x-post: 8th grade, 13yo, literature essay assignment

[mom31257]

I posted this on the other writing board and didn't get many responses, so I hoped I might get more here.

 

The assignment was to write an essay describing 3 traits of a character from the book, Last of the Breed. She was to give at least two examples of supporting evidence for each trait. Thanks for any opinions or advice! BTW, she did indent the paragraphs, but it won't let me on here.

 

Able to Escape

By Hannah Osborne

 

When Louis L’amour wrote his book, Last of the Breed, in 1986, he introduced many memorable characters. Readers come to despise the greedy Zamatev and his right hand, Kyra. They admire the noble Natalya and her loving father, and fear the powerful tracker, Alekhin. Above all, the most interesting character in the book is Major Joseph Makatozi, or Joe Mack. He can be described as determined, careful, and very enduring.

 

First of all, the determination to succeed at any task was evident in Joe Mack from the beginning of the book to the end. The Sioux Indian knew he needed to escape and was continuously working toward that goal, never giving up. “I am supposed to be escaping,†he says in the book, “and to win my own battle I must escape.†This shows that his mind was fixed on the thought of escape and no matter what, he would not defer from that. Joe Mack was also determined to show his pursuers that he took the situation as a personal offense. He even went as far as to kill Alekhin, who had been tracking him for months, and send his scalp back to Zamatev, the man who had ordered Joe’s capture. “Colonel Arkady Zamatev took up the package the soldier had laid on his desk. Slowly, with careful fingers, he began to undo the knots…. With it was a narrow strip of birch bark, and on it, printed in neat lettering: This was once a custom of my people. In my lifetime I will take two. This is the first.†By sending this message to Zamatev, Joe Mack was making it clear that he fully intended to return and settle his score with the Colonel. It is also apparent that he had strong feelings of hatred for the man and was determined to see his end.

 

Another characteristic of Joe Mack’s was caution; in everything he did to escape, he made sure that he was very careful not to leave many tracks or happen upon civilization. One thing Joe Mack did to slow down his pursuers was take the time to set traps for them. “At a place where a wide step was needed to cross a small stream, he had left some sharp stakes hidden by leaves and snow…At other points he had had arranged cords made of roots to trip a follower and a sharpened stake to meet him when he fell. He had also arranged some deadfalls of heavy logs.†He knew that none of the traps would completely stop the soldiers chasing him, but the traps would slow them down, giving him more time to get away and making him less likely to be seen. Even though it took more time at the moment, it was worth it in the long run. A different way Joe Mack was careful was by traveling at night and not during the day. He knew it was very important that he not be seen, so even though it took more time for him to travel only by night, he did it anyway. This showed he was not reckless, and he put the final result of his escape over the speediness of his travel. Additionally, Joe Mack was careful to not be seen by others. “He had gone but a few hundred yards when he came upon a trail, evidently a game trail but perhaps used by hunters as well. He walked at a steady pace, ears alert for any sound, eyes constantly seeking, searching.†This indicates that Joe was continually looking out for any signs of human presence. He knew if he were spotted, he would be immediately reported and his entire expedition would come to an end. Joe Mack was very careful not to let this happen to him.

 

Finally, Joe Mack’s ability to endure harsh circumstances was very evident throughout the book. At times he would run for hours, covering huge distances in a short amount of time. “He ran the next twenty miles in almost marathon time…. He had traveled nearly seventy-five miles since leaving Peter Petrovich.†This evidence confirms that Joe had the ability to move quickly and keep going for long periods of time. Even when he was tired, he kept pressing on through physical strain on himself. Joe Mack could also go without nourishment for many days. “Food could wait. At times he had gone several days without eating, and he could do so again.†He had the stamina to keep going even when his body lacked the nutrition it needed for such excursions. Another way Joe Mack showed his endurance was by staying in the cold of Siberia for the many months that he did. Once he had an opportunity to stay in the warm home of a Russian, but he knew that even though it was bitterly cold out, he could not stay. “Joe Mack got to his feet again. He hated the thought of going out again in to the cold, of finding a place to sleep in a snow bank, but there was no choice.†Even when the Russian warned him of the temperature, Joe Mack knew he could handle it. “‘You will freeze. It is more than forty below out there.’ ‘It has been much colder’†He stayed many nights in the freezing cold, and he was able to endure the extreme temperatures with ease.

 

The character Joe Mack had many qualities; determination, caution, and endurance were only a few of them. He was also experienced in the ways of the wild. He had a great memory of things he had seen or heard before, and also had a sense of honor about him. He was resourceful, patient, loyal, and wise, to name only a few more of his traits. He was an outstanding character who could never be forgotten.

[choirfarm]

I've been meaning to post on this, but I just haven't had time to comment. First of all, for 8th grade this is a great paper. She has the skills in place to be even better in high school. A few quick comments:

 

A bit wordy- she needs to go through and make it righter, try to change many of the to be verbs

 

The opening paragraph is confusing. At first I thought she was going to be discussing 3 characters. He thesis could be stronger an opening hook at the beginning would be great.

 

She could also use a little bit of work in using quotations. The ones she used are great. I mean how to introduce, only use parts of them, etc.

 

The conclusion could be little bit stronger.

 

Overall, this is an A paper and tell your daughter she did a great job!!! If I have time, I will look up some of my resources about how to make it better. Pick one or two things to work on this time: opening paragraph, getting rid of to be verbs and wordy phrases, etc. That's it. She has a really strong start. What writing program is she using? Windows to the World or the new IEW AP program might be good to help her advanced skills. Elegant Essay might be good as well for high school as she has some great lessons on writing a good thesis statement.

 

Christine

 

Christine

[mom31257]

I've been meaning to post on this, but I just haven't had time to comment. First of all, for 8th grade this is a great paper. She has the skills in place to be even better in high school. A few quick comments:

 

A bit wordy- she needs to go through and make it righter, try to change many of the to be verbs

 

The opening paragraph is confusing. At first I thought she was going to be discussing 3 characters. He thesis could be stronger an opening hook at the beginning would be great.

 

She could also use a little bit of work in using quotations. The ones she used are great. I mean how to introduce, only use parts of them, etc.

 

The conclusion could be little bit stronger.

 

Overall, this is an A paper and tell your daughter she did a great job!!! If I have time, I will look up some of my resources about how to make it better. Pick one or two things to work on this time: opening paragraph, getting rid of to be verbs and wordy phrases, etc. That's it. She has a really strong start. What writing program is she using? Windows to the World or the new IEW AP program might be good to help her advanced skills. Elegant Essay might be good as well for high school as she has some great lessons on writing a good thesis statement.

 

Christine

 

Christine

 

Thank you for all the comments and being willing to look for resources. I see now how some of the changes could help.

 

As far as writing, it has been a variety of things over the last few years. She used BJU in 5th and 6th. During 7th, she used Jump In and was able to attend a free writing class given by a retired English teacher. This year, we started out using IEW B, but she can't stand Mr. Pudewa's voice. The same teacher offered a vocabulary class last fall and has just started a literature class. This was the first assignment for it. He doesn't really grade their papers, just discusses things with them in class. I appreciate all he has done because I really credit him with where she is right now, but I don't attend the class, so I'm the one needing help. He won't be offering a class next year, though. : (

 

Also this year, she is in an 8 week class right now that is an SAT essay prep class at our enrichment co-op. Most of the students are middle school; therefore, the teacher has kept it fairly low-key. She is trying to help them with 5 paragraph essays and the time factor.

 

I'm going to the convention and had planned on looking at Teaching the Classics and Windows possibly to do next year. I wondered about the Elegant Essay for 10th and the Essay Intensive for 11th. I've never really looked at any of these materials, though.

 

I really want to help prepare her because she wants to be a writer. She enjoys writing; for example, she loved the Hunger Games trilogy, but didn't like the last book and is rewriting it right now. She has also written some stories to be prequels for The Hunger Games.

[obsidian]

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