LarlaB
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Posts posted by LarlaB
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Interesting. It doesn't strike me as something private to express admiration for and appreciation of someone. And frankly, I'd rather it be specifics of what you appreciate about that person to make it seem more personalized than the catch all"you're Ah-MAzing, it's Ah-MAzing, we're Ah-Mazing" that seems to be the default. It authenticates the intent- I love you is made more validated by saying I love your kindness, generosity and honesty.... So yes, it strikes me as a public toast kind of thing.
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We sold our first home FSBO in a reasonably hot market. PP mentioned what you need to know- DIY staging and showings as well as negotiating. We opted NOT to do FSBO with out second home in a different state and very sluggish market and used an agent. Bought our third home from a FSBO seller. ?
The FSBO website will walk you thru it all 100% even with packages and adverts.
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Costco isn’t always the cheapest but most times in my area, their staples (cheese milk GF bread oil flour nuts etc) beat grocery store prices unless there is a loss leader grocery gimmick sale.
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18 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:
Our Costco, Trader Joe’s, and Aldi are in the same shopping center which means I try to go on weekday mornings and NEVER on a weekend.
Oh wow- just wow. I cannot imagine the traffic! But that’s like the grocery trifecta of goodness right there....
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Agreed that only 8 years old and 60K miles is a very young car and the upkeep you referenced is normal (and high estimation of cost IMHO)
We are also a use up/wear it out car mentality. Would I like a new car? Absolutely!!! Do I want to constantly have a car payment? Um, no.
My primary vehicle is a 2006 LandRover with 180,000 miles on it. It’s our tow vehicle for RV camping- pulling. 6500lb RV so not light duty. So given the age, yes, it’s a little more nerve wracking than driving around town.
Dh does most repairs and maintenance so that’s a huge factor. If we were beholden to someone else for every.little.thing that needs upkeep on older cars, that’s a different story. Just being honest. I probably would be horrified by the expenses. But practically and thankfully, we’ve had very few major issues and will drive this car until it costs more to repair than it’s worth. There IS a limit LOL. But no way is 60k miles even close.
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I’m a massage therapist and think you have a specific muscle issue- not broad to generalized “need to get stronger” issue. If you can point to a specific spot that hurts that is much different than everything hurts and you need to build up tolerance and strength.
Get a massage and fix the issue ?
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10 minutes ago, sassenach said:
My dh's mom has a personality disorder (armchair dx is paranoid, but she's also kind of Borderline). Anyhow, your last sentence totally resonates. Be proud that you and dh have created healthy boundaries despite the handicap of his unhealthy parents/family. That's an accomplishment.
I wish it felt better. With perspective I see and approve of the healthy choices but it’s hard work that is mostly exhausting and has no reward except silence at the very best.
There is no peaceful coexistence that can be sustained. It would be SO much easier to just end the relationships than to continue with the tension.
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DHs mom is a narcissist. DH was fired from family business 4 years ago by mom and the other four siblings took sides. We’ve had friendly but firm boundaries in place since that time with everyone.
Two other siblings live here in the same state. Third sibling is flying in from Europe and staying for 2 weeks. Fourth sibling decided she would like to come with infant, and asked if we have room for her. We kindly said we do not, because we don’t have a guest room and run several business out of our home. Too many excuses I know. Didn’t hear anything for a week.
She forwarded flight itinerary this AM that she is arriving a few days AFTER European sibling leaves. Why i don’t know. My 2 kiddos and I will be leaving town 3 days after fourth sibling arrives on a weeklong trip to my parents back east. I wrote as much and said hoped we could see her and looking forward to meeting new baby. She replies back OK we will work out a time before you leave.
Two hours later, she has apparently marinated a bit and replies:
“So why didn’t either of you mention your trip? I emailed asking about staying at your place even... that makes me feel like you guys really don’t care that I’m even coming out there.”
Aaaaaaand scene.
DH and I separately replied our feelings on the matter without talking it over LOL. DH is frustrated she never asked us if those dates were good (the out of area siblings have a habit of booking these trips and assuming we should clear our schedules after the fact). I am annoyed she makes assumptions and assigns us sinister intent and said as much but also the said nicely, that it was a misunderstanding and to not take it so personally.
The irony is we don’t need to make excuses to not see her- we are grown healthy adults who make choices and act as such. So it amuses me and saddens me that her only frame of reference is that we are playing cloak and dagger and trying to trick them and manipulate. Um no. If I don’t want to see you, I’m not going to see you. This sibling is highly educated and presumably very evolved. I will give her huge props for actually speaking directly to us and saying how she felt! That’s a HUGE improvement.
Years and years of dealing with this messy childish dysfunctional crapola and we are STILL the bad guys. We will always be the bad guys as long as we have boundaries, a sense of self and don’t bow to MIL.
I just needed to vent. It’s so trivial and stupid and brings up my anger towards DHs parents for being so freaking insecure and dysfunctional and modeling that behavior for so many years.
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40 minutes ago, SarahCB said:
Well, I think it comes from being fat adapted. I'm low carb as well as a faster, so my body runs smoothly on fat (from food or from the body). I don't hit a bonking point when running. I just got home from an 18.2 km run (much of it uphill - 533m elevations!) and I feel fantastic! I started running with this particular group as one of the slowest - so slow that I would get lost on long runs. After training for a year (all fasted), I'm able to keep up with the leaders. Yesterday I had bacon and eggs for lunch and then tuna, cheese, and a dill pickle for supper. No breakfast this morning. Tons of energy. I don't really know how it works, but it works well for me.
Agreed. It is being fat adapted, meaning bringing fat for fuel instead needing constant carbs/sugar.
i was on KETO level low carb and fat adapted and running 1/2 marathons for 6 months in a row. Never ever felt better in my life!!!
ETA I started down that road after reading “art and science of low carb performance” by Volek and Phinney. I wanted to train for and run a full marathon and avoid the bonk and loved the scientific approach presented in that book. Due to unrelated injury I wasn’t able to increase distance so stayed at 1/2 marathon level and started to decrease time instead. Very empowering to feel in control of my energy and eating (albeit not in control of injury LOL)
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2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:
The post reads more like, "I have a problem" than "they have a problem" in a sense. Don't let it become your problem. If they push something, unfollow. If they do it in person, maybe downgrade their friendship status to acquaintance. Spend less time with them. Distance yourself. I know you know that you can do that... I'm just saying don't waste your energy on what you see as their problem.
It is less having a problem than I don’t know how to solve and more musing about a larger, more systemic problem I am seeing.
I hate to watch friends get sucked into MLM lies/hype. It isn’t a solid foundation or real in a “building a small business” because it’s not actually yours nor can you do much beyond sell. You aren’t your own boss- you decide only how often you feel like working is all. You are padding someone else’s pocket and working someone else’s plan. You are captive to the rolled out product product and have no voice, authority or influence in product, management or business.
You are empowered to be hyped and sell. It’s sales.
MLM angers me because it gives false hope and essentially lies to women telling them they are business owners. They aren’t. And they fall for it again and again and again.
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4 hours ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:
The reason it seems that women are more susceptible to MLMs as a business option is that women are under-employed. They are SAHMs because they feel it necessary to homeschool or because they can't afford childcare, or they are looking for an easy side hustle to supplement an existing but inadequate income.
The majority of my friends who are SAHM chose it and have a spouse who more ham adequately provides. A few, had brief careers prior to kids. And a majority of them, after kids are in high school are bored and lacking direction. I wouldn’t call that under employed as much as unestablished.
IMHO it’s doablr to start a new career in your 40s and later, but I’m surprised how many of my SAHM friends with college degrees have no desire to take on anything. So it’s side gigs, apparently.
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22 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:
I agree with you that simple avoidance often doesn't work. But in practical terms, what can you do about it? Unless it is an actual pyramid scheme, it isn't against the law. And your friend obviously didn't ask for your input before she joined the MLM.
BTW - a very long time ago before I knew what MLMs were (just out of college) - I went to a couple of MLM recruitment meetings. There were lots of men at these meetings too. It really depends on what is being sold. Some products (like make up or household goods) do tend to be more female oriented but not all are. Oh, and I didn't like their sales pitch and declined to join.
Yes, there's little to do that wouldn't rock the boat. That was the intent of my vent- it's up to me to slowly back away as the only option to keep the friendship. And I guess my point is that MLM is actually hurting woman, not empowering them. There isn't an openness or collaborative effort unless you are in xyz MLM company, and no one else 'gets it' if they aren't involved in xyz MLM company. They have their own business models and practice and lingo, and frankly its more a cult in its extreme forms and that unsettles me. And should unsettle all of us, and make us reconsider supporting people in these endeavors.
I'm a small business owner and in an entrepreneurial women's group- and we discuss business, a lot! Pretty bluntly. It's not dogma or rhetoric or working a plan. Its the opposite of MLM and some of the business are quite large (franchising) and all very different. We are all very strong, opinionated, capable people who are moving & shaking things....its frankly a work of art that we don't yell more. LOL, Yet there is an openness, humility and awareness of need- how overwhelming and hard business is- and a collaborative spirit. You are hustling so hard you don't stop to boast or check how you're doing...just keep going.
I wish MLM women could see the contrast.-
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56 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:
What to do? Say no thank you. It's not like you have to support a woman who works as the checker at the grocery store. Or who runs a pet store (to use an example of someone with their own business.) Buy something if you want. If not, pass the bean dip. It might work for her. Or it might not. If she starts to cross boundaries, call her on it nicely but firmly. I don't see why it is your business to judge her work anymore than it would be your business to judge the work of any other person you know.
It's a bit more nuanced than "being nosy and judgemental". I think it's worth a discussion and consideration beyond simple avoidance38 minutes ago, marbel said:The problem I see with my friends/acquaintances who do MLM stuff - it changes the dynamic of the relationship. My friend who starts selling X product now sees me as a potential customer and not just a friend. And why am I not buying this great product? Why am I buying my vitamins from Costco or Vitacost or wherever, and not from her? Why wouldn't I want to use essential oils when she has found them to be life-changing for her family?
A person who works in a store is in a more passive situation. Friends who work in grocery or other types of stores aren't posting on facebook urging me to shop there instead of other stores. It's just different, in my experience. The MLM is more of a hard sell. It's more in your face and personal. That's been my experience anyway. I do have a couple of friendly acquaintances who are in MLMs and don't push it. But most people are so pushy with it.
I think the other thing, though, OP, is the tone of your friend's post coupled with your knowledge of how she really came to have that pool and the ability to sip pink drinks by it. It would annoy me too, and would probably affect our friendship in a negative way. I think it would be hard to respect someone who blatantly lies about their life as a way to promote their business - which, if I understand your OP, is what your friend is doing.
Yeah, exactly. I respect that she is trying to build something, is so motivated and am happy she is excited. But because it changes the relationship and yes, I know the full story and just hate MLM so much my only choice is to step back.
It leaves me with a greater loathing of MLM because I've seen this happen so many times- and this is the MLM basic premise! Push the sell to friends and family and take advantage of existing personal relationships. That is irresponsible business practice when done with full MLM intensity.
DH & I are both small business owners (together and individually) so I'm more sensitive to claims of MLM=small business. Given my 10 years of experience, I prefer to NOT do business with friends/family.
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We've had the complaining about MLM threads before.... This AM, I logged onto facebook and saw 3 different people peddling their crap on personal FB pages and just want to yell. I want to be their friends, not held hostage to their 'business' that I have no respect for, to be blunt.
One example? (She posted with a picture of their inground pool, her pink drink, a book "6 figures in 6 months" and kids playing in the background....implying that MLM made this possible when in reality her DH is the breadwinner and she hasn't worked in 15 years)
If your office doesn’t look like this
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? and you want it to, then we should talk 
?. I never imagined all those years ago when I walked across the stage at XXX University to receive my Bachelor’s degree that I would end up in Network Marketing 
??♀️. I always wanted to be a “corporate” girl. And I was for many years 
??♀️
?. I did a couple other Network Marketing gigs while in college where I had to keep inventory on hand (and inevitably I would NOT have what my customer wanted) and book parties 
?. I loved the part about meeting new people but hated being away nights and weekends (and the inventory and party part). So when I was first introduced to Plexus I said no thank you 
??♀️! But there was a still, small voice in my mind that wouldn’t let me leave it. I secretly watched videos and learned a little more (remember, I have a degree so I’m smart 
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??) and decided to give it a try. Did you know that the Plexus compensation plan is unique ONLY to Plexus?!So now here I sit by my pool 
☀️, enjoying my pink drink 
?, raising our kiddos, getting healthy 
??, growing as a leader, helping others 
?, going on lots of fun trips 
?, partnering with a company that is doing it right 
? and staring at the email of how much my check was this past month 
? (the biggest yet)! We are JUST GETTING STARTED 
? So, if you want your office to be as enjoyable as mine, let’s talk 
?
Tupperware. Pampered Chef. Arbonne. Shaklee. MaryKay. Lularoe. They cycle in and cycle out. Every decade. But please, MLM people, at least acknowledge that the entire business is built on the model of exploiting a sales team- not representing outstanding, superior or unique products OR building small businesses OR leaders OR doing it right. Yuck.
No matter the company (Plexus, OneHope Wine, YoungLiving and on and on and on) its all the same and annoys me because I feel it preys on the social needs/network, latent insecurity and occasional boredom of SAHM. That is probably harsh and I need to have more respect. But it doesn't read as passion or a well-considered, intentional decision of "THIS is what I want to do" with MLM. It reads as kool-aid euphoria, irrational excitement and happenstance that checks some boxes for a season of life. Which is fine. I've seen it 101 times. I think that's why I get so annoyed- at least some of my friends, I view as otherwise intelligent people and its just shocking to watch them go off the deep end with MLM stuff and expect us to all just go along with it. I think they just are trying to make the best of wanting something beyond being a SAHM and MLM fits that. Again, fine. Just show some perspective and acknowledge it is what it is. No one else pushes products or ways of living like that. The simple thing is just unfollow on FB or politely decline. Problem is....I'm struggling with a fundamental lack of respect.
My friend in this example, had a brief career as a commercial real estate agent, had some kiddos, then decided to homeschool and needed a flexible, part time gig. Enter MLM. She is not alone. For me, she has overplayed the hand when she has started subtly comparing her instant 'career' to people who have intentionally built, trained for and invested in a long term plan and implies that MLM is the same thing. The reality is that her work IS going off on social media about her product to try to snag another customer or downstream representative. And well, I just don't want to hear it.
My female friends who are therapists, nurses, teachers, writers, insurance brokers, realtors, research analysts, seminary professors... THEY inspire me with their self-awareness, determination, professionalism, education etc. No boasting, click-bait posts or shrill, manic excitement- it's all pretty mundane, really. They seem to know what they do is important enough that not everyone can easily do it, or jump in or jump out- because well, they worked so hard to get there. It takes incredible commitment, focus and investment to build a career and/or a business and deserves respect, IMHO.
Comparing a MLM business to years of training/education/investment and calling them the same thing, is just a crappy thing to do, and disappoints me when my MLM female friends do it. And they all, inevitably do. It's not that there is a hierarchy or pecking order. We all have worth and value and endeavor to contribute to our families and communities. But selling over hyped vitamins vs working as a therapist? They should be astute enough to realize how wrong it is to imply comparison.
I feel like MLM seems to support women and provides flexible jobs for SAHMs. But really struggle with how that fleshes out. It provides an instant sales career, sure. But seems to turn people into robotic, manic sales people who are working the plan, but not really thinking for themselves or representing well. I'm probably just being smug and overly annoyed. I should be supportive, no questions asked.
I want to support them as a friend, woman, mother and good human...and as they're reaching for goals. But turns out, I don't really respect how they are doing the work. The effort, goals, desires? Sure. But the business itself? Not so much.
What to do?
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LowCarb and reduced calories works for me. I was KETO low carb for 2 years and really skinny (5’11” and size 4)...i was prob too skinny but was I was an avid runner and ran half marathons six months in a row. That was 5-6 years ago.
Turns out- keto is extreme and not sustainable (for me) long term- I didn’t ease back to moderate eating, I hit high stress from DH job loss, an 18 month stint on Zoloft for anxiety (gained 27 pounds in a year and didn’t even notice it)
Anyway.
I lost 24 pounds last year with low carb (50-60g), reduces calories and 3x week exercise. Gained a bit back over holidays and have 15 to go to a slim but not skinny (sz8).
I aim for 1500 calories and 75g of carbs, max- cravings are kept at bay with 50g carbs. It’s annoying but just the way it is. And have to be really careful when under stress as I quickly unravel.
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1 hour ago, Margaret in CO said:
Wyoming might be a good spot for you. Another reason to cross CO off the list, besides the COL due to CA moving here! is the fires. We currently have horrible air conditions because of the Horse Park Fire, the Burro Fire, the 416 Fire, and the Trail Mountain Fire. I'm sitting here, typing, trying to find enough oxygen to go do chores, but I'm really wheezing today. https://inciweb.nwcg.gov/ Check out the fire map, remembering the winds come from the west.
As to politics, CO Springs and Boulder are not even in the same state! The entire state is moving blue, at a high rate. A current phenomenon is the second home market. Over 40% of the homes in our little valley are second homes, and the owners vote here as they've given up in the towns they actually live in. That skews everything liberal.
I live north of Denver and totally agree with all of that!! Absolutely moving to blue state as well- but I think there are pockets of red.
I have asthma and allergies and thought CO would be a reprieve with low humidity. It’s many times too low LOL and I have issues with air quality from smoke more than I’d have guessed.
Also there has been a huge population increase here in the last 5-7 years. Ironically, my three best friends are transplants from CA. A lot of my native (or long term) clients mutter and moan about their disdain for CA transplants. I think it’s amusing hey make assumptions- it’s more that the area is so densely populated now and housing prices have been driven up.
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46 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom in VA said:
Does pot smoke smell worse than regular cigarettes? I don't know as I really haven't smelled it since college! But we have a lot of smokers in our area and I hate it. Especially driving behind people throwing their cigarette butts out the window. Ugh.
Walking in our neighborhood on some nights too there's a certain house that reeks of cigar smoke. Glad we don't live next door to them!
Maybe not worse, but it’s a deeper, musky lingering smell where as cigarette smoke is more acrid. Pot is pungent and just yuck.
I live in CO and we have 5 rental cars with no smoking policy...ironically, no one has smoked cigarettes, but a lot of “out of state renters” still smoke pot in the cars. And it smells. And it’s stays. And it’s gross.
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Good thing this isn’t a political thread.
But wait- maybe those are allowed now as long as they clearly disparage and mock Christians and or/Trump?
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What now? A 1.5” slice of thin crust (14” pizza cut into 12 slices), cheese pizza would not be considered a serving in our home nor anyone else I know IRL. That’s about 250-300 calories IF served with an Apple- not anywhere close to balanced or nutrient dense.
As a snack? Served with large loaded salad, fruit, milk? Sure. Believable a 1.5” slice of pizza works for a 14 year old? Or 42 year old? As a filling, nutrient dense meal? Um no.
I can see where she (blogger) is coming from but it doesn’t seem realistic to me. Way to vague for me which reads as unreliable.
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13 hours ago, amyx4 said:
My post wasn't intended to attack the blog writer personally. I do agree that the food budget just seems a bit "off" IMHO the "off" grocery budget is just a smaller part of the financial piece of that blog that is also a bit "off"
The Dave Ramsey link says, "So with a few thousand dollars from an inheritance and money saved up from part-time jobs, they trusted God to provide while Jesse attended law school for three years." That law school is currently at $21k at year. In my world, $63k for three years of school is not "a few thousand dollars". (I know that he went to law school about 10 year ago, so the price would be slightly different)
For me, I think all blogs are bit of smoke and mirrors.
I agree. The blogs become about the blogs after a certain point....and it IMHO delegitimizes the content to an extent.
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The pics made me teary...so so so sweet!!!
Thanks for sharing - I’m glad you were there to assist!!
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Yes- we have central AC with window units in upstairs bedrooms. Temp set at 74 during the summer for the main house and we use fans. We don’t keep it cooler because of energy costs.
My 2nd floor, south facing bedroom with vaulted ceiling can easily reach 85F on a normal summer day in Denver CO. So we have window units ?
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DH & I were married young and needed all of the things (and cash). But now, 22 years later- I absolutely treasure the artwork, and personalized items and such that were wedding presents. So that's why I'd like to give them something small and personalized- and probably cash as well. Coffee pots, random dishes and appliances are necessary and useful, but not
I'm leaning towards an "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" print and handwritten blessing on the back. And cash.
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1 minute ago, Amanda Pugliese said:
What about a card with cash in it and something for her to keep to remember her state/city/etc? A framed photo of a favorite place or something along those lines?
My niece was raised in Asia (China, Nepal) for 18 years, so is a third culture kid and doesn't identify the US, or any state, as home. I had noticed some small etsy items that combined bride & groom map segments- pretty cool, but I don't want to presume what feels like origin/home to her.
"But you're not USING it!" Harrumph.
in The Chat Board
Posted
We are a generous family. My kids are free to give their stuff away. I am free to give my things away. What we don’t do is give each other’s things away. It’s great to give someone the shirt off your back...but to offer someone else’s shirt isn’t generous it’s presumptuous. It’s not really an admirable quality to give away something that really isn’t yours....
It’s not about generousity but about respect.