These are great ideas, especially since my daughter would rather be doing art anyways! Thanks for the reply. Hearing your experience is motivating to keep working on this even if my daughter is incredibly resistant.

Hi there, I’m COVID homeschooling my 2nd grader this year and plan to continue. I feel pretty awful that I just discovered she’s holding her pencil incorrectly (she’s curling her index finger so her knuckle is resting against her pencil). Although this explains why her handwriting is so messy I recognize going backward isn’t easy. Any tips or ideas of how to retrain her grip? I’d love any advice. Thanks in advance!

Great advice. I talked with her teacher on Friday after class to let her know this is in the works. I plan on writing a card and giving her a gift. She is a wonderful teacher and worked wonders with my older daughter. I think she was surprised at our decision but very supportive. This is great. Thanks for the advice. I was thinking of starting with Understood Betsy with her, just because I think has similar struggles of believing she can do things herself. I'll check out the ADAM test, as well, because otherwise I have no idea of seeing where to place her. Appreciate the insight!

That is so interesting. I will give it a try and see how she responds. Thank you! Yeah, I do think starting easy is great advice. We love the Great British Baking Show but no one is making a medieval pigeon pie around here anytime soon, lol. And I do think I need to continually work on my language that empowers her to make mistakes in the kitchen. I'm not controlling in hardly any areas of my life but I can be a controlling beast in the kitchen. I am skilled at pointing out my own mistakes - I just get controlling about the mess. I probably need to do some headspace meditations before we tackle our baking projects. ; ) Thanks for the great advice.

Thank you. You know, we actually have some of the logic puzzle workbooks from CTP lying around when the girls were into logic puzzles for a while. I will pull them back out. Those Balance math challenges are fun and a definite challenge! Both MUS and Beast academy sound good. I like the idea of the cartoons because it would be so different than her current math experience (black and white worksheets only, no manipulatives). I will check them out. Thanks so much for the details!

I will check with our doctor. I'm guessing the way to rule it out is to see if she has strep? So ask for a strep culture? I do remember at an appointment last year when she tested positive for strep the doctor was completely caught off guard. He thought for sure she didn't have it but ran a culture just in case. Makes me wonder. Thanks so much for taking the time to bring this to my attention. Not even on my radar.

You know, I actually think there is a course at the co-op that uses this curriculum. Sounds awesome. Thanks for the resource and I will check it out. I do think I need help in finding the right language to help her and not exacerbate her perfectionism. I appreciate the encouragement! I do feel more hopeful than I have in months.

We love Splendor, Century Spice Road and Azul. They are shorter games - 30-45 minutes - which is nice.

We are probably pulling her out next week so she can enroll in our district's parent partnership program. She is excited and my husband is on board. It's a really great program. I will look into some of this - thank you. We have a great naturopath that my husband goes to that I'm sure could help. I just picked up Story of the World audio from the library! She's interested in learning history and this seemed like a great way to ease into things. And we used to do poetry teatime back when I homeschooled my oldest (six years ago) and they still talk about it. Those are great memories. Thanks for these suggestions. I really do want to keep her up with math. She picks up concepts quickly (the slow pace in the classroom has been killing her love for the subject) so I'm looking forward to allowing her to have the freedom to move at a faster pace. I am not great at math, however, but I think I can keep up at this stage. But once we get to anything algebraic I'm out, coach. Thanks for the reminder to ease in. I homeschooled my oldest dd for K and 1 and I remember stressing about doing enough and curriculum choices, etc. I was overwhelmed all the time and it's a good reminder not to go back there. But it does feel different this time around. I think I trust my kids more and their abilities to learn. At the risk of sounding cliche, I do think the world can be our classroom (okay, maybe not for grammar) and I didn't understand that with my oldest. I'm grateful to feel more relaxed about the learning part. The anxiety part? I could use some less anxiety, lol. Thanks so much for your great suggestions. I really appreciate it.

I LOVE this idea. I know she will be resistant - she will interpret this as something being "wrong" with her. We are having breakfast together today to talk through all of this and I'm going to include this in my ideas for the months ahead. I've already been checking out some books about mindfulness for kids. And she's very interested in cooking but often reluctant because she can't do it "right." That's been in my mind to do a lot of together but I love linking it with shopping and nutrition. Thanks so much for the suggestion and taking the time to respond. : )

I have heard of PANS/PANDAS but it's been a while. That sounds like such a hard journey for your family. I will look into the links you gave - if I'm remembering correctly, strep can bring it on, right? She's struggled with strep repeatedly. Thanks for taking the time to respond and bringing this to my attention. Like I mentioned to Peter Pan, biomed hasn't been on my radar at all. Thank you.

Yes, if I'm being perfectly honest my dd does come by some of her anxiety by me. We manifest our anxiety differently but I do relate. Thanks for your feedback. : )

I'm going to PM you on some of this. THANK YOU for your reply. My grandmother and mother both have an MTHFR defect so it wouldn't be difficult to surmise that dd is dealing with the same. We tried to get my girls tested a couple years ago and it was just too pricey. Does the genetic route you're suggesting identify MTHFR? I'm familiar with social thinking but not that article. Thank you. I love their stuff. It's a parent partnership program through our district. I was really impressed with the principal and my dd is excited about the possibility. It does move up our timetable - applications are due next week. So we might be pulling her earlier than we thought, and my spouse is on board. The program has a great reputation in our community. But, yes, it will be interesting to see if these issues follow her. This anxiety isn't going away but I do think that the situation she's in currently is exacerbating it significantly. The whole reason we started down this path was because she was much calmer during break. Not an angel, but considerably more at ease, less tense, and less explosive. Thanks again. I haven't really considered biomed stuff with this dd. We did lots of biomed testing, diets, supplements, etc. with my oldest when she was younger and found a lot of success. It just hasn't been on my radar as much with my fourth grader. And genetics would be interesting because my youngest (first grade) does show signs of anxiety, too. Really appreciate your time and help.

Thank you! This is great. She's a quick learner and I think this could be a good place to start.

I talked to our school's guidance counselor yesterday. She said the best they could do would be a 504 for accommodations if it's not impacting the classroom. And even if she qualified for an IEP, my dd would be pulled out of the classroom for services which we both agreed would be hard for her. To be perfectly honest, I don't have it in me to fight. Our school has a very caring and dedicated staff who just experienced staff cuts throughout the district. I volunteer with struggling readers at our school and there are a lot of hard stories of homelessness and food security on top of learning challenges. It feels like our school is already trying to meet an increasing demand of needs with a dwindling supply of support. I don't think I have it in me to fight for resources that are already scarce and may serve another family without resources better. This sounds so intriguing to me but I've never heard of running genetics. Where do you start? I'd love to hear more. Feel free to PM me if you'd rather. I'm so interested in learning more about interoception - I've never heard of it. I just checked out a book from the library about being more in tuned to your body and feelings and this sounds like exactly what she's needing. Those are great questions. My dd with ASD can't read a social cue to save her life and she's incredibly (and endearingly) quirky. My fourth grader is totally dialed in socially, almost obsessively so, but she copies, imitates and follows. She is a really bright kid and ahead of the class in academics but that doesn't hold a lot of street cred in her mind. So if you ask why she's being excluded, I'd say she isn't very confident in who she is and she's in a class that is incredibly lopsided with alpha girls. The teachers have struggled with the girls in this class since first grade. Great question. She does have some good friends that she plays basketball with almost year round. And we visited our district's homeschool program and I was pleasantly surprised. My dd loved it and wants to enroll right away. I do think she has enough friends around that I'm not overly worried (yet, anyway). Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. You've given me a lot to think about and I'm grateful you would take the time.

It doesn't interfere with tests. It has only interfered as we've moved on to project learning. I will see what our options are - thank you for clarifying! I appreciate it.

Thanks so much for the suggestions! I can see us leaning more toward unit studies and chasing rabbit trails. My daughter is very interested in ballet right now and I could see us spending time with ballet and seeing where that leads us. And I love the advice on schedules. Schedules are intuitive and can be hard for me to implement so it's nice to see there are options. We can experiment and find what works best. Thanks for taking the time to respond! I appreciate it.

This is so helpful. Thank you. I have brought it up with her teacher several times and with the school's guidance counselor. My understanding is she isn't eligible for services if it doesn't interfere with the classroom. She is a model student in the classroom and falls apart the minute she gets home. Her teacher is a veteran and does know that DD struggles with anxiety and that's she's a super sensitive kid. Her teacher is excellent and is attentive to that but I figure that's as far as it goes. My older daughter had an IEP for ASD but even with a formal diagnosis from our Children's Hospital it wasn't until her behavior interfered with the classroom that we were able to get an IEP. I do think she's always struggled with anxiety but for many years I've misinterpreted her anxiety as anger. She has always been an explosive kid and her anger has been pretty difficult to manage. We've seen a few therapists over the years for anger but we often have left with the therapists thinking she's the perfect kid. It was only in my research over the past couple weeks that the lightbulb went off that her anger is really anxiety (trying not to beat myself up for missing it all these years). That said, it has flared up significantly this year. There is a lot of girl drama in her fourth grade. Her teacher has taught for 32 years and said she's never seen mean behavior, this sophisticated, this young. My dd had a pretty painful experience of being excluded last month. The school has been dealing with it but it's difficult to deal with actions that are often subtle. This year also marks a shift in doing more projects and that has created a ton of stress for my dd's perfectionist soul. For example, they have an art project due Friday. We worked on an idea on Monday afternoon but by Monday night she's already stressing that she won't finish on time. Yesterday afternoon was spent in explosion after explosion when she would make a mistake and she would to start over. It ended in a complete meltdown, calling herself stupid - it was so ugly and sad. So, yes, I think you're right on that I should be more worried about dealing with the anxiety than with the curriculum choices. We are working to find a CBT therapist and I feel better equipped to advocate for her. I really appreciate the best practices suggestion. Yesterday, I was keenly aware that I didn't have the best language to offer in coming alongside her. I definitely need better tools. Great advice. Thanks again. She is totally on board with homeschooling and is asking for it. The days you describe seem so calming. I think that would be such a nice change of pace for her. Our current pace is hard on her - we attend an earlier start school (7:50) and she's a night owl. Even if she's in bed at 8:30 she cannot fall asleep until close to 10. Being able to move slower and get enough sleep will help her immensely, I think. I have this book somewhere! Thanks for the suggestion! I forgot all about that one. Love that this is already on a shelf. : )

Thank you for your replies. Wendy, I think a new routine will be vital for us. I like the idea of chore time, quiet time, reading time, etc. Structure will help us for sure. Maize, I think low-key activities around audiobooks would be great. We do play a lot of board games. She is completely disinterested in art but it's because she doesn't think she's good at it. I think changing this mindset would be a big hope of mine. Ellie, I like that. Yes, it's not de-learning. I think after years of common core and school expectations it will feel disorienting not to have that anymore. Freeing, yes, but also without a safety net. I guess I need to deschool, too. ; Thanks again for your help, everyone!!

Thank you so much for your replies! I appreciate it so much. Kiara and Ellie, I would withdraw her right now but this is a compromise with my husband. He is reluctant to make any decisions mid-year as he fears being reactionary. Pulling out at the end of fall/winter term was a good compromise for us. Deschooling sounds like the right course but if I'm being perfectly honest, a bit scary. We've been in the school system for six years now and some parts have been great but I do think we've slowly become achievement oriented as a result. I would love to bring curiosity and wonder back into her life. Whitehawk, I appreciate the advice to start gently and love the book advice on perfectionism. And yes to needing structure! I think we both will need this. I'm not a structured person by nature but I know she will need that (I think I will need it, too). Sounds like a lot of interest-led activities and learning - perhaps that can be what deschooling looks like? I'm hopeful. Thanks again. I am grateful.

Hi there, I'm pulling out my fourth grade daughter at the end of January due to her chronic and worsening anxiety. Her anxiety has become so debilitating that she is fearful of trying new things, afraid she won't do something perfectly and afraid of making mistakes. We talk about learning through failure all the time but it doesn't help her (I'm not sure how to help her develop grit when she has a meltdown over not being able to tie her shoelaces perfectly). Anyways, with all that in mind I'm wondering the best way to start at mid-year. I homeschooled my oldest for two years many years ago and I'd say I lean toward CM but I'm open and would prefer secular resources (or resources that can be secularized). She's a bright kid - loves to read and is strong in math. Her spelling is a bit weak and, according to her, she's never had any grammar. History has been your basic community social studies. Science has been topical through the years. I would love any advice about curriculum or anything that seems like it might help us on this unexpected journey. Thank you!