AHASRADA
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Posts posted by AHASRADA
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Sorry gals, but planning for the school year IS my fun, and I do it in order to procrastinate doing other things...like cooking, cleaning, filing bills and taxes and especially cleaning out the basement!
I actually ordered and received all my curriculum by the end of June, had it mostly planned by mid-July, and am just finalizing (filling in which pages/chapters to do each week in each subject on my planner).
The bad news is, I will soon be set for school, and the clutter will still be calling me...then I'll start cooking ;).
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Ramadan Mubarak to all of you as well!
Celebrating my 18th Ramadan, but I've only spent 2 overseas. I must admit I enjoy the charm of having a quiet Ramadan of reflexion and relative calm, as opposed to the hustle and bustle of being in a Muslim country. Of course, I enjoyed hearing the adhan, and especially the siren to alert us to break the fast (as opposed to the unceremonious checking of the time chart as we do here). It was nice to have extended family to help in the cooking, but the more people there are, the more cooking there is to do anyway! I love the fact that the entire country's schedule changes, restaurants and cafes are closed during the day, and lunch hours are skipped in favor of a shorter workday, making the month much easier for those working. Still, I'm not a city girl, nor do I come from a large family, and when I'm hungry and tired, I enjoy being in my own home, eating my own cooking, with my dh and dc ;).
We are fortunate to have a wonderful mosque and extended family close by, and we have created our own Ramadan and Eid traditions. We decorate and string up lights inside the house and turn them on every evening. For Eid, my BILs and SILs and their kids all stay at our place, and we dress everyone up and walk to the mosque for Eid prayer, then come home for the kids to open gifts and munch on finger foods all day. Sometimes we take the kids to an indoor play space with other Muslim families, but the day always ends with a trip to an all-you-can-eat buffet (no more cooking for mom, yeah!)
Wishing you all the blessings of this holy month, whatever your circumstances and wherever you find yourself in the world!
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There was a local story in my area of a young mother who stepped outside for a brief moment (I don't recall the details, perhaps she was answering the door, getting the mail, etc.) and left her baby, very briefly, alone with the family dog. Sadly, the baby was mauled by the dog and died.
As if this was not tragedy enough, the mother was charged with murder (I don't recall which degree, but much tougher than I would have expected, such as wreckless endangerment resulting in homicide or some such).
Dogs, no matter how domesticated, are still animals. No matter what your feelings about the dog before this incident, I would take this as a warning sign. You do not want to play with your baby's life, nor that of the rest of your family should any charges be filed if an attack did occur.
IMO, it is easier to work on helping your dc11 to understand the reason the dog has to go, that it's not his fault, it is in fact the fault of the people who gave you the dog without full disclosure, etc., than to attempt to protect your baby from an animal in the home.
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I seem to recall when I placed my order, the form said something about arriving in August. Considering the DVD is free, and they have probably received a zillion requests, I would not expect it before the end of the month.
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We usually eat dinner around 8-8:30pm, sometimes 9, but never before 7:30. Our lunch and dinner are basically equal, so neither is really the "main meal". In fact, I always plan and cook enough at dinner to have leftovers as lunch the next day, so they are in fact the same meal :lol:.
I tend to eat a bit earlier in the AM, but the dc and dh often don't finish breakfast until 10am, and we have lunch between 12:30 and 2, based on hunger (each of us scoops our portion of leftovers and zaps them when ready for lunch). Sometimes dh doesn't eat until 3 or 4 if he's busy :001_huh:.
I don't finish school with the dc until 4pm, and need to attend to chores, as well as have some "down time" before I can begin to think about cooking. I also have tutoring students most afternoons, so I am not free to cook until around 6pm anyway. On karate nights, we don't get home until 8:20, so those are really late dinner nights.
The dc have an "after-school snack" between 4:30 and 5, and dh has coffee with a cookie or pastry between 5 and 6. 6pm seems insanely early to eat dinner, but 7:30 would be nice. Logistically, though, it never works out that way, and on the rare occasion that it does, no one is hungry yet anyway :tongue_smilie:.
BTW, dd10 goes to bed between 9:30-10, ds13 from 10:30-11, and dh and I between 11-12:30, so it's not that unreasonable. We just eat dinner as the last thing we do in the day, after we have finished all our activities, etc., unlike those who eat, clean up and still have some evening left. I must admit, I do my dinner dishes in the AM. I am not a night person, and I just cannot do dishes after 9PM!
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As far as phone calls go, I say I am available between 8-9:30am (before we start school), 12:30-2pm (lunch break), and after 4pm (after school).
For appointments and homeschool activities, I relegate these to the afternoon, since the bulk of our schooling (at least the mom-intensive work) happens in the AM.
I will make exceptions for specific, pre-planned, large-group events, particularly if educational in nature, and just work our schedule around that one-time activity. This has never been an issue with other hsers, since most school in the AM, and my only unschooling friends sleep late anyway ;).
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I'm utterly average in race, but I belong to a minority religion! :D
Yes, this! Dh is an immigrant, of a wonderful cafe au lait color with black curls, but is not easily placed into a ethnic box solely on sight. On government forms, he has no other option to check than "white" :001_huh:.
Mixing his Mediterranean good-looks with my casper-like skintone, my kids have come out "utterly average" looking ethnically as well, although atypically adorable (but I'm biased ;)). Based on our names, style of dress and religion, though, we would be considered a minority.
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Honestly, I'm not that picky about this stuff. Was the car hot enough that the food might have been kept at a safely high temperature? It sounds like only 1 1/2 hours to me. If your don't have a delicate system, I wouldn't worry about it. If it makes you feel better, you could reheat it on the stove, adding some liquid and allowing it to come to a boil before you eat it, just to be safe.
HTH,
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:grouphug: for this sad and difficult family situation. Regarding the trip, I believe some airlines (at least used to) provide bereavement tickets. You could check with a travel agent to see if this is an option. Otherwise, there may be a local charity that helps with this type of thing, maybe a cancer charity, or your local place of worship.
Honestly, I would go to priceline.com or another discount ticket service, book the cheapest tickets you can find, put them on the credit card, and work out the payment afterward. Men have a very hard time accepting that they are not able to provide for their family. He only has one father, and if he doesn't go, the guilt that he was not able to see him in his final days because he didn't have the money to do so will weigh on him for the rest of his life. Just go.
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I was once in a check-out line, when the cashier lamented some forgetful mistake she had made. My response? "I call it 'Mother's Brain'." She chuckled and informed me that her kids had grown and moved out long ago. "Oh, you never get it back!" was my reply. ;)
Honestly, I think the stress of multi-tasking, keeping on top of everything for everyone, takes it's toll over the years. Maybe our working memories lose capacity as we age. Whatever it is, I'm blaming it on the kids :lol:.
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I have always considered myself fiscally liberal and socially conservative. I believe in strong family and traditional values. However, I also believe that we are interdependent as a society and have an obligation to ensure that everyone has their basic needs met.
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August 30th (not that I care) :glare: :lol:.
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Is your spouse from a different culture? What have the advantages and inconveniences been? Would you recommend it? Would you do it all over again?
Yes, yes, yes and yes! Of course there are inconveniences, but as the PP stated, the success of such a marriage really depends more on the two people, their personalities, character, core beliefs and committment to each other. If these are strong, the cultural barriers can be bridged with some effort.
The first year or so was tough, as it can be in many marriages, just getting accustomed to living with a person with different habits, ways of doing things, etc. When you add in cultural differences, it is that much more challenging. We finally realized that we both had to let go of our perceptions of what is "normal", what "everyone does or doesn't do", and decide what made sense for us.
The PP mentioned being mature enough to be open-minded, which I agree with, but that doesn't necessarily have to come with age. I have seen couples who marry a bit later in life who already have their lives established and have a difficult time adapting to another person's ways, say nothing of culture, no matter how open-minded they try to be. My dh and I married very, very young, matured together and established our own family culture, to the point that I can't imagine what my life would be like were it not meshed with his.
Of course, it helped that I was on a spiritual journey when we met, and I ended up being thoroughly convinced of and drawn to his religious tradition, without any pressure on his part. Therefore, we have developed the same goals in life, the same vision for our children, and the same priorities and values. For his part, he has had to adapt to life within the society I grew up in, so there was definitely give and take on both sides.
In a nutshell, if both people are of good character, have the best intentions and respect for each other, can agree on the most important things in life and have a strong committment to marriage in general and to each other in particular, cultural differences can be overcome, whether from the other side of the city, the state, the continent or the world.
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I don't think anyone's opinion has changed that much over the years. My parents have always been extremely supportive, and that support has only gotten stronger as they see how well my kids are turning out (and the terrible consequences to children whose parents don't take a very active role in their education). The ILs have always politely accepted our homeschooling, assuming I know best because I have a BA in education. I think they might be a bit concerned about socialization, and high school in particular, but never voice that opinion. Again, they are not familiar with the North American school system (they live overseas), and so assume that, as I teacher, I know what I'm doing :001_rolleyes:.
In my case, it is my SILs (wives of my 2 BILs) who don't exactly agree with hsing, never have, and probably never will. They don't get the whole "outside the box" lifestyle or way of thinking. They are very into keeping up with the Joneses, comparing themselves and their children to others, and having something tangible, like good grades and recognition by "the system" to prove their worth and intelligence. The concept of learning for learning's sake, with no status attached, is something they are not likely to ever understand, no matter how many years we hs. Well, maybe if my son becomes a doctor in spite of never going to school...
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As with anything, I believe there should be a balance in regard to helping/financing dc.
If the parents can afford to, I think it's appropriate for them to provide their dc with a comfortable lifestyle, but not meet their every whim or desire, and make an effort to instill humility and gratitude, in childhood as well as young adulthood.
Giving them an obscenely large allowance teaches them nothing about the value of money or personal responsibility. However, forcing them into a strained financial situation while having the resources to make their lives a bit easier has the potential to negatively affect their grades, study habits, career choice, etc. There are enough people struggling, who cannot afford to go into "noble" careers because they couldn't afford to live on the salary it would provide, and it certainly makes more sense to watch one's children and grandchildren thrive and live comfortable, rewarding lives than for them to receive it upon one's passing (and perhaps even tear the family apart fighting over assets).
I see nothing wrong with these parents providing enough financial support for their children to focus on their studies without worrying about their basic needs, to help them purchase their first homes, pay their car payment on a reasonable fuel-efficient car, and even provide them a stipend to continue living an approximately similar lifestyle to the one they grew up with in order for them to pursue a career they love.
They should not, however, be given unlimited funds, or an exorbitant allowance that permits them live with no regard for the value of money and have no concept of what it means to live within a budget. An extravagant lifestyle can do as much, if not more damage to a student's grades and study habits than a lack of money (ie: too much fun/partying, not enough studying).
I agree that the amount mentioned by the OP is probably a bit too much, but could be reasonable if broken down into a budget, and if the students are expected to save from that monthly allowance for additional trips/vacations, gifts for friends, and any other large purchases. The attitude/approach of both parents are children are more important than the amount of money provided, IMO.
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Interesting. It never would have occurred to me not to have a party for subsequent babies. How rude/depressing! IMO, the "one shower rule" sounds like people are passing judgement on those who choose to have more than one child, as in "Well, you know everyone should only have one child, but if you stubbornly decide to have more, we won't condone it by celebrating or giving you more gifts." or, just as bad, "Only the first baby is really special/important, the rest are just extras and can make do with hand-me-downs." Yes, the parents may not need as many items for subsequent babies, so don't buy them as many, but still have a party!
In my circle it is more common to have a shower/party within 1-4 weeks *after* the baby is born, although a shower beforehand might happen with a 1st baby so the new mom can have the necessary items on hand at the birth. This party is usually a chance for the new mom's friends and family to get together, chat, eat and celebrate, and take turns holding and cooing over the new baby. Yes, there are gifts, but it is not the main focus.
In my case, I had a shower before my 1st was born (thrown by my mom), which was a huge help, since I needed everything and didn't even know what exactly I needed! When my 2nd was born, I threw an open-house style party at my own home a couple of weeks after she was born, with my mom, MIL and SILs helping with food and preparation. It was wonderful for everyone to share in the celebration, and to receive all the adorable pink items! With the new baby, I definitely need everything again, since I saved absolutely nothing from a decade ago, but I would never *expect* anyone to give me a shower. I would presume there would be a celebration after the birth, and most likely I would plan it myself, probably potluck.
Back to the OP's question, I agree that this is more of an issue of one spoiled mom feeling pouty and entitled to a shower. Every new life deserves to be celebrated. That does not mean every mom deserves to have someone else plan, host and fund a party *for her*. "Jen" is moving away anyway; she shouldn't allow herself to get sucked into Momzilla's guilt trip. She will be exhausted and resentful, and will never receive any gratitude or kindness in return (due to her moving away, but also due to Momzilla's selfish personality). The OP doesn't owe anything to Momzilla, but if she is feeling badly for "Jen", she could round up a bunch of friends and have them all pitch in to help, maybe even make it a joint shower for Momzilla/going away party for *Jen*. At least that way she could feel good about helping, not guilted into catering to the whims of Miss Spoiled.
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I agree that the clothing is the primary issue, and also the close quarters, intimacy/familiarity associated with a backyard pool. If a family's beliefs are that there should be a heightened level of propriety and respect for personal space between genders, it is more appropriate and more comfortable for everyone to enjoy this type of activity with same-gender friends. Even with appropriate clothing, the water causes it to float, stick to the form of the body, etc. There is usually a lot of squealing, goofing around, limbs flying and kicking in the water, etc. As a PP mentioned, the water can also mask inappropriate behavior/touching, especially in a pool full of people. Among pubescent children, separating the genders for recreational swimming is just more comfortable and appropriate for all, particularly for girls who are self-conscious about their changing bodies.
As for swimming in a large body of water, it is a bit less of a concern, IMO, since there is plenty of room for everyone to spread out and have their own physical space in the water and on shore.
This, of course, doesn't even address swimming in public places, where the dress code and behavior of those in attendance will likely be far outside the guidelines of those held by the family. For this reason, many people prefer to avoid public swimming, and host their kids' friends in their backyard pool, with groups of boys and girls taking turns throughout the day.
HTH,
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Interesting thread. I, too, am dismayed at how few books my SIL has at her house, but there are virtually no toys either. She simply doesn't tolerate any clutter, and prefers her children borrow books from the school library, watch TV, play Wii and go to the park on their bikes, all activities that don't create clutter.
Most of our non-homeschooling family and friends are immigrants who are not used to having a lot of kid items in general (and who grew up with virtually no toys or books of their own), and whose cultural background makes a neat and uncluttered home, ready for guests at any moment, the norm.
I must admit I have always played the part of the smug martyr, drowning under books and toys, running like a maniac to put the house together before guests arrive, all because I (unlike my friends with perfectly neat homes) value my children's development over a clean house. When I stand in amazement of how spacious and calming their homes are, I tell myself that I have sacrificed that peace in favor of my kids having access to a wide variety of educational supplies, etc.
However, the stuff is getting to the point of smothering all of us, and some of it has to go! I used to collect books, keeping those I have already read, in order to lend them out to others, sometimes just for the satisfaction of knowing I own them. I finally decided, if we are finished with a book, it is unlikely we will reread it, or it's easily found at the library, and it is not a favorite to pass down to younger kids or grandkids, then it needs to go.
So yes, it is important to have books (and toys) in a home, but not beyond those your family will actually read, and not to the point that your home becomes a clutter-filled pool of quicksand. Ah, the elusive balance...
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I am curious as to why those of you who "stay in your rooms" do so? I am assuming it is to give the kids a bit of privacy, but honestly, if the kids really wanted privacy, they would go into their own rooms. If this is a mixed gender group, you don't want them having privacy anyway :confused:.
Sure, I don't necessarily sit in the same room in their faces the whole time, but I go about my business around the house. Knowing there is a parent that could walk into the room at any moment can go a long way in preventing undesireable behavior, discussion topics, peer pressure/bullying etc., and can make all the kids feel less vulnerable.
I know for me growing up, the households where the parents were not intrusive but still involved were the most fun. The parents who "checked out" and left us unsupervised for long periods did not earn my respect, partly because it gave the appearance of not caring about their kids or their guests, and also due to the activities that went on under their noses while they "gave us our space".
These children are guests in your house, and it is ridiculous to imagine that you would surrender your entire home to them while you hide in your room. It is unfair to you, but also unfair to the young people who could be benefiting from your good example and counsel, if needed. As a parent of one of these children, I would personally be upset to find out the host parent, whom I believed was supervising, actually wasn't.
Isn't that one of the reasons we homeschool, so our children can benefit from the richness of multi-age, inter-generational socialization? So why segregate yourself from your kids' friends? Give them their space, but remain a benevolent presence in the household while they're there. I think you'll all be much happier.
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I used to test at the very end of the year, as in, finish homeschooling on Friday, start testing on Monday, usually the last week of June, finished testing by July 4th.
Then 2 or 3 years ago, we found we were all so burned out by the end of the year, the crunch to finish so we could start summer break, that I couldn't imagine testing too. So, I put it off until the end of the summer. Last year (and this year) we won't be starting the school year until mid to late September due to religious holidays, so we have delayed testing to early Sept.
The pros are that when we finish the year at the end of June, we are done. No testing hanging over our heads. It is also a good way to slowly work into starting the year. 30 minutes to an hour of testing per day for 5-8 days, then start our regular schedule.
The only con is that the content would be fresher in their minds in June, although the academic burnout/exhaustion at that time could also have negative effects. By Sept, they are ready to "get back to work" and refreshed for the testing. We do try to spend at least 2 weeks reviewing beforehand, using Spectrum Test Prep. practice tests. I haven't seen any change in their scores due to the change in testing time.
HTH,
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As an American who has homeschooled in two New England states as well as Quebec, I can assure those of you in the US that any state regulations you may encounter have nothing on the intrusive, patronizing "big brother knows best" attitude of the Quebec system.
Most Americans are accustomed to questioning authority, being encouraged to think and live "outside the box", and often admired for having the guts to "buck the system" in whatever capacity. As long as this remains the overriding sentiment in the country (which I see as part of the fiber of our being as Americans), I have no fear that our freedom to homeschool will be threatened to the extent that it is in Quebec. Simply due to the political ramifications, since homeschooling has become so wide-spread in the US, among both liberals and conservatives, I do not see any politician daring to remove a parent's right to determine the education of their children. Yes, there will always be minor battles over requirements, etc., but the defacto assumption is for a right to educational freedom, a totally foreign concept in Quebec.
This is about so much more than language. It is about the Quebec government having a master plan for their "perfect society", which requires every citizen to fit neatly into the box created for him/her. Questioning authority, living "outside the box" and "bucking the system" is strongly discouraged and roadblocks are constantly being erected to make doing so as difficult as possible. Multiculturalism, divergent thinking? There is the rest of the continent on which to enjoy those freedoms. If you want to live in Quebec, you play by their rules, or leave.
I understand and respect their desire to maintain their oasis of francophonie in this sea of anglophones. Unfortunately, the approach they have taken to do so only fosters contempt and disgust on the part of those from different backgrounds, who may have been inclined to embrace their culture if offered with honey rather than vinegar.
I was a francophile as a teen, adoring everything French and Quebecois, traveling to Quebec as frequently as possible, listening to Quebec rock radio stations, etc. I felt a longing to recapture the culture and language of my ancestors, and found a romantic appeal to life in Quebec. Unfortunately, the honeymoon was soon over when I found that culture jammed down my throat, not being offered the option of taking what I loved of the culture, leaving the rest, and combining it with my own ideas and beliefs. I mistakenly assumed Quebec would be just like home, but with cobblestone streets, stone cathedrals, charming bistros and boutiques, and French language in the air.
Yes, it is a beautiful place to visit, but living there... Let's just say I keep one foot on either side of the border for a reason.
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I agree, spell it however you want. My only issue with the "French" spelling Adeleine, is that, in French, it would be pronounced A-del-ehn, not the pronunciation you are going for. Looking at it from an English perspective, I would pronounce Adeleine either A-del-ene or A-del-ine.
If you are very concerned about her name being pronounced correctly based on the spelling, I would go with one that has some form of "lyn" at the end. Otherwise, don't worry about it.
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I know this isn't any help to you now, but I never buy Christian curriculum new. If I am curious and think I might be able to secularize it, I purchase a used copy. That way, I am not out too much $$, and if I end up not being able to use it, there is usually a good market for reselling.
It is also important to look into what causes (if any) the curriculum provider supports. I enjoy Sonlight, for example, but do not want any of my $$ going to the charities they support, and therefore avoid buying directly from them.
If it makes you feel any better, we have all made very costly curriculum mistakes. Chalk it up to a learning experience, and salvage what you can of the curriculum. You have received several great suggestions for doing so.
In the future, don't hesitate to come to the Hive for advice before making any large purchase sight unseen.
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Personally, I would pick my battles on this one. My ds13 actually has been reading Animorphs for years and still enjoys them. He is aiming to collect all 54! and finds it a challenge to scope out the ones he's missing at Goodwill.
Of course, he also enjoys the classics, but sometimes he wants something easy, fun and relaxing to read, as opposed to challenging. Don't we all?
If your son truly prefers to read more difficult classics with a deeper plot, then I don't think reading a few Animorphs will turn him off to them. In fact, he may decide the books are too easy and/or shallow for his tastes, and drop them on his own.
I'm sure this is a decision he would rather make on his own, though, than for mom to make it for him. Forbidden fruit...
Just my $0.02.
Birth of Baby Photos
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
This sounds like a very personal decision. For me, I wouldn't want anyone videotaping or taking photos of me giving birth. Period. Yuck.
As for videotaping, I would be OK with laboring at home, getting admitted to the hospital, some footage of anxious dad/grandparents/siblings in the waiting room, and then jumping to the newly born baby being suctioned, etc. and then placed in my arms. Everything that happens in between I would not want to be reminded of nor see on film, and certainly would not want anyone else to see.
IMO, professional photography would be beautiful immediately after birth, the first time mom holds her baby, dad and siblings with baby, etc. But photographs of the delivery itself? Not for me.