Paige Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) My DS had to write a 2 page single spaced essay for his black belt test. It was the first time he has had to write something like this and I have no idea what would be typical writing for his level. I worked with him on developing an outline, I helped him organize his thoughts by having him write out the main idea and supporting details of each paragraph before he wrote them. He did all of the writing himself but I edited it for spelling, punctuation, and any minor grammar mistakes. I had him revise it by reading it out loud over and over and redoing anything that he didn't like or didn't feel natural as he has to read it out loud during the test or ceremony. I also circled any sentences I felt were really unclear or awkward and told him to try to reword those. I did not make him re-do his corrections as I didn't want to influence him too much. I feel it is his work, but I also saw this as an opportunity to really teach him some writing basics and I didn't just tell him to have at it and we'd turn in whatever first draft he came up with. He read through the essay and paragraph sections of my college writing handbook before starting. I would appreciate any opinions. I thought it was pretty good but my DH said it was just ok and he hoped that they would consider his age and immaturity when evaluating it. :001_unsure: It was hard for him and compared to the first draft I got before sitting down and helping him think throough it and outline paragraph by paragraph, it is masterful. I talked with one mom whose child is about my son's age and testing with him, and I probably shouldn't have because her kids are always so much better than anyone else's according to her, and she said her DS did stuff like this all the time in PS and that he would have no problem writing pages and pages....It made me a little nervous since we hadn't done any formal writing like this yet. Sorry it is so long....I wish it could have been shorter too but we barely had enough for the minimum length accepted. When I started Taekwondo as a 5 year old, I thought a red belt was the best, but later, I found they were not even close! Then, I got more serious. Now, as a deputy black belt, I am not satisfied. I want a black belt and I know what it means to me. I want a black belt because I love Taekwondo, I want to help others, and because I want to accomplish my goals. Getting a black belt means I must be the most responsible, have a good attitude, and persevere to accomplished my dream. I want to be a black belt because I love Taekwondo. I love Taekwondo because of the people I meet, it is good exercise, and it teaches discipline. The people are very nice and it gives support. The exercise is very good. It makes me feel good and strong. The discipline is very, very good. It helps me to be a better person. I can achieve goals with perseverance. A black belt will help me go further in experience for the sport I love. I also want to be a black belt because I need it to accomplish my goal to have a new beginning. When I was a white belt, I thought black belt was the end, but I was wrong because black belt is only the beginning! If I never achieved black belt, I would be very unhappy. The effort I put into this is very, very high. Now, I want more than just a black belt. I want skill and discipline. If I pass, then I will start a new journey, a new beginning, a new life. Then, I will not be a fan, but I will be the one for lower belts look up to. I want to be a black belt because I want to help others too. For example, I will have skills to defend people, I can help lower belts such as white belts, and inspire people so I can teach people that a black belt is only the beginning. Let’s say that there is a little boy and a bully is trying to steal money. If I were near, I could tell him to stop. If he says no, I could warn him that I am a black belt. He could punch me, but I could do a high X block. He would stop. I can help lower belts too. For example, if a yellow belt is having trouble with stretch kick, I could show him how to do it. Then, he would understand and do it right. Finally, I could inspire people. For example, I do my best at my form, and a white belt watches. He will want to be a black belt and one day he will learn that a black belt is only the beginning. So now, many people are inspired, have skills, and have black belts to help them. A black belt means huge responsibility to me. I need to use Taekwondo wisely. I can’t just go up to someone and kick him. No one wants to insult Taekwondo, and kicking someone with no reason is an insult to my master and the Taekwondo World Federation. If I do something bad in class or in front of a new master, then Master ------ is assumed to be blamed as well as myself. Lower belts watch my attitude and form. If I do badly, the lower belts will also have a bad attitude and bad form. This means that I am responsible for them as well. Then, one day the people who watched me will become what I may become. A black belt also means you have strong character traits. All black belts have learned these lessons in life from white belt. The reason white belts are inspired is because of the black belt attitude. I and other high belts should know that we should be good outside class as well. I should also know to wear my black belt on my heart and mind to teach others. Finally, character traits mean respect to the Taekwondo World Federation too. Character traits are the point of black belts and everyone must know that. Finally, black belt means that I have persevered and accomplished my first goal. I have worked hard through the other belts and passed their test. Yet, many other red belts think that they are finished. I have not given up! I am not satisfied with this deputy black belt. Now, I will become a black belt and go on the journey to be a 9th degree. With this confidence, I will complete more and more and be more inspired. I want a black belt because I want to learn more and earn more, I need to accomplish my goals, and I want to help others. A black belt means I must be very responsible, I must have a good attitude, and that I have persevered and accomplished my dream. Getting a black belt is very exciting. Also, only worthy ones can wear a black belt on your heart and mind. Anyone can wear it around their waist. A black belt is a big responsibility. You could insult your master’s own master by using the skills you were taught in an evil way. Taekwondo is not the only martial art that can be insulted by not having a black belt attitude all the time, but my master and other masters, hapkido, kung fu, and other martial arts can be insulted. Many, many, many people want a black belt, but only worthy ones can earn one. As Master ---- teaches deputy black belts, the only way to be worthy is to practice and wear a black belt in my heart and mind. Edited March 24, 2011 by Paige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt_Uhura Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Well, I can only answer as a parent and not as a writing teacher but I thought he did a great job for 3rd grader. I can see the essay structure. He has a thesis statement. He repeated his major points and repeated key words throughout the essay. Yes, it could be tightened up etc bur for a FIRST essay, taught in such a short period of time, I'd be HAPPY! I asked my teacher friend what was expected by the end of the year for 5th graders and she said a 5 paragraph essay. I know they aren't writing essays in 3rd grade in our district which is supposed to be a good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 Well, I can only answer as a parent and not as a writing teacher but I thought he did a great job for 3rd grader. I can see the essay structure. He has a thesis statement. He repeated his major points and repeated key words throughout the essay. Yes, it could be tightened up etc bur for a FIRST essay, taught in such a short period of time, I'd be HAPPY! I asked my teacher friend what was expected by the end of the year for 5th graders and she said a 5 paragraph essay. I know they aren't writing essays in 3rd grade in our district which is supposed to be a good one. Thank you! Yes, we had to do it in 3 days. I thought we had a month to do it, so I had been putting it off, but found out Monday we needed it, uh, last Sat!! The instructor was nice and said if we turned it in on Weds. it would be ok. I think my DH would have been more impressed if he knew that DS couldn't even write what I considered a coherent paragraph before we started. We put away all the other subjects this week and only worked on writing and this essay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I think it is very good!! I would be thrilled if my ds wrote that. Let us know how it goes over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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