2nd grade, descriptive narration

[Kfamily]

I will type this exactly as she wrote it...errors and all.:001_smile:

 

 

A Cecropia Moth has, on the higher layer of wings, two purple eyes and reddish white furry worms, almost. There are white squiggly, crooked lines forming on the front top wings. It has a dark wood color for the main part of the wings yet they have more squiggly red and white stripes but on the bottom they have more woodish brown, tanner stripes but on top of them they have darker brown stripes, these for the bottom wings. For the top wings it has another layer of dark woodish brown, a old fragment of yellow, like old parchment, and a lighter parchment yellow, these for the top wings. Thus is the description of Cecropia Moths.

 

 

 

 

* I would love any feedback about her narration. I can see she has a serious run-on sentence!:D I know we need to work on punctuation...any other suggestions?

[Kuovonne]

She has some lovely phrases in this description, especially for the colors. I especially like the "squiggly, crookedl ines," "woodish brown," and the parchment comparisions.

 

If this were my daughter I'd be thrilled. I'd let her know that there are some punctuation issues, but not tell her what they are. That way she knows both that her punctuation isn't perfect, and that it doesn't matter that it isn't perfect (at least for a first draft at this age).

[Capt_Uhura]

:iagree: She certainly has some lovely phrases!

[Kfamily]

Thanks so much!

[Stina2000]

Love her descriptions! And I appreciate that she's trying hard with punctuation in areas. I agree with above that you should let her know there are errors, but that's she is doing fantastic at putting her thoughts onto paper. I can tell she is very fun and creative :)

[orozco]

It is evident through her writing that she is a keen observer and meticulous writer. I would applaud her strengths and personally note to do more punction lessons with her at another time, modeling exactly how we puctuate and verbalizing the thought process.

[ErinE]

For second grade, I would praise her for her lovely writing and not critique anything. She's written quite a good paragraph and has done a great job of describing color and location.

 

A Cecropia Moth has, on the higher layer of wings, two purple eyes and reddish white furry worms, almost. There are white squiggly, crooked lines forming on the front top wings. It has a dark wood color for the main part of the wings yet they have more squiggly red and white stripes but on the bottom they have more woodish brown, tanner stripes but on top of them they have darker brown stripes, these for the bottom wings. For the top wings it has another layer of dark woodish brown, a old fragment of yellow, like old parchment, and a lighter parchment yellow, these for the top wings. Thus is the description of Cecropia Moths.

 

I would make notes on future writing exercises. None of the following should be done in one lesson. Focus on one thing at a time.

 

First, as you said, finding the right break in sentences and discussing when a sentence is "too long." Second, I've highlighted a few words that are repeated often. I'd discuss finding new words or re-wording the sentence so she doesn't repeat herself. Finally, I'd talk about making sure we use precise words. I'd consider "woodish" a squishy word, but then I'm not a fan of -ish words. If the color is a woody brown, is it like the bark or the inside of a tree?