AuntieM
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Posts posted by AuntieM
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I can't tell you how much I appreciate the thoughtful responses!
We scrimp and pinch like you wouldn't believe. We do eat organically but believe in it ethically so I shop at five different places to enable this (and use no processed foods; cook everything from scratch, buy in bulk, have a "price book" of where each thing costs the least and buy it there, etc). My car is 9 yrs old but we paid cash for it-I went for 8 months at the time with no car after my old one died and before we could finish saving the money to be able to pay cash. (My one occasional "splurge" is curriculum but I rarely buy new, and always resell, etc. But even that has drastically curtailed in the past few yrs.) We do not buy new clothes-almost all from consignment, etc., etc.
So we pinch like crazy! There is not much else left to pinch. I laughed when I saw the thing about selling toys like boats-only because it is so far from our reality as to be funny (although of course I totally get what the poster meant-I just WISH we had something to sell!) We have not been on vacation for ten years (other than an occasional cheap wkend overnight once every few yrs.) We have a tiny TV (20") that a df gave us yrs ago and no cable. The Lord does help us and has helped us to have me be home all these yrs to homeschool. I just wonder if all this is the Lord calling me to something different now, but I hope and pray NOT! (And I am very familiar w/ DR but dh is not interested.)
So anyway, I am going to talk to dh tonight. The 401k thing sounds awful, after reading this. I think maybe a personal loan would prbly be a much better option than that. Or something else. We do need to do something for piece of mind!
Please DO NOT use one of those debt consolidation services! Only take out a loan for an interest rate lower than you are currently paying. A loan really won't help your cash flow. There are sharks in the financial industry just waiting to take advantage of people in your situation. They will take your debt and and manipulate the loan payments to give you a low monthly payment, only for you to discover - after you have signed on the dotted line - that you will have to make those monthly payments every month for the rest of your life! So be careful and wise. Be sure that you well understand the terms of any loan you consider.
Your next step, if you haven't done this already, is to contact those creditors and (as another poster said upthread) negotiate some hardship terms - lower interest, forgiveness of late charges - be bold and ask for the moon!
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It would be the last food related event they were invited to in my home.
We have an acquaintance that won't keep the big dog out of the kitchen, paws on counter, table, snatching licks and gobbles at every chance. After witnessing this twice we stopped (ETA Oops! Started, not stopped!) declining invitations to eat there. Actually love the dog, non-food occassions are fine, but if there's a meal wanted - we know a lot of good restaurants that don't allow animals.
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You are 100% incorrect. Due to the penalties associated with early withdrawal from a 401K (10%) and the associated taxes (assuming it is a traditional 401K) on the money withdrawn, pulling money out to pay off debt does not make sense financially.
It's not always about the financial good sense. Sometimes it's about being able to sleep at night because you have the peace of knowing you don't have creditors circling over you.
Believe me, that is hard for me to say as I tend to agree with your position. But I think it is incorrect to say that FaithManor is 100% incorrect.
OP, I will echo what others have said about counting the cost of penalties and taxes. Also, do see if your 401K plan is designed so you can "borrow" from yourself.
Above all, do commit to staying debt free in the future and building an emergency fund to help Murphy-proof your finances.
ETA One more caveat - I say the above with the assumption that you have exhausted all efforts at generating additional income to pay down the debt. That you have considered part time work or swapping a high-monthly-payment vehicle for a cheap beater 'til you're out of debt. You get the picture - the 401K is a last resort.
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I have gotten three past these years. With my oldest, 11/12 was the worst age.
I agree that physical effort is important.
I also think you need to be mindful of his need to excel at things outside of the family. Whatever he likes and is good at, find a way he can work, make and reach goals, and demonstrate ability in the eyes of others. I know there is plenty in the bible you could quote against this, and we need perspective, but in a healthy way, most boys really need to be able to show what they can do. Sports provides that for some, scouts or 4H for other ,chess club ...whatever.
I personally disagree with the advice to turn discipline over to a DH unless dad is actually home and engaged all day. Even then, I don't think we do our boys any favors to buy into the idea that boys should not have to accept motherly authority. Your son will likely have female bosses and senior co workers. This is true even in "manly" professions. For me, I just never accepted the idea that authority was based on size or gender. My dh served 20 years in the Marine Corp and my son is cop. Neither of them would have good careers if they couldn't deal with female bosses!
But you also have to think about your leadership skills and figure out how to use your strengths as a leader. Good leadership is not nagging. It doesn't yell. Good leaders don't cry or lash out. They don't over punish, lay guilt trips, give in to needling, over-react. I think with boys, you have to emotionally detach a bit and keep a calm demeanor. Some boys really feel superior when they get a rise out of mom. Be above that.
Part of this is having a plan. Even though I find his snotty attitude off putting, I think John Rosemond's book "Teen Proofing" did a great job belong dh and I have a calm and reasonable plan.
:iagree:
Most excellent advice, Danestress! Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you everyone! I never would have considered strep. I hope I'm not too late by tomorrow.
I'll see the doctor tomorrow.
Strep doesn't start having bad side effects until it goes unchecked for more than 10 days, according to my doc.
Honestly, it could be a wicked virus, with the way the fever comes and goes (does it come back higher starting in the evening?), but after this much time, it's worth a strep test.
Hey ya know, since you've made the decision to go in, you've increased the odds of waking up tomorrow feeling just fine....;)
Hope you're well soon!
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Maybe I'm just used to girls and know how to handle them. It's rough, but I know what to expect and what to do. And I think my ds is just very difficult. There are times when I just don't like him very much. I always love him, but "liking" is a totally different thing.
From your sig line, it looks like you do have more experience/familiarity with girls!
Personally, with couple of each, if I had to choose, I'd say the guys are easier. Yes, challenging, but more "what you see is what you get." There seems to often be a tangible fix to their issues (ie, more exercise). But wow, that debate is enough for a whole 'nother thread!
I think the hardest thing for me as a parent is the hour by hour flip between thinking like a girl and thinking like a boy. It's exhausting. I always think moms with single-gender offspring have it easier - but there's another debate for another thread!
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Wow, I think you are doing a wonderful job handling this difficult situation.
I was driving yesterday with the radio on and heard part of a program that made me think of you. It was Randy Carlson's Intentional Living. You may be able to get the podcast for June 9, 2012. I didn't hear the show in its entirety, but the part I heard spoke directly to your young friend's circumstances. If you can listen to it, I hope you would find it helpful.
Stay the course! This young lady is blessed to have you in her life!
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Just want to echo Scouts. The things your son will learn will foster a sense of confidence and achievement. It will also provide for outside physical activity.
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Yes, our doc calls this "quiet asthma." Elegantlion, that little niggling cough, especially at night, is a common symptom.
A low peak flow meter reading, and/or an inconsistent one over time, should be a sufficient indicator for meds. But insurance companies don't like to give you xoponex if they can get you to take albuterol, it's expensive. I did a few go-rounds with our provider and our doc finally wrote them a letter saying the Rx was for xoponex only, not a generic albuterol substitute. Unfortunately, it's all about the money. My copay still is higher, but least I can actually afford it when it's needed ($26 covered, $150 not covered).
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I don't mind paying a bit more at a local store when my budget allows it, but I can't pay twice the price for the same item. I would be a poor shepherd of my family's limited resources if I did that (at least that's how I feel about it).
Now, if money were no object....
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I am not always on the same page as James Dobson, but I found his book Bringing Up Boys to be insightful when my guys were tweens. It is from a Christian perspective, but explains some behaviors from a psychological perspective.
You may also appreciate Get Out of My Life! But First Could You Take Me & Cheryl to the Mall? (I think I got the second part of that title right). It talks about the fight to establish a self identity that most kids go through in their early teen years.
Both of these books should be available from your library.
Also, physical activity is key. We found the martial arts were both physical enough (full-body involvement) and demanding enough (hard!) to be a good outlet for all that hormonal tension. It was especially good for my guys, but good for my oldest daughter, too. I personally believe that hormonal shifts cause poor sleep, poor sleep exacerbates cranky behavior, and physically spent kids sleep more soundly. Pursuing some strenuous sport or activity would be my first step.
HTH!
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I am half through Alan Bradley's fourth installment in the Flavia de Luce detective series (I Am Half-Sick of Shadows). I keep thinking what a great film this would make.
Hope the folks at the BBC are paying attention. It would be a shame to let some US company get ahold and Americanize it.
Who else wants to see Flavia on the big screen?
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I didn't read all the replies, but I DID read the ages of your kids. Cut yourself some slack, hon!!!
When I had three tiny mess makers in the house, I couldn't keep it all straight, either. What I did was to identify a few areas to stay on top of as best I could: the foyer/ front room, in case someone knocked on the door; the kitchen area (no toys on floor), to prevent accidents; and my bedroom, because dh and I needed a sanctuary! Other things that helped were to rotate the toys (they don't ALL have to be out at once), get rid of unnecessary items (not a knick knack in sight), and work with the kids on helping to straighten up together at strategic times.
I also took the mail straight to the trash can and "sorted" much of it into the round file right off the bat, then put the rest on dh's dresser - cause mostly all we got was junk mail and bills. No paper stacking on the kitchen counter. If you must, get a basket and don't allow it to overflow.
That's all off the top of my head. Hang in there, this season will pass and then you will miss all the grimy little fingerprints. But not the Lego pieces left on the bedroom floor in the dark of night. :D
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If you grill or broil the chops, you can make a salsa verde to jazz 'em up. In a small bullet blender I combine a bit of onion, olive oil, cilantro and a dash of sea salt. Fresco and yummy! It's an Atk!ns recipe and you can find it on their website to get the exact proportions.
That Alton Brown recipe looks delicious - I'll be trying that one soon, thanks!
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We are in a pink area (per the linked map) and one of my kids had a tick that had been there for more than a day (the things little kids don't think are important to tell mom...urg!). The after hours nurse said I could come in the next day, but that 24 hours was their benchmark for giving prophylactic antibiotics. Since our practice does have an after hours office, we just went in. I'm glad we did, because that sucker was hard to get off. I would have certainly dismembered it, and I think that's where the infection risk goes up - when you leave just the embedded head (um, yeah, gross...). We knew we were going to have to go in for an Rx anyway, we just got *all* our money's worth. ;)
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We did not look at graduation rates, but DID look at acceptance rates of each university's graduates to med schools and physics programs at several post-baccalaureate institutions in which ds is interested.
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Well gosh, between a blood sugar roller coaster and the depression that is not uncommon after a CVA or major coronary incident, no wonder she's been down! What a blessing that her son has the training to recognize these things. Hope things turn around soon.
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:grouphug:
Sorry, Jean.
I hope that your dh will be able to have some good straight talk with her which will help her to rally.
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Take it in and let them have a look, I bet they'll give you a free estimate.
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Not a professional, but I believe it depends on the addiction. For instance, drug addiction/long term drug use alters the brain's physiology. I don't know that non-chemical addictions do that - perhaps that makes them easier to break?
I also believe that, with God, all things are possible. But I think there's a lot involved on the part of the addicted person, the desire to not be addicted, etc. I'm sure it requires good professional help.
:grouphug: to you, Julie. I've been thinking about you.
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Hey Nakia, I know it's not the same situation, but laundrycrisis gave a great reply in another thread (jihat's teens & promiscuity, p2).
Aside from the tell/don't tell issue, it might be beneficial to have a heart to heart with her along laundrycrisis' suggestion, ie, what kind of person do you want to be and how do your current choices reflect that?
Also, since my first reply, I am thinking about the young man involved. I would assume there's a lot of pressure on her from that direction. I would be on the lookout for signs of manipulation or abuse.
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Thanks, Brenda! I am glad to see this, I will have to check out the book. I am often in the doghouse with the super Christian patriots in my extended family. Nice to know I don't stand alone.
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The bank tells me there are no closing costs, which makes me wonder, how are they benefitting from this?
Well, in our case at least, the closing costs must have been covered by the stimulus package funds. When the lending agent called to solicit our refinance, he told my husband they were doing this (at that time) because the time limit for them to do so (I mean for the lending institution to utilize stimulus offerings) was about to expire. Dh was told that these funds had been designated for assisting those wishing to take out a mortgage or refinance, but since there was no rush of clients doing it on their own, the lender was actively soliciting current mortgage holders with refinance offers. Now if there were funds involved and used, and I can tell you they didn't pay down our principle, then how were the funds used? I'm pretty sure they were paid directly to the lender on our behalf. Yes, it was to our benefit, but no, it wasn't a "free" refinance.
I don't know if that's the case for everyone in this thread, but it is what happened to us.
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The "catch" for us was that shortly after a lender-instigated refinance (which did benefit us, financially), we received a letter telling us our loan had been reassigned.
We now officially owe our mortgage payments to a US government agency (a periphery one, sort of like Sallie Mae is to student loans, I just can't remember which). Seems the original lender could gain some profit from one of the stimulus packages by repackaging our loan, or some such nonsense.
I am pleased we got a lower interest rate. But I would much prefer the money was owed to a private lender. Gotta wonder, though, if there is truly such a thing anymore. :glare:
OP, the general rule of thumb is that your interest rate must decrease by 2% to make the refinance worthwhile after closing costs. Of course, if you are currently in any kind of adjustable rate mortgage and have the opportunity to switch to a fixed rate in the refinance, that would be a good thing.
Do you always do the "sensitivity test" before trying a new haircolor?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Never done it.
And I've never visited a professional colorist who dabbed on a bit of dye and told me to come back in 24 hours, either.
FWIW, there was a thread about this a while back, and iirc, the risk is mostly from a substance used in the darker tones.