bluemongoose
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Posts posted by bluemongoose
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Oh I'm joining in this time!
Starting with headaches! Im over them! I am so freaking tired of having headaches! I have one right now, I am not eating dinner with my family because their busy kid table noise hurts my head!
Second! The stupid new chips in the credit cards are NOT safer. Ours were switched to chipped cards at the end of November. We have now been scammed 2x already!!!!! SUCKS!
Third. I am tired of being the only one who can see that the basement needs to be finished and it is NOT optional. The 3 boys cannot share a tiny room forever! No the house is not going to get more organized before we start messing with the basement, that is part of the problem...we NEED more SPACE!
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We left a pedi that couldnt look at the child and parents and only looked at the charts. My DD takes after DH and is very slender. My DS takes after FIL and is sturdy (no chubs, just solid). I was told to fatten DD, including make her drink whole milk even though she was dairy intolerant and it made her throw up. Like throwing up would help someone gain weight :glare: . And I was told to stop nursing DS at night and to give him bottles of water (at 4mo) if he acted hungry because he was too heavy. This was exclusively bf child, no formula, no solids or cereals...just bfing. We started looking for a new pedi after that. The new one takes into account the genetics as well as the charts. They even take into account the fact that we are late bloomers and stopped commenting on "falling on the chart" because it is skewed by all the kids hitting puberty and getting much taller before she is.
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It makes me sad to think of kids in the average range for reading and writing being held back due to falling on the later average end. But, this is the same system that expects Kindergarteners to attend 7 hour days and read and write.
Yes it is, we dont have very many schools in my area with half day kindergarten anymore. My DS never would have made it in PS with the expectations they have of 5-7yo. They just changed mandatory school age to 6, with all day kindy. My DS was barely ready at that age to write his name. He has more than "caught up" (just turned 9yo) and is ahead now in some subjects compared to same age peers. Had be been in PS he would most likely have such a damaged self esteem that he may not have caught up at all. I am not just saying this as a "what if". My DS is very sensitive to certain things. His lil brother is 2 years younger and is just behind him in everything, nipping at his heels. DS has had to work at not feeling like he is stupid because it came so much easier to his brother when they were younger. And this was all in a supportive environment.
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Only on TWTM forum is a 7 yo reading fluently a late reader.... It's actually right smack dab in the middle of average.
I used the term late with my 7yo based on PS standards. If had been in public school and he had not been reading and writing by nearly 8, he would have been held back and considered a "late reader". I do not think there was much wrong with him but lack of maturity and desire to sit and try.
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I had a precocious reader, an early reader, a late reader, and I think my last will be an on time reader.
My precocious (DD) reader learned by figuring out phonics on her own. We did not have TV and at the time my ds (baby at the time) screamed non stop, so I really didnt read to her much. She came to me at 2yo and said she knew the letters in her abc book and she knew they had sounds and knew what they were, but she wanted me to tell her how the sounds go together to make the story. So I set up the word cat with magnet letters and gave a very short lesson in blending. She took it from there. By the time she was 3 she was at magic tree house books. She was mostly self taught and did so through sounding out (phonics), and I gave her pointers when she asked. I did later have her go through the Phonics Road to assist in any missed rules and to help with spelling. She still reads all the time!
My early reader was ready and willing to learn, and I instructed him with phonics. (3.5yo reading fluently)
My late reader also was instructed (against is will) to read with phonics. (7 yo reading fluently). He believed he could become an astronaut with only math and science skills because astronauts don't need to read anything. :lol:
My almost 4yo knows his letters and sounds and is starting to blend. He is being instructed with phonics.
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Im short! I feel like I have to nearly fall into a chest freezer to reach the bottom. I have and much prefer a stand up freezer.
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Due to food allergies i actually use soap every time and then season with oil on the hot stove. Mine have not suffered!
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My DH has an illness that requires us to set aside an account to use when he needs to take unpaid medical leave from work. We try to keep enough in this account to pay all the bills for 3 months if we had to. We can and do use this account for smaller things that come up like your examples. Unfortunately it means we have never taken a family vacation (we are so excited we are finally going to take our first one next year!) and we have to be frugal with our expenses.
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Thanks!
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R&S was one I was looking at. What made them hate it? Is it just dry but pretty much gets the job done?
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DD 6th grade has used all levels of PR... which we loved! After putting in a semester of the Latin Road we are both just done! I would rather stick myself with sporks than teach this one more day! The problem is I don't have a plan B. I can move to Latin for Children for the Latin portion, and we are using WWS for writing, but I need grammar and vocab.
What works well to round out WWS? Any ideas?
Thanks a bunch!
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I really play 3 instruments; Violin, Clarinet, Sax. Clarinet and Sax very well, Violin is more advanced intermediate. I have also done beginning level trumpet and flute. I love to play any instrument I can get my hands on. I did not take lessons on new instruments, I just tinkered with them.
What are his goals? If he wants to be a conductor of sorts some day, they have to pass a proficiency in all the instruments.
I agree with PP that I would not allow cello until violin is above beginning level. It has a completely different hand position. I would tell him to delay that, but I would get him a trumpet to mess with. If you can find a cornet, I would get that over the trumpet because they are smaller and easier to hold for little guys.
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Pay attention to the non-squeaky wheel. Offer them support even when they don't "need" it. Remember, these patterns will continue into adulthood. When your difficult child needs lots of hands-on support to raise their children, TRY to spend time with the grand kids who have capable parents too. Those kids are just as deserving of a relationship as the kids with screwed up parents. The capable kids will give up on you and stop asking you to be a proactive participant in their lives. If you care, carve out the time. If you don't make time for them because you're too busy putting out fires, they will emotionally distance themselves from you and your dysfunction.
Do NOT put all of your time, effort, and resources into your troubled children and expect your capable children to be your old age support. That's like blowing all your money on the lottery then wondering why those Apple stocks you never bought aren't paying off.
I was away grocery shopping and just got back to this thread.
KungFu: A million times this!!!!! I can even explain how this dynamic is a major thorn in my side. My parents are blowing all money that could be a retirement on my "less monetarily" fortunate siblings, and spending all their extra time with them and their children. They rarely see mine or even consider that I may need any attention/assistance/breaks etc. They are always "too busy". And yet they tell me that someday I will be funding their retirement since they wont have any left.
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Sparkly Unicorn- So True!!!
And yep...Im a bit effed up, so is DH and 3/4 of my children are intense in different ways and so is DH...so ya, I am now trying to do my best to parent all these kids without doing too bad a job, but I know when they get older they will have some area that they think I did wrong.
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The notes! Oh ya...I tried that. I got in trouble for that too. My mother and father didnt speak to me for over a week because I wrote down my frustrations about too many punishments and expectations and my desire to have one on one time with my parents. They said that what I said was hurtful. I even spoke tearfully with my pastor after church about what I said in the note and the fact that they were no longer speaking to me, which angered them more because now I tried to make other people listen to my complaining. That was the last time I put any trust in "open communication" with my parents or any faith in their statements that they cared about me. As an adult I know they love me as one of their children, but they do not know or understand me as a person. We will never be able to openly communicate.
Moral of that story...if you are going to go the note route, make sure you are prepared to not take the raw feelings of a resentful, hurting child who is trying to reach out as a personal attack. If you do, you will close the door to open communication. And yes, their words may sting, but they are hurting and need to have a place to get it out, even if some of the blame or frustration is misplaced. If you cannot be this person, a counselor is needed.
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Well my sis was intense...but not as intense as you describe. I was the oldest.
Things I would change/what I would say to them:
1. Don't punish me for retaliating after repeated assault. She was hitting me till my whole arm was red, my parents did nothing. If eventually pushed her out of our room and locked her out. I was punished for being mean to my sister. If I hit her back after taking it for a long time, I would be grounded for a week.
2. Don't leave me in charge every single day for hours of this child. We were latch key kids. My parents could not afford to do differently, so I understand they didnt have a choice...but you asked what I would change.
3. Piggy backing on #2...if you are going to leave me with said child for hours, dont leave an unrealistic list of demands that I am somehow supposed to enforce. What happens is I will be yelled at, punched, have objects thrown at me etc. while you are gone for trying to do what you demand. When you get home, things will not have been accomplished from that list and you will be mad at me. Then the dear one will see that you are angry with me and tell a bunch of lies about me to get me further in trouble. Because you are already thinking poorly of me, you will not investigate but completely believe the lies and I will be punished. This happened nearly every single weekday.
4. Give me time away. I was almost never allowed to do things away from the family. This was partly because I was the oldest and my parents were extremely strict with me, and partly due to me being the live in babysitter. When I did get time away I was required to "pay" for it by doing extra chores.
5. Give me a space that is mine and I dont have to share with this child. We shared a room until I was a Jr. in HS. During our shared room time whatever was mine I had to share and this didnt change when I got my own room. She ate my candy from christmas, read my diary, stole my clothes and toys, broke my stuff, and wouldnt leave me alone. I was not allowed to complain about this.
6. If she breaks my stuff or steals it, she should have to fess up and return it or replace it. I should not be told that I am selfish or making a big deal because I am upset. I should not be the one punished because I came to you to ask for my things or some retribution for my broken and stolen items.
7. I think her issues should be acknowledged rather than you saying I am the only one with a problem.
Now that we are adults, sis has mellowed out. She is still easier to anger than most, but she doesnt steal, hit, hurt, or lie anymore. Our relationship is much closer and better than we were as children, but she has expressed her frustration with our parents for punishing me when she was the one who should have been punished. She has said it would have been better if they had called her on her behavior and had given her the skills to learn to control her temper. She embarrassed herself many times as a young adult/early twenties while she learned to control herself since she was never guided to.
ETA: I think the atypical kid should not be scapegoated either. In my case I point the finger at my parents because they chose to try and make the compliant child more passive because they didnt want to deal with the intensity and fights they were going to have if they actually tried to deal with the intense child. I loved my sister through it all, and there were happy times as well as rough. It just could have been a lot happier if they had focused more energy on helping my sister than in making me meek and patient to the point of being the doormat.
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Grandfathers: One was engineer in a telephone co, the other was telegraph operator (trains and military) and a farmer
Grandmothers: One was a teacher, the other worked high up on an air force base but as a civilian. Not sure exactly what she did because she wasnt allowed to say.
Great Grandfathers: Two were farmers, one worked in same telephone co as his son, and the other was a day time plumber and a night time orchestra director and violinist.
Great Grandmothers: 3 were homemakers, 1 was a school teacher and continued to teach after she was married (which was rare in her day).
DHs side is easy...they are all farmers. They mostly still are, except DH and a few cousins and such. Edit because DH informed me one of his grandfathers was a dentist not a farmer.
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I feel for you all! Ours went smoothly this year as he got one item he REALLY wanted and nobody got any electronic toys that are noisy. Also, the extended family went elsewhere this year, so no big noisy bash either. That helped it to be really pleasant. However, when the extended family returns, we are having the big noisy bash...so my time of exhaustion and outburst assistance is coming! Especially if he receives only clothing and no legos and says something. I try to tell them every year, but they would rather be offended then listen to me.
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My DC and I all got together and made fleece hats and mittens for a local shelter rather than sewing gifts for ourselves. I did knit the kids some new hats though. And now I am going to attempt my first pair of shoes.
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I am only protective in the sense that I dont want to step on legos in my own room, or pick up your dirty socks etc. My room is currently the most tidy (my kitchen/bathrooms are clean in the germ sense but not clutter sense) room in the house. It is this way because it is the one non-communal (except with husband) place I have. I clean it and nag DH if he messes it up. I need that one place to go that I can shut the door and not see the chaos that the other 5 people in the house create and ignore. So I dont mind if a friend is in my room invited (like in the baby napping in my room thread), but I mind if you come in uninvited or bring stuff in there and mess it up.
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RootAnn thanks for speaking to the transition of GSWS to SfC. It is very helpful to hear that GSWS was beneficial and not redundant. DD is happily plugging away through SfC, so I guess it is working for us. I think I will go with if it isn't broke don't fix it!
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Ya I dont want to wait for GSWL2 as it probably wont come out by the time I need it. I just need a filler for a year I think, until I feel they are more ready for LfCA. I am just wondering if it would be redundant.
I had wanted to do Spanish from birth too, somehow it got away from me :closedeyes:
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I have 3 kids that I need to figure out what I will use for Spanish and Latin. This year DS6 and DS8 (birthdays in a month and will be 7 and 9) are using SSS and SSL2. DD11 is doing SfC A. DSs are young for their grade/age and I am unsure if they are ready for LfC (which I dont have and am not sure how it compares to SfC) or for SfC. DS 8 has aspergers if that helps. DS 6 is just young.DD has a very full load, so I am happy to keep her on a slower path in languages. Meaty but slow was my plan. Here are some ideas I have had...not sure about them though.
DSs Spanish sequence
SSS
GSWS?
SfC A-B
Avancemos 2-4? Not sure if SfC covers enough in the end to skip level 1 or no...
DSs Latin sequence
SSL1
SSL2
GSWL? with Minimus?
LfC A-C
Latin Alive all levels?
DD would be same as the boys but starting with LfC and SfC and not the lower level stuff.
I stuck the GSWL with minimus & GSWS in the boys sequence because I felt like it might be a place holder until they are ready for LfC and SfC. I am not sure if it would be too redundant or what...I just think that there is a big jump from SSl/s to S/Lfc and I am not sure we are ready for it.
Thoughts?
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My DH works about 60 hours a week sometimes from home and sometimes at work. His job is extremely mentally draining, but not at all physically.
We share many of the household jobs because I may be home all day, but I am schooling 3 and have a toddler in tow. plus I am taxi to all the activities.
His jobs: Car maintenance, outside maintenance, finances, taking out the trash, waking the kids in the morning, bathrooms (he sometimes doesnt get to these and I pick up the slack), dusting, DD's math tutor (I dont do upper level math), takes the boys to cub scouts, picks up the little one on his way home from work so I can take the big kids to orchestra without having to mind a toddler, and window washing.
My duties: Laundry, cooking dinner every night and sometimes breakfast, general declutter, mopping, meal planning and shopping, ironing his work shirts, mending and sewing, managing the consigning of old clothes and toys to go towards new ones, and school teaching and planning.
The children manage dishes, their own lunch and breakfast, vacuuming floors and their own bathroom.
So I do more general housework, but he does help a lot in day to day stuff and I want him to be free to hang out with the kids too.
Psychology Today: Reading Wars
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted · Edited by bluemongoose
SKL is correct. We were asked specifically about our early readers.
Second...I think you see more people with early readers talking about them on here because in real life you cannot say anything. People shoved my DD out of a playgroup because they were offended by her being able to read at so young an age. (I didnt say anything about it to them...they could see she was reading). When you have a child doing something precocious, people do not like you for it. You are considered a threat without even opening your mouth. They can go on and on about new things their kids are learning, but you are not allowed to participate in this conversation. If you dd, it is bragging. On the boards there is some freedom in anonymity that allows someone with a kid who is ahead of the others to say HEY my kid did this and I am proud of them!
And you are correct, sometimes an early reader is not gifted, sometimes they are. Sometimes a late reader is also gifted. But this doesnt change the fact that you can go on and on about your own child IRL if your child is right on time for things or slow, but heaven help you if you try to be proud of a kid that is miles ahead of their peers. Shame on you for wanting to share your trials and joys as well!
And to be clear and upfront...I'm dealing with 2 gifted and one 2e (gifted and high functioning aspie). If you do not deal with this, you do not know that it is stressful, exhausting, and intense. Their brains do circles around mine and little things spin them out of control. They bore easy in schoolwork and it is hard to keep up. Just because they are ahead of their peers doesnt make them easier to deal with. It comes with a variety of very different challenges. Then add in the aspie parts on top of that and you have to deal with 45 min of meltdowns that you have to work through and people yelling at you "because your kid offended me". You have to watch sadly as kids treat your kid meanly because he is different and awkward. I am only allowed to reference the aspie parts, the challenging parts of teaching an aspie when talking with other moms. Wouldnt it be nice if you could share in the happy things, the breakthroughs, but no! You can't because that would be bragging.