Do the parents agree? (re: special needs)

[scrapbookbuzz]

I'm just wondering, perhaps especially of you folks with Aspie kids, did you and your spouse agree on the dx and/or the method of approach with said kiddo?

 

My hubby and I both agree that our dd (12yo) has Asperger's Syndrome. What we don't agree on is the approach to her in her areas of needed discipline. To me it seems that hubby wants to take the neurotypical approach: worked for my parents, it'll work for us. Hubby thinks that I am too easy on her when I don't get upset right away when she groans, grunts, or begins to shut down because I'm trying to think of a better way to approach the issue and to get her out of the 'funk', kwim?

 

Does that make sense?

 

So, what's your experience?

 

:bigear:

[Carrie12345]

My *husband* and I agree, for the most part. He's been around since ds was 18 months old.

 

Ds's *biodad* and I do NOT agree. He's all about the "fake it till you make it" approach. Fortunately, it's usually easy to ignore him :tongue_smilie:. It did take years (3) to get him to give in to homeschooling, but that's been our only legal issue when it comes to AS.

[Guest]

Hubby thinks that I am too easy on her when I don't get upset right away when she groans, grunts, or begins to shut down because I'm trying to think of a better way to approach the issue and to get her out of the 'funk', kwim?

 

:bigear:

 

We had a similar split in approaches when dd was young, but as my dh is also an Aspie and is therefore pretty hands-off as a parent, it never became an issue. It was pretty much just me left to it.

 

I always thought that when dd became older he would get better with her, because he could treat her more like an adult -- he doesn't get little kids at all -- and now that she's a teenager this is indeed proving the case. I'm glad, but boy was that a lonely stretch of twelve years or so!

[elise1mds]

With DS (our Aspie), I've finally gotten DH to see things my way ;) He has finally realized that talking and using a logical approach with DS works much, much better than letting emotions kick in and trying to punish first and explain later. DS has to understand what the issue IS before any consequences can be applied, and he's usually very accepting of consequences once he realizes what they're for. He might *start* to fight us, but a quick reminder is all it takes to get him to stop these days. It's been very nice to have a united front when dealing with meltdowns and disobedience!

 

For DD (pending diagnosis), we're still working on the best way to approach her, but it seems to be more of a mutual effort this go-round. DH had been flying off the handle at her when she started her sass routine until I explained to him that it's a start to uglier things, and then he stopped. Until we get her under better control medically, I'm not sure there's more we CAN do other than sticking to our guns and making sure no physical or permanent emotional damage is done.