jeninok
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Posts posted by jeninok
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We talk a lot about porn here. How something like the magazines his grandad has (seriously like 40 years of playboy, thankfully now well hidden) is very different than the porn he will find online.
That the stuff online is degrading, related to trafficking and not at all what it is like in the real world.
I think shows like Game of Thrones can be more damaging in that they are widely accepted and loved by a huge amount of people, but use women as set design and so.much.rape.
We don't watch it here, I got through a couple episodes at the beginning but between the rape and the killing of the wolves I couldn't do it.
We totally watched Jessica Jones though, which many find dark or violent, however she is one of the best fully realized women I've seen in a show.
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Why are we not talking about our sons?
Why are we so focused on teaching young women to be safe while fully ignoring the social and cultural systems that we are raising our boys in.
It starts when we send little girls home to change so they don't distract the boys.
It continues with rape being a common plot point for character building in books, TV, and movies.
It starts when we tell girls that the boy hit her because he likes her.
It continues when we repeatedly frame the worth of women as Daughters, Mothers, and Wives rather than valuing them as a full human independent of their family role.
This was recently seen with the death of Michelle McNamara, she was a highly talented author, but every headline framed her as the wife of Patton Oswald.
It continues when we call the rape of underage children innapropriate relationships. Or prosecute underage victims as prostitues rather than rape victims.
Or that we use images of women as objects, often disembodied, to sell products or services.
PETA is notoriously bad about this.
This article has good discussion about the need to reframe the narrative
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/09/03/2564011/opinion-pieces-rape-apologists/
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I would also highly suggest Whipped Cream Vodka and Orange Juice.
But drink carefully, it tastes like an Orange Julius!
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I am allergic to coconut oil and it causes any eczema patches to flair up much worse. It can also be drying, even if there isn't an allergy.
Jojoba is a good substitute, I sometimes mix it with enough beeswax to make a paste. Straight cocoa or Shea butters, or even hemp are other options.
I'm using Burt's Bees Orange Essence cleanser which is just a blend of oils, lanolin and glycerin. It feels weird but my skin loves it.
I wouldn't use it on a wee baby though, the orange essential oil might irritate her.
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Some years ago there was what I called "candy wine"... Arbor Mist or something like that. It was popular at things like scrapbook or rubber stamping get togethers!
I've been wanting tequila lately but I don't have the gumption or money to seek out a good one. Maybe I need to put dh on the case. He likes learning that sort of stuff.
Patron silver!
Lime juice, splash of OJ, simple syrup!
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The only place I've lived with a stray dog issue was out in the country where people would drop Fido off, thinking he was going to have a good life on the farm. Stupid idea. The woods are full of coyotes and "shoot, shovel and shut up" is the law of the land (for good reason).
This is a big problem in our neighborhood.
We actually took in a dumped lab puppy last year and several neighbors have done the same with various young and elderly dogs.
Aggressive loose dogs will not be tolerated and SS&SU is the only option out here.
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I think it is both dangerous and further giving violent men excuses to say that those who rape after drinking are not true predators.
Alcohol absolutely contributes to lowered inhibitions and poor decision making, but it is often a tool used by knowing men to facilitate easier victimization of women and girls.
https://sapac.umich.edu/article/196
The relationship between alcohol and rape is multifaceted, and alcohol may be both a precipitant of and an excuse for sexually aggressive behavior by men (Abbey et al., 2001; Berkowitz, 1992; Larimer et al., 1999; Richardson & Hammock, 1991).
Men who have committed sexual assault also frequently report getting their female companion drunk as a way of making it easier to talk or force her into having sex. (Abbey, McAuslan, & Ross, 1998).
Alcohol was a factor in 61% of Kanin’s sample of college date rapists, and 76% of his sample admitted to attempts to intoxicate a female date (Kanin, 1985).
Muehlenhard and Linton (1987) found that 55% of men in their survey who acknowledged rape on a date were under the influence of alcohol. Similarly, Ouimette (1997) interviewed 47 sexually aggressive college men and reported that 53% were abusing and 30% were dependent upon alcohol or drugs respectively.
Koss (1988) found that 74% of the men who acknowledged raping used alcohol or drugs when they raped. In a later predictive study, Koss and Gaines (1993) reported that college acquaintance rapists admitted to consuming alcohol just prior to 74% of their assaults.
In a study on male sexual coercion, 23% of college men admitted to getting a date drunk or stoned to engage in sexual intercourse, and 23% of women reported a date getting them drunk or stoned and engaging in unwanted sex (Tyler, et al., 1998).
Alcohol can be a disinhibitor and increase sexual impulsivity, as well as lower women’s detection of risk and impair their ability to resist assault (Abbey, 1991).
Intercourse obviously cannot be consensual when the woman is incapacitated due to intoxication. Men may believe that there are fewer risks associated with coercive sex when they are intoxicated (Tyler et al., 1998).
Koss and Gaines (1993) concluded from their study that alcohol might be the intervening variable in high rates of fraternity and athletic team rape.
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I dont know one single woman that has never been on the receiving end of unwanted sexual behavior. It spans the spectrum from catcalling to pressure to groping to actual assault and rape.
It is so prevalent that women and girls often struggle to recognize it for what it is.
Until we teach our boys to respect the basic human rights and boundaries of women and our girls to feel confident in what is and isn't okay these numbers won't get better.
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I would definitely let a teen read it. My husband plans to listen to it with our DS.
I am pairing it with Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson.
The lesson we wish to impart is that while we know he would never hurt anyone it is his role as a young man to stand up to other guys and step in for the young women in his life.
Also we talk about consent, consent, and more consent. In all areas of interpersonal relations, from the time he was little.
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I'm super interested in this once you have it all ready!
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I would still break the documents up into 100 page or so chunks before sharing.
Can I ask why?
I have many large files in my drive account and it has no problem hosting or sharing them.
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What about something like Pandia Press Biology level 2. It is solid science, not overwhelming, and very clearly written.
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I's totally forgotten about it until reading this today, but when I was about 7 I had a dog come through a fence when I was walking a poodle. Ithink it was a Samoyd, one of those big white fluffy dogs. It bit the poodle on teh back like it wanted to pick it up and carry it away.
The same dog ripped apart a hamster cage and ate the hamsters. I don't remember it ever bothering us kids, but it sure didn't like small animals - or they had big FOOD signs on them.
They are most definitely animals with prey drive and instinct.
Northern breeds in particular have a high prey drive relatively intact.
Even Border Collies, ACD and other herding breeds have high prey drive, it has just been shaped and molded over many many generations to produce different results.
It is also why LGD dogs like Pyrenees must often be carefully kept separate from the herding breeds.
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Section two of this research and policy paper is worth a look.
http://www.nationalcanineresearchcouncil.com/blog/new-edition-of-dog-bites-problems-and-solutions/ -
I'd be laughing that this thread turned into a dog love-in, except for the way people are in denial about large, well muscled dogs bred to fight/attack being any sort of public danger.
It's myopic. If dogs have rights ( and I think they do have some ) they need to be balanced with the rights of humans.
One of the ways to solve the problem of large well muscled acting like jerks is education, something that has been happening in this discussion.
Using methods like Caesar Milan or other dominance based aversive training is a recipe for disaster for most potentially reactive dogs and only further compounds the underlying issues. Treating 90 pound Brutus like a furbaby who could do no wrong is a major problem too.
Being afraid of Pitbulls ( which is a nebulous term at best) but not Akitas, Chows, Labradors, or any of the other common biters doesn't make sense.
Using poor statistics which have been shown to be not only highly biased, flawed in their methodology, and also nonsensical in their breed classification doesn't make sense.
No one is advocating for aggressive dogs ( or friendly ones for that matter) to roam freely.
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Sigh, double post again.
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How did you keep from laughing and/or lecturing on his methods? I know I would have asked him WTH is wrong with you?
I quite loudly announced that torturing dogs should be illegal and I was absolutely not willing to take a card.
I've seen him since then at the same store, he hasn't approached me again. :)
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Good god. They sound like real knuckleheads.
Bill
I ran into one of their trainers recently at Tractor Supply. He was adamant that I should come take a class with my 12 year old Coonhound. He kept saying how much it would increase our bond and make him even better.
Shudder, can you even imagine a poor dumb senior hound who has never been corrected more harshly than a verbal NO! Being put in that situation?
I got teary eyed just now thinking about it and typing.
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It's a cat. Animals can't be good or bad, because they lack the intelligence for any real moral sense. It's probably unhappy or mentally ill and ought to either be let out again or euthanized if that will simply lead to a slow death.
My mom went through this with a cat, he was an orphan they adopted as wee kitten.
2 years of training and prozac made by a compounding pharmacy and rubbed on his ear made no difference.
They finally had to make the very hard decision to have him euthanized. But it was the only decision, he was huge, and dangerous, and would pee on you then attack, truly unprovoked.
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They are using similar methods to force fetch. With E collars, to teach basic obedience.
In layman's terms they shock the dog while giving a command and only stop when it complies. They call this attention based training.
Dogs are hardwired to pay attention to us and look to us for behavior cues. They also really really like food and respond incredibly well to operant conditioning and rewards based learning.
There is just no reason to torture a dog to teach basic obedience. Ever.
Aversive methods and corrections should be used infrequently, with great care, and only after a dogs knows what you want, and even then devices such as shock collars should be used as a last resort.
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If you want to make your blood boil go to a retriever oriented website and read what the "good ol' boys" advocate as training techniques. Your head would explode. Those few who dare question the wisdom of "force fetch" are treated like dangerous subversives.
Even so-called dog "experts" can be very backwards in their training methods, because they just don't understand animal behaviors (and often need to compensated for powerlessness in their own lives by dominating a dog). Sad.
Bill
These are the same folks who advocate tying a dead chicken to the dog to stop it from killing them and shooting the dog if that doesynt work.
It is the same mindset that is behind the horribly glossy Sit Means Sit franchises that basically torture dogs into basic obedience and compliance.
Caesar Milan doesn't help either.
Sigh.
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This.
Also.. I'm sure I'm going to say something wrong here.. but when it comes to the soft mouth with my current dog.. we have never had to train her. She knows. If it was an area she struggled with then yes, she would need worked with. She is gentle with us in everything she does.
I have had two dogs like this, one currently who literally arrived at our doorstep last year and one who I got when I was 18 and lived to be 14.
They are truly special creatures!
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We have a one year old lab who is the most gentle creature I've ever met. I kept expecting him to feel better and become a typical young lab "bull in a China Shop" but he is just extraordinarily gentle and polite. We are working on getting his CGC so he can visit nursing homes or the VA hospital because his temperament is just perfect.I can't even....ugh. People put a lot of freaking work over many many generations to get dogs with soft mouths and a good retrieve instinct. They don't need to be forced! Generations of dog breeders are probably turning over in their graves.
One of my weims caught a bird out of the air, and brought it to me. Didn't hurt a feather on the bird, just carried it softly. Nor force methods used to teach this. Just instinct and years of breeding.
He has gotten two of my chickens, once when he first showed up as a sickly stray and we were just trying to find his people and once very recently.
Both times I expected a dead bird, as chickens are fragile.
Nope!! As soon as he dropped the bird it was up and running. That retriever mouth is amazing.
My ACD/Husky is a complicated creature, but with proper supervision she is a wonderful dog.
I do shudder thinking that someone inexperienced with traumatized dogs or those two breed's quirks could have found her. She was a terrified mess when we brought her home, it took weeks to get her in the house and months before my husband could pet her without her cowering in a ball and peeing everywhere. She could have seriously hurt someone out of sheer panic.
I walk her on a heavy duty harness clipped to a collar with a double clip leash so that I have secure back up in case she gets triggered. I will kick your small dog on your flexi lead if it charges us, and I will bodily block your small child or even rude adults who won't listen in order to stop her from making a mad decision.
She is totally fine with 99% of people but there have been three that she randomly hates, until I know for sure you aren't in that group she isn't safe.
She is adorable and soft and not very big, people don't listen when I warn them. It is so so frustrating.
ETA:Picture included for reference. This is the face of a dog who will never be off leash in public, who can't be trusted with new people until she has time to meet you and I can gauge her reaction, and who's prey drive combined with ACD style mouthy herding makes her giant PITA sometimes.
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Because "well, they were both drunk, so..." comes up so often in discussions about rape...
in The Chat Board
Posted
This article has some excellent discussion on how our use of language surrounding these crimes and treatment of women go hand in hand.
http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-the-case-of-the-missing-perpetrator/