5yr old temper tantrum...? ;(

[simka2]

So here it goes....

 

My 3 older kids are like triplets. One set of twins and my daughter is only a year ahead. Then there is the baby :) yes he's 5...incredibly cute ( and knows it!) precocious, and probly a bit on the gifted side.

 

But, all is not well with the little prince (bit of sarcasim here.) He suffers from some pretty intense meltdowns!!!! He is extremely frustrated by being the youngest. On top of that his brothers know every button to push...to evoke a total meltdown, complete with fight.

 

I do not allow hitting! I don't allow his brother to antagonize, but I don't always know it's happening till Elijah explodes! Then I see the smirks on his older brothers face and know their was more to the story.

 

So here's my question: How do I help my youngest walk away when things get too heated, but also take care of himself? It's a bit overwhelming to have identical twin older brothers...they can really gang up on you!

 

Now it's not always like this. Quite often his brothers are great with him. When their in an annoying mood...it escalates so quickly!

[bluemongoose]

My DD is the antagonist in our family...she is 5 and DS is 3. Do your boys all share a room? I found it helped to work with DS to go and find some toy he wanted and take it to his room by himself. I have taught my DD to respect his room as his space and not to open his door. This way he can remove himself from the situation and play quietly alone in a place his sis is not allowed to intrude upon and continue the antagonizing.

 

If I catch her in the act, I often will send her to her room until she can be a kind member of the family in our shared family areas.

[simka2]

The twins have there own room...and ds5 has his own room. This is more the little brother wanting to be included with his brothers...or fighting to be some sort of equal. When they remind or make him feel little...he literally fights to make his presence felt. I want to teach him some better skills...things like "every hill is not worth dying on." I'm just not sure how to go about that...

[MelanieM]

We have a similar thing here with my just turned five year old and the neighbourhood kids. They are all older, and they definitely know how to push his buttons. Often they will do things to get him riled up and then come to me to tell on him when he explodes, leading to him getting into trouble for hitting and such even though they (sometimes) instigated things. So yeah... I hear you! :hug:

 

There are several things that have helped us...

 

Role playing -- I take the part of someone doing something he dislikes and he practices responding in a way that actually works. Other times I practice responding as he did in a situation so he can see why it didn't work. My son is very good at coming up with ideas and solutions (when not under stress) and so this works well for us.

 

Giving him tools for coping -- I encourage him in healthy ways to get out his frustrations. We practice deep breathing, counting to 10 before responding, walking away to a private corner to calm down, and using appropriate objects for physical release (hitting pillows, bouncing balls, etc.).

 

Watching like a hawk -- This is the one that helps the most. I have to be there, watching what's happening, prepared to step in *right away* to model appropriate behaviour and reactions. This can be tough, but it is soooo worth it. I get to show my son how to respond without aggression, and I can nip any 'button pushing' behaviours in the bud before they get out of hand. This has netted us really big improvements.

 

Good luck! I'll be watching this thread to see what other wisdom is offered up that we can implement in our own lives.

[cougarmom4]

I'm no expert and struggle daily with my own children learning to get along (still...oldest is 12 and we haven't figured it out yet!)...so I'm hardly one to give suggestions here!

 

But your comment about ds5 perhaps being gifted caught my attention. I've done a bit of research into giftedness and there is most certainly an element of social & emotional side to giftedness that many aren't aware of. I'd recommend this site: http://www.sengifted.org/articles_index.shtml. SENG stands for Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted...and this website has some terrific articles on the social and emotional needs of these advanced kids.

 

For me, once I learned a bit about some of these other aspects of giftedness, I was able to understand my ds a little bit better. It helped me to be able to explain some of his differences and be more understanding of helping him work through them.

 

Just thought I'd offer that idea for you to look into, in case it helps.

[bookfiend]

Understanding that there are several dynamics involved with brothers who quarrel; here is another aspect we work on as well. We teach both boys that God has placed them within their specific order within the family to gain the character traits that are necessary for them to become Godly men and accomplish the work ordained for them.

 

For the older that means, mentoring, encouraging, protecting and leading the younger - not dictating/bossing or antagonizing and leading into anger. For the younger that means being willing to listen to wise instruction, being humble - not striving to be equal, trusting and following.

 

For our dynamic at least, it's interesting because the roles they are placed in do not come naturally to them. The younger is a very charasmatic leader, so he benefits from learning to follow also. The elder is very judgemental, he benefits from needing to encourage.

 

In the beginning, this meant discussing many scenerios -how they played out, where things came off track, soliciting/directing better ways to respond. I also literally gave them the words to use (helpful for boys) - for about a year! We still do this, although not as frequently anymore. I can honestly say, I LOVE the relationship they have (when they are not arguing about opera :)

Edited May 11, 2010 by bookfiend

[texasmama]

Groups of three people tend to not work as well as groups of two or four/more. One person tends to always be "on the outs". In this case, it makes sense that it is your littlest guy. One suggestion would be to split up the twins and have them take turns with the little guy while you either spend time/work on school stuff/with the other twin or have him spend time alone with an activity. That might help change some of the dynamics while the little guy is growing up a bit more.

[Tree House Academy]

I have little advice as today my almost 7-year-old was actually on the floor kicking and screaming in what I consider a two-year-old temper tantrum. It lasted over half an hour. NICE!