I never found a homeschool group where I live. They were all 30 minutes away. There was a homeschool store I frequented. It was a family store and they were so super helpful. They did consultations to help you choose the best materials for your children. They accepted donations and then sold them as used books. I have to stretch my brain and try to remember the name of the store. I could donate the books there. I also have many Christian books, some with study guides, that I'm finished with and don't want to hang onto but I don't know where to post those.

It was mentioned in my treatment program, but only in passing like they mentioned a 12-step program, which I am now in. I've read about HAES, but I didn't pay much attention because I've been pursuing healthy and thin, not healthy at any size. So I didn't delve too deeply in it. I bet my therapist is familiar with it, but we've never discussed it. One thing I worked out with her is that I don't have to be as thin as my brain is telling me to be. I won't aim to be underweight like I was so desperately seeking. Another is I no longer personify my e.d. She cut that off quickly because I give in easily to male authority figures and my e.d. had taken on that role in my life. Also, both she and my dietitian got me eating 4 - 6 times a day. They didn't want me going more than 4 hours without eating. But do I miss my anorexic days? yes, when compared to the binges I've been living with for the last several months. I'd much rather eat light rather than heavy. When I was anorexic I wasn't underweight, hence the diagnosis atypical anorexia. I was eating 1200 calories a day but I was completely sedentary so it worked for me. It freaked them all out though because as my dietitian told me, that is even below what health professionals think is the lowest limit which is 1400 - 1500. But I am not losing weight eating that much. I have been eating that range for months, except the two months I was binging every day and I was eating a lot more calories than that. So I'm trying to eat 1200 again to see if I'll lose weight but I'm having a very difficult time doing that. My body is used to eating a lot more so I stay hungry all day if I eat as little as 1200. That's what I miss. I hope that makes sense. It may not be right, but it makes total sense to me. Unfortunately, I have found several things that make sense to me only to have my support team say no. 🙂

Rats!! I had deleted My Fitness Pal tracker and it must have deleted all my data because I don't have any data from the time I got the vaxxes. So much for looking that up. I have an appointment with my former dietitian on Monday morning. She's been very helpful in the past. I remember her giving me information on perimenopause and weight gain sometime in 2021 but I guess I need to get it again.

Nope, no covid. But I did get the vaxxes and booster. No problems. When I said deep into my eating disorder, I was thinking of my atypical anorexia. I didn't have an appetite. I was eating like a bird. (Boy I miss those days.) As for now, I really don't know if my eating increased after my vaxxes. I will research that tonight. I need to look back through my food logs and compare them to my vax dates. Thanks for the tip.

I could switch doctors, but they're all Kaiser doctors working within Kaiser's rules. I like her but she does seem to be very hands off and cautious. Like when my knees started hurting, rather than do an xray, she sent me to physical therapy. When my knees weren't improving, I was the one who chose to see an orthopedic doctor. It was an assistant, but I don't remember the initials behind his name but he ordered xrays. Then when the results were in, he emailed me and said everything looked normal. I emailed back, No, something is wrong because they h.u.r.t. Listen to me. So he suggested a couple of names of doctors I could see at a different Kaiser facility. That was the doctor I saw on March 1st who said I had chondromalacia of the patella and I needed to lose weight. My xrays looked exactly like the photo in the information packet he gave to me. How could the radiologist suggest that was normal? I have an appointment with my regular PCP on Thursday morning. I'll go in and talk to her about my concerns and if she pats me on the head, I'll get an appointment with someone at a different facility and ask for a 2nd opinion.

So, no weight loss. Chronic insomnia. Feeling drained all the time. Thyroid tests? My doctor's nurse just got back to me and said I had this test: TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone Progression ? ) and my last test in July 2021 had a value of 2.51 uIU/ml. The standard range is 0.35 - 4.94 uIU/ml. I don't have a lot of confidence in this doctor. I could ask her for more tests but if she doesn't deem them necessary, she'll pat me on the head and send me on my way.

Oh goodness. I hurt my back at the daycare and had a weight limitation. Because I couldn't pick up the kids, I couldn't work. After I was out for 6 weeks without the limitation being lifted, I talked to the director and told her I didn't know when I could come back. I apologized and said I guess we should just consider that I quit since I don't have a time frame in mind. I asked if I'd be rehired when I was better and she said to call her to see what is available. Then I got an email from CVS responding to my application months and months before that day. I took them up on their offer and started working there. Only that didn't work out either because of physical limitations. I'm a hot mess. 🙂

I've been through a period of my life where I lied about little things. I was embarrassed by my lack, not only of material items but intelligence. It was much easier to say I got an 'A' on that exam to make me look better than admit I got a 'C'. No my marriage wasn't great but that was no one's business. How much I spend is also I don't tell the truth about. I don't want people judging me going either way, i.e. wow you spent that much on that?? Why?? or goodness, you don't seem to value that much do you? So I just try to answer how I think the listener wants to hear it. I also turned into a liar and manipulator with my eating disorder. I'm not proud of that fact. That wasn't to impress anyone. That was to keep my secrets of either not eating enough so DH wouldn't angry and yell at me, or that I was eating too much, in which case he'd remind me that I keep saying I want to lose weight and I'll never do that if I keep overeating. He tries to be supportive but this has been going on so long that I think he's tired of being gentle with me. As my binging and hiding food are not nearly as prevalent as they once were, the lying has slowed way down and I have to say a quick prayer when I feel myself wanting to lie. He doesn't like when I withhold information from him either. He says that's a lie by omission. They all want me to be held accountable but it's very difficult to show so many flaws in my character.

I've been working at CVS for two and a half months and really liked it, but my legs and specifically my knees hurt so bad I can't perform my job duties. Then my back started hurting again. So while I got permission to sit on a stool behind the register, sitting on it hurt my back so I was near to tears a few times. On the 28th of Feb., I had to leave work early. My manager was quite put out with me. He told me to go on home and not to worry about my schedule for the next two weeks as he would assign those shifts to other employees. I was hurting so bad I didn't even care. I went to the orthopedic doctor the next day and was told I had chondromalacia of the patella on both knees. My xrays look like a rock is sitting up on the rim of my knee. The doctor said my sudden and huge weight gain along with starting a job that had me using my legs way more than I ever had was an ugly combination. He suggested I find a different job since even weight loss won't fix the problem. He said weight loss will be helpful in alleviating the pain, but I should avoid jobs where I squat down or have me standing long periods of time because the build of my knees just can't handle it. So I told my shift supervisor, not my store manager, that I was going to quit. She told me not to tell our store manager and that she would take care of it when he went on vacation this week. Then apparently he was prepared to terminate my employment without telling me, but she talked him out of it and said to let me quit citing medical concerns so I can come back if I want to come back when I'm healed. He agreed he'd hire me back if I could return to full duties. Yeah, that's never going to happen. So I'm officially throwing in the towel on working. I don't feel working outside the home is a path God intends for me anymore. Instead, I need to get involved with my former church again or find a new church and get plugged in. I'm also working on so much else with my eating disorders, trying to lose weight, working the Overeaters Anonymous program, dealing with chronic insomnia, and doing my personal Bible studies and homeschooling materials that I just don't think I want to work. So I'm back to being a housewife, only I've gotten out of the habit. I don't want to clean and I'm certainly not going to cook. I hate cooking but DH doesn't mind it so he's designated cook. My house has fallen into disarray from our lack of maintaining it and every room needs to be deep cleaned so I can start maintenance again. So I guess that's what I'll do, but only a little at a time. I'm not going to overextend myself and set myself up for failure. Thank goodness my house is small.

Oh, and I appreciate that. Thank you. I am not offended, just surprised that some of you are taking $70 so lightly. The skeptic in me is thinking she's a scammer and I totally fell for it so I'm feeling stupid and a little angry. BTW, that lady I contacted yesterday about reversing the refund for the book I received told me with everything going on in the world just keep it and to please accept her generosity. That made me feel so bad because I'm not sure I can feel that way about $70. Ugh.

Actually he got quite ticked off at me that I didn't get confirmation of delivery and insurance. Yes, it was a mistake on my part, but I can't undo it. This morning he said if we lose the $70, it will be okay but if I sell anything else I have to get both confirmation of delivery and insurance. I'm afraid that will price me out of the market. If I sell something for less than $10 because that is what everyone else is charging, I have to pay for a lot of stuff to mail it. I'll hardly make anything on it to put towards something new. I'd rather donate it to the thrift store than deal with the post office again.

Thanks. I have it and the album that the author, Jenni Schaefer, put out. There is even a song called Life Without Ed. 🙂

My psych doctor does not believe I'm going through a hypomanic phase right now. She said my buying curriculum could be considered part of a breakthrough, but I stopped with no problem. The reason I am freaking out about paypal is because they are holding $70 of my money to give to this person who doesn't want to wait for media mail to arrive. I'm sorry, but in my book that is a lot of money, especially now that I'm no longer working. I can't afford to lose money like that. That's half a week's groceries. Our budget isn't generally too tight but we've had some expenses come up in the past few months that has us being cautious. That is why DH didn't like me buying too much curriculum. I am using everything I purchased, so nothing is going to waste. I was trying to sell my Rod & Staff curriculum but no one was interested so I started using it again. I've always been focused on my weight. That has never stopped. Gaining 25 lbs. in 2 months is not normal. I think that is cause for alarm. The orthopedic doctor I saw recently was flabbergasted. He said my leg problems wouldn't heal until I lost weight. I told him I wish it was that easy.

I covered that already. He has seen little difference in my behaviors and thoughts since my psych doc altered my meds. Because of this board, I did pursue the possibility that my buying too much curriculum was a sign of hypomania. My psych doc said it was possible but when she questioned me further, she decided I wasn't having a full blown episode. She prescribed me another mood stabilizer and wanted to take me off one that has been working. What she prescribed, however, is too expensive. So we agreed I'd go the next month without adding in the additional medication and see what happens. But fwiw, my bipolar wasn't an issue when I was deep into my eating disorder. I don't see a correlation there.

Actually my therapist is quite educated in eating disorders. She was program director of the eating disorder clinic where I was receiving treatment. I became her client after she left the clinic to pursue a private practice and I had transitioned out of the program. My dietitian is also from the same clinic, so the two of them worked together to help me continue recovery after program.

Yes, we've been working on that. Before I gained 25 lbs. in two months, we were working on body acceptance. I didn't make much headway. I'm terrified of being too much. I really can't pinpoint the exact fear, I just know that being in the obese category would push me right back into anorexia out of desperation. I'm in the mid-range for my overweight range right now, but at the rate I was gaining, we foresaw my hitting a high BMI in a short time. My weight loss finally stopped when I quit binging so much. I eat compulsively though, and that prevents me from losing. However, in the past 5 weeks, although I binged the first 3 weeks of WW, I was in an overall weekly average of an acceptable calorie range so I don't understand why I didn't lose, even if it was only half a pound a week. I'll take slow weight loss but I need to see the scale going down. Instead I've gained and lost the same 3 lbs. and then last week gained an additional pound. I was extremely disappointed and discouraged. DH tries to explain daily fluctuation to me, but after 5 weeks I'm not showing a loss?

I just tried to get an appointment with a Kaiser dietitian. First available appointment is mid-May. I checked telephone, video and in-person visits. That's the earliest I can get in.

No one that I've seen at Kaiser has experience with eating disorders. When I was in the ED treatment program at a clinic, I saw a nurse practitioner but she limited my exercise and told me to follow the meal plan my dietitian gave me, which, as much as I love my dietitian, she was stuck on me gaining weight when I was already at a normal weight. However, out of desperation, I did text her to ask her advice and if she can help me. She didn't get back to me. I texted her again just now. When I saw her mid-year in 2021, she was always so busy. Not only did she have a private practice but she was a dietitian for the ED clinic I went to. I pay out of pocket for anyone outside the Kaiser network and dietitians can be expensive. She charged $65 for a 45 minute session. I thought that was reasonable but now that I'm no longer working, I don't think we can swing that and my weekly therapy as well. However, I'm willing to try because I don't know what else to do. My therapist has been doubling as my dietitian since I stopped seeing mine, and her advice was more restrictive than my dietitian's plan. My therapist wants me to lose weight as I'm very near a weight that sent me into an eating disorder last time I reached it. She worries I'm headed that way. To be honest, I am! If I can't start losing weight on a 1300 calorie diet, I might go back to my super low calorie diet. DH says it will throw me into starvation mode and I won't lose but I lost a good deal of weight with it. However, I'm now 54 years old and missing periods. I'm scared my body is just refusing to release this added weight.

Okay, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for this week to discuss it. I'm fairly certain she checked something about my thyroid with all my other lab work done last month, but I am not sure it's what I need. She'll tell me to either go to the nutritionist, which I wasn't impressed with my last visit two years ago or to to my GYN because it might be hormonal. She's not very helpful but she's a good enough to start this exploration.

I am so discouraged. I lost 45 lbs. 10 years ago. It took 11 months but I maintained it for 8 years until I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. So they wanted me to gain weight, and I did. Two years later, within the past 6 months, I've gained even more. I gained over 20 lbs. in a 2 month period because of binge eating disorder. So now I need to lose 30 lbs. I joined Weight Watchers since that was successful before. Nope! After 5 weeks of being on program, I have a 1 lb. gain. Now it's true I did binge once a week for the first 3 weeks so I can understand not losing. But what about the last two weeks? Thursday is my official weigh-in day and I have not binged this week at all and yet my weight is staying the same. I'm eating less than 1400 calories when the calculators are telling me I will lose if I eat less than 1750 calories. So why am I not losing? I'm in perimenopause. I haven't had a cycle since Dec. 1st of last year. I have had very mild hot flashes. I get warm but I don't flush or sweat. I have chronic insomnia that has gotten worse over the last year. I usually sleep 3 hours or less per night. If I'm lucky I can sleep for a while in the mornings so my average is probably more like 4 hours a day. I told DH if I don't show a loss this Thursday, I'm quitting WW. I'm also in Overeaters Anonymous because of my binge eating disorder. I only started meetings and reading literature 2 weeks ago. They say if I stick to a meal plan and stop binging, I'll lose weight naturally. That's not true for me. Before I developed BED, I was maintaining a weight for months and was eating 1300 calories. I never lost a pound! Am I spinning my wheels? Is there no way to lose weight when one is in perimenopause? I do not want to drop a whole category of foods, i.e. carbs. I am eating less than 150 grams per day right now. I do not want to go down further. For me, depriving myself only sets up cravings and goodness knows I can't handle anymore cravings right now. I'm at a loss.

Okay, so tell me this about tracking and paypal. The box doesn't appear to have left my post office yet. The tracking number was issued on the 28th, but after that there is no other information. It just says it's still in my city and is in transit. Surely it should be out of my city after a week? So either the postal service isn't updating the tracking or there is something wrong with their tracking system. How do I update paypal as to the movement of the box if the tracking site doesn't show movement?

I just got off the phone with paypal. He updated my case by putting the tracking number in. The $70 is being held by them until the case is resolved, but he said it was probably in the buyer's favor.

It's not the first time I've done this. Both times it was a media mail problem.

Ironic? I just got a package in the mail that the seller issued a refund to me already. It was mailed via media mail on February 11th. I didn't even ask for the refund. The seller just did it without even asking me. So I just emailed her and told her I got the package and how can I pay her for it.

I've just never had this happen before. And I didn't get insurance or a confirmation of delivery. PayPal says I have to respond by March 17th. Or what? They close my account? It seems to me they'll just take the money out of my account to refund her if I don't respond. I don't want to open myself up to legal problems. I just wish it was $10 and not $70. DH is already vexed at me for having purchased as much as I have purchased. I had hoped to resell all of this curriculum when I'm done with it so I can buy new things. Selling curriculum is difficult unless I am okay with pricing stuff super cheap but I'd like to at least get most of my money back on used items. It can't be reduced everytime you sell it or we'd see expensive curriculum going for pennies.