk to her (or end up yelling when things get bad) she just cries.

She much rather would like to spend her time drawing or coloring and reading books that would be considered for entertainment..nothing even remotly related to learning anything.

 

When she goes to her dad's on weekends.. she is allowed to watch t.v. all weekend, and stay on social sites like Gaia for all hours of the night.

I love my daughter more than anything, but these habits are not healthy for her physically or mentally. She has put on alot of weight being sedimentary and that has caused her alot of heart ache, but I can't get her outside or to make better food choices. and that part scares me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It sounds like you have only the one dd?

 

I would sit down and write out a schedule of what needs to be done each day. I make my kid's schedule on Microsoft Outlook but there are many ways to do it.

 

Then I would sit down next to her (perhaps with my laptop or my own business work) and then do the assignments with her. The laptop would be for those times when she's doing individual work. Do it in a "coming alongside her to help her" way instead of a "being the heavy" way.

 

Then I would go on family walks, bike rides, swimming etc. with her to get her up and going.

[frogmom]

This may sound tough but you don't have a lot of options from what you say. Write down what you expect of her. Don't tell her about consequences, no threats or argument just calmly state the plan. The first day she fails to meet her obligations, you and your husband, or you if you're alone, remove everything from her room except the barest essentials and and 3 books to read, 2 changes of clothes, and pair of pajamas. Everything means she loses her clothes, radio, computer,tv,books except the 3 YOU choose,games,jewelry,makeup and,even the bed frame. She should be left with a mattress, bedding, her few changes clothes, which she will be required to wash, the books,her dresser, and a light. Finally, she is only allowed out of her room for meals, hygiene and bathroom breaks, church if you go as a family and if you think, family outings. She has to consistently meet your expectations to earn her belongings and finally her privileges back. And try not to feel sorry for her and cave early or she will go right back to where she was before. Tell that at the end of one week of working well, and that means her attitude has to be decent too, she can earn back....whatever you decide but just a little at a time. An important aspect to this is the element of surprise so don't be tempted to threaten her with taking her stuff away before you actually do it. Wait for another day like you described and then very calmly, which is key, take the stuff away. She will most likely either have a fit or promise to do what you want her to do but don't cave! Then you will never have the same impact even if you try it another time. It's difficult but you have to remain very calm no matter what she says or does and stand your ground. If tell her she can earn her stuff back and why you're doing this and then that's it. I guarantee this will change your daughter for the better and if you do it correctly you only have to do it once. Remember it's just stuff what you're doing is for her growth into adulthood and not meant to hurt her. Make sure she knows that too. Let me know what you think and how it goes if you try it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ti g

Edited April 29, 2011 by frogmom

[tantechell]

not the only girl, next to youngest of 6.

I am trying to a make "schedule" where i can sit along side her- secretly I hate schedules, but dont I tell them- !! It is harder with a 4 yr old getting into everything ;).

 

Do ya think if I give her a blank assignment book, letting her keep track of what she needs to do- would help?

 

Wow! frogmom! Id hate to tick you off!! LOL!! a lot of what you suggest has crossed my mind. I hate the idea of being harsh, but lazy is a hard habit to break once it starts. I tried to talk to her dad about restricting her screentime on his end but he doesnt seem to think it is a problem ..well duh! not a problem for HIM..he isnt responsible for dd like I am!!

 

Thanks ya'll for the input, I needed it.

 

sometimes i want to yell check please, and get outta dodge..

Edited April 29, 2011 by tantechell

[Plucky]

You need to get more involved. Set a schedule, make sure she follows through even if that means you need to sit right next to her. I might also get her tested for ADD & depression. ADD presents very differently in girls than boys.

[PollyOR]

Sounds a lot like my daughter who is being treated for depression. DD takes an anti-depressant, but counseling with a doctor (psychologist) using cognitive behavioral therapy has been the most effective thing we've done.

 

My dd plays an online game (Runescape) for hours. Her doctor actually thinks it is a good idea since it helps dd's social skills. :)