AuntieM Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 DH's parents have a 50th coming up. Woo-hoo, that's reason to celebrate! So we are planning an anniversary reception. This will be a nice occasion and calls for nice invitations. DH and I, and another relative who is assisting with the plans, believe that hand addressing is the most polite method. Another (adult) child in on the planning is involved with an internet based card company, and wants to send computer-generated invitations mailed by a third party. DH finds this... well, tacky at best, especially considering that his parents are from a generation that, generally speaking, does not care for slick-printed, impersonal communication. How to gently break this news to that other person? We would all feel bad if it was perceived as a personal slight, however, DH is dead set against anything but personally addressed invites. (It's the least we can do to show we care about the guests taking the time to come to the event, he says. I agree.) I would love it if someone could just put it in the perfect words for me so I can practice saying it before I have to break it in person... anyone? Please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePurpleLady Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 My first question is why your DH is in charge of deciding which type of invitation will be used? Have the other siblings handed the planning part over to him or is this a joint venture? I see nothing wrong if your Dh's sibling wants to contribute to the party by using his work connections to develop and mail out the invitations, but I am totally aware from a past 80th birthday party fiasco that many other factors may be at play here. I'm just amazed that your husband genuinely cares about the invitations because my husband would hand that assignment over to anyone that volunteered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Start with what you already have written..... the MILs come from a generation where invitations are expected to be hand written. Since many of the guests are also from the same generation, they will appreciate the gesture. We think it is important to put their feelings ahead of anything else. If it were any other occasion cousin Bob, we would absolutely love your idea. Being from an internet/computer savvy generation, you must try to make allowances for those who still aren't use to new ways. Maybe make some reference to the MILs still not knowing how to program the DVD/VCR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 and the ones footing the bill? If so, than this is truly your decision and you might turn down the offer with something like, "How kind of you, but DH already has someone who has agreed to hand address the envelopes, so we are going to take her up on that." You don't have to specify that she has agreed to do it for a *price* lol. If this business owner person is also a host and is helping to plan and pay for the party, then obviously you have to be more flexible. Your DH may need to realize that he's just one of several people who might have very strong opinions on things, and that he might, as an in-law, not take too strong a stand on an issue with the potential to truly hurt one of the other hosts. Like you, I think hand-addressed would be nicer. But I bet my bottom dollar that my mother, grandmother, and every proper little old lady in my family would say that hurting the feelings of the child of the guest of honor wouldn't be worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 who's doing the hand-addressing??? i would just say that particular person [the hand-addresser] REALLY wants to do this as a service of love, plus it would be a win/ win situation since the MILs come from a generation where invitations are expected to be hand written. Since many of the guests are also from the same generation, they will appreciate the gesture. We think it is important to put their feelings ahead of anything else. If it were any other occasion cousin Bob, we would absolutely love your idea. Let's remember that for the next family reunion! also-- I would probably make an executive decision and say NO, no computerized stuff for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 My first question is why your DH is in charge of deciding which type of invitation will be used? I'm just amazed that your husband genuinely cares about the invitations because my husband would hand that assignment over to anyone that volunteered. For one, lack of true personal communication is a hot-button issue for DH, so he really does care that these invites are hand addressed. May seem odd to others that he cares about this, but he does... Also, he is the oldest son and has undertaken getting the ball rolling on this. Other siblings will participate, but I anticipate that he & I will do the bulk of the planning and likely bear a disproportionate share of the expenses, for a variety of reasons. He is not a control freak, and will not try to micromanage everything, but he is a lot like his parents and has a good understanding of what they appreciate. I'm afraid it's a hill he's willing to die on (and those don't come around too often...). So, I am just looking for polite ways to express this to the other party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Just note that for a celebration of a major life event for more mature ;) adults you and hubby feel hand-written invitations are more appropriate. Repeat as needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Doh. Sorry about that! I think your DH is right, but I also think sometimes we have to weigh our desire to do things our way against the amount of unhappiness is might cause, and part of that is being in your (and his) shoes, knowing the other people. If this is going to really cause conflict and hurt someone's feelings, I wouldn't do it for the world. I wouldn't want to host a party where some people are angry and upset about something that, in the end, is pretty trivial and that I could have just bent a little on. If it's just going to be a brief thing because you know that the other person is pretty happy and healthy and unlikely to kick up a big fuss, than I would be more likely to try to get the hand-addressed thing going. I would just say "thanks, but they are already being addressed by hand." But since your husband seems on top of this, I would just sit back and watch him deal with it. He probably has a good idea of how the interpersonal stuff will work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.