Kimm in WA Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 We got DS 16 cell phone when he got his license and now he's at CC. He has a Tracfone and has to buy his own minutes. He is spending all his $ on phone cards and the incessant texting drives me nuts. I admit to being a control freak, but I don't like not knowing when my son gets a text and from who, unlike when someone calls the house. Not that he's at the CC, I don't like the distraction of people being able to text and reach him at any time (except during class, at work, driving, and at night). His spending $ is his to spend as he pleases, but how do you all handle the texting issue? Nothing drives me more batty than talking with someone only to be "interrupted" by them reaching into their pocket to check a text whether or not it rang out loud (young adults even do this!). I know I'm OLD (41) and this is the new culture but I DON'T LIKE IT!! Is this unfair to my son? How do you all handle it? TIA! Kimm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandra in NC Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 We got our boys the cheapest Virgin Mobile phones possible. The phones are so "uncool" that they don't want to be seen with them. Consequently, they leave them in the dorm or in the car. I think my boys would think Tracfones are uncool, too. So I don't know the answer for your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piano&ViolinMom Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 We got our boys the cheapest Virgin Mobile phones possible. The phones are so "uncool" that they don't want to be seen with them. Consequently, they leave them in the dorm or in the car. HAHAHA, we are doing same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I had to let go of this one. We have rules about no texting at the dinner table, but otherwise, he's on his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SW in IL Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 We tried getting dd (now 16) and ds (now 15) the prepaid cell phones but didn't like not knowing who they were talking to. Plus, they weren't yet old enough to have jobs, so I was paying for the minutes. We tried doing it so that we paid for the first hundred or so minutes per month but then dd was in a car accident and had used up all her minutes like 2 weeks earlier and so couldn't call her dad or me. In the end, we ended up adding them to my cell phone plan. We pay $30/month for unlimited texting/IM (for all the phones on the plan), and then $10/month for each of their phones. They get a monthly "allowance" of "anytime" minutes (we have the cheapest plan -- 700 shared minutes/month) and they have free nights, weekends, and calling to other AT&T customers. Plus, every call and every text message or IM they make or receive is logged and I can check and see who they're calling or messaging on the web site (though it does take a couple days to show up). We also have rules like no talking/texting during dinner, etc. I admit that I don't enforce the rules as often as I should but I do usually talk to ds about manners/etiquette... How it's rude to constantly be interrupted during mealtimes... How he needs to concentrate on his school work instead of texting his girlfriend... How it's impolite to walk off in the middle of a conversation with me or a friend in order to answer the phone. That type stuff. And I try to set a good example with my own cell phone... I'll answer during a meal (if I know who's calling) but if they're just wanting to "see what's up," I'll ask them if it's alright if I can call them back after the meal. I also ignore text messages I get during a meal and when I'm driving (I will answer calls when I'm driving but only if I'm using a bluetooth hands free thingy). Mostly it's been trial and error for us and it's an ongoing process. What's working now may not work next month, but hopefully we'll figure out ways to integrate the cell phones into our lives and minimize the disruption they cause. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 We got DS 16 cell phone when he got his license and now he's at CC. He has a Tracfone and has to buy his own minutes. He is spending all his $ on phone cards and the incessant texting drives me nuts. I admit to being a control freak, but I don't like not knowing when my son gets a text and from who, unlike when someone calls the house. Not that he's at the CC, I don't like the distraction of people being able to text and reach him at any time (except during class, at work, driving, and at night). His spending $ is his to spend as he pleases, but how do you all handle the texting issue? Nothing drives me more batty than talking with someone only to be "interrupted" by them reaching into their pocket to check a text whether or not it rang out loud (young adults even do this!). I know I'm OLD (41) and this is the new culture but I DON'T LIKE IT!! Is this unfair to my son? How do you all handle it? TIA! Kimm I think there is an etiquette issue involving cells that is still evolving. I think it's fine to set rules limiting times that texting is okay. However, the 24/7 accessibility is a cultural shift. Your son is a part of it. Their generation is going to be figuring this out. Personally, I don't track who my son texts and receives texts from. I'm of the school of thinking that wants my high school students to be using their own judgment, including making some mistakes, while they are in high school and still here at home so we're around to help out if necessary when mistakes are made. My thinking is that they can't exercise/build their judgment if they are simply following my rules. So I really don't involve myself with what's on their i-pods, who they are FBing, texting, etc. You may also want to consider the benefit of facing your admitted "control freak" stuff and ceding more control--he's just 2 years away from being a legal adult. I've seen some homeschooled kids kinda go hog wild in college from being closely regulated at home and then all of a sudden the floodgates open and they've don't have strong enough "judgment muscles" to handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SW in IL Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 My son was about 12 when we gave him a prepaid cell. We had minutes leftover when we switched to AT&T so we figured he could use the phone and talk to his sister or grandparents and use up the minutes. My ex did the same with my daughter at first... He got a regular (contract) cell phone and gave dd his old one that still had prepaid time on it. But my older daughter (who had already moved out on her own by the time this was happening) got into real trouble with people she met in the Internet. When I really thought about it, I decided I didn't want either dd or ds calling weirdos they met on the Internet (or even worse having them call us!). When they first got their regular cell phones, I was checking to see who they were calling at least a couple of times a week. I was a bit neurotic about it. At some point I realized that I'd pretty much done all I could and it was time to start letting them make their own decisions. There are still a lot of non-negotiable rules especially when it comes to cell phones... Things like don't give out your number to weirdos. At first we asked them to come to us before giving out their phone numbers and we'd discuss with them why they wanted to do it. Now we trust them to be vigilant about protecting themselves and our privacy. They know that we CAN check to see who they're calling, but now the only time we do is if we notice they're using up a lot of the shared "anytime" minutes. Both dd and ds went over their alloted minutes last month, so I looked to see who they were calling just so that I could remind ds (for example) that calls to his girlfriend are not free unless it's on the weekends. Hope you find a compromise. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I think there is an etiquette issue involving cells that is still evolving. I think it's fine to set rules limiting times that texting is okay. However, the 24/7 accessibility is a cultural shift. Your son is a part of it. Their generation is going to be figuring this out. Personally, I don't track who my son texts and receives texts from. I'm of the school of thinking that wants my high school students to be using their own judgment, including making some mistakes, while they are in high school and still here at home so we're around to help out if necessary when mistakes are made. My thinking is that they can't exercise/build their judgment if they are simply following my rules. So I really don't involve myself with what's on their i-pods, who they are FBing, texting, etc. You may also want to consider the benefit of facing your admitted "control freak" stuff and ceding more control--he's just 2 years away from being a legal adult. I've seen some homeschooled kids kinda go hog wild in college from being closely regulated at home and then all of a sudden the floodgates open and they've don't have strong enough "judgment muscles" to handle it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tam101 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 :iagree: With Laurie4b as well. You have to slowly lengthen the leash and even sometimes push them to stretch it so they can learn to handle things on their own. I have a 19 year old away at college and never (even through her younger teen years) had a problem with her until she was home from college for the summer. We lengthened that leash and she tripped, but learned a valuable lesson. Because of that I now have even more faith in her making wise choices while she is so far away! So, bottom line, relax! Trust your son, you don't have to know everything that is going on in his life! More importantly it wouldn't be healthy for him if you did! Even good kids need their secrets. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I think you can definitely set rules for him as far as texting etiquette. And, personally if/when my kids get phones, it will be with the understanding that they have no absolute right to privacy until they leave my house. So I wouldn't hesitate to look through the texts if I had a reason to be concerned about something going on. That might be easier if you were paying for it instead of him though. Also I am not sure if you have a reason to be concerned or just are being overly involved wanting to know what he's talking about and to whom? Mother's instinct or nosiness... once you decide that you will know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 :iagree: I'm even older and fuddie-duddier than you LOL and I agree with you. We pay for our kids' basic phone, no text, no data available. The only numbers in the directory are family/neighbors/emergency numbers. If they want something more, they'll have to pay for it themselves. So far, that has not been something they have wanted to pursue. When other kids are being rude -- as sometimes happens in our girl scout troop meetings, for instance -- I ask the kids to turn the phone off and put it away. When they object, I tell them that their mothers know where they are and no one else needs their attention during our meeting. Yah, I have the rep as the mean mom. Oh, well, I will go cry my eyes out over the opinions of teens .... :lol: Sympathies and best wishes, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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