saw
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Posts posted by saw
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Roosevelt, Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson -- pick any three for the kids and get a dog for the fourth? With Rushmore as a middle name of course.
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I'll be the odd one out and say that I'm not convinced that networking is always the right answer. I've been looking for work for a while and have focussed almost all my efforts on networking. Granted, I am "networking" in a country that is relatively new to me where I know few people well and even fewer in my profession. So I am building up a network while looking for work and it's not working out. If I were in an area where I had a network in place, it might be different -- the one job I"ve gotten was through my former boss, but it's working at a distance for a company in another country for a few weeks. The other two interviews have been through a recruiter and sending my cv in to a job advert.
What I'm finding is that networking "cold" without a very strong previous relationship to the person is very difficult because most people I contact with questions on a purely informational basis (not asking for a job) simply don't respond. I can't say I blame them as the relationship is either acquaintance-level or friends of friends level. I wish I'd known this when I started the job search, as I invested my energy into networking rather than looking for job ads online or getting in touch with HR or recruiters. No one mentioned this to me; in fact the career coach I worked with suggested I focus entirely on networking, even though he knew my situation.
My new plan is simply to apply to all suitable jobs listed, send my cv to suitable companies and recruiters, volunteer with two organisations to help me get to know people well, and not focus so much on networking. Another option that I've heard of for women returners is designing a "returnship" where you work with a company to design an internship. You get something for your cv, they get your work.
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No problem. I didn't get many questions. To be honest, I had a very solid story as to why I home educated: it's very much still a counter-cultural thing in the UK, and I didn't want to get into the philosophy of it. I just said, 'We moved to China and there wasn't a suitable local school, so I took on their education myself. ' As I mentioned previously, the fact that the boys hadn't turned out with too oddly (they had been admitted to private school right around the time I was interviewing) helped too.
I will say that the finance industry is pretty conservative, so I don't know what to suggest. The day that Husband turned up to work in The City in a brown suit, the ribbing encompassed the whole trading floor.....
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Thanks Laura. I may give it a try and see what happens, perhaps when focussing on the US firms. Fortunately the kids have done well in conventional exams and are now going down a more "recognizable" path, so I may try to emphasize that.
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I treated my home education years as though they were a job, so I entitled them just like my previous employment: dates; home educator; self employed. Then I stated that I had been solely responsible for the boys' education for those years, using 'these' bullet-point skills and gaining 'this' bullet point experience.
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May I ask what kind of feedback you got on this when interviewing? I'm looking for work now and have contemplated putting in a section like this, but I'm looking for finance jobs in London and am not sure how this will go over in that environment. When you interviewed for jobs, did you get questions about this section of your cv? I don't mean to pry so don't answer if that's asking for too many personal details.
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This was so nice. It's made my whole day (possibly my entire week, given how rough things are right now!). I was at the Starbucks drive-through with the kids in the back. I'd just ordered my usual tall coffee and pulled forward to pay. When I got to the window the guy told me the person who had been in front of me had already paid for my drink! I so needed this little bit of kindness and am putting this thank you out there since I have no idea who it was who did this for me.
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I'm looking forward to the same -- DS8 is the youngest of four and gets attention by being loud and slightly obnoxious. This coming school year his three older siblings will be gone! Two to boarding school, one to gap year in China. I'm really looking forward to spending time with ds and focussing on his needs. Xdh is only partly in the picture so it's just the two of us.This past year the big three have been so busy with exams etc that the little one has been ignored. Now I will have more time for just him. Looking forward to seeing what he's like when he's not fighting for attention. Planning a few weekends away with just the two of us!
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Coffee in the morning first thing, with milk and without interruptions of any kind! Then water throughout the day, maybe another cup of coffee in the afternoon.
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My dh sent an email to other people in management at the company that he works in (as a company they have been working on departmental communication) that said "the first person to respond to this email and then come find me in person before noon gets a $25 gift card." One person replied via email but didn't go find him in person and another went to find him in person, but didn't email! I guess there is a reason they need to work on communication! Anyway, it does seem as if you are not alone!
That's what it feels like! I have some connections that could help this colleague whose financing runs out in September and he cannot get it together to get me the info I need to pass on to my connections! There's not much in it for me, I'm just trying to be helpful.
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Sometimes people feel overwhelmed with long wordy emails with long paragraphs. I think with texting as the new norm people want short, esay to read emails they can answer with a few words.
Are yours like that?
Yep, following all the "rules" that I learned from career coaches etc. Friendly greeting, explanation of the connection where necessary (Dear G, remember me? I'm your sister?), one sentence description of me and what I do, specific questions for the reader so they don't think I'm just after a job, suggestion/request for phone call/coffee. One paragraph equivalent (broken down for clarity). Proofread minimum of three times so no errors. It works great with some but not others.
What baffles me most are the ones where people initially respond and want to get together etc but fail to respond to my follow-ups. Of course no one is under any obligation to help me at all.
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Is it me (and am I invisible in cyberspace maybe?) or do people not seem to feel the need to send even a courtesy response to most emails? I've been trying to network to get a job for a while and have noticed how few people will actually respond to emails or to follow ups (I'm averaging 50 per cent success). I'm not talking about emails I send out "cold", like to recruiters or companies, because they have no obligation to me and no obligation to respond. I'm talking about people I know, in some cases well (my brother!) who will say, yes, love to help, send me an email and we'll get together. I will email with specific questions (not asking for work, following all the "rules" for networking emails) and get nothing back. Or I get one email saying great, let's get together when I'm back/have time. I follow up (at least once) with specifics and hear nothing. I don't get it.
This even happens when I'm paying, like with my lawyer whom I pay to write my will (takes literally six months to get back to me!) and when I'm the one doing the favor, like a colleague whom I promised to set up with two guys I know who may be able to help him find financing for his company (a month ago he said he'd send me info that I could pass on to my friends to see if they can help). I followed up last week and was told, yes, he's interested in talking to them and will send me the info. Nothing yet. I just don't get it.
Do people just not respond anymore? A simple brush-off email would be fine (sorry I haven't got time, maybe in a few months, would get the message across!). It just feels weird to be told one thing (oh yes, love to help) and get no response. Is this just the way things are now?
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I called them and was told that paper registration forms cannot be downloaded from the site and that it takes 7 to 10 business days to get a form in the mail. We leave the US for the UK in 10 days, so there's a risk we won't get the forms in time. I called the local high school but they are closed for the summer. It seems high schools here start late. I spoke to the supervisor at the College Board and asked them to expedite it under the circumstances but they refused. Maybe this info will be useful to other foreign students. I hope that China doesn't have the same shortage of seats that the UK does; we had to register for the subject tests so far in advance to get a place it was crazy.
I will get in touch with the school year abroad people and let them know we're having problems.
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Could anyone pretty please tell me how to find the paper registration form for the SAT on the website? DD is taking the SAT in China this fall (school year abroad) and apparently the registration process has to be done on paper not online. I cannot however seem to find the form on the website anywhere (I know she should be taking responsibility and she does, I'm just helping out). I've emailed the SAT folks to ask them but thought that maybe someone here could help direct me to the paper forms.
I'm afraid this will be the first of many questions. DD is 15 and we've decided that she will apply to college this year rather than waiting an extra year (she's two years accelerated). The final decision was made just within the last couple of weeks (her call of course) so now we're trying to get it all together before she goes to China.
Thanks for any and all advice!
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How old are your kids? My kids do love GWL and they are 7. If you go for one night, the waterpark is included for both the day you arrive and the day you leave. Besides water stuff, they have an arcade and a few other goodies. It is a nice outing for a young kid. It's fun for all ages, but after maybe 9 or so, it might be less of a thrill. I am looking at trying Kalahari soon, as I've heard it has more stuff for bigger kids.
They are 15, 15, 13 and 7, so maybe the older ones would get a bit bored. Sounds good that you can use the waterpark on both days even if you stay one night only though. They haven't been to many waterparks though and would probably enjoy that part of it. What's Kalahari?
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That's what I was thinking, too -- why are you even telling them about the gifts you'd like to buy for the kids if you know they will beat you to it?
I like this idea a lot! And realistically, you could tell them you already bought the stuff even if you haven't gotten around to it yet.
I generally get quite obsessive and make spreadsheets based on the kids' wishlists and lists of what I've been thinking of getting them/noticed they need. I try to restrict gifts to Christmas/birthday rather than giving the kids things throughout the year, so I am careful about the lists.
Once I have my list, I can then filter info to my mother. It works reasonably well, and I just bite my tongue when I hear about all the extra stuff they're getting in addition to my carefully-designed list! This summer I got behind on life etc and just sent on the wishlists without thinking, argh. It also seems that this summer my mother is going more overboard than usual, double argh. Lesson learned in time for Christmas I hope.
It doesn't help that there is more "stuff" going on in terms of boundaries not being respected/feelings of obligation to do things I don't want to do because my parents help financially with the kids schooling. I think if it were the gifts only, I would be dealing with it better. Still, the kids will be happy with what they're getting, and it's all done with the best of intentions, so I will focus on that and manage the lists better in the future.
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Last year for one kid's birthday we went to Great Wolf Lodge and got the girls manicures. e.
We could actually go to Great Wolf Lodge, as it's not that far from us. I looked it up and it looks like fun. Is it the sort of thing that's worth doing for one overnight? Do you pay extra for all the extras or is it a package? DS would probably love it.
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Thanks for understanding. It's tricky and I have gotten better at managing back over the years but this year I just let it go, and now I get to buy the "boring" gifts that will pale in comparison with the flashy ones. My kids are good and don't attach importance to it. My mother just loves to do this and I hate to spoil things for her, but if I don't, I feel like I got short-changed. I like the experiences idea, I'll try to come up with something special. Thanks all.
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Because my mother has bought them most of the things on their lists and then a whole lot of other stuff besides. So there's really not much I can add to it. Just frustrating. My mother does this at Christmas and now birthdays too. Buys SO much for the kids, often things they want/I think they should have, but also a whole lot besides that just adds to clutter. I have learned to manage this by being clear about lists etc., but for the three birthdays coming up this week I dropped the ball and now have my parents giving the kids really nice expensive gifts (and yes I should be grateful for this) plus all sorts of junk, but I am left out with not much I can come up with for them that they would like since they're getting most of their lists from my parents. I just feel like seeing to the majority of gifts is part of my job as their mother and it's not going to work out that way. Yes, I know I'm spoiled and whiny and should be incredibly grateful that my parents care so much for the children. But sometimes I wish my parents would just step back and let me parent my children myself. (yes, there is more going on here). JAWM please.
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Things are changing/going to change whether I want them to or not, because my two eldest are done with secondary school and are off to do one or two gap years (they graduated early, via internet school/national exam route). One will be in China, the other more local, but at a boarding school. DS13 is done with his local boarding school and is off to secondary boarding school that is not as close by, so I will go from seeing him several times a week to seeing him less often (but for longer at a time, which will be better I think). I am not going to homeschool DS7 at this point -- in some ways I would like to, but he is very very happy in his school right now, I like the school a lot, and if I don't start back to work now it will be even more impossible than it is now (and I know something can't be more impossible, but it sure feels that way). I know I will hugely regret not going back to work, or at least giving it a go, and that will make me resentful in the long run. As a single parent with almost 100 per cent responsibility/custody, I feel I have to be there for the kids financially as well as in all other ways. So I've been looking for work, planning fun things to do with ds7 (who will get way more attention now than he's used to) that are difficult to do with four kids, and looking into a few things that I can do for myself (maybe learn rock-climbing, or take a language class). If I could go back and change things, I would have continued to work parttime rather than quitting entirely as I think that would have given me more choices now.
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While I have "sacrificed" career, time alone, etc for the children, the only part I really mind is the part where I have to pick up the slack where xdh won't parent them. I thought, going into the parenting gig, that we had an equal partnership with shared parenting duties. I found that dh was only interested in the fun and easy stuff. So I've been doing double duty as both parents and that part I really do resent (but I certainly don't blame the children, only myself and xdh). It's meant that I don't have time to exercise or eat properly, that I am overly reliant on my parents for financial help (which means that I feel intensely obligated to them and end up spending all our holiday time with them, which I then resent as well!), that I can't see clearly with my left eye because I haven't been able to get new contacts for months now, if I'm sick I don't go to the doctor but I did spend four hours today with dd at the doctor's and the hospital getting blood work done. I don't think it's fair to expect someone to put their own health so far down on the list that they are unwell.
But it's getting better as the children get older.
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This reminds me of the time xdh and I went to Colonial Williamsburg for Thanksgiving with his brother and wife, around the time we were all first married, all parties working, no kids. There were two different kinds of ticket we could buy and xdh got the (somewhat) more expensive ones because we figured, hey, we're here, who knows when we'll get back, let's see it properly. This offended SIL so much that she flat out would not speak to us the for entire weekend. She sat mute and would have nothing at all to do with us, not at the meals, not while looking around, nothing. It was only later that xdh was able to worm out of his brother that she had been offended that we chose to get the pricier tickets. While we were making more than they at the time, it's not like it was a huge difference in income and certainly not such a difference that they couldn't have afforded the tickets. Or that they couldn't have discussed this reasonably with us.
This was years ago and I've since realized that SIL is the sort of person who will be critical of everyone about everything. Money just happens to be one of her "things." She's the kind of person whose conversation consists of telling you how awful everyone else in the family is -- and when you leave the room, you can just about feel the knife sliding into your own back. So I don't deal with her anymore.
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Everything you say makes sense to me. I can't go back to the US now but I have this lovely fantasy about a big house that would cost less than my flat here does, good public schools if you move to the right area (here it's a lottery), good healthcare (assuming I have insurance), big parking spaces and more space in general, one set of taxes to pay, etc etc.
I will echo what others have said about the effect of being a TCK. I was one, and when we moved back my parents completely ignored this issue. It was really difficult for me to fit in and nobody seemed to realize this or pay any attention. I went from being very happy at school to being completely miserable for years. If there had been recognition that I was in culture shock, I think I would have had a different experience.
Good luck with the job hunt and the move.
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The Mirror isn't exactly representative of great journalism. Or even mediocre journalism. I personally would be wary of anything published in there as it's likely to take the sensationalist approach.
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A few years ago I was in daily yelling matches with dd15 (she was 11/12 at the time). She had to have her own way with everything, it seemed, and would get obnoxious if she didn't agree with something. What worked for us was for me to stop engaging. I think the suggestion came from the Lehman book, Have a New Teenager by Friday. I would just ignore her when she started becoming disrespectful/obnoxious. The only thing I would say is, "I'm sorry, but I won't deal with you when you're like that." VERY calmly (even when I was feeling anything but calm!). Then later, once she had calmed down, I would tell her, I'm sorry but you've lost the privilege of movie night/reading/going out because of your behaviour earlier. It was more of a losing privilege rather than a "punishment", and I would phrase it along the lines of, when you act like you just did, I don't feel like doing x for you. It worked very very well for us, although it took a little while (and much biting of my tongue) before it took effect.
I also tried to spend extra time with DD one on one to build the relationship between the two of us, which was always a bit tricky because her twin is super chilled out and easy to get along with at all times, and one of the brothers is also very close to me and relaxed in approach (the little brother on the other hand ...).
It's not perfect now but there are almost never ever yelling matches and any issues can be dealt with pretty easily.
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If this interests you you may also be interested in the BBC's broadcast of a memorial service at Westminster Abbey to commemorate the outbreak of WWI. Not sure if you can get BBC2 in the US, but it will be broadcast at 10 p.m. London time on Monday 4 August. From what I know of the service, it should be worth watching if you can find it on TV.
X Post- College opportunities for foreign students
in The Chat Board
Posted
What about Education First?
http://www.ef.de/
DDs have a couple of friends doing this or a similar program this year, one in the UK and one in the US.