Bambam
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Posts posted by Bambam
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In our area (TX), some Early Childhood intervention group (name is slightly different in different counties) will come to your home and evaluate 3 yo and under to see if they are meeting milestones/need help/therapy/etc. I expressed my concern about my youngest's lack of understandable words, so she set up that evaluation process. They came weekly to our home to provide speech therapy until she aged out of the in-home stuff. I could have arranged to take her to the local public school for more free help, but that free help was A in a public school (so take along the older child) and B have therapy with a group of other children that also need help (so I did not think it would be as effective as individual therapy). But this stuff was all free - regardless of your income level.
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Not exactly what you are after but maybe these would work?
https://www.amazon.com/SWACC-Highlights-Extensions-Multi-Colors-Hairpieces/dp/B01N11N0VB -
First house was an assumable loan - married for 1.5 years, 23?24? years old. We lived there maybe 1.5 years until I graduated from college and got my first professional job, and we moved to be closer to my work.
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How bizarre.
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I am thankful my MIL decided to give up driving when we moved her here. I was leaning highly towards advising her strongly to give it up (she has never been a good driver anyway), but my DH wanted to wait and see if she could make that decision.
Another elderly lady I know decided herself. She knew she was getting physically weaker and her reaction times were not what they once were. So, she would go out and just drive around her neighborhood - during the day when there was very little traffic and pretty sure to have no one home - and try to evaluate whether she could handle an emergency situation. She decided that she was not sure she would have the strength to rapidly turn the wheel should it be needed, so she decided to give up driving. She did keep her car for a couple of years though - so other folks could drive her the places she needed to go.
I've been helping some elderly ladies, and one thing I had never noticed/realized before, processing time slows down as you get older. Majorly old, major slow down. Definitely not a good thing if driving.-
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Hum, I'm probably going to be an outlier here.
I wouldn't make up my mind now nor would I promise my mother anything, but things change. But when the time comes, I'd have to re-evaluate and see if it makes sense to invite your brother. A - at least now your Mom is against him coming (and quite frankly, I can understand. If he comes and says various things, even though it shouldn't, it may well reflect on other's opinion/memory of your mom - and that may be what concerns her?) B. How stable your brother seems to be mentally then C - how well you (and your family and any other siblings) are doing to have to deal with the added stress/potential drama if your brother does act out during the funeral.
Yes, I know funerals for the grieving, but if you are the one closest to mom, doing the things for her, drama brother really isn't involved/helpful/etc, then I would make it easy on me and follow mom's wishes. And I would not feel guilty at all. But that might also depend upon how stable/unstable/possible consequences of not telling brother too - if that might result in negative consequences to me or my family, then I would tell him and just be prepared to pretend you aren't related.
Disclaimer - I may feel this way because I'm in sorta the same situation as your mom, so I'm probably not the most level evaluator of the situation.
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2 hours ago, kirstenhill said:
There's also nothing wrong with reading kid's books if you are looking for books that are clean. I'm reading through the Newbery award/honor books and writing reviews (there's 400 some, so it's a multi year project). It's super interesting to see how children's lit changes over time. Some are interesting, some are wonderful, some seem laughably terrible now...but it's an interesting journey.
I think this could also be useful if you posted a Common Sense Media type book review giving heads up about potential issues with books. I know my kids read a LOT of books, and at an age I would have preferred to have an easy site to negotiate to have an overview of plot, any potential discussion topics, etc. We did CM, so having a general idea of plot would have been so helpful for books they read for school, but I simply did not have the time to read them all.
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35 minutes ago, marbel said:
It's OK to just say no. "Thank you for thinking of me, but no, I'm not able to take on that commitment/assignment[whatever sounds best]."
I would not give an explanation about your beliefs. That's likely to cause confusion and possibly intrusive questions.
When a better opportunity for serving presents itself, you can sign up. Till then, you don't have to explain yourself.
I second this. Nothing wrong with saying no.
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13 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:
I think I'm going to put on a Dickens audiobook and try to bore myself to sleep.
Yep, that should do it!
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Um, I have some things on my schedule that are there regardless of where I am/what I am doing.
Shower first thing. I absolutely have to do this or I feel awful. Take my meds right after that. Eat breakfast right after that (blood sugar issues means I'd better be doing this or things will go downhill quickly). My DH knows this and works around it. When we travel, he lets me take a shower first or asks me if he can go first.
I read my Bible at night before bed (but I'm re-thinking that time frame, because although it is very convenient and easy to tuck in the schedule, I'm not always 100% mentally alert/functional at bedtime).
But when we travel, we agree on the schedule/things to do. I usually make a list of things I think we both would like - some are things he would definitely like/enjoy but I'm iffy on, and some are things I definitely want to do but things he really isn't interested in, and some things are things we are both interested in/enjoy doing. We sorta make a plan every day what we will be doing. Sometimes he does my things, sometimes I do his things. That is a partnership.
Now, when he was working and I traveled to visit him, he went off (back when you had to go to work!), and I decided what I wanted to do that day, having made plans/arrangements for the evening when he thought he would be back.
But my point is, there are some things you can schedule and not shift or ignore in other places. Not everything, no, but the basics (whatever those basics fundamental things are to you!) can be set up and just let everyone know they are non-negotiable. I have a friend who lays down to have a quiet time/rest every day from 3:30-4:30. Now in a medical emergency she would give that up, but otherwise, guests or no, she has her quiet time. (I don't actually know what she does then, but she goes into her room and closes the door and no one interrupts her - call her on the landline and her husband will tell you that she can get back to you after 4:30. She doesn't answer her cell then either.) So figure out what habits are the basic-foundational-need-to-have-to-nurture-you, and determine where to stick them I find that right when I wake up - or right before bed is the easiest time for me to put those so they always get done. Not always, but I did struggle on the morning I had to take a relative in super early for surgery, but most all of the time, I can find a way to do them - get up a little early, go to bed a little early/whatever.
I think it is fine to ask a spouse for help - if that spouse is the habit kind of person too. My DH is not a habit person, more random than that, so it just doesn't work for him.-
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Maybe you could only scan the board on some sort of periodic but infrequent basis (say weekly) and "follow" the threads you wish to watch/participate in, and then just go to "Manage Followed Content" (found under your user name on the top right of the desktop WTM) and then you would just see the threads you have followed? Not perfect, but it would cut down on seeing threads that you do not want to see.
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We've had this happen semi-often throughout the last 6 months or so. It has mostly been vitamins/supplements. Sometimes they ask about substitutions (different brand same sort of thing). But when I've checked, the same vitamin/supplement/same manufacturer/often the same size is still available, so I end up having that sent to me without the 10-15% discount. I've assumed either Amazon can't figure out the exact same thing is available under a very slightly different description or just doesn't care because that isn't in their financial interest?
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Hopefully they will total the car and you can start over - annoying but better than fighting.
A friend's grandson had a very minor accident in his pretty new Toyota. All four airbags were deployed, so the insurance folks totaled it because replacing those airbags is extremely pricey. Unfortunately he did not have gap insurance, so he still owed some money on his very new car.-
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Yeah, that is a big no, you may not wash my windows without proper equipment, backup, insurance, etc.
I'd report them to the local law enforcement personnel. Maybe they are legit and stupid, but a couple of them? I wonder how many simply felt sorry for them and gave them money. The local sheriff deputies would have stopped by to talk with them. You also have to have some sort of permit to go door-to-door here, and the local sheriff is good about posting what group/person has those on the county FB page.
That said, no one reports the Girl Scouts or your local neighbor kids who are going door-to-door selling their cookies or fund raising stuff.-
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One thing I will add, my relative got both knees done and one hip before she turned Medicare age. Once she hit Medicare age, the requirements for getting a hip replaced were tougher. If she had got that last hip replaced last year, she would not have to lose any more weight. But due to Medicare requirements (at least according to her doctor), she has to lose an additional 25 pounds in order to qualify for the surgery. She had lost some between each of the previous surgeries, so she was much heavier with the first knee replacement.
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I'm going to give up (maybe) and wear my reading glasses while scrolling through the WTM.
I was SURE the thread topic was "Basement Fishing". That sounds intriguing, let's check this out, and wouldn't it smell. Oops. "Finishing" not "Fishing".-
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We still have a landline as well (poor cell service in our area). We get several robo calls but no where that many! I just don't answer the phone unless I know the person who is calling. Most folks don't call our landline any more, so that makes it somewhat easier. But it is super annoying. Often the Caller Id identifies someone as "real last name, real first name", and if you fall for that and actually answer it, it is Spectrum or TV Services.
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Most times I've been told to donate or keep the item, but a few times they have wanted whatever shipped back.
But, IMHO, the way for the retailer to do that is like Zappos. They mistakenly sent me a pair of baby shoes instead of the adult shoes I had ordered, so they immediately credited my account with a $25 gift certificate, emailed me a pre-printed mailing label to tape on the box, arranged for USP to come pick up that package, and arranged for the shoes I had ordered to be shipped right away. That is customer service!-
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I have two USB rechargeable hand warmers. They are nice, but they are heavy, fairly fat (even the thinnest one), and they only really last about 4-6 hours (regardless of what the Amazon description says). And once they have no charge left, they are a brick. I much prefer the Hot Hands disposable ones - they last a good 7-8 hours, they are lightweight and flexible, they easily fit in a glove and still allow you to do most whatever you want, and when they are not warm, you can toss them. I can easily fit the Hot Hands in my jean pocket but the Zippo rechargeable hand warmer makes an odd bulge. So, if I'm heading out for a long day where I will need the hand warmer a lot or don't want to carry a lot of stuff with me, I'm using Hot Hands. If I'm going to church and going to be sitting in a drafty/cold building for a couple of hours, the Zippo rechargeable hand warmer is fine.
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One of my kids got an AirBnB in a major metroplex in the extreme south part of our country. Ad listed "A/C and Heat".
Turns out this place has a Space Heater. A Space Heater is their "heat". Starting this weekend, it is going to get cold there, and a space heater is just not going to cut it with two nights in a row well below freezing. Already with the temps in the 40s, it is not keeping the place warm enough. This space heater = heat isn't an issue 99.8% of the time in this city because you rarely, rarely need heat. I never would have thought about asking clarification of has heat - Oh, is that a space heater or what are you using for heat? They are trying to cancel the reservation and get at least part of the $$ back as they will have to find other accommodations.-
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My DH has talked about retiring plenty. However, I am afraid he would stay home in his home office and never leave the house except for church and garage sales. He did take some welding classes and has invested in a LOT of scrap metal so he has materials for whatever he decides to make with his welding machine - but seriously, there isn't a lot of useful stuff that he can make here (or that he has found yet!). I suspect he will once again decide to help me be more efficient (he rearranged my kitchen one Saturday when I was gone), which will need to some conflict. He is not interested in traveling at all - even to visit an adult child 1 hour away, I have to bribe him with a garage/estate sale/thrift shop visit (usually more than one) to get him to go. So, he is going to stay home, putter in his garage (welding, some woodworking stuff, rearranging and rearranging), probably do some gardening, read books, watch youtube videos.
I find a lot of my time is spent helping others - taking MIL and other older ladies to medical appointments, shopping for them, visiting, etc. I'm glad to help out and have met some really interesting older ladies who have great stories to tell. I finally have time to read more (so hard before!) and can work on my flower beds (we have too many!). I've been thinking I would like to start some sort of handicraft but haven't seen one that I like.
We feed the birds, we keep the birdbath clean, we watch the birds, we put out the heated bird bath when it gets cold (rare here, but we will have a week it needs to go out starting this weekend). When the weather was nicer and I had more time, I would select different city parks to go walk around at. When DH retired, I might see if I can enlist him in this too - and maybe include some semi-local state parks.
And quite frankly, part of the time is spent either trying to reduce the amount of stuff or just staring at it trying to figure out what to do about it.-
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My mom was no help. She was 800 miles away and had absolutely no interest in helping with baby, and quite frankly, I would not have wanted her to come anyway. DH did stay home for the first week (maybe 2?) with each baby to help, but that was all the help I had, and really, it worked just fine. We had friends bring a meal when we had second child (they kept first one while I had second), which lasted for a couple of meals. That was lovely!
My sister guilted her into coming to see the first baby maybe 6 weeks after she was born. I have a picture of my mom sitting about a foot away from baby on couch - which is about as close as she would get. My mom was not a baby person. There is another picture of my sister holding the baby. I do not think my mom ever would. That was just my mom, so it didn't really bother me.-
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I think some people are just excessive worriers. My MIL is one. We left a child home all day, safe neighborhood, close neighbors who were always home during the day who could help, we had a landline at that time and she was well able to use it, she was very capable and independent. My MIL acted like were insane and horrible neglectful parents because, " a venomous snake could have got into the house and bit her without her knowledge and she could have died." (or something like that). And we were ????? So, we just ignore that sort of thing - her worries are excessive and endless and rarely make any sort of sense. And we often just don't tell her situations because it is like she is looking for something to worry about. I never told her when a kid was sick because she would call at least once a day. One kid threw up once, and she wanted me to take kid to ER. Nope, this isn't an ER visit worthy event.
I'd try not to let it bother me. I know sometimes it is hard, but make a good evaluation of the risk and any benefit to action (? would calling actually help??), and if not, just ignore and go on.-
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My DH has a welding apron (thick leather but more supple like suede), and gloves that go up to your elbow. I'd suggest considering investing in some yourself for when you have to put Obama in his carrier.
I wear the apron when I need to trim DD's cat's nails or put him in the carrier. He is generally a good and peaceful cat - except for those two things. I don't find the gloves give me enough flexibility to handle him, so I don't use those.-
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Old parent situation
in The Chat Board
Posted · Edited by Bambam
If your parents are the type to want to help others, maybe you can find someone who they could help (aka pay) by allowing them to come in and clean twice a month? Maybe a single mother who would clean on the weekend for 3-4 hours? Or a college student?
Otherwise, I might be tempted to arrange with siblings that we are going there in mid-April and mid-September and just clean, clean, clean all day Saturday and then go pick up pizza (or whatever is the favorite) and have a party that evening with Mom and Dad and just chat and laugh and laugh some more. And then we all go home to come back in 6 months. If I did this approach, I'd be tempted to go in with the cleaning equipment - everyone bring a mop, vacuum, cleaning rags, dust clothes, 409 (or whatever), etc - and not rely on Mom & Dad to have things ready for the massive cleaning efforts.
ETA: One of my elderly relatives thought she was keeping the house clean (regularly went around and did a variety of things, dusting, dusting, dusting, clothes/towels were washed but not 100% clean (smelly) etc) but seemed clueless about how to clean some parts of her home (the hardwood floors were filthy, if you walked on them in your socks, your socks were so very dirty you really just needed to toss them), or maybe it was because she didn't notice, or maybe because that part was too hard for her. This lady would have been truly offended if anyone had said anything (or done anything). So if I had a relative I could be upfront with, I'd just offer to help them find some sort of cleaning service/solution/offer to help/etc.