Danestress
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Posts posted by Danestress
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DH's work is switching insurance. We always have his work based insurance as our primary and Tricare Standard as a secondary. We don't live near a military installation (DH is retired). I think either choice will allow us to keep the primary care providers we have now. We don't have anyone with chronic conditions, and I never really pay that much attention to our insurance. Most stuff seems to get covered and we have just had incidentals - even with two hospitalizations over the last 10 years.
Now DH's work is changing insurance companies and we can make a choice between two plans. I have no idea how to choose. One plan is a high deductible plan that qualifies for a HSA. The other a PPO plan. I don't think we need a HSA, but I do think that plan would give us more control over what doctors we see than the PPO would. I don't have all the details yet, but how to I make this kind of evaluation? Anyone else with Tricare as a secondary insurance? It sees to me like Tricare picks up enough of what we are responsible for that going with the HSA eligible plan would be ok for us and might be worth it because of the control it appears to give us. But because we have been relatively free of medical needs, I might just lack the real life experience to see potential problems.
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To me this is like a Mom who is not employed insisting that she IS a "working mom" because being a mom is a lot of work. It is a lot of work, of course, but this always annoys me. Most of the time, the person knows that by "working" one means, "employed." I've even had women insist that *I* am a working mom. Sigh. I am not. I work hard, but I am not too daft to be able to tell by context that the person is talking about employment, and if I am confused, I can always ask!
I think perhaps someone is making the point that all involved parents teach their children a great deal at home. But in order to make that point, it sounds like they are muddying the conversational water. I mean, if someone asks me, "Are you still homeschooling," I understand what they are asking. The fact that I worked with my kid today on the proper use of a semi-colon does not mean I homeschool. It means I am a Mom helping her kid with homework. Why irritate the person I am talking to in order to make some point about how I still have a role in my kid's life?
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Do you think, trying to be objective, that he really does feel love and affection for you, in a real way, at this particular stage in life? I think love can sort of wax and wane, and there are times I feel very great, present and immediate love for my husband. Other times, I feel more of just a commitment to marriage and a knowledge that he loves me and is a great husband. We do almost always get along well, but there are times I feel more subjective love than others. Modern marriage is a long haul. Realistically, I think most people have periods of love and periods of 'hanging in there.' And I know there are lots of ways to define 'love,' and 'hanging in there' is a kind of love. But I am talking about the 'I feel current love and can't help but show it,' kind of love.
Even when my feelings are sort of blasé, I do try to show love and affection, so I am not saying he (or me or anyone) should just always act the way they feel. I think we have to show love even during those phases when the other person seems kind of annoying.
But if DH seems less affectionate to me for a while, I would probably want to think about this. If he is actually not feeling a lot of love for me, I would handle it differently from how I would handle it if I felt confident that he adores me but just isn't showing it in the way I can best recieve it. If I felt he was just in a period where he is bored and annoyed, I would focus on making our relationship more fun.
If I knew he actually, actively, currently felt a lot of affection but was showing it through 'touch' when I want 'words' or 'acts' when I want 'gifts,' I would consider talking about it. The problem is, if he was feeling a certain amount of 'I love you in the big picture, but right now, I find you barely tolerable,' talking about the relationship and trying to get him to speak my love language is probably the worst thing I could do.
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UTIs don't involve fever, at least for me. I have only had a fever when it is a kidney infection. Get her to the doctor for a urine test.
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Alcohol. I sometimes just put the last beer in the back of the fridge. My DH is not a persistent 'scanner.' This makes sure that if there is only one left, I get it:)
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There are a number of bible verses that support the idea that faith in Christ is the basis of saving grace.
If you would like verses supporting a view that the path is broad, Google something like, 'bible verses supporting universal salvation.'
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I like walkimg at night. There isn't as much traffic, and it is peaceful and calm. Unless it is very cold, I think it is the best time to walk.
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Over the years, there have been some painful threads on this board, in which some posters take a position that with hard work and effort, most people shouldn't need assistance in supporting themselves. Other posters try to describe how much of a struggle this has been for them in reality, and how even those willing to work very very hard can find themselves in poverty that is hard to climb out of. Emotions naturally run high. These discussions can tap into a lot of fear and insecurity.
Jenny, I wonder if you are just seeing the undercurrents of this.
It seems odd to me that people appear to simply not believe that you when you state that, given your own circumstances, you personally could support yourself if you needed to, even after taking some years off to homeschool. But it seems strange that people are so resistant to the statement that you, in your situation, believe you can. I didn't read anything in your post that implied that because you can, you think that everyone else should be able to. Every situation is different. Some are quite desperate, and present almost insurmountable problems. I get that, and I know you understand that too.
These discussions make me anxious. I think they make a lot of people anxious, and I think they create tension because people who are struggling often feel that no one really understands their situation - that people judge them as having made bad choices or, worse, being lazy. Poverty is a grinding stress, and people are sensitive to attitudes that there are simple solutions.
But I don't think you really said anything that implied that you have simple solutions for other people. I thought you were just asking, "Is it getting better out there? How is it where you live?" Even if the economy is improving and there are more jobs, there will still be people who are unable to profit from that - there will still be people who can't find jobs or have aged out of the market and don't have means of reasonable support. I think most of us (including you) know that, but it's still hard to have a discussion about it.
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Well, my 'go to' position is that this probably isn't about you since your daughter seems to get on well with everyone. I think the email is entirely inoffensive. But I am not 'inside' the situation, so maybe I am missing it.
But i might follow up on what happened with the group project, if you are thinking it is related to that. It sounds like you don't know what the issue was. If you think it may be what he is referring to, I would ask.
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I have athletes and sometimes their laundry just really smells. I soak performance fabrics with oxyclean. I find oxyclean very helpful and am surprised other people have had such different experiences. I use vinegar in the rinse and that also helps.
I am editing to add that you might want to make sure your boys are washing their clothes as frequently and as quickly when they need to be washed. The longer clothes sit unwashed after being worn, the longer the bacteria that produce odor have to cultivate. My boys are bad about letting clothes sit in the hamper.
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I have no formalized plan. I would prefer a Viking funeral. My family members are aware of strong feelings about keeping remains in a closet or on a shelf. They know that under no conditions is anyone to claim 'their share' of my cremated remains. I really object to my remains being divided as possessions.
I don't really care if I am cremated or buried, but I prefer there not to be a place where I am interred. I would rather have a burial at sea or my ashes scattered or something like that.
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I guess the thing that surprises me a little is that the shooting was so totally unwarranted - it makes no sense. And Richmond county kis 45% black. While I would assume racism is a real and ugly part of this, there must be something else going on with this trooper. I don't think it is possible for most people to live in SC and be so freaked out by a black person that they start shooting. My guess is that this trooper probably pulled over both black and white people all the time. When your racial ratio is that balanced, almost everyone lives near, dines near, goes to school with, and generally mixes with both races every day. That doesn't mean people aren't bigoted, but I don't think racism can give a full picture here.Cop responds badly in a situation involving a black guy ? That surprises you ? I'm surprised about that....
It's totally inexcuseable. But I do wonder if the trooper was mentally unhinged somehow.
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I agree she needs an attorney and needs to go to a consult with all the financial documents she can, including any pre/post-nup.
Most attorneys I know do require a retainer. When an attorney works on the promise of future payment, the client has a debt to him (or her). Debt complicates relationships. We all know that. I used to tell potential clients that they may hate owing a friend, parent, or bank money, but that those options are better than owing your attorney money. You do not want your relationship with your advocate to be burdened by that.
There are legal aid services, but in general, they don't take marital property division cases on a pro bono basis.
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If you aren't going to insist he pay the vet bills, at the least please send him a certified letter laying out what happened, informing him that you are concerned about the dog's aggression, and letting him know that you will keep the letter on file so that if anything like this occurs again, there will be proof that he had already had reason to know the dog was aggressive.
He faces serious liability with a dog like this.
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So weird. I essentially posted the same thing twice, forgetting I already had posted. So comments are down-thread.
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I guess part of it depends on how you define 'truly survive.'
My impression is that adultery has been well expected and accepted (for men) in many cultures throughout the ages, and marriages survived legally. Who knows how happy they were.
I wonder if it's partly expectation. Women who don't expect fidelity may find it easier to live without it, especially in a culture where she and her children are financially and legally protected. And women often had more leverage then because divorce was harder for one party to demand (though it varied place to place, time by time). People can dissolve marriage now if they decide they want to for whatever reason - including that someone better came along. I think this makes adultery harder to accept because it threatens the innocent spouse with constant fear of being left.
I know some marriages survive. But I think it is hard to know what really happens in a marriage. I have no idea who, in my circle of friends, has cheated or been cheated on, even assuming the innocent spouse is aware of the adultery.
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I would expect your niece to write a thank you note for a gift. I am not sure I would expect her mother to write a thank you note for attending a party.
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I think it is fine for you to say "No." I also think she is just asking each parent for one week, and I can't see why you can't do ONE extra week, even though you have a once a month commitment already. You have three kids needing these services.
On the other hand, I think having a different parent in charge every week is a terrible plan for the kids, and I am not sure I would want my kids there with that set up.
I also think it is fine for a volunteer CE director to say, "Hey everyone, these are the weeks when we have volunteers. All the other weeks, you will have to figure out what to do with your children."
So I guess I am conflicted. I think people don't feel "called" to children's ministry if they are (1) men (2) mothers of children too old to need those services or (3) mothers of children who are young, and therefore they need a break. I think it is fine for kids to just stay with their parents, though a lot of parents find that our 40 minutes sermons are hard for their children. We are not willing to make the services more "child friendly" so parents can choose for themselves what to do, assuming we can make children's ministry available. If no one feels "called" and everyone just wants to serve where it is most convenient for themselves and/or their children, that sort of leaves children's ministry being about self interest and not about serving God or others.
I am still volunteering in CE even though my children are almost all adults. Sometimes I think about quitting, I don't think it is right when all the burden falls on younger mothers. I have a heart for them, having been there:) I also love the children. I think your CE director is pressuring the parents to contribute here, but I wonder if she should consider whether another population would be a better "target." And I am not talking about teen aged girls. It's great if they volunteer, but I don't like how people always think they should be the "go to" people for child care. Why not pray about whether a retired couple would agree to serve together once a month? Or a young married couple? Why not call all the Dads? Or pray that a widow would team up with a young Mom to teach once a month?
But really, if she makes the need known and can't get the volunteers, I think she should be careful about saying she will fill in all the unfilled slots. If the church isn't committed to this ministry, then maybe the ministry needs to go on vacation for a while. If she (or anyone really) takes on a big job with resentment, that isn't good for anyone
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In these situations, I try to remember that these events will probably be ones he remembers his whole life. I would want to respond in a manner that will give him confidence - that helps free him of anxiety about mistakes. I would want him to have confidence that his team is there for him even when he let the team down. And later when he is on a sports team or work team that someone else fails, I woukd want him to show support and mercy.
You can buy other turkeys. They won't be the same. But you can make them pretty good and show good cheer and thankfulness for that you do have.
I am so sorry for you. Very sad. Just let him know he has done a great job and will learn from that one mistake.
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I was always taught that you wait until everyone is served before starting to eat.
This is difficult in large groups, though. At a restaurant, one waits. At a dinner party, one waits. But in my family, Christmas and Thanksgiving are a bit different. There are many more dishes being served than at a normal gathering - I think because there are things we feel we "must" serve because of tradition. It's too much, but if you start saying, "Ok, do we have to do oysters and turkey? potatoes and rolls? etc, all the various dishes are dear to someone's heart. So for us, it is too hard to get 14 people around a table and pass that much food. And it's impossible to make up plates and serve because with all the choices, people have their own desires. I can't make up plates with "just a bite" of ten items and serve them. And of course, very few people can afford to have help.
The first year I ate a holiday meal at DH's family, I almost started crying. Everyone just came in wearing whatever they happened to have on that day, grabbed plates, and helped themselves. I thought it was the rudest thing I ever saw - grown men just getting their plates and eating without any consideration for the ladies, the hostess, a blessing. DH didn't do this, but his father and grandfather didn't even think about it.
But DH also complained that at my family's dinner, the food was always cold. By the time everyone got food, sat down, ,and waited for everyone else, some of whom were too busy talking or fussing to fix a plate and sit down, the food was just cold. So now we gather, say a blessing, and the people can fix their plates buffet style and then sit down and eat. No one actually does eat until most of us are there but it eliminates the phenomena of a dozen people watching their oysters get cold while a Mom is trying to coax that one crying child to get on with things.
At pretty much any other nice dinner, if I am the hostess, I plan a much more limited menu and can make up plates and serve them, or pass food around the table. It would still be nice to have paid help:) But we manage. So I think, really the only time we end up having a "eat as you get your meal" is when we are eating buffest style, which tends to just be those big holidays.
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If several children in one family may be depressed, that is something to care about. I'm not saying I would take some sort of drastic action, but depression is not a healthy or normal state for children to be in, IF that were the case.
It is not a matter of 'care about' or 'not care about.' I guess when I see 'red flag' I think the question is about whether some action or investigation on my part is necessary. I don't actually think that it would be my job to investigate just based on signs of depression. I would normally assume that parents can see and respond to issues better than I can, and that if I started asking questions to get more information, it would may seem untrusive.
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I am not sure what kinds of red flags you mean. I might think the child or children were shy, socially anxious, or reserved by nature. Or I might think the child was sad, which does not necessary seem alarming, because the world can be a very sad place, and being sad does not seem unusual. Or I might think the child is possibly depressed. I don't know the depression rate for young children, but I expect some children will be depressed.
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No. When I was a working mother I had people say some pretty ugly things (and I didn't even work long hours). As a homeschool Mom, I have mostly had questions and praise.
Why does tea cause me bladder issues and not coffee?
in The Chat Board
Posted
I don't know. Black tea makes my stomach Hurt unless I add milk, but I always drink coffee black with no problems - a couple of cups a day.