amo_mea_filiis.
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Posts posted by amo_mea_filiis.
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A few more thoughts:
"The good kid who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time" (kinda like the Hooker with the Heart of Gold movie Archetype)
We've all known that kid.
You don't want your kid to be that kid.
The kid gets breaks from adults and authorities at first bc he is a "good kid." But eventually, the incidents pile up and the breaks stop. People will stop caring about the details of why another kid got kneed in the face by your kid and just call the police or whatever.
That’s been our biggest talking point. He IS a good kid, but that’ll change if he’s kicking everyone’s ass. This is his second “good kid†incident, but the first didn’t involve adults or injuries. Not good at all.
From this point on, back off. Call me if needed. Walk away from the park. Sit on the sidelines. Whatever.
I’ll know next month, hopefully, if I can stick him in martial arts. The one place I called sounded exactly like what he needed. I know he wants and needs the physical side of the play fighting/wrestling, but not with the group he’s getting it from.
He’s not in the local school, and he’s not allowed in other peoples houses, so he misses a good bit of the drama. He only sees what the other kids are doing away from adults, which is worse, but also means he’s not as worked up if something happens.
The one kid is a big trouble maker (he was also involved in the first incident), but I really can’t put all the fault on a 10yo kid with a history of abuse and neglect.
The brothers are very rough and hyper and gossip is that they’ve been booted off other buses (I don’t know that I believe that, because the school will usually use a van for kids kicked off a bus). Those 3 boys are just not a good fit, and mine is now generally staying away from them. Generally, because he’d been grounded, then found a new computer game, so hasn’t even been out much to test this.
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No the brother 10 was a witness not the 10 in the fight.
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Correct. Had the fight been between 13 and his brother, ds would have stayed out. While the older brother is still stronger, if they’re allowed out and about alone knowing they fight, that’s different.
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BTDT x 4, though one was self reported with a voluntary case opened because someone in a position of power accused me of abuse, but then never reported. No way was I going to let his report hang over me, plus I had planned on pulling the kids from school, which made for really bad timing. My caseworker and I met monthly and talked about her future kids (she’d just gotten engaged) and that she wanted to homeschool.
I’ve had CYS here several other times for checks on safety plan kids. I don’t even give them the tour anymore. They go on their own or I send a kid (usually the kid they’re checking up on). Lol. All they do is check for food, flush the toilets, run the sinks and tubs for a second, and make sure there’s an acceptable sleeping space for whoever is here. Sometimes it’s a mattress on the floor (which is no different than our own beds) or a bunch of sleeping bags if I’ve got several kids at once.
When I call on someone, I don’t hotline it. I call the intake worker directly and not with a hunch.
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I don't think it's your son's place to punch another kid, even if he's doing it to defend another kid. He could get into serious trouble for that.
I respect your son's integrity and sense of fair play, but he really needs to get an adult when fighting or bullying get physical. I can understand that he might have no choice but to fight back if he is the one being attacked, but it sounds like that wasn't the case here.
If the situation is the type where he knows the smaller kid is going to get hurt before an adult can be called, perhaps your son can get another kid to help him break up the fight without actually throwing punches.
But again, I admire your son for not wanting to see a smaller child being hurt by an older, bigger kid.
We’ve talked a ton and role played, so I’m not excusing at all!
What happened... 13 and 10 were verbally arguing. 13’s English is poor, 10 likes to push buttons. 13 pushes 10 to the ground. Mine told 13 to stop, they all continued walking.
Now they’re in front of 13’s house with his 10yo brother; no adults home. Mine was sitting with that 10yo while the other two were still verbally arguing.
13 threw 10 to the ground again, mine told them to seriously stop, mostly telling 10 to go home.
13 grabbed 10 and went to pin and punch (frequent wrestling so they all know each other’s moves). Mine jumped up and grabbed 13 in a low headlock, which usually ends it. 13 was still swinging at 10. Mine is yelling at 10 to go away, and 13 to calm down. Right before 13 was going to get his pinning grip on mine, mine brought his knee up (wether or not he intended to knee him, he got yelled at by me and knew it was wrong).
13 went down and mine grabbed 10 and forced him to leave (physically pulling him away, because now 13 was throwing rocks), and mine went to the Y to beat the punching bags, mad at 10. He didn’t realize he’d actually hurt 13 until he got home where he started freaking over 10’s behavior (similar to yelling in your car over being cut off, but the other driver can’t see or hear you).
He stopped when I told him what 13 looked like. He spent the afternoon upset and crying, before I told him he was grounded.
13’s brother admitted to seeing the second half that happened at his house, and that 13 was truly going after 10. Mine and the brother have no idea how the verbal part escalated. Mine, 13, 13’s family, and me are all good. It happened. All the boys were wrong, no true harm came, none of them should be around 10 (but at the same time we acknowledge 10 is dealing with abuse/neglect of some kind and still want to protect him a little).
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This doesn’t sound like kids arguing over the rules in sandlot baseball. It sounds like the group is getting steered into fights and violence. I don’t see what good will come from a group of unsupervised 10-15 year olds running around and fighting.
If I remember correctly, the OP already has trouble with her son, aside from this group. He doesn’t need to be hanging with a crowd that is already going downhill. (Apologies to the OP if I got her and her son mixed up with another poster.)
It’s likely me. He’s a butt at home when there are demands, but is honestly a good kid (which is why he defended a kid he can’t stand!). Strong empathy, but very “behavioral.†And if anyone ever said my son did x (any one of a billion long standing home behaviors) I would never say he did not do it. Like the whole fight. The first story I got from the boy and family was that my son walked up to him out of the blue and kneed him in the head. Not a chance! I didn’t deny involvement, just sequence of events.
I do want him to navigate stuff without me, but not to the point of fighting. The boys of the group play fight and wrestle a lot. This is how mine knew the attacking 13 year old was way stronger than the trouble making 10 year old.
It’s a boy/girl mixed group, and they’re the better behaved group. Some of the other kids he played with years ago have moved over to the smoking/drinking/vandalizing group. Most other kids do not live within walking distance of town.
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I guess I knew this. Sigh.
I’ll slowly pull him back.
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He does drum lessons as well.
I just called the martial arts school I am considering for him.
They have classes 5 nights a week, but they're after curfew, so it doesn't pull too much time from his free time.
We're going to check out a class on Tuesday or Thursday (after I get my fuel pump fixed. Ugh!).
It's getting cold, so there won't be easy ways for general floating around.
He loves to swim. I'll check the schedule and see if there's open swim in the early afternoon.-
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Ok. I’ll observe and have them come here for a while. I know the core group is a decent bunch. It seems the newer to the area kids, or group outliers are more of a problem. Maybe.
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I think tag/playing like kids, to general hanging out is a normal progression. I just got lucky that my son was content with playing for so long. He just turned 13. He’ll still run around and play.
I do keep him at least a little busy. He’s got Young Marines, volunteers at the library, goes to the gym, and will be starting martial arts. But not being in regular school means he doesn’t have hours of homework and he can get chores done during the day.
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I thought boys were easier in the drama world! Just in case you only read bits and pieces, I will be following my son around for a bit before this gets serious. We are in a very small town. There are only so many places the kids can go to just hang out.
My son hangs out with a big group of kids. Just in the last few months (maybe as long as a year, but winter keeps us indoors a bit changing timeline perceptions) my son has gone from rounding up little kids at the parks for tag, to hanging with a peer aged group. He didn't grow up hanging with same aged peers. He has played these same kids over the years, but when the other kids switched from running and playing to hanging out, my son stayed behind.
He's also never cared about arguments between big kids. He doesn't pick sides and is happy to hang out with any fighters individually. Until recently, he just seemed to never get involved, or there wasn't much to get involved with.
Outliers of the group are C&J (brothers. C is 10. J is 13 and the one my son got into a fight with), and F (F is the not liked kid my son was defending). Oh, there was this other J at one point who is also 10. (the rest of the group is 13-15. I don't know how these younger kids fell in.
Anyway, it seems that F is causing trouble. He's mouthy (coming from ME, that's a lot!). He's been "beat up" by other J (other J has been in martial arts most of his life. He says he had no choice but to drop F to get him to stop. I'm inclined to believe because it's the same story all the time from everyone else!), J, and my son punched a wall over him. He curses a lot at the playground. It's possible he's intentionally trying to stir the pot by telling people that x said he's doing this, and telling x that people are going to do this. This has not been confirmed, which is why I left it vague. (Completely separately, F was suspended from school over another telling x and people issue, so it is confirmed that he's done the same thing to other people).
F moved on our block in August, and it's been drama ever since. My son's far from an angel! But he has a reputation as a great kid in public, and he knows the public eyes will come back to me. He always played with little kids at the parks. He broke up little kid fights. He got "attacked" and had a blast. He even played with his psychiatrist's son for many years. Every summer, I get compliments from older adults who walk the park, other parents, and even the police. He was allowed to stay at the pool alone from 11 instead of the required 13 because he not only followed rules, but helped a lot while Y camp was there (new guards are always told that if a Y camper is doing something, just yell for my son and point. Lol). At home though, he can be a mouthy little snot, so I know it's in him to be a punk.
So I have no idea what to do about all this. I spoke with F's mom, who seems to accept that F is a little wild, but doesn't understand that he has done some potentially vicious things. I have personally caught F in 2 lies, and he does so with this fake deer in headlights look trying to play innocent little 10 year old.
I was going to just leave it, but F's mom just texted and it's clear she doesn't know how much trouble F is getting in. She just said she did the same thing; ring and run, getting into fights, and eventually going home. She said C&J's mom is trying to deflect what J did to F. I don't see that. J's mom initially wanted to involve the police over the black eye my son gave J, but once she found out my son was stopping J from beating F, and her other son C was a witness, she decided we just handle it as a boy fight. She never once denied J's fault in the fight. We do agree that our boys were wrong, but we also think F may be fueling some of this for fun.
When I tell my son to stay away from F, he says he can't because F keeps following them. Separately, I get the same thing from other kids! After a kid says something about F, I ask "why don't you just stay away from him?" I get "OMG! I TRY SO HARD BUT HE JUST FOLLOWS US!"
I will follow my son around a bit for a while. I will encourage the group to use our yard and porch as a hangout place.
But beyond that, I have no clue what to do. My son's SLP has already been working on how to handle conflict verbally and appropriately, and now is able to bring real life scenarios to the table (I message her with the drama of the day). My son and the kids really do seem to be running out of acceptable social ways to tell this kid off.
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So apparently my issue is just with air squats. Wall balls are perfect. :)
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My ds qualified for disability when he was 4-5. We moved to PA in 2010, then had major income changes in 2012. Found out social security seriously underpaid him for the last 5 years.
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Is there a program or anything that will do something like this...?
(Those with difficult kids understands that the computer saying no is a different and more tolerable dynamic than a parent redirecting or saying no. So please don’t suggest I just say no!)
My kids are in cyber school. My son’s curriculum is heavily modified, so it’s very limited in what he needs to use.
On Monday morning he has 3 almost back to back 1:1 live lessons. The teachers may or may not use YouTube. So he needs access to the school stuff freely.
Then Tue-Thur he has virtual speech and math live lesson.
The rest of the time he only has science and social studies book work (on the computer and textbook).
So I want to time block his computer from everything but the school website until 2:30, but with an easy option to open it up for the rare occasion he’s compliant and finishes quickly.
Will that Disney thing work for this?
We’ve used K9, but it’s too difficult for what we need.
I have the option to buy something if it fits the parameters.
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I have (symptomatic) accessory navicular bones on both feet. All shoes run right across it and aggravates the tendon. So I gave up. I only wear sneakers.
Right now there’s a brand of boy’s sneakers at Walmart that fits nice, so I have like 5 of them. Lol.
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In the hospital I volunteer in, patients and parents sign a form stating that if they choose for someone to be in the room while a care provider (MD, RN, PT, etc.) is in the room that you are giving the care provider permission to speak freely in front of them. It is also the practice for them to ask for privacy and get a verbal consent to speak freely at the time.
These forms are available in multiple languages and are given to the parent or patient in the language of their choice.
FWIW, we have in hospital translators and we have access to a video translation service if the translator can't be there. The video translation service also has more languages than we have translators available.
Hopefully the registration paperwork will also be made available in other languages.
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Exactly. There are ways to obtain consent but no discussion of the patient should have occurred without the hospital staff knowing who the OP was and obtaining consent.
I guess if someone is in the ER, on the chair next to patient’s bed, the doc or staff may not think anything of it.
In September when my son broke his hand, we ended up on the other side of the curtain of someone we know. We mutually just left of open and the PA spoke freely to both of us. PA was laughing because I scolded acquaintance about not coming in sooner and refusing to drink water, while she scolded my son for punching a wall. Lol
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I spoke with risk management, and she’s going to bring it up at this week’s meeting. They’ll make sure all staff are trained in getting the discharge papers (hopefully other stuff as needed) printed in whatever languages the program has. Im not sure what else, but she sounded like she would do something, and not just let it go.
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Wow, that's pretty crazy! Even if they knew you could speak Spanish, how could they have trusted you to know it well, and it get all of the important information correct? This type of stuff is going to happen more in more even in communities that never had these experiences.
But I don't think I'd trust Google Translate either. Aren't there telephone translation services? It would be so easy to just pick up the phone, request the language you need, and have a telephone translator be the go-between.
Had there been a fracture or any serious after care, I would have insisted. But it was just bruising with no school restrictions.
I don’t fully trust translate apps, so I made sure to use simple words, no contractions, etc.
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I called the hospital and got the nurse supervisor, who said this is great for risk management, who I left a voicemail with.
This is the second time I’ve gotten up their butts to make others more aware. First was when my legally consent able teen tried to get labs and was refused. Now everyone in that hospital knows what to do if a 14+ kid walks in alone. Lol.
At a minimum, all staff need to offer print materials in Spanish. Thankfully mom is Spanish literate. The whole family is at least enough to community because we type into translate and pass the phone back and forth.
My son is not in regular public! He’s cyber schooled.
I will be following up with them again. I plan to have them over for pizza soon. I’m going to find someone who speaks Spanish, or get a good conversation app.
My son likes this kid and his brother. What caused the fight was the kid repeatedly throwing this other kid to the ground (mine and hurt kid are 13, other kid is 10) and not laying off. Mine put him in a headlock (this group of boys wrestles and play fights daily) which usually ends the battle. It didn’t and kid was still trying to get at other kid. So my genius brought his knee up a bit too forceful and gave the kid a big shiner. Thankfully that was all it was. My son spent the afternoon in tears because he didn’t want to hurt him but didn’t know how to get him to stop.
To add to it, mine can’t stand the 10 year old who is a serious trouble maker. He’s been suspended from school twice this year. Mine only got involved because the younger kid is no match for the hurt kid by a very long shot.
This all started between hurt kid and other kid over a SCOOTER! A push scooter.
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Professionally, they really should have had you translate medical privacy laws/regulation basics and get the mom's consent before running the info through you.
I didn’t even think of that! I think because the doc came in and started talking to the kid so fast, it didn’t even occur to me.
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With technology, shouldn’t this be unacceptable?
I pulled up google translate. Couldn’t they take the time to do it?
Our ESL teacher doesn’t even speak anything other English.
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Not a big Spanish population at all (we’re still working on just allowing other colors; forget other languages!) but the only other language around here is Spanish.
The treating doc just looked so confused. The younger PA stepped in to get the Spanish papers.
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That’s the thing, it was “just†Spanish! Not some obscure language! None of the docs had a medical translating app?
What bugged me most was that somehow kid squeaked by as translator.
The staff didn’t even realize when the injury had occurred! I corrected a lot.
I can’t imagine how scary it would be to not be able to speak to the staff! :(
They didn’t even have one of those “point to your language†signs.
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Oh I am calling tomorrow.
They couldn’t have thought I was a translator because I told them to find someone and they saw mom and I conversing though google translate. Meaning, they spoke, I typed, handed to mom.
I know there’s a phone service or something that would have been available!
If he’d had any injuries, I would have pushed it more. But the biggest problem was honestly trying to explain the ibuprofen dosing and possibly using Tylenol between if needed.
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Have you dealt with teen boy drama? Mostly needed to write it out I guess.
in The Chat Board
Posted
Only running is through the Y, and he’s not interested. :( I may force it though (I’ll blame it on having read Spark. Lol).
I don’t want to stick him in MA without being confident in the instructors. The one I can absolutely afford, I don’t like what I’ve seen. The classes through the Y are also not discipline focused enough. I’d rather pay for a class where he stands there getting poked at and is t allowed to respond, over a class where he learns technique without strong direction.
He’s got the beginning discipline from Young Marines, but our unit is too little and not a lot comes out of it. It’s more a status symbol at this point. Because the meetings are no longer consistent, he fights going (too bad).
He can’t do school sports because we’re cyber, not home anymore. His best/favorite friend is in cross country, so maybe I can convince them to do the Y’s running club together.
He’ll know what I’m doing if all of a sudden he’s got scheduled activities daily from 3-6pm, which would lead to refusals and home behaviors. So I have to be careful to not push him away.