Truly, thanks for all of y'all's responses. There are many things that pop up in our family that don't seem "right" or "normal," and I wonder if maybe I am just wayyyyyyyyyyy out in left field or being overly sensitive (since that is how my reaction to xyz is treated). It helps to know that I'm not. It doesn't resolve the problem per se, but at least I know I'm not just being a you-know-what about it LOL.

Absolutely canNOT relate at all. If it DOES bother dh, he does not show it. In fact, he acts as though we are the ones who have the problem with him being gone so much, even when it's a special occasion of sorts.

That's what I thought we had done! Hence my frustration. LOL!

I like that. I should say rarely. He did actually call in sick to work for the week dd was in the hospital after a ruptured appendix. And since he has vacation time he has to use or he'll lose it completely, he will take about 2-3 weeks off work after I have a baby. But in general, our family life completely fits around his work. It is number 1. When we lived near his parents, their "needs" (note the quotes) were a close 2nd. If he doesn't have anything else going on, then sure he's there for us, but it has to be something DIRE before we would come before work.

Yes, his dad is 70 and still has a cattle farm. I'm fine with him helping...in fact I think I am the one who suggested it. I can't remember exactly. I agree, but that is not what happens. I don't get much say over anything like this. Right. I agree. He is driving. And this is a thing where I think his dad was going to try to build this thing alone, but dh offered to help and fil said, "Oh could you? That'd be GREAT!" So in a way it will depend on how long it takes him, but in another way, he COULD still say, "I'll be there for 4 days and will get as much done as I can." Father rather than mother, and YES, HUGE HUGE HUGE boundary issues. I could tell stories that would curl your hair. Dh has progressed SOOOOOOOO much in the 18 years we've been married, but the issues still pop up now and then. Yes, conflicts can and do arise. I'm fine with those things that we simply can't do anything about. I'm not so fine when there is a choice. Yes I would agree with this. I guess I'm just frustrated and sad that the current need being greatest is never his family. I've known that, but we've never had this sort of thing come up with a birthday, and knowing how his family of origin is about birthdays, I was taken completely by surprise that he's willing to miss it.

THIS I agree with. It was scheduled in between my birthday and the child's. (We're 8 days apart.) Then I found out that he's planning to drive back (15 hours) on her birthday.:001_huh: So I don't get it at all. BUT really this is par for the course, so I shouldn't be surprised. Yet I am, if that makes sense.

Pretty much this. It's not a "crisis" per se...he's helping his dad build some things on his farm. He'll have been there almost a week already by the time the birthday rolls around. Ummmmm....this is it in a nutshell. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen. Work is Numero Uno. So my kids are used to that. But this time work isn't the reason. Very true. No, we haven't sat down and talked about it, but that's because we don't sit down and talk about anything. He does know that I'm surprised/unhappy that he's not planning to be home on the birthday. He got extremely defensive about it, saying he doesn't know when he'll get to come back, etc. I know that once he goes into that mode he doesn't hear a word I say so I dropped it. Then I got to wondering if maybe my expectations were just a bit high and posted this poll. That is definitely not the case here. You're right, and with work I'm much more understanding (though with my husband, he does have somewhat of a choice...there is a HUGE backstory though). And I can't say I'm necessarily "upset," just sad that, once again, something else comes before family. No. He will actually be home for about 10 days before he'll turn around and take us all there with him for a week. He is planning to work his dad's cows (fil is a cattle farmer and dh is a veterinarian) during that time, but apparently fil has his cows in a weird pasture with no way to get them out, so they have to build this whole big pen thing to be able to gather up the cows and move them. So dh is going ahead to help build this thing so that they don't have to do it while we ALL are there (which would extend our stay quite a bit). I think you've hit the nail on the head. And there is soooooooooooooooooooooo much more to it than this particular issue, but basically you've summed it up. We are living 2 separate lives, have VERY different goals/ideas about what is important, and the kids are caught in the middle. Dh is constantly changing on different issues like this...I can never keep up so I gave up trying. That's usually what we do.:001_smile: OK the bolded part is pretty much it for me, but again, I thought maybe I was just expecting too much.

That is what we'll end up doing. It's what we usually do since he usually is gone on birthdays because of work. Thanks. Think "Everybody Loves Raymond.":001_huh: Yep, that's the deal. He actually COULD come back the day before. But he apparently thinks it's not up to him. Maybe since they have this hang-up about birthdays (they FLIPPED when we tried to do just a family celebration with our oldest dd's first birthday...and we won't even talk about Christmas...they have refused several times to celebrate it on a different day), they'll say he needs to be back in time for her birthday. This is the way we roll too. Birthday child gets to choose the meals (within reason LOL) and doesn't have to do chores. We also take off school. I will say that while they may not feel entitled about "stuff" or parties, they are in for a rude awakening when they get a job and have to actually go to work on their birthday. ROFLOL!!!!!!

No.

Ehhhhh I wouldn't say that these things are the case. Definitely not a deadbeat. And he definitely loves the child(ren). He's away so much because he thinks he doesn't have a choice. And even in this situation, he thinks he doesn't have a say in the matter when he really does. Ironically, the people he's going to see *freak out* about birthdays and celebrating them. :tongue_smilie:

Yes. There really is no party. Just choices. Thank you. Birthday child will really have no idea what is going on. But her siblings will. And they know and understand. I know they know because they have voiced it to me. And that is highly disturbing to me. On the flip side...the reason behind this poll is because sometimes I think I am just expecting too much...maybe I'm the one who doesn't grasp what "normal" is? So it does help (somewhat) to know that at least I'm not just being persnickity about "little" things like this.

Oh DEFINITELY.

Of????? In general...I guess you could say that...but I guess it just struck me as odd, especially if the OTHER parent even THOUGHT about not being there...well...that just would not even happen.:tongue_smilie:

This is pretty much why I'm asking.

This is exactly the situation I'm referring to. We don't have parties except on "big" birthdays. It's a family day.

You're actually assuming correctly. We don't actually have parties except for age 10, 13, or 16. So our celebrations consist of some sort of dessert, possibly something "neat" for us to do together as a family (like go bowling...nothing huge at ALL), possibly going out to eat (birthday person's choice, within reason LOL). So in this particular instance...birthday is on a weekend, no party, just a family "celebration."

LOL you're assuming that we pay attention to spelling.:lol: I guess that comes with all the language processing issues we have...I'm thrilled just to get something out of them. Spelling is for the proofreading stage.:lol: I actually have a friend that will make her kids correct spelling on things like math papers, etc. Goodness, if I did that, my kids would have to correct every piece of work they did! If I can tell what they were talking about and it's not a writing assignment or spelling assignment, I don't even bother. If I stressed that I would have been in the looney bin LONG ago! LOLOLOL

I'm NOT talking about a work situation or military something or anything like that. I'm talking about a voluntary trip out of town or scheduling some sort of something "big" (again, not work) on a child's birthday. Do you think it's OK? Does it depend on which parent? Does it depend on whether the child is old enough to understand? Poll to follow.:D ETA: I'm not referring to an actual birthday party, since we don't do those except rarely. I'm referring to birthday cake, etc. as a family. Nothing huge.

You mean spelling 1000 words? Oh goodness no. He is at the end of Step 3 in AAS 2. Mostly because we can ONLY spend 15 minutes a day on it, and that includes daily review. I wish we had more time to spend on it...he could be so much further along. I will try that if I can remember. Sigh. He slowly is becoming more independent...he actually CAN read way better than I thought he could, but he's so used to me assuming he can't read well and holding his hand that he has trouble reading instructions for himself. I think maybe I won't have him read all instructions to me (that would be taking a huge leap backwards), but maybe if I see that he has misunderstood when I grade things, I can do that. Who knows. This is actually sort of like what he is working on in vision therapy - getting words OUT. (Interesting that in *vision therapy* we're working on verbalization and expressive language LOL.) Oh it will be...they have Options so I won't be teaching them.:D

Both. I want to make sure he knows how to use the word properly. Writing the definition won't cut it because that's not what we do in the real world.;) He CAN just tell me the sentences, but he really needs work on the writing too. I did once it was it was clear that he didn't. I asked him if he didn't understand, and I got his typical answer: "I don't know." Up until that point he had BEEN saying that he did understand it, so, silly me, I assumed he did.:tongue_smilie: That is not allowed. (I could say so much more, but it is way off topic.) So nope, won't happen, unfortunately. We don't even bother with spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. That is way too advanced for this one. Just getting the words out of his mouth first is a struggle enough at times. What I'm frustrated about though is that rather than saying he needed help or not doing the assignment at all, he did everything else except what he was supposed to do and then acted shocked that he didn't do it right. And I'm frustrated that apparently I am such a lousy communicator that he can't even understand the phrase "Write sentences using these words." He had no clue what it was I was saying. Yes, and it is time. We have been doing just narration for YEARS. It's time to forge ahead. But really writing isn't the problem here...it's me.

I think that even though our local elementary school is one of the worst in the state, my kids would get a better education there.:glare: Did you know that "Write sentences using words from Unit 1" is one of the most difficult set of instructions ever for a 4th grader? So much so that when it was on his assignment list he went ahead and just started the exercises in Unit 2. Then when I put a note on his assignment sheet saying not to do the exercises and circled the instruction about the sentences, he did another exercise. Then when I sat down and explained exactly what he was supposed to do..."see this word? 'cylinder' - You make up your own sentence...'The can was the shape of a cylinder'...you write that down. Do that for all the words." He wrote out a brief "definition" of sorts next to some of the words in the workbook. THEN when I asked where his sentences were because I couldn't find them, he showed me what he'd written in the book. THEN when I explained to him, AGAIN, what it was he was supposed to do, he began to cry. :banghead: All I can think is, surely some other teacher would be able to get phrase it in some way so that he can understand that he is to WRITE SENTENCES USING THE WORDS FROM UNIT 1 so that he won't end up in tears. Sigh.

We use Options and do a NOI. I test my kids with the Iowa and send it in to the district I send my NOI to. I COULD use our Options program to test, but they test about 3 months earlier, and that's 3 months more my kids can learn before they test (and they need all the time they can get LOL!). I could also send test results to another school/district, but I don't just for simplicity's sake. I send everything to our local district, again, just for simplicity's sake. I don't have to though...I could send it across the state if I wanted. I will say that the written out information makes it look like it's way more difficult than it really is here.

We love anything Pixar, even the oldest ones. Unfortunately, I don't.:( But it's not because of the kids. Even when we had 2-4 we didn't spend time together really.

a 15-passenger van with the first bench seat removed, so it seats 12 and has a decent amount of cargo space in front. We bought it when I was expecting #6 because our minivan only sat 7.

My olders help out with the littles, but it's nothing "official." The only time it is is when we are on schedule. #2-5 have a time slot where they are responsible for the littles (#1 has too much school to do, and he babysits for me a lot anyway) during our school day. But as far as a certain kid ALWAYS being paired up with another kid like the Duggars...we don't do that.