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Denise in IN

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Posts posted by Denise in IN

    I need help because I'm terrible at communicating but this can't continue and please, this is a JAWM type post

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I'm sorry that you're struggling with health issues and not able to do so many things you'd like to.  And I'm even more dismayed that your kids are so incredible dismissive of you and your health issues.

    I'm saying this with kindness....Why are you not setting boundaries with them and just saying no to what you are unable to do?  You are a human being with the right to decide what you can commit to.  You do not owe them unlimited babysitting, or frankly, any babysitting if you aren't able.  It doesn't matter what you did when your kids were young, or what other people do, or what her parents did.  You can set boundaries that are healthy and functional for you.  And you must, if you want to safeguard your own declining health.  You can do it in a loving way, but you don't need to give them long explanations or try to get understanding from them.  No is a complete sentence.  "No, I'm not able to do that."  Repeat as many times as necessary.  And don't accept browbeating and guilt-tripping from them.  They are adults who are responsible for their own family.  

    (((Stephanie))).  I hope you are able to work through this and enjoy having their family nearby.

    • Like 7

    Hey guys, wanna see the progress on my dad's room and an update?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Denise in IN

    On 6/27/2021 at 11:27 AM, DawnM said:

    I didn't know they were putting that weird shoe moulding at the base of the cabinets.....what color am I supposed to paint that?   I hate it, but it has to go there as the flooring looks awful without something covering the edges.

    Dad won't care, so it doesn't have to go in right now, but it is going to make me nuts.

    That moulding should match the cabinets.  You could, reasonably, ask the contractor to replace that with moulding that matches the cabinets more closely.  Or if you don't want to mess with that, just paint it a dark brown that is close.  Same for the moulding around the stair banister.  

    It's a lovely space and exciting that it will be done soon!

    • Like 2

    Poll - Pfizer only - side effects from Covid Vaccine

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Great poll!  Just adding a couple of things to my responses.

    The day after my second dose, I felt like I was getting a fever.  But there was no fever!  So I just call it a general cruddy feeling.  But not enough to keep me from normal life.

    My husband had a sore arm and some fatigue after both shots, probably a bit more after the second.  Very minimal.

    My kids (ages 16, 16, 19, 21) have all had one shot, and their only side effect was a sore arm.

    Teens and money

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    That is great money for a 14 yo to be making.  But it sounds stressful and I don't know what I would require - you know the situation and your teen best.  I do think it's a great learning opportunity for thinking through decisions, which is something teens need to learn! Our approach in these kind of situations is to give our kids some parameters, but also give them some decision making opportunities within those parameters.  So in this situation, some options might be:

    * you require him to umpire, but work together to decide how many games he will do.  Talk about what is good about the job, what is tolerable, what is difficult,  Help him strategize how to handle difficult situations, how to tolerate the bad parts.  Talk about how to know whether earning a lot of money is worth putting up with things you don't like (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't!).  

    * You require him to umpire unless he can find an alternate job.  Help him think about other options, and look around a little bit.  Help him gather information about possible wages, hours, opportunities with other jobs.

    * You require him to save a certain percentage of the money he earns, but let him decide what to do with the rest.  Or require that he start paying for some things in his life, like activities with friends, fun/extra snacks, or hobbies.

    I think it is a great benefit for teens to earn money and have some financial responsibilities.  It doesn't need to be a lot, but it gives them some agency and opportunity to make decisions.  It also gives you the opportunity to help them learn about finances with real decisions.  We're also found great benefit in our kids having jobs where they learn to answer to a boss, work within the system of their workplace, think through their time priorities, and learn new skills. 

     Also, I just read through you initial post again and saw the "thinks he'll get scholarships and won't want a car".  That's pretty...unrealistic.  He may not necessarily want to keep a job he dislikes based on those long term goals, and that's okay.  But it may be a good time to start talking about some real world numbers to help him understand what kind of expenses he may have in college?  Even if he gets scholarships, they may be partial, and there are still living expenses (unless you plan to pay for everything for him until he's out of college). That doesn't mean he must start saving a lot of money right now, but 14/15 is a good time for teens to start understanding what kind of responsibilities they will need to develop over their high school and college years.

    Help me settle my mind, please - Update in post 20.4.22

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, bibiche said:

    @Laura Corin If she likes gardening, can you take in a heap of gardening catalogues and plans of the outside of your new house and ask her to help you plan your garden? She’ll look forward to visiting, particularly if you’ve implemented some of her ideas.

    I am thinking about the gardening interest as well - does she have any opportunity for gardening in any way where she is at?  Containers inside even?  Especially since it's spring, could you bring her things she could "garden" with and help her with keeping them up if needed?  

    I think you're a very gracious daughter and you are wise to be honest with your feelings and try to work through them/reframe rather than letting them negatively impact below the surface.  Anyone who has elderly parents knows that the relationships can be complicated and difficult to navigate.  💙

    • Like 3
    • Thanks 1

    SAT Question

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    I think it is definitely doable, especially if the student didn't prep much prior to the first test.  My ds was able to raise his sat 100+ points from first test to second test.  Prior to the first exam he had done some prep with Khan Academy.  In between the two exams he did an SAT Prep class with Mr D Math, worked through the Princeton Review SAT Prep book, and did several practice exams.  

    Do you have a ballpark idea of what you think he's realistically capable of scoring?  My son's first test score was below what I though he was capable of (based on my realistic assessment of him after homeschooling for 10+ years, not a pipe dream!), so that was strong motivation to push the extensive test prep and having him take it a second time.

    • Like 1

    The NY Times this morning

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Joker said:

    All of IN is starting to struggle now and hospitals are starting to get overwhelmed in some areas. Our governor is starting to move things back but not enough IMO. My mom works for a large hospital in Indy and they are expecting their numbers to triple soon based on what they’re seeing.

    I'm in NE Indiana and just so...frustrated.  We pretended everything was "normal...fine" for too long.  The governor's moving in the right direction but way too slowly.  I expect most of Indiana's counties to be red by next week.  

    On a positive note, both of my boys' universities have handled this pretty well, just hoping they can make it two more weeks to the planned end of on-campus instruction.

    • Like 1

    The NY Times this morning

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    4 hours ago, kbutton said:

    The chart says Bloomington, Illinois, I believe. 

    I haven't heard much about Bloomington, IN but would love an update. We have family there, but I am not sure we'd get a great picture of what is going on through them.

    Indiana COVID dashboard is a good resource:  https://www.coronavirus.in.gov/

    Bloomington area (Monroe County) looks better than a lot of IN right now, but generally speaking Indiana is in trouble.  Not as bad as IL & IA yet, butI'm very worried. 🤔

    • Sad 1

    Living in a Covid Hotspot

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    On 11/10/2020 at 1:26 PM, cintinative said:

    This is just a vent, but if you were to read the comments on our governor's facebook page (there was a video yesterday with interviews of the hospital area leads for the state, for example), it would make your skin crawl. I try to remind myself that those are not representative of everyone, but it is truly heartbreaking to see so little compassion for both those who are sick and those who are in various roles in healthcare that are exposed on a regular basis.  

    Just repeat after me.... stay away from the comments....stay away from the comments....(this is me talking to myself EVERY time I start reading comments. It's never good  😧).  

    • Like 7
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