Thank you so much for all the responses. I feel so sad listening to some of your stories,:( It seems so many have gone through similar things with their child. Its heartbreaking to watch... but I feel there's hope. To answer a few questions- for the past 5 months, we finally have got all her drs on the same page. She's being seen at a medical university, and they have a really good Psych program, we have a call out today to see if there's something to be done. Establishing a mode of operation when this happens would be really helpful as well. She woke up feeling very sick, but contrite, and has been very cooperative so far today. The miralax/exlax concoction didn't do the job, and she's scared to go to the hospital so she's pushing through and trying to excercise. I'm not sure if she just reached rock bottom and she's scared now, I feel bad for her because she seems to want to be different she just can't control herself.... What's a behavior plan exactly? Is that something that the pysch and parents establish- and what happens if the child is non compliant? We have been giving her free reign to food- that's part of the problem I think. She can NOT stop stuffing her face, and its making her sicker, as she just can't pass it through. She was eating nothing but potatoes, bread, and apples for weeks. Her dr. Told her that she eats what I put in front if her, or he would put her in the hospital for 10 days and force her to eat other foods- because she's harming herself. That did scare her, and she's better, but she still limits -and has no control. It just sits and rots in her!

How do you take flax based fiber? Are they capsules, or do you put it in in food? Too much fiber actually clogs her up,

Oh one more thing- we've tried EVERYTHING to get her to go. All the natural stuff has done nothing, even with a daily dose of miralax and exlax she manages to get blocked up every couple of weeks!! So frustrating because I feel tthat if we can just get her regular, and out of he hospital we can work on healing her emotionally as well, but its hard to get a restart butting every few weeks. It's such a vicious cycle and part of the reason we can't establish a rountine, who h makes everything worse.

Sorry for all the typos- im on my phone! Thank you ladies for all the thoughtful, helpful replies. I can't figure out how to multi quote so I'll try to answer. She's been tested for lymes, but is showing negative and we live in a low risk area. Her GI issues and other immune issues tarted after she got mono- they snowballed and just got worse. She's been tested for so many things, and they can really find what the issue is. We do actually have an apt. To see a mitochondrial specialist as that was one thing that stood out that could be a possibility. Part of the problem though is every dr. Has a different diagnosis. It's hard to weed through what the problem is and get her proper care when they're all saying something different. She finally does have a team of drs all working to coordinate her care. She has been seeing a GI specialist, they did a colonoscopy/endoscopy a month ago and said there's no structural damage with her stomach but the sitz marker test took more than 5 days to work its way through, so they are not sure why... Could be damaged or unresponsive nerves. I don't thinly hey know why.... But it's a huge part if her behavior problems. When she is getting backed up, her behavior seems to get much, much worse. We can usually tell that things are at critical mass because it escalates. As far as food goes- she did very well in Gaps on and off for a a couple years, and it helped a lot if the GI issues which is the main reason why we did it. She will NOT touch chicken broth, or anything even semi gaps related. She wants a typical diet, and I tried 3 months ago, withholding everything but gaps food, and she didn't eat for days and days. She had already lost a lot of weight from the hospital stays, and is thin to begin with, and she said she'd rather die than eat gaps diet, and she wouldn't do it. She got sicker and sicker and I finally caved. So no- she won't do the diet. In my heart I believe it will at least help her repair her stomach, and calm her. So I limit grains, we eat whole foods, no processed, but there's obviously reactions going on there. She has been on a good probiotic for a few years, we eat fermented foods, etc. I'm starting to think after reading your responses that she may need some medication. I am SO scared to do this- I have seen people have such adverse reactions, I really wanted to help her with other methods, but you are all right. She's 12, and she's actually extremely strong for her age. Stronger than me, when she is raging she's screaming, kicking punching, full force, and I am trying to hait protect myself. I am calm, but nothing stops it. What makes matters worse is that my husband works outside on our property,(in a small building) and he's talking to clients from some of the biggest corporations, and when she is raging she wants to run outside a pound on the door, in the yard, screaming. We are afraid he will lose his job and also that the cops will get called. So I have to literally block the door so she can't get out, and I'm her target. The tantrums usually last about 30 minutes. That's kicking, screaming, punching, and I'm just a mess when it's over- otherwise id lock myself in a room. Like I said, she is stronger than me and I can't restrain her.

My dd is 12, she's been tested for celiac, and she doesn't have that. But she has extreme sensitivity to almost anything that goes through her mouth. Everything seems to affect t her, make her feel sick, or make her behavior worse. When she was on the diet, I noticed the most help, she was just so much calmer. Oh Elizabeth, thank you for the book suggestions, I will look into those as well as the calm child. We saw different quirkiness and some social issues, and attention issues that have been there always, but she was generally happy, so we really kind if just worked with her. I always suspected she had high functioning autism/asbergers, but it never got in the way too much, and now I really, really regret not getting some early intervention help. I feel like its too late. The problems seemed to exacerbate in the last 2 years with being sick. She also has really bad OCD and sensory issues. She has never done well with kids her own age, and has always had problems talking at you, more than a two way conversation, and it seemed like focusing and sensory issues previous to these episodes. We've always had little to no tv. In fact until recently, she wasn't watching ever, now she watches about 20 minutes a day. It's just so hard though with her being sick all the time, we can't establish any routine as she may be sick for 3 weeks and well for they next 3 days. We never know when she will crash, and she is basically non compliant with every request.

I was looking at Risperdal- so it seems its ok, as long as its not long term use? So how long would you take it, and what do they give after that? We are not talking to my mother at all. She actually did this on purpose, and told my daughter that she didn't believe she was I'll, and that she could make her better. She's got serious issues, and I feel very betrayed by her. Our life is turned upside down by her choices. She didn't have to agree with my choices, but she had no right to make the decisions she did, and when we called her the first time she was in the hospital, she tried saying she was 'fine' when she sent her back. 'what's wrong, the flu???!' The fact is, every time we talked to dd on the phone when we were gone, she complained of not being able to go, and my mom would take the phone from her and brush her away saying she'd been going. She also had norovirus while there, so I think it was just the perfect storm. My moms always had a very unhealthy attachment to my dd. it's part of the reason we moved so far away, and we were just starting to repair our relationship and she did this. My husband doesn't want to ever see her again or allow dd to see her.

Right now, I'm not doing anything for her diet, as she won't cooperate any longer. I feel that's part of the problem that's affecting her. When she was on GAPS diet, I did manager to wean her off, and she seemed a lot calmer, more stable, cooperative... She wants to eat whatever she wants, and she's 12, and I just can't force her to eat good. Nothing works. What keeps repeatedly happening is she's having to go in the hospital 2 or 3 times a month. It's been truly traumatizing for her, and she's just not the same. I don't know how else to help her. We literally live out life on eggshells, wondering when something will get her tiled up. She is very argumentative. After the tantrum she had today, she couldn't sleep, so kept us up till 12 arguing about every little thing. She won't let me leave her, is very clingy. She's never been like this. The Dr. Put her on 10 caps of miralax, 2 exlax and a liter of Gatorade this evening, because if she doesn't go by tomorrow, he's admitting her again. They've been able to figure out that she has slow motility, its taking her 5 days to eliminate everything she eats, we do notice this affects her health, her behavior, everything. We just can't get her to baseline again. My husbands ready to take her to the psychiatric ward. I just don't know what to do. Thank you for the help ladies.

She's 12, and her health starting declining when she was 8... 4 and a half very long years. The dr. Said he wants to try these other methods first, to tell the truth, I'm very hesitant of medication because of the other side effects they present, but we may have to- she doesn't want to act like this, she says she has no self control and can't stop. She's making everyone angry at her, and its just hard to be positive about this. It's encouraging to know that it worked for your child! Was it an antidepressant or anxiety med? Are there any serious side effects?

I am cross posting this- I really need help, if you have any advice, I'd appreciate it. I desperately need help with my daughter, I am crying right now, and at my wits end so please be gentle... My daughter has a medically complicated past, starting with mono, and GI issues, behavioral issues, immune system issues. She had been doing somewhat better with diet, and careful attention to energy, vitamins, we had to be super strict, but About 5 months ago, my husband had work in Europe for a month, so we decided I should go with him, and our dd would fly back home to CA to stay with my mom. Long story short, my mom didn't follow any instructions on ANYTHING. All out hard work in trying to get her stable and better was down the drain...she let her eat whatever she wanted, and didn't give her vitamins, she was just a mess when we picked her up. She ended up in the hospital for a clean out after not going to the bathroom for 21 days. She's been in and out since. 12 times for a bowel clean out, and 2 more times for severe throwing up, and dehydration. We can not get her to baseline. This keeps happening over and over and over again. She has most so much weight, and is just a wreck emotionally and feels traumatized. She is a different person then when we dropped her off at the airport 5 months ago. She was referred to a neuropsychologist, and he thinks she has high functioning autism or asbergers- she has been having EXTREME meltdowns, where she is very physical and will rage, at the drop of a hat. something small can trigger it. there doesnt seem to be any ryhme or reason. She has hit me in the head, punched me in the face, kicked me so hard in the gut, the gallbladder.... Just today she had the worst one yet. It is madness. Because of the physical issues, they are having a hard time wading through all of this stuff, what's emotional, what's physical- what's caused all the recent issues. She acts like she age regresses at times. She will spend all day in bed, refuse to get out, or spend an hour at a time in the bathroom. When she's not doing all this, she is obstinate, argumentative, won't go to bed, won't do anything she doesn't want to do. We don't go anywhere, don't do anything, except drs visits...We have locks on all the doors, the fridge. She is seeing a neurosych once a week, and just started seeing a OT yesterday, and he wants her to see an AbA specialist once a week as well. We don't know what else to do. We any live like this. We are walking on eggshells, and I feel unsafe. I have no idea what to do about all this. I don't see any recognition of my daughter- she does have her calm moments, but most of the time, its like watching Helen Keller. Any advice? I don't even know what kind if programs are available to us. I don't knwi what to do! ETA: no disrespect for Helen Keller, I have tremendous admiration and respect for her. I meant it was like how the little girl in the movie was before She got help. Oy!

I desperately need help with my daughter, I am crying right now, and at my wits end so please be gentle... My daughter has a medically complicated past, starting with mono, and GI issues, behavioral issues, immune system issues. She had been doing somewhat better with diet, and careful attention to energy, vitamins, we had to be super strict, but About 5 months ago, my husband had work in Europe for a month, so we decided I should go with him, and our dd would fly back home to CA to stay with my mom. Long story short, my mom didn't follow any instructions on ANYTHING. All out hard work in trying to get her stable and better was down the drain...she let her eat whatever she wanted, and didn't give her vitamins, she was just a mess when we picked her up. She ended up in the hospital for a clean out after not going to the bathroom for 21 days. She's been in and out since. 12 times for a bowel clean out, and 2 more times for severe throwing up, and dehydration. We can not get her to baseline. This keeps happening over and over and over again. She has most so much weight, and is just a wreck emotionally and feels traumatized. She is a different person then when we dropped her off at the airport 5 months ago. She was referred to a neuropsychologist, and he thinks she has high functioning autism or asbergers- she has been having EXTREME meltdowns, where she is very physical and will rage, at the drop of a hat. something small can trigger it. there doesnt seem to be any ryhme or reason. She has hit me in the head, punched me in the face, kicked me so hard in the gut, the gallbladder.... Just today she had the worst one yet. It is madness. Because of the physical issues, they are having a hard time wading through all of this stuff, what's emotional, what's physical- what's caused all the recent issues. She acts like she age regresses at times. She will spend all day in bed, refuse to get out, or spend an hour at a time in the bathroom. When she's not doing all this, she is obstinate, argumentative, won't go to bed, won't do anything she doesn't want to do. We don't go anywhere, don't do anything, except drs visits...We have locks on all the doors, the fridge. She is seeing a neurosych once a week, and just started seeing a OT yesterday, and he wants her to see an AbA specialist once a week as well. We don't know what else to do. We any live like this. We are walking on eggshells, and I feel unsafe. I have no idea what to do about all this. I don't see any recognition of my daughter- she does have her calm moments, but most of the time, its like watching Helen Keller. Any advice? I don't even know what kind if programs are available to us. I don't knwi what to do!

I would post the link and just let the individual know why you've done so.

http://jimmiescollage.com/ She has an excellent Squidoo lens as well that I refer to all the time. As well as her list if living books curriculums http://jimmiescollage.com/2012/08/living-books-curriculum/ http://handbookofnaturestudy.blogspot.com/?m=1 http://practicalpages.wordpress.com/ Love this blog! She has a lot if cool free resources for music and art as well. http://fisheracademy.blogspot.com/?m=1 She writes a LOT on CM This lady also writes a lot on CM http://lettersfromnebby.wordpress.com/ Karen Andreolas blog http://momentswithmotherculture.blogspot.com/?m=1 Great book lists! http://www.classical-homeschooling.org/celoop/1000-primary.html Another one http://charlottemason.tripod.com/4real_learning_booklist.htm#Philosophical%20Resources Paula's archives http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/SLmenu.htm http://www.pennygardner.com/ http://www.tanglewoodeducation.com/index.htm http://www.bibliocat.org/ http://oldfashionededucation.com/fullcurriculum.htm http://materamabilis.org/ma/ https://archive.org/details/iacl http://freehomeschoolinglibrar.blogspot.com/?m=1 http://jimmie.squidoo.com/cmartiststudy http://www.livinglearningbooks.com/newllb/indexout.php http://www.theholistichomeschooler.com/2010/01/year-in-review-charlotte-mason.html?m=1 http://www.myaudioschool.com/?cat=6 http://ebeth.typepad.com/serendipity%20/ Love this one! Artist gallery http://www.abcgallery.com/alfaindUV.html#V http://sageparnassus.blogspot.com/?m=1 Love this blog! http://www.guesthollow.com/homeschool/history/booksandmaterialslist.html Sorry there's no order here, I just pulled these randomly but hth! I have more as well.

I was also going to say too, that just because I have money in a category doesn't mean I will use it for that. I really shuffle around a lot. If I budget 150 for groceries but only use 135 I might shuffle it to the save file or some unexpected purchase.

Sorry for the typos.

I use an accordion coupon holder, the one that's about the size of a business envelope. I get them at target on the dollar section, and have been suing this system for about 6 years. I like it MUCH better than using the DR envelopes as this holds up well, and looks more attractive. It has about 10 categories, that I've labeled, and the way that we do it that works for us, I get a set amount of money every two weeks for the family purchases, but its up to me how to allocate how to spend that. I can use less one week and save for a bigger purchase, or keep $ in a category until I save more. He handles bills, a bit of savings, and after that is the set amount i use for the family. All grocery shopping, homeschool activities, dd ballet, gas, household, fun money, clothes, are bought with the household money, and its really helped me learn to budget better as I can think about what's coming up in terms of activities, or classes, or lunch with friends, or whatever. So every two weeks when he gets paid, I sit down and think about what each category is going to receive, and then pull cash out. I do leave some money in my account, which is only in my name, as it keeps it easier to keep track of, and make amazon or other online purchases. But I budget those and leave money in there for that. Not every category had money it it each time, these are just what I would use if I were using them all... Sometimes I put only 3 or 4 dollars in a category and add to it till I have enough to but what I need. My categories are: Whole foods (Small health store) Target Gas Personal (clothing, fun, makeup) Eating out Ballet class Homeschool curriculum Classes Household Essential oils Save Anything beyond this, dh and I talk about before buying, as then it will come out of savings or we will decide to save money for it. Some $$ health items I wanted, summer camp, a new juicer, a bigger purchase of clothing, Ikea visits, etc....we see if we have money tha we can swing for it. If not, I put it on the list :) Works for us, as I can't handle credit cards, and it does force me to think about exactly where every single dollar is going. I actually spend waaaay less money I used to on eating out, and food shopping. I've been able to allocate more for clothing, and fun as its forced me not to be lazy about spending whatever I wanted on silly purchases. I was also able to lower my grocery bill a LOT just by being more aware of how to save now that I had a budget, instead if buying whatever I wanted.

It sounds like Framingham would have everything we'd need, and we'd go into Boston for all the museums, and cultural goodies. Are there any homeschool support groups that you would recommend checking out? Oh- I have always lived near the sea, and I do like the sea smell so that could be what the reference to smell was. I am still very nervous about the weather! And the ticks! I watched a documentary about ticks and it made it seem like everyone in New England has lymes just walking out your front door. Do you wear pants/socks in the summer as well? My daughter has some immune issues so this makes me nervous.... I've been checking info out all morning long and it truly looks like a great area- but the weather! Yikes! I've never been snowed in! I like wearing flip flops in winter!!

Hmmmm... That IS wierd. Maybe because its sol old? I've never been there, and now not sure what to think of that. Anyone else who lives there want to chime in?

Thank you for the links, I will be sure to check them. You suggested reporting my daughter a grade or two lower- do they require testing? About to go check those out!

Thank you so much for the replies....I have a few more questions. So it sounds like a big enough town, but more of a rural setting? Do they have things like Costco and whole foods, or do people drive into Boston for that? Is farmingham a nice place to live or would you suggest another subarb but still close enough to the area? My hubby would be working at Staples (corporate)wherever that is. I'm also super paranoid about ticks and Lyme disease, it was actually one of the first things I looked up when we found out about the job offer! We like to do a fair amount of hiking, camping, and just being outdoors and this makes me not want to ever set foot outside! So cold weather is usually from October-May? When does it get truly warm?

My husband got a job offer in Boston and I'm trying to decipher the HS laws there- can anyone tell me how this works, is it easy, or difficult? Is there state involvement, testing, or requirements? My daughter is behind grade level due to chronic illness for several years and we live in a state with no regulations. What do I need to know? Also, is there charter options? What is the overall homeschool support like in ta Boston area? Thank you!

My hubby got a job offer outside of Boston in Framingham.... We are from Southern Ca but have living in the south for the last several years, and really have been looking for a move, and this is a great offer. But we've never been to Boston, and I don't know ANYTHING about the area or weather, homeschool support, etc. PLEASE help!! What is Framingham like, just a small suburb of Boston? I'm concerned about traffic, weather (ugh!) anything relevant would be appreciated!

Sorry for all the horrible grammar, typos, etc!! I'm on my phone!

Thank you for all the helpful, thoughtful responses. I appreciate the feedback. He will definitely work on a LinkedIn profile, and has thought about a headhunter. He's continuing to get certified in courses, and has been taking night classes. This is the things I'm havig a hard time understand though- His company assigns everyone from a secretary to the top executive positions a 'level' and base their pay on that. Out of 15 levels, he's an level 11. Within each level theirs a tier, and they give an anual review and communicate what tier theyre in within their level. So theirs below average performance, average, and above average, and they pay is variable within a certain amount based on their review. It never goes down, but more pay equals more performance. So his boss cant figure out why for so long his previous managers did nothing to negotiate a higher salary, because regardless of no degree or not, hes tiered for at least a certain salary... does that make sense? He knew he was being vastly underpaid, but just couldn't focuse on anything much besides our daughter and insurance we needed. Now after asking for the raise after the amount if work they expected, and traveling, it's just crazy that hes not even getting thw baseline for what his level is assigned to. It's in black and white on the HR website... It's how they pay EVERYONE in the company... He was able to log in and see, within his level, how his company pays.... He should be getting a minimum amount, but they have told him recently in his annual review that he's above average, and on par with 2 other managers. The problem is they want to pay him more, and know his worth, but because he's had no pay increase, its like getting a 50k raise and they don't think logistically they can do that. It really sucks....

He's not on LinkedIn- he realized last month after talking to a few people how much those connections are needed. Honestly- he probably would have brought it up sooner if it wasn't for the severe amount if stress we've been under with my daughter. He even started gettin up and working at 4:00 am to be available to his clients in Europe this last month. I know that if he left, they would just shuffle people around, and have several people full his role, but his direct boss told him last month when he initially asked for a raise, that if he left, he would do so as well. That it would be just TOO. MUCH. His higher ups would demand more than he could handle and he wouldn't deal with the fall out... So he REALLY is needed... But yet, because of procedures, he said it was just too difficult to ask for that much of a raise- that a 4 percent increase is all he could do..... After he got done telling him he's severely underpaid. This isn't the kind of company that treats their employees good, they are not hurting for money. It's one of the oldest companies.... He just feels so stuck :/