saw
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Posts posted by saw
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A few years ago I was in daily yelling matches with dd15 (she was 11/12 at the time). She had to have her own way with everything, it seemed, and would get obnoxious if she didn't agree with something. What worked for us was for me to stop engaging. I think the suggestion came from the Lehman book, Have a New Teenager by Friday. I would just ignore her when she started becoming disrespectful/obnoxious. The only thing I would say is, "I'm sorry, but I won't deal with you when you're like that." VERY calmly (even when I was feeling anything but calm!). Then later, once she had calmed down, I would tell her, I'm sorry but you've lost the privilege of movie night/reading/going out because of your behaviour earlier. It was more of a losing privilege rather than a "punishment", and I would phrase it along the lines of, when you act like you just did, I don't feel like doing x for you. It worked very very well for us, although it took a little while (and much biting of my tongue) before it took effect.
I also tried to spend extra time with DD one on one to build the relationship between the two of us, which was always a bit tricky because her twin is super chilled out and easy to get along with at all times, and one of the brothers is also very close to me and relaxed in approach (the little brother on the other hand ...).
It's not perfect now but there are almost never ever yelling matches and any issues can be dealt with pretty easily.
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If this interests you you may also be interested in the BBC's broadcast of a memorial service at Westminster Abbey to commemorate the outbreak of WWI. Not sure if you can get BBC2 in the US, but it will be broadcast at 10 p.m. London time on Monday 4 August. From what I know of the service, it should be worth watching if you can find it on TV.
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My DS tested at high nineties for all reading-related skills and in the 16th percentile for spelling a few years ago. He has various issues and phonics does not work for him at all. He has done Lindamood Bell several times, where he learned that he needs to visualize the spelling words. For example, I'll give him the word and ask him to see it in his head. I then ask various questions about the "picture" and ask him to change it. So I might say, "what font is it? what color is the word? can you change the color to pink? now make the word big. Tell me how many letters there are. What is the third letter?" Stuff like that. We saw a huge improvement in spelling, absolutely massive. Using this approach he and I were able to up his score on his Greek exam from 42 to 88 in a matter of a few sessions, because his Greek teacher had no clue that he can't learn like the other boys do. Of course this works because of DS's particular issues and YMMV but it may be worth a try.
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My state school ds just finished school on the 18th of July! We go to the States next week for our summer holiday. It's so weird to be starting our vacation and being confronted with "back to school" everywhere.
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I tried unsuccessfully today to get my contact lens prescription reviewed and renewed -- I made an appointment weeks ago for the local optician, told them what I wanted, yadda yadda yadda. When I got there they had messed up the appointment and booked me for a sight test, not a contact lens appointment. So no new prescription for me. I have to go back and make another appointment to get lenses fitted and then make another appointment to check them. This is in the UK, and I desperately wanted new lenses for our trip to the US next week since I'm not even sure the lenses I'm wearing are the most recent prescription (ran out and have just been wearing whatever I can find). It's been a long time since I went to an eye doctor in the US but I seem to remember that you go in, get your eyes checked, and walk out with lenses/prescription. Is this still right? Can I just make an appointment with an optician and get the lenses the same appointment? Sorry if it's a bit of a stupid question but I'm just gutted about this (cannot see properly with the lenses I have and have been putting off getting things fixed until the dcs were through with various exams and classes etc so was really looking forward to getting the right lenses). If things are as I remember, it may be simpler to do this in the US. Would someone be able to tell me how best to do this?
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My oldest three are not very coordinated and have done sports with more enthusiasm than skill -- they do well but only because they persevere. The youngest turns out to be a natural athlete. I remember one of the first days after we got him (he's adopted), at 2.5, climbing up this scary-looking jungle gym on a metal and concrete playground in China. He climbed well above where I could reach him and I was so scared he would fall! The irony was that I'd been expecting a child with physical delays and instead got one who was ahead of the milestones! He's continued in that vein, and was one of 90 children of 1800 selected for a special ballet program at age 7. He does baseball and tennis as well. I'm quite enjoying having one who is athletic! Makes for a nice change/challenge.
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When my youngest ds was at an evangelical Christian school (didn't know the extent of it when I enrolled him), I used to get invited to bible study, Sunday lunch with the vicar's family, coffee with the vicar's wife, etc. I found they eventually stopped asking me as I didn't accept most of the invites (just said, sorry, won't be able to make it today). We really couldn't make it to most of the invites as we had commitments to another church so I wasn't fibbing, fortunately. I was a bit sorry that I stopped being invited to anything that was purely"social" once it was clear I wasn't interested in attending their brand of church, but that was the price I had to pay.
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I reconnected with a friend from elementary school a few years ago when we both moved back to where we had been living when we were in school. Her son is the same age as my older son, and her daughter the same age as my younger son. When she moved back she became good friends with a good friend of mine, coincidentally, so we have spent quite a bit of time together over the last 8 years or so, despite my moving away. I'm not sure I would be friends with her if it were not for the shared connection, though, because we're quite different and because her dh annoys me (won't work, lets her work and run the house). Recently it's become clear that her son (nearly 13) and mine are on very different educational paths, largely due to parental choices, and she disapproves of my choice for my ds and makes that clear through the occasional pitying comment about him (poor boy! he has to wear a uniform!). It makes me a bit sad, because I'm happy we still have a friendship that goes back so far, and I wish our sons would be able still to be friends in a few decades. They are so clearly headed in different directions, though, that I don't think it will be possible.
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We lived in France as US citizens for a couple of years two years ago and had big problems with the tax. The issue was that not all of the tax we paid to the French government on the income was eligible for the credit under the double tax treaty. This is because, according to our accountant,the tax paid/credited needs to be the same type of tax -- we had a low-ish income tax in France but high social taxes (social taxes are based more on income, income tax on number of family members). We could not therefore take advantage of the double tax treaty for all the tax paid as we weren't paying social taxes to the US. Basically the taxes have to "matched" before they can be set off. In any event, the double tax treaty will only help you so much, as you will just pay the amount of the bigger of the two tax bills. We paid 75 per cent of our income in taxes when all was said and done. We had checked the tax situation with the tax department of dh's firm, who gave us incorrect information on which we based our decision to move (we could have sued but dh refused to ask for compensation). You need to get an excellent accountant who can give you a detailed explaination of what will happen in your individual case. PM me if you want the name of an American accountant working in France who helped us out. In our case it was a financial disaster as we went from two good incomes in a tax-friendly jurisdiction to one income in a tax-unfriendly jurisdiction and lost tons of money.
Homeschooling, however, was easy, although recently I saw that the government is actively taking steps to restrict/forbid it. I'm not sure where that process is right now. I went to the local government office, asked where I should register as a homeschooler and was told that we didn't need to do anything. After I explained a bit about homeschooiing and what we did, I got a positive reaction. Never had any trouble.
Our experience with the healthcare itself was good, but we had a terrible time getting government coverage for our youngest, who is adopted from China. The government refused to accept his papers as he was born in China and insisted on getting information such as the name of the hospital he was born in. We aren't the only ones to have had this trouble. I was not born in the US, although I have US citizenship, and I was also given a hard time and asked to prove my various citizenships (and no, a passport wasn't enough). If you have anything "weird" like this you may run into trouble.
What I wish we had had from the beginning is a good relocation service that could have dealt with these issues for us. We did finally end up with relo help (after I told dh's firm that they could either offer relo assistance or I would leave France with the kids and not return).
We rented a house that was quite nice, in the suburbs. We had to buy some of the major appliances as most rentals don't come with them. That's pretty easy, just go to Carrefour or similar. It does of course add to the expense. You'll want to check into your driving license situation as you may or may not be able to transfer your US license into a French license.
PM me if you want more info. I can put you in touch with a great French teacher who also does some relo help now, a pay-for message board for expats (Message Paris) that's great and a piano teacher who is fab.
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I'll second unblock-us. I've never had any problems with it, and the info on their website is very clear. Yay for hulu and Amazon Prime!
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I don't have any particularly helpful advice but wanted to encourage you. I've been looking for work off and on (in between single-parenting and homeschooling, so you can guess just how much has been off and how much on!) for the last year and a half. It can be SO discouraging. I've had many days where I've felt like nothing was ever going to work. BUT I've plodded away as best I can and got a call yesterday for an interview, am waiting to hear from another, have another interview set up for next week and had to turn down a fourth interview because I had to agree that I would not be interviewing elsewhere during that interview process. These are the first interviews I've had since I started looking, and they all seem to be coming in at once. Just keep going and something will work out.
In the meantime, network and use LinkedIn. That's what people keep telling me. Also check out iRelaunch for helpful links, Elance, Momcorps, etc. If you google words like returner and relaunch you will come up with some good sites and a bunch of links. I've been pleasantly surprised by how much support there is out there for moms who are returning to work (all types of work). It's a great time to be a "returner".
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Did you happen to make it to a service at Westminster Abbey?
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I was trying to seek suggestions from gifted individuals but unfortunately I could only reach gifted brains. Yep, too much to ask a gifted brain to be considerate of one's emotions and give the benefit of doubt.
I'm reminded of an attitude prevalent among parents of "gifted" children where we used to live. All sorts of bad behaviour was explicable as the almost inevitable consequence of the child's being gifted. Parents presented this as a given result of the child's intellectual superiority to its peers and teachers. It was no wonder, they said, that a gifted child would be rude and disruptive in a class with its intellectual inferiors. Not my kids.
Not all negative behaviour is a result of being gifted. You say "Nothing to think, plan, analyze, challenge - my brain goes crazy" -- well, if one of my (yes gifted) children said that to me, I'd tell them that they were bright enough to figure out something to do and if they couldn't or wouldn't stick with it, then that was a problem not related to giftedness but to being lazy or having insufficient stick-to-itness. Can't relate to others? Try to understand them. See where they're coming from. Appreciate them for what makes them amazing. Not all my friends are intellectually gifted, but all my friends have something that makes them wonderful. I have a good friend who is not intellectual but has the gift of making friends. I've learned so much from her!
I would strongly suggest looking first at your own attitude and what you can change about this first, before sheltering behind a label. You might be happier in the long run.
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Yup, I've had this talk with my two. I sure wish that I could put them in a really big crib sometimes.
I wish I had a Baby Bjorn I could fit my 15 yos into.
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My now 13 yo ds enjoys Henty and has done for a couple of years now. Henty is definitely old-fashioned but the good thing is, if your ds likes the books, you aren't likely to run out of reading material since he wrote so much! Jim Weiss has a few audiobooks of Henty books as well.
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The Harvard recruiter told my high school guidance counselor back in the mid-90's that Harvard reserves 25% of its class for legacies. She told this to me as a way of providing reassurance that I had a good shot of getting in. I didn't like the implications of it, and it was one reason why I chose Stanford over Harvard. I got into Stanford on my own whereas it's unknown whether or not I would've gotten accepted to Harvard without being a legacy.
It surprises me that they would have said that. I attended a panel discussion by three members of the Harvard Admissions Office a couple of weeks ago, in a room that was full of Harvard grads and their children, and not one member of the panel would admit to any quota. They did say that legacies have a 30 per cent (approximately) chance of getting in. A number of people in the room suggested that this high figure could also be due to the fact that alumni know what it takes to get in and will discourage their children from applying unless they have a good shot. I then attended a lecture given by an admissions counselor at a good prep, who was also unable to give a quota (and he had inside knowledge from a previous job).
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Unless you're planning on sending your dc to school during the time in which the school would be teaching them cursive, I think I'd pick a cursive style that made sense to me and for which I could get quality inexpensive resources that are readily available.
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Rosie, I am so very very sorry to hear this terrible news.
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DS is in an English school and says that he is taught about the American "RebellIion", which annoys him, rather than the Revolution. I did see that the American War of Independence is on next year's Common Entrance syllabus, so the subject does seem to get some extra attention now and then.
As British history books, DCs have always liked Our Island Story. It's a bit archaic, I think, but they enjoy it.
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13 yo DS is graduating from his current school in a few months. DS has worked very very hard at this school and has made huge sacrifices to attend. I'd like to get him something to mark the occasion. One the one hand I'd like to get him something he would enjoy and have fun with (like a game for the Wii), on the other, I'd like to get him something that he can keep for ever, something that will remind him when he's an old geezer of what he's accomplished. Like those watches in the ad "you never really own an x, you are just taking care of it for the next generation." Except that I don't have close to that kind of money!
Any ideas?I'm leaning toward getting him a nice watch, but I'd prefer something more interesting.
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Mine did when they were quite young, and one added a little flower to her signature.
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Not sure I can answer your questions, but I can share our experience. Twin dds skipped 4th and 6th grades at their non-US public school. We didn't have much of an option. The school had run out of ideas, dds were bored and one (by the school's own admission) did absolutely nothing the entire year. Homeschooling was not a legal option. They started 7th grade in a 7th through 12th grade school, in the top track. It was clearly the best thing to do. Ten year olds with 12 year olds was fine, as was 11 year olds with 13 year olds. The year they turned 12 we moved countries and homeschooled them. Right now they are 15 and about to take their final secondary school exams as homeschooled candidates for the national exams.
As for entry to schools like MIT, a few years ago I asked an admissions officer at an HYP school about admissions for younger students. She told me that in such a competitive applicant pool, an applicant that is two years younger is at a distinct disadvantage. Not because they are not as academically capable, but because they have had less time. Looking back with the benefit of experience gained in the last few years, I see her point. My dds have not been able to do as much at the level they would if they were older. Some activities they would like to do are not open to them because of age, such as volunteering. For others, particularly sport, where they are average, they are not going to be performing at the level they would be if they were older, and will therefore not have as strong an extracurricular for their cv. YMMV.
We are now "stuck" with two years of gap. They don't want to go straight to university, and I agree with this decision. It hasn't been particularly easy finding gap year programs as they are not the typical gap year applicant. Quite a few seem to be geared at ages 17 or 18. DDs will be 16 in August, so they are ineligible for quite a few gap year programs. We have finally reached a resolution. One has a music scholarship to a good school where she will do sixth form and A levels. The academics will be very easy I expect, but she will be challenged by the music and the boarding aspect. I'm in negotiations with the school about the course selection and can tell that I'm already becoming one of "those" parents! But hey I'm really good at that and I've learned a lot about this through the years. The other dd will do a school year abroad in China. Both are working hard for their exams and looking forward to next year.
It was not an easy decision to skip two grades but it was the right decision at that time in that set of circumstances. It did set up the challenge of finding something to fill the gap between secondary and university, and at the time I think I underestimated how tricky this could be, but it will work out in the end. I hope this helps somewhat.
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Paper airplanes. The 365 paper airplanes a year calendar seemed like a great idea at the time. Now, not so much.
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How about geocaching? It costs nothing if you already have a gps. We always end up seeing places we'd never thought of going.
Bad Ebola News
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The Mirror isn't exactly representative of great journalism. Or even mediocre journalism. I personally would be wary of anything published in there as it's likely to take the sensationalist approach.