[Eating together]

I make one meal, the kids help set the table and clean up afterward (extra clean up plus dishes if a treat is involved).  The kids and I all eat at the table at the same time.  All meals are like this.

[Article on white privilege]

I have understood white privilege to mean in a very basic sense that I, as a white person, live in the "default" of society.  And, although I like this article, it is lacking what nearly every other article (and conversation) on the topic fails to address, which is 1) what if I don't feel sorry/guilty about the circumstances of my birth and upbringing when I had little control over it, and 2) what beyond "acknowledging it" I can actually do aside from be a good listener to others who don't live in the default.  Kwim?  "Acknowledge" is the big buzzword but it sort of equates to a big ol' mental "YEP." And now...?  Because many of us want to do something, but then get shot down for trying, in our own awkward and probably not completely perfect or accurate way. So we listen a lot, and that's not DOING anything.

 

To use this analogy: Now that I, the privileged driver, "acknowledge" my privilege, should I work harder to get bike lanes installed in my city's streets?  What happens when those are in and someone accidentally gets hit anyway?  What is the "right" response then?  Should I advocate for a specific punishment for those who accidentally hit a cyclist and why?  What if putting bike lanes in conflicts with some other legitimate issue I care about?  How do I choose which things to support or do I just have to follow along and say, "YES!" to anything that's asked of me even if I think it's ineffective because I don't want to be considered a racist? These are the thoughts and questions of a white housewife who wants to understand.   :crying: I'm kind of a do-er, and I like concrete, substantial answers so this issue is difficult for me!

 

Thank you for the article.

 

I get caught in a similar loop (but with a lot more feels in the mix), end up feeling selfish, then exhausted, and then decide to ignore all these conversations because the worry in my head negatively affects my public interactions, which I find truly tragic.  Maybe one day I'll get better at this and be able to do both just fine.  :( 

 

FWIW, the first time I heard the term "white privilege," it was spat at me.  By a white person.  And was absolutely in the context of "you can't help but be racist because you're white."  /sigh.  They may not have meant it that way, or regretted it later; it's a particular person in my life who does that.  But it left a mark anyway.  The article helps, so thanks, OP.

[On "taking a knee"]

OP, Beautiful.

[anyone hate kid activities outside the home]

Me!!!  We tried the Upward soccer one year.  The kids were 6 1/2, 4, and 1--so an exhausting time of life anyway.  But yes, it wrecked my Thursday evening for practices, and shot my Saturday for the game.  And unlike most families there (so it seemed), we couldn't afford to just go grab food somewhere before or after.  And really, my kids just wanted to kick the ball around with other kids; I feel like we could do that in a less exhausting way.  

 

When we do lessons or regular activities outside the home, I schedule them for twice per month.  I don't know what I'll do if someone decides to have a passion for a team sport.

[So can we talk about destructive kids?]

What should you say though? I was trying to think about what I'd say and what I've said in the past. Is "Oh no problem" much different?

At least where I live, I think sometimes parents over correct their kids out of embarrassment that the kids may offend. I'd like to have people know that I'm not bothered by whatever little things their kids are up to. I can't think of a way to model courtesy and acceptance in a brief grocery store type encounter without saying something short like "it's ok" with a smile.

How would you prefer someone handle it?

 

I usually smile and say something along the lines of, "I'm not bothered, but you do what you gotta do."  I guess that could come across wrong, too.  idk, ya'll.  But I've noticed that, too, and try to respond in ways that don't reinforce whatever the parent is trying to stop.

[Subaru commercial with Butch "Oh, uh, you brought Butch.. ."]

Gaw that made me tear up.  wth??

Thanks for linking, umsami!  I rarely see commercials--probably for my own good.  ;)

[Anyone have any experience with this?]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Anyone willing to do a survey for my ds?]

Alrighty!  /slightyconfused

[As a woman would you use a single stall men's bathroom?]

To me, single stall with a lock = unisex/family bathroom.  And really, why can't all single stall bathrooms just be family bathrooms?  Urinal, changing table, toddler seat, (ETA: the toilet proper and sink are a given).  Bam.  I get cost and coding, just my little "if I had a magic wand" thing.  I don't do super smelly/dirty/buggy bathrooms, though.  I will go somewhere else.  On a camping trip, this has meant the woods (ironically).  

 

 

And in defense of the guys, here's a short poem:

 

No matter how you shake and dance,

the last two drops go in your pants.  

 

You're welcome.   ;)

[I Think I'm Ready to Be a Husband]

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[Homeschool dances]

I think so, but I'm not a member of the one local group; I don't know what their policies are for "outsiders."

[Today's vent about youtube (JAWM or not, it's your choice!)]

Hey, that's actually a relevant point in today's advertising world.  Sex sells everything.

[Rant....shopping for age appropriate girls clothing]

Gosh, just wait...it gets worse, I'm sad to say. I have 9 and 11 year old daughters. 11 year old is still very "young" however she is 5'3" and 125#. I can't find a darn thing for her to wear (she fits ladies clothes, but the necklines are often cut too generously for a young girl's chest). We buy a lot of basic stuff (jeans, tshirts), but the choices are lacking in the "fun and cute" category.

 

My 11 year old isn't too far behind yours. 

[Rant....shopping for age appropriate girls clothing]

Land's End.  It's wroth it.  When they have sales and promos, it's not quite so much sticker shock.  I hardly ever shop in clothing stores for any of us.

[Give me your ideas for rice dishes]

Bookmarking!!

 

 

Mushroom Rice

saute mushrooms & onions in oil (usually 8+ oz. and 1 onion)

dump in 2 C. rice, 4 C. chicken broth

season to taste (I typically do 1/2 Tb. salt, a goodly amount of pepper, and  some garlic powder at minimum)

cook the way you'd do plain rice, and fluff it up when done.

It's a good basic side ad easily customized.

 

[They need to go outside!!!]

The house rule is you can be calm and quiet inside or wild and noisy outside.  And then I'll also have times where I just say, it's outside time, now.  And if they try the run-inside-every-2-minutes routine, I just say: use the bathroom, get some water, now don't come back in for 20 minutes (or whatever).  They're ok with and/or used to this, though the heat of summer is hard.  Either I try to boot them out early in the morning or let them have the hose.  

 

All of this is generally speaking; we have our ups and downs with it.

[My mom died]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Just for fun share your irrational fears.]

Heights.  Even in VR (I literally freeze; interesting observation though, fwiw).  

I can conquer it for rare opportunities, but it leaves me queasy.

[How long do you expect your family room (daily used) furniture to hold up? And has it?]

My sofa has just hit the 20 year mark.  It's seen a lot of use and abuse, and its frame and springs are still solid.  The upholstery hasn't worn quite as well, but still pretty well.  It was subject to cats for two years before I got it (for free, I might add).  And the foam cushions have held up decently well.  So I guess, no it's not still in "great" shape, but it's not falling apart either, which is about all I ask of a sofa.  I think any sort of affordable sofa made these days would fall apart within 5 years.  I intend to "buy for life" whenever we get around to replacing this one (which is, by the way, purple with a corduroy texture :D).  

[Does your family have a traditional Sunday lunch/dinner?]

Nope!  Nothing at all traditional.  

[Make-up, Yes or No?]

I have never regularly worn make up ever.  Formals and my wedding, that's it.  So, no, I wouldn't.  But I'm a stubborn mule and would rather be poor than bow to such expectations, so you might not want to listen to me.   ;)

[Cousin's wedding -- should we go?]

Can he arrange to "accidentally" have extra work that weekend?  ;)

[Kid shoes cheap or expensive?]

I shell out for Merrell and pass them down.  By the time we go through 4-6 months of cheapo shoes, we're almost at the cost of a pair of Merrell anyway.

 

Typically I get the low hiking boots for play shoes, and jungle mocs for casual/dressy shoes.

 

ETA: I do buy a size up for growing room to space out the purchases.  Until this year, these purchases hurt, but I felt was a better use of money.

[WWYD: MIL situation]

I'm with OhElizabeth on this one, grandmas aren't around forever.

 

My children lost theirs unexpectedly last week, I can only wish now that they could have had more time with her.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

And also sorry if I missed another post about it.  :(

[If you're suddenly not homeschooling anymore...?]

Whatever I intend to do as an empty-nester, except somewhat less of it.  The one thing it's not is paid employment.  I don't personally believe that paid employment = contributing to society.