NewIma
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Posts posted by NewIma
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20 hours ago, Scarlett said:
How old are you?
I am going to zip line on vacation in July
I'm turning 40. Love that you are going zip lining!!!! That sounds exhilarating!
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20 hours ago, Elona said:
Can you go to a seminar, conference or retreat somewhere? I went to a writing conference in a beautiful location a few years back, and it was so invigorating meeting new people. Traveling alone was divine, even though I had forgotten I could do it. There are all sorts of such conferences/retreats for all different interests.
Love this idea! I used to always go to the VA Homeschoolers Convention in March and it was so inspiring and restorative to me!
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Other ideas...
Dancing in a rainstorm
Playing more music and singing along
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3 minutes ago, MissLemon said:
I don't recommend a tattoo or piercing. I've spent a lot of time and money having my tattoos removed. I took the piercings out and now have small scars from them.
If you really, really love the look of piercings and tattoos, then go for it, but if the only reason is "adventure", you probably won't be happy with them long term. The high from the adventure only lasts a few days and then it's like "oh...here I am with this stupid tattoo and nose ring. What now?"
LOL fair point!
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Looking for ideas to remind me I'm not too old for adventure! Any ideas for people who need to shake things up a bit in a nondestructive way! 😉
Some ideas I've had so far...
Travel somewhere I've always wanted to go
Tattoo or piercing
Take a class or learn something new
Start taking better care of myself (could be diet, exercise, or putting more effort into my appearance)
Girls weekend with friends
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2 hours ago, Lori D. said:
So sorry for the mental health struggles! Mental health needs to take priority.
So if you need to set aside History for the rest of the year, and just gather up what you did use this year and count it as a partial credit -- please, do that and don't beat yourself up. History can come back into the schedule at a later time when the mental health has been stabilized.
Or, if the mental health is such that a SMALL amount of history could be included from time to time, perhaps:
excerpts from something like:
- Medieval History for DummiesOr videos and feature films set during the time period, and just plug in here/there as it works for you?
- Study.com Medieval Europe -- short videos and online text (for a fee)
- Khan Academy: Medieval + Byzantine
- Crash Course History -- #2 in the European History series; #13-#21 in the World History seriesThank you so much for the encouragement Lori D. I am a perfectionist, and it is hard for me to be flexible. I have been forced to be, but then I do still beat myself up internally that I'm not having her do enough. I appreciate someone reminding me of what really matters. DD has used Khan Academy off and on before for Biology reinforcement and enjoyed it. That might be a really good option! I love the kahn art history link you shared and it looks like they also have a medieval history section in their world history class.
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2 hours ago, Farrar said:
I agree with moving to Great Courses or another lecture series (I think... is it Yale Open Courses that has a bunch of history lecture series?). I might also move to just a basic old textbook. Or... another outside the box idea... if it's really difficult for her now, what about transitioning the course to being more about historical fiction about the period and doing some fiction, some audiobooks, and/or some films and then contextualizing them, critiquing them, maybe doing a couple of little "what they got wrong" essays or something.
I like this idea of exploring historical fiction and films and using them for discussion and exploring. I've been resistant to doing something like this because I wanted something more formal, but at this point I need to figure out how to support my kid and focus on getting her a meaningful experience where she is at. She is wrapping up 2 months of intensive out patient therapy (3 hours a day and 5 days a week), and has been working so hard in the program. I want to keep her love of history going and so far I've been failing at that.
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2 hours ago, wendyroo said:
What about a Great Courses? How does she do with videos?
We subscribe to Wondrium (previously Great Courses Plus), and it has a TON of full courses and documentaries on that time period. Almost all of the full courses have guide books that include "Questions to consider" of something similar that can be used for discussion, short answer, or writing prompts.
You could go with a very standard course such as "Renaissance: The Transformation of the West" (which I found a bit dry) or "The High Middle Ages" (which I found very dry and dated), but you could also use more out of the box options such as "1066: The Year That Changed Everything" (description: Gain a greater understanding of a year full of pivotal changes, including what led up to it, what happened during that fateful year, and everything that would come afterward.) or "Great Minds of the Medieval World" or "Living History: Experiencing Great Events of the Ancient and Medieval Worlds" or "The Black Death: The World's Most Devastating Plague" (which is really, really good, I love Dorsey Armstrong).
ETA: I just remembered that Dorsey Armstrong also does the course "Years That Changed History: 1215" (Description: Gain a truly global understanding of our world in the making-and discover the common themes that connect us across time and space through one single year.). I watched this and The Black Death for fun, and I found them fascinating. Again, I love Dorsey Armstrong.
If you are looking for something to teach her about that time period and help her form ideas and connections without too much stress, busywork or required output, it might work well.
A video course might be a very good idea! Thank you. I will look into this!
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History is usually my jam but this year has been an unmitigated disaster. My dd15 is in 9th and I am trying to do a year of medieval history. We have tried many different books and just can't seem to find one that works. She is also struggling with mental health issues, which has made things especially challenging. Please share with me any and all suggestions you have for secular history books or curriculum for the Middle Ages. I feel like there has to be more out there. We have tried History of the Medieval World (too military focused), Medieval Europe: A Short History (too dense), and the Oxford University Press series (The European World etc.). I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!
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On 12/20/2021 at 7:21 PM, livetoread said:
I have dealt with this in a teen. What helped some was very short timed sessions accompanied by breathing and relaxation exercises. It's important that she not avoid it altogether because that reinforces her fears, but also not to overwhelm her to the point she's incapable. None of that works though if she's not willing to do any work at all and not willing to try.
But if she is, give lots of encouragement around how it will get better and she can be strong. Strong might not feel very strong at first because it might mean doing three problems or reading for five minutes without a panic attack, but help her see it is. It's gradual, baby steps towards the goal and pairing what helps her feel more relaxed every step of the way. Slowly increase the time/amount of work with lots of breaks (and preferably the breaks come before the anxiety gets too strong). Slow, even breathing, relaxing the shoulders, holding a warm drink, telling herself I can do this even though it's uncomfortable - it won't last long, holding a stuffed animal, etc. Part of the panic comes from feeling like it's always going to be this way or may even get worse, and lots of reassurance that many, many people have overcome this helps.
Focus on today, know it's baby steps, you being calm and focused on helping her take those baby steps is good. Help her see it's okay to be uncomfortable - that's her body looking out for her and trying to protect her from something it thinks is dangerous, but her body is doing its job a little too well and needs to learn that schoolwork isn't the threat it thinks it is and it will learn that in time. Every bit she can do while calm retrains her body to not see it as a threat. Some teens might like a graph showing their progress, but others (mine) would not.
Often in a teen all this is received better coming from a therapist or a book/video/podcast though so there's that. Even when you have a good relationship, they might take in more from other sources. YMMV
Thank you so much for this. The small incremental approach with lots of talk about strength makes a lot of sense. She is beating herself up so much emotionally. We need to help her believe she can do this again.
Right now, I think it is impossible. Hopefully, with another few weeks of her new meds over break and some more therapy, we can start with small steps in the beginning of January. Do you think that sounds ok?
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On 12/20/2021 at 7:04 PM, prairiewindmomma said:
There is an entire rabbit hole of research on school avoidance. Most therapeutic treatment involves exposure therapy/desensitization and CBT….but I highly recommend you do a full evaluation to rule out learning differences and get a gauge on processing speed and other stuff. Also, be careful about rewarding the wrong behavior. I really recommend therapy on top of meds.
I have been avoiding reading too much about school avoidance because it makes me feel panicked. Ironic I know! I am hoping this partial therapeutic day program we are on the wait list for might be able to help us with exposure therapy or something like that. We had a useless therapist for her for a while and finally started with someone who seems to know his stuff last week. We are trying to get as much help and support for her as possible but it is so overwhelming. Like, if all she is doing is crying, is it rewarding her by not making her do school? Maybe it is a reward, but there is no way I can actually get her to do it. She is too upset. I feel like we need to get her in a slightly better place mentally first, but I'm not an expert.
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On 12/20/2021 at 6:43 PM, City Mouse said:
I’ve never dealt with a kid with those issues who was already homeschooling, but here is my totally uniformed, and possibly bad, suggestion.
what about taking away the stress of school work, but making a schedule for desk time where she could do simple stuff like word searches, crossword puzzles, even coloring if she doesn’t think that is too babyish. Then once she can tolerate that for a decent amount of time, start making the tasks a little bit academic but still stuff that you know is easy for her like basic math or reading worksheet that is below her level, and then gradually increase the complexity of the academic task.
This is a good idea. Easy material to ease her back in and build confidence. Thank you. I will be brainstorming some ideas for this.
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On 12/20/2021 at 6:24 PM, sgo95 said:
My DD17 has been struggling with this, but perhaps for different reasons than your DD. Some background: we've always homeschooled and my kids have all been academically inclined. I grew up with an Asian "tiger mom" and resented that, so with my kids I tried not to equate academic achievement to success in life. Despite this, DD17 has been pressuring herself for perfection in schoolwork throughout high school. She worked 10-12 hr/day in 9th and 10th grade, which I thought was excessive. I tried to talk her down and encouraged her to aim for the 80/20 rule without much success. In April of 11th grade, she hit a wall and 12 hrs of schoolwork a day turned into 10 hrs of crying and 1-2 hrs of some schoolwork maybe. We limped through the beginning of May, she took her AP exams, and was off for the summer. Over the summer, she had trouble doing any summer school work (we usually do something light over the summer). Even an hour's worth a day caused hours of crying and meltdowns.
I've talked with DD17 at length about why she feels overwhelmed, and from what she describes, deep down she feels like if she can't get near perfect scores/grades, that means she isn't a good person, she won't succeed in life, her teachers will think badly of her (which devastates her), etc. When I can reach her in a calm moment (for her and for me), we can discuss this...that this is distorted anxious thinking, that this is untrue, irrational, negative...and she can feel calmer and is able to face her work.
DD17 is a senior now and is doing ok. She and I agreed she should have a light load this year. She doesn't melt down every day anymore--more like twice a week. It doesn't last all day either--maybe just a morning of tears. It helps if she can get outside in the morning everyday for some exercise. But it's still a struggle for her.
So I don't know if any of this is relevant or helpful, but lots of sympathy for both you and your DD.
Yes-self pressure is a thing here too. I want her to do her work, but she puts such pressure on herself to do it "perfectly". I'm glad that you guys are in a healthier place than before, even if she is still struggling. This stuff is so freaking hard.
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On 12/20/2021 at 4:51 PM, Innisfree said:
I have dealt with this when we were homeschooling. My kid was younger than yours at the time, so the solutions might look different.
For us, what worked best was starting very small with what I asked: for example, 2-3 math problems (eta: this was our daily total at first) at a difficulty level well below what dd could actually do. Every success was rewarded, no matter how small. You'd need to find an age-appropriate reward, since I doubt an M&M would be a compelling prize for a teen, but you get the idea. I sat with dd the whole time, and monitored her mood closely, adding incentives or reducing work depending on what she needed to keep her going.
The key was consistent expectations of *work*, but flexibility on my part about *what work* and especially *how much work.* And, then, rewarding everything she did, and * s l o w l y * and steadily increasing my demands, always paying attention to her mood and ability *right at that moment.*
As we got past the "do three math problems and call it good" stage, I'd selectively cross off assorted problems on her lesson, sometimes as a reward for doing another section she had just finished, sometimes because I knew she understood those, sometimes just for the heck of it. The point became that compliance and success were rewarded with less work. Eventually I could look at the lesson, cross off several problems, and she'd happily go do the rest on her own.
I don't know if any of this will help, but maybe it will. We just needed to reduce the anxiety associated with perceiving a mountain of work, and make sure she had successes more often than failures. I hope you can find something that works for you.
This is super helpful. After break, maybe we start by doing 10 minutes for each subject. I am going to marinate on this a lot. Thank you.
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On 12/20/2021 at 5:30 PM, kristin0713 said:
Does it make a difference if you are sitting with her and supporting her through the work?
We do try that and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't unfortunately...
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This has been such a lovely experience! Thank you all!!
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12 minutes ago, Beth S said:
Oh, I'm sorry! Misunderstanding.
No worries! Thank you!
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To clarify, we do homeschool and have since the beginning! I can't get her to do her school work at home.
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Dd15 is struggling with severe anxiety and depression. We are seeing some improvement in her appetite, and less self isolating with new meds, but things are only getting worse with her school work. Basically, any and all school work causes her to panic. This is not her being lazy, but her anxiety and depression. We are trying to get her in a partial day program to help us navigate this, but has anyone else dealt with this? Any tips for how to navigate this and building her resilience with school work?
Eta: we do homeschool! But even her school work at home is causing panic.
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On 12/18/2021 at 4:45 PM, Shelydon said:
Thanks. I'll see if I can find an online group since I cannot leave dd.
The only available meetings in my area are virtual so virtual should be an option for sure!
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I am so sorry to hear you and your daughter are struggling so much. We are in a similar situation with our 15dd. She is severely depressed and anxious to the point where she can't do school work, or be social, and doesn't even want to eat. I understand feeling like your child is not herself. We are on our third antidepressant in 3 months. I don't have any answers obviously, but know you are not alone and that I will be holding you both in my thoughts.
One thing that has helped me is attending NAMI support groups for parents and family members of people with mental illness. I just started two months ago and it makes me feel a lot less alone.
Sending good wishes your way.
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What have you all done to my etsy account?!?!? I clicked on the vaginia ornaments posted here a while ago and when I went to etsy this morning all my recommendations were graphic sexual ornaments!!!! Did I need to see glass Rudolph and his friend making love this morning? Or penis tyrannosaurus rex figurines? I am now frantically clicking on wholesome things so that when my kids use my etsy account they won't be shocked! LOL
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I lost my maternal grandmother this summer and my paternal grandmother 9 years ago. In their honor this year we are having my maternal grandmother's pumpkin bread, and my paternal grandmother's pumpkin pie. It feels very meaningful to me. Wishing all of you a meaningful holiday!
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Thank you all for these thoughts. It has given me some more ideas of things to research and think about before going any further.
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Mid Life Crisis Ideas
in The Chat Board
Posted
LOVE this so much! Thank you!!!