My dd's conflicting messages to me about hsing - vent & questions

[Annabel Lee]

This morning was very hard. "Mom, we've got 10 minutes", I was woken up to. The power glitched during the night & messed up my alarm. She likes to be driven to the bus stop since it's cold, dark, and too far from the house to see from the house (safety). When I'm truly asleep it takes more than 10 min. for me to come to, and I've told her this. Today, she meant 10 min. till we have to BE at the bus stop, and she'd been up for an hour. Ugh. Missed the bus again...

 

Which started a discussion about hsing while I drove her to school. She was listing her complaints about the bus, about school, about teachers, about the system, etc. I told her she was the one that so adamately wanted to attend PHS in the 1st place, and that whenever I've mentioned hsing she lets me know (in so many words) that it is NOT an option. She thrives on interaction w/ friends, loves being up & doing things hands-on, and she adores the choir she's in at school (her "only good thing"). I think she'd stay and put up w/ the rest of it just for choir, which is sad.

 

Right now I'm seeing her tolerate a lot of cr%p at school, things that are just part of the ps system, others that have required I make phonecalls & visits. It seems to be amplified in HS, though, and I see her getting fed up with it. I think for most subjects she'd do well to not be limited by the ps mold. I don't homeschool her (except for Health right now) because of her defiance towards the idea, towards me, and because of that being her general tone in other areas of life, too. (How will I get her to accept my comments on a writing assignment, for ex., if I can't get her to re-wash a dish that she didn't wash properly in the 1st place w/o a major blow-up?). Obviously that's an ongoing issue being worked on whether she hs'ed or not. She's been diagnosed w/ BP, fwiw, but despite that I hold her accountable to a high standard for what behavior/attitude is acceptable.

 

I don't know what to think. She kind of blew my mind this morning with her comment of "Well, you won't hs me!"... I told her it IS an option if she wants it, to which she backed down, saying, "Well, I wouldn't want to live in solitude." She has friends that hs; some of which I know their families well enough to KNOW those kids are very involved in the community/outside classes/etc. and socialize plenty. Her life could be similar.

 

This turned into more of a vent, so thank you for allowing it. But, did any of you deal w/ this at some point? That is, a kid who had a love/hate relationship w/ the idea of homeschooling? I don't know what to think. While I'd love for her to get out of the ps system, and I'd love to hs her, I think our daily life would be very strained by her defiance towards me. What kind of firm boundaries/structure/expectations about school could I put in place to make hs happen more peacefully?

 

Also, which HS programs (MFW? TOG? VP Omni? etc.) depend the least on constant parent interaction? I do want to be involved, but if this dc were to actually come home for school, she wouldn't do well with me hovering over for every little thing. Checking up on things, grading, and having disucussions would be about the amount of parent/teacher interaction we'd need. Yet she doesn't do well w/ open-ended schedules. She needs very specific assignments w/ clear instructions, daily. P.S., she's a voracious reader and online classes are an option, too.

 

Thanks.

Edited February 18, 2011 by Annabel Lee

[Kareni]

I'm sure you'll get some specific suggestions from others, but I do have two questions.

 

She's been diagnosed w/ BP

 

What is BP?

 

And is there any possibility that she could continue to take choir at school if she does homeschool?

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Annabel Lee]

BP = Bipolar disorder.

 

I would want her to continue choir at the school if she homeschooled. The only way I know for sure how to do this is to enroll her in our PS district's homeschool/distance-learning program. Our school district just started this program a couple years ago, and from what I've heard, it's got some major glitches. Also, if she homeschools through that program, we won't have such open-ended freedom of choice in curricula since her transcript would be from them, and they get to put their stipulations on things. It's worth exploring to find out if she could enroll w/ them for 1 class or a just a portion of her classes.

 

The only other way to do it would be to enroll her in the school 25% and enroll in one of the other, more established, homeschool programs (distance-learning/homeschool from another, non-local, school district) for the other 75%. The districts split the funding they get for the kids only down to 25%, no further, so I'm not sure how many classes she'd have to take at school to fulfill that 25%. I don't know if a public school district would work w/ me if I chose to homeschool independently for the other 75%. It's perfectly legal to go completely rogue here, but they still gave me heck about her single current hs course.

 

But, to answer your question, she would not have to give up choir at school in order to homeschool. I'll remind her of that this afternoon when I pick her up.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I am willing to accept that I may be completely off track here. But when I read your post, all I can "see" is a child who wants to fly the coop, spread her own wings, and not be dependent on her parents. I'm not talking about actually leaving and taking her own apartment, but rather she wants to live outside of her parents' reach, which she gets at school. My nephew was like that, starting at 12yo. He was making his own decisions, and resented having to rely on his parents for driving, and money. As soon as he could, he had a job, and learned to drive. He was away from home as much as he could. There were no problems at home (they live two houses away from me, we have a lot of interactions). In fact, he still lives there at the age of 23, so it's not like he wanted to flee. He just wants to make his own mistakes and learn from them, and does not want guidance from his parents.

Those kids seem to me to be very hard to parent, and impossible to homeschool if you ask me. But I could be wrong, not knowing you at all, other than through this message board.

[Annabel Lee]

I am willing to accept that I may be completely off track here. <snipped> Those kids seem to me to be very hard to parent, and impossible to homeschool if you ask me. But I could be wrong, not knowing you at all, other than through this message board.

 

Eerily, you hit the nail on the head. "Impossible to homeschool" = why she is at school now. Not that I've tried hsing her since K5 (it was private or charter schools after that for the most part), but given the way the rest of life goes, I really can't imagine it. There'd have to be some major changes in her acceptance of parental guidance for it to work.

Edited February 18, 2011 by Annabel Lee

[Teachin'Mine]

Does she miss the bus often? I'm wondering if she's avoiding taking the bus as obviously she was up early enough to wake you in time. There may be some problems that she's not yet shared. It sounds to me like she's giving homeschooling some thought.

[Julie in MN]

I would want her to continue choir at the school if she homeschooled. The only way I know for sure how to do this is to enroll her in our PS district's homeschool/distance-learning program.

 

I might look further into that. My dd attended ps for one class. I think it depends not only on your state, but on the space availability and staff personalities at your local school.

 

Julie

[Laurie4b]

This morning was very hard. "Mom, we've got 10 minutes", I was woken up to. The power glitched during the night & messed up my alarm. She likes to be driven to the bus stop since it's cold, dark, and too far from the house to see from the house (safety). When I'm truly asleep it takes more than 10 min. for me to come to, and I've told her this. Today, she meant 10 min. till we have to BE at the bus stop, and she'd been up for an hour. Ugh. Missed the bus again...

 

Which started a discussion about hsing while I drove her to school. She was listing her complaints about the bus, about school, about teachers, about the system, etc. I told her she was the one that so adamately wanted to attend PHS in the 1st place, and that whenever I've mentioned hsing she lets me know (in so many words) that it is NOT an option. She thrives on interaction w/ friends, loves being up & doing things hands-on, and she adores the choir she's in at school (her "only good thing"). I think she'd stay and put up w/ the rest of it just for choir, which is sad.

 

Right now I'm seeing her tolerate a lot of cr%p at school, things that are just part of the ps system, others that have required I make phonecalls & visits. It seems to be amplified in HS, though, and I see her getting fed up with it. I think for most subjects she'd do well to not be limited by the ps mold. I don't homeschool her (except for Health right now) because of her defiance towards the idea, towards me, and because of that being her general tone in other areas of life, too. (How will I get her to accept my comments on a writing assignment, for ex., if I can't get her to re-wash a dish that she didn't wash properly in the 1st place w/o a major blow-up?). Obviously that's an ongoing issue being worked on whether she hs'ed or not. She's been diagnosed w/ BP, fwiw, but despite that I hold her accountable to a high standard for what behavior/attitude is acceptable.

 

I don't know what to think. She kind of blew my mind this morning with her comment of "Well, you won't hs me!"... I told her it IS an option if she wants it, to which she backed down, saying, "Well, I wouldn't want to live in solitude." She has friends that hs; some of which I know their families well enough to KNOW those kids are very involved in the community/outside classes/etc. and socialize plenty. Her life could be similar.

 

This turned into more of a vent, so thank you for allowing it. But, did any of you deal w/ this at some point? That is, a kid who had a love/hate relationship w/ the idea of homeschooling? I don't know what to think. While I'd love for her to get out of the ps system, and I'd love to hs her, I think our daily life would be very strained by her defiance towards me. What kind of firm boundaries/structure/expectations about school could I put in place to make hs happen more peacefully?

 

Also, which HS programs (MFW? TOG? VP Omni? etc.) depend the least on constant parent interaction? I do want to be involved, but if this dc were to actually come home for school, she wouldn't do well with me hovering over for every little thing. Checking up on things, grading, and having disucussions would be about the amount of parent/teacher interaction we'd need. Yet she doesn't do well w/ open-ended schedules. She needs very specific assignments w/ clear instructions, daily. P.S., she's a voracious reader and online classes are an option, too.

 

Thanks.

 

Sounds to me like she was just venting.

[Annabel Lee]

Sounds to me like she was just venting.

 

Yeah, I think I'm jumping ahead of myself to ask about curriculum or other specific logistical recommendations yet. I should give things like this more time before posting. Another hs mom (local) who is the mom of 2 homechooled High School girls (who are friends of my dd) offered to have my dd over for a few hours & show her around "homeschool high school life". At least, one glimpse of it, anyhow. I still think that's probably jumping ahead of where my dd actually is (now that I've given it some time) but it couldn't hurt. Maybe it would open her mind up to other views on the matter, even if all she did was include some dual enrollment classes instead of regular hs courses in following years. My friend's dd's will ea. have 1 full year of college complete by HS graduation via dual enrollment. They do a lot of varied learning; they don't just sit around the house w/ textbooks or at the computer all the time. I think it'd be good for my dd to be more informed on that no matter what route she chooses for next year (10th gr).

[Puma Mom]

Does she miss the bus often? I'm wondering if she's avoiding taking the bus as obviously she was up early enough to wake you in time. There may be some problems that she's not yet shared.

My thought was that she needs to be getting herself to the bus. If I had had the option of getting driven to the bus stop vs. trudging down the road in the cold and dark, I'd have wanted to be driven too. Maybe there are other valid reasons why you drive her, but it seems that the absolute least she could do is make sure you were awake in time.

 

I think she was just venting about school in general and wanted to shift the blame to you about why she "can't" homeschool.

[smilesonly]

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

Our dds must be long lost twins, with just a few differences.;) Big>sigh< and HUGE :grouphug:.

 

I am willing to accept that I may be completely off track here. But when I read your post, all I can "see" is a child who wants to fly the coop, spread her own wings, and not be dependent on her parents. I'm not talking about actually leaving and taking her own apartment, but rather she wants to live outside of her parents' reach, which she gets at school. My nephew was like that, starting at 12yo. He was making his own decisions, and resented having to rely on his parents for driving, and money. As soon as he could, he had a job, and learned to drive. He was away from home as much as he could. There were no problems at home (they live two houses away from me, we have a lot of interactions). In fact, he still lives there at the age of 23, so it's not like he wanted to flee. He just wants to make his own mistakes and learn from them, and does not want guidance from his parents.

Those kids seem to me to be very hard to parent, and impossible to homeschool if you ask me. But I could be wrong, not knowing you at all, other than through this message board.

 

Yes! So hard to parent, even harder to hs. However, if a dc isn't dependent on their parents for whatever, at this age, they will turn to peers, which of course would =disaster.

I need to keep my dd always under my radar, not b'c she is defiant and rebellious, but b'c she simply(or not:glare:) pushes back at parental reminders, guidance, etc..

My dd is a really good kid, she just has always, always been so independent and when she hit puberty, that equated to the teen version of "my way."

Anyway, I have the opposite dilemma (sp?) with my own dd-most days I want her in PS, and am starting to doubt how long my sanity will survive if I hs HS her. Further, my relationship with her is by far much more important. This leads to my inner conflicted turmoil of what is the best-home or brick and mortar.

(And, fwiw-our home life has been less than stellar for the past two yrs, but has had enormous improvements over the last 6 months.)

 

My thought was that she needs to be getting herself to the bus. If I had had the option of getting driven to the bus stop vs. trudging down the road in the cold and dark, I'd have wanted to be driven too. Maybe there are other valid reasons why you drive her, but it seems that the absolute least she could do is make sure you were awake in time.

 

I think she was just venting about school in general and wanted to shift the blame to you about why she "can't" homeschool.

 

If it were me, there would be no way I'd let a young teen girl walk in the dark-even to the bus stop. Total safety issue.

[CindyJ]

If you think she would really be interested in homeschooling, why couldn't you try it next year, and keep her in the choir? I would enroll her in one or two online classes so that someone else is grading her work and making the rules, setting the deadlines, etc. And I think also that your daughter sounds very normal. I think girls in particular tend to need/want to break away from their moms and prove to themselves that they are independent creatures, plus, they have those hormones. But if I were you, I would take her to school every day rather than have her catch the bus; that way she can talk to you and vent, etc., and she will feel that you love her so much because you are driving her to school. :)