caedmyn
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Posts posted by caedmyn
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1 hour ago, Pen said:
has she possibly got add? Inattentive?
Not diagnosed, but yes.
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20 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said:
I would try centering the bed under the other window. The glider can stay were it's at. The toddler bed could go at the foot of your bed. I would paint the paneling, too. But if you can't do that, at least get curtains to the floor which will break up some of the wood and make it look less dated.
The heat vent is under the other window unfortunately.
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A better shower head is a good idea, and daily showers w/o always washing her hair.
I think shaving is too much hassle for her at this point but I expect that will change this summer. A friend came over a few weeks ago and did her eyebrows for her. Idk if she’ll keep up with it though. DD said, “Why didn’t you tell me I needed to do this??”. I didn’t even notice her eyebrows honestly. Idk where the line is between pointing things out and pressuring her to do stuff she might not be ready for/want to do.
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39 minutes ago, wintermom said:
Peer pressure is much more effective than mommy pressure. I still remember a girl in school mentioning my hair looked greasy. It's not the most pleasant motivator, but super effective!
Yeah...she is the youngest kid in her fellowship group and kind of on the outskirts, and she knows it. She keeps talking about how she needs to wear tight clothes and then maybe they'll accept her (leggings are not appropriate pants in my book, and I don’t care if everyone else is wearing them as pants...JAWM on this). I’m thinking, “How about working on the obvious stuff first, like making sure you don’t stink, that your hair doesn’t look like it hasn’t been washed in 2 weeks, and figuring out how to put your hair up so it doesn’t perpetually look like you just walked through a windstorm.”
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It is like pulling teeth to get my 13 yo DD to take a shower once or twice a week. She rarely does it without prompting, and it usually take several reminders over a couple of days ending with me saying, “Go take a shower right now. I don’t care if it's 9 pm and you have wet hair in bed. No, you may not wait til morning because it won’t happen then!”. It also takes her for.ever to take a shower. She’s a slow mover in general, and her slowness in the shower really limits the times when she can take one, because she needs a 45 minute window of time. She literally does nothing but brush her hair, shower, and get dressed in this amount of time. She doesn’t shave, doesn’t use face care products, nothing. Is there some way to make this process a little easier and less Mom-directed? She has long, very thick hair and I think she dislikes the hassle of washing it as well as the amount of time it takes to dry, but that's life since she doesn’t want to get it cut shorter and doesn’t want to blow dry it.
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I would like to get a headboard and nightstands but not sure about colors. Seems like any wood colors might look funny with the pine paneling. Maybe cherry like the toddler bed would look ok, but that would make the room look even darker. Maybe grey? I wouldn’t mind white but I suspect DH won’t go for it.
If we get nightstands the bed could be moved, though idk if the glider would still fit if the bed were moved. DH put the bed near the wall when we moved in, and then put a little corner shelf by his side to hold stuff and doesn’t want to move the bed away from it.
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7 hours ago, Pen said:
Or something like this that could brighten up the room and pull together wood tones, grey carpet, cream curtains. Sleepwish 4 Pcs Bohemian Bedding Sets Full Bedspread Comforter Cover Set Hippie Bed Covers Boho Chic Red Bedspread https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FK1V2HI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MrSRCbYYDJY4R
The carpet is actually blue. The previous owners REALLY liked blue.
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1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:
I would paint the wall and the wood white. The wood isn’t in good condition and having that all one color will help the room feel brighter, cleaner, and more open.
I would pair that with curtains hung high and wide to continue to open up that room. If you are near an IKEA, their rods and panels for the 98” length are really affordable (better than Target prices). They are also washable. I would go with white curtains if you go the IKEA route. If you don’t, I would look for a subtle geometric print on a white background. I wouldn’t go floral as you have floral bedding.
Eta: just saw you want blackout curtains. IKEA might not have those at the 98” length...can’t remember. I would still go with white on white.
The wood is actually in really good shape. DH says it’s blue pine and I guess that’s how it naturally looks. I’m not a fan of it in the bedroom but he loves it so I doubt he’d agree to painting over it, unfortunately. Would long curtains look funny since they’d cover parts of it and would go down behind the bed?
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Open to other decorating suggestions for the room also!
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I can’t decide what color of curtains to get for our master bedroom. I’m planning on having a dual rod with blackout curtains on top and sheers underneath. I wanted purple curtains but the room looks too dark with dark colored curtains on top of all the paneling, the dark carpet, and the dark bedskirt. I would not have bought charcoal bed linens if I’d known we would be moving into a house with dark carpet lol. Not sure whether to go with white curtains and white sheers, white curtains and purple sheers, cream curtains and idk what color sheers, or ?? I could match the curtain that’s in the closet doorway for the windows. I like these on Amazon in cream https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074SGZ9RN/ref=twister_B07MZ793PB?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
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My 4th and 7th graders have been doing SWI-B this year (with A level source materials for the 4th grader). We will not finish it this school year and will have about 10 weeks of it to complete next year. I'm debating about what program to use next for each of them.
7th grader is a very reluctant writer. She does ok with SWI but isn't great at thinking of dress-ups and her sentence structure isn't the greatest either (tends toward run-on sentences and sentence fragments). I was thinking of doing SWICC-B with her after she finishes SWI-B, spread over (almost) 2 years. Or would it be better to give her more practice with the things she's already been taught using one of the themed units?
4th grader does fine with SWI. I mostly scribe for him. I was thinking of using All Things Fun & Fascinating with him next year after he finishes SWI, maybe skipping the chapters on the units that he's already covered that year in SWI. It looks like it pretty much covers the same material so he could just practice it more and maybe work on being a little more independent. Then he could maybe move on to SWICC-B the following year.
Does this sound like a good plan? Is there anything I'm missing here in thinking this through?
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I am moderately sensitive to citric acid and have had been able to increase my tolerance to it using B5 supplements.
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You could put the 6 yo in your older son’s room with one of those flexible track system installed on the ceiling in an L shape around a corner and a heavy curtain on it around his bed. That would make it quiet and dark enough for him to sleep and give older ds privacy.
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DD is 13. She wants to spend every minute of the day in her room except for when she's mandated to be out, like for meals. I know this is typical for teens, but it's not working well for us. I'm wondering how much time others allow their tweens or young teens to spend in their room each day. If you set some limits, what are those limits on when they can be in their room? We're mostly home all day so it's not like there's a bunch of activities to break up the time she's in her room.
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How exactly do you get a child with ADHD tendencies to attend/pay attention when you're talking to them? I have three kids like this and it is so frustrating. I am sure that some of the time they are ignoring me, but it's difficult to sort out when that's happen and when they are just off in their own worlds. I remember when DS1 was about five years old and I asked him to do something, doing all the "recommended" things to get his attention--I put my hand on his shoulders, had him look me in the eye, told him what I wanted him to do, and he said , "Yes mom"...and then I asked him what he was supposed to be doing and he had no clue. What do you even do with kids like that??
And on related notes, once they are actually paying attention and hear whatever you tell them, how do you get them to remember it long enough to do it? This is a perpetual problem here also.
And is there any way to get them to remember multi-step directions? If I say, "Wipe up the water on the floor with that towel and then hang the towel back up", if I'm lucky, the water will be wiped up, but the towel will never be hung back up. Instead it'll be tossed on the counter, in the sink, left on the floor, kicked into a corner, etc.
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Feeding kids is the bane of my existence. It is SO hard to constantly come up with wheat-free, healthy, and filling meals. They all eat a ton. I need some suggestions for quick and easy lunches that are not sandwiches.
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My 4th grader is doing SWI-A. Neither of us understand how to write the story sequence outline. Can he just tell me what he wants to write and we figure out the outline from that? Or just skip Unit 3 altogether? There’s got to be better ways to teach creative writing if that’s what they’re trying to do.
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The one thing I've not found a good GF substitute for is dinner rolls. The few I've googled for and tried have been fails. Does anyone have a good one they'd be willing to share?
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4 hours ago, Pen said:
I’ve been trying to figure that out. For our own family.
Figuring out why stuffed up obviously is part of it. Solving that if possible. (Air quality, fluids, possibly reactions to substances which may not technically be allergies...and may or may not respond to allergy meds). I agree with what Gardenmom5 wrote. And there can be non allergy sensitivity and inflammation from things other than foods also. For example to wool, polyester, wall paint, mold, lint, dust, or formaldehyde from things around in the air space...
And sleep can be evaluated to know if it’s affected in a way that there are known helps for...
If passages are small at nostril, there are over the counter nostril dilators (I’ve not found them very comfortable, but was just utterly amazed to realize that some people have a totally different experience of breathing!) ...
Obviously, if extremely congested, it’s not possible to breathe through nose, but if it is possible to breathe through nose, then doing so, through breathing meditation exercises, habit formation, etc, is supposed to itself help widen the (farther back) passages gradually .
There are also some skull tapping and movement exercises that can sometimes help drain sinuses, if that’s part of problem. Some people, I’ve read, tilt beds to help reduce clogging.
It doesn’t seem to be a single same reason and solution for everyone nor necessarily a single solution in every case. It can be that a small improvement from anti inflammatory diet and fixing dust problems and exercises together add up to help, though none alone would work, for example.
There’s a type of breathing sometimes called square breathing, or Seal breathing (because Navy SEALS are taught to use it) that can help in some cases. And it can also help to manage mood in some cases. SEALS use it to help reduce fear anxiety in dangerous situations, iirc.
If the mouth structure is still malleable, there’s a thing called Ortho ... forgot... I keep thinking Orthometrics but that’s not quite it. I’ll post a follow up if I can find the name.
Some of these things, like Seal breathing and other exercises, you can find You Tube videos showing how to do them on one’s own.
Sleep component can take a Sleep Lab to analyze and determine if there’s apnea with need for a machine at night. There are also Peak flow air measurers to determine how decreased from normal someone’s air flow may be...
We've actually been working with a myofunctional therapist for my 6 yo. It's mainly to see if it helps with his speech issues and/or reflux, but if she can teach him how to breathe through his mouth that'd be great too. He doesn't seem to have obvious physical causes of it unless his tongue tie is causing it. But even my 8 month old whose tongue tie was corrected at 3 weeks old is a mouth breather so...
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4 hours ago, bolt. said:
By "lowering your expectations" you can shift your view of "what success would be" -- which could stop you from feeling like a failure. Then, in turn, when you are less down on yourself, you might have more energy to dedicate towards goals and ideals beyond the basics.
For me, the basics are "Was I a good person all day today?" and "Did I provide for the basic necessities of life and child development?" -- two yesses, and I'm not a failure. Everything else is optional. How about you? What is 'basic success' for you? What's the minimum you need to accomplish in a day in order to 'not fail'?
Honestly, if I could get through a day without yelling that would be a success. Sometimes I manage...most of the time I don't. Then I feel horrible because I lost it yet again.
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15 hours ago, Tanaqui said:
Caedmyn, if you think your kids probably qualify for an ADHD diagnosis, is there a reason you haven't pursued it? (And if they're all "mouth breathers" is it possible that they're chronically congested, have sleep apnea, and are tired all the time? The effect of disrupted sleep can look an awful lot like ADHD in children, and I don't even want to imagine how it looks if your child has disrupted sleep AND is also, coincidentally, ADHD. It's not fair that unrested children should get hyper and inattentive rather than look sleepy and droopy all the time, but there it is.)
DH is not interested in evaluations. Research seems to show that meds make a difference short term, but not long term, so idk if I'd choose them anyway (and DH never would). I would seriously consider a trial to at least see how much of the difficulties are their issues and how much is ineptitude on my part in parenting. I don't think any of them are chronically congested. We've been doing some medical evaluations for the 6 YO, including a visit with an ENT, and he has no physical reasons for his mouth breathing and restless sleep (ie tonsils and adenoids look fine, no apparent signs of allergies). Perhaps they're just copying me because I'm a mouth breather too, even though I can breathe just fine through my nose. We've done a lot of food restrictions in the past and I don't see that anything that got worse for anyone when I gave up and started giving them dairy all the time, so apparently food sensitivities are not causing anyone's issues.
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20 hours ago, Storygirl said:
I think one of the things that hit me hard is that I had the life I had always wanted. I had always, always dreamed of being a stay at home mom. It was crushing to feel like I was failing at the one thing that I had so longed to do. I thought I was made for being a mother. And I felt that I was unable to do it well.
I always wanted to be a SAHM with a big family. I gave up a career as a police office which I loved for this. I probably had some unrealistic expectations about what it was going to be like, but this is so much harder and more unrewarding than anything I could have imagined.
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22 hours ago, scholastica said:
One thing stood out to me in your post. " I think kids should generally listen and do what they're told/asked the first time, at least most of the time." Why do you think this? Were you this type of child? Did you generally listen and do what you were told and asked first time as a child? Genuine question. If you did, your parents were very lucky they had you. I do think that is common among firstborns, but not even always then. If not, why not and why would you expect your own dc to be different? Next question, was your husband like that as a child? Is your husband like that now? A general rule follower? Are you? Our children can inherit some of our personality traits, just like eye color and hair color. So, they can inherit that tendency to follow rules and obey or not. Plus, they see how we interact with the world. The Charlotte Mason quote "A child is a person." is very apt in many situations. While, it does mean they are deserving of our respect and love because they are people, it also means they come with their own ideas, thoughts, feelings and desires. This applies to whether they want to brush their teeth and clean their room as much as it does to the fact that they randomly think to give you a hug. They don't see the world as you do just because you say so.
I was a rule-follower and generally a compliant, easy kid. I was also highly self-motivated with good executive function skills. Apparently none of my kids have inherited my genes. DH's mom says he was an easy child and he was pretty self-motivated also (boy is he stubborn though). Our kids all seem to have gotten all the difficult traits from both families.
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22 hours ago, StellaM said:
My perspective change ? Well, I've certainly developed quite a lot of parenting humility. If I'm ever a grandparent, I will likely not feel I can harass my children-in-law with my superior parenting outlook, lol
Can you look for a win elsewhere ? A lot of my self esteem atm is coming from my teaching work - lots of positive feedback, and they pay me too 🙂 I can put in effort into teaching which then pays off. It's important to have a couple of wins now and then. Other wins I've had come from crafting projects, and doing small things for a sibling that I know makes them happy.
Humility...yes, any illusions I used to have about my parenting or how other people's kids should behave are long gone. I apologized to a longtime friend the other day because I was a bit judgmental about her kids before I had any. Her kids were way better behaved than mine ever have been!
I do think it would be helpful if I could succeed somewhere else. Unfortunately doing anything else is difficult with a baby who nurses every 2 hours. I'm hoping to play in the adult basketball league this fall. I played bb in high school and haven't played since so that might be nice to do again.-
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13 yo and showers
in The Chat Board
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I am the wrong mom for girls’ days outs. I haven’t worn makeup except a bit of concealer occasionally since my wedding 15 years ago. I've had a manicure once, and didn’t particularly enjoy it. I casually tweeze my brows and take 5 mins a day to fix my hair and that’s it. I can show her basic hygenie stuff, but that's it. I think she’s a little young for makeup anyway, and I don’t see her taking the time to apply it properly, or to wash it off at night.