@mommyoffive, thank you for your kind words. The smartphone issue has just been the tip of the iceburg.

Friends, thank you all. Regarding me knowing the tech that my kids are using because they will probably get around any parental controls: that ship has already sailed, so what does it matter? They have school-issued Chromebooks and already blatantly declare their power to get around the school controls. I don't know how to say this without sounding like the Wicked Witch, so please don't quote, but I've tried to give my kids a long leash so that they would never accuse me of being "that kind of homeschool parent". I poured my life into my kids - every ounce of energy that I have. We've taught them the best that we could and they don't want anything to do with careful, wise, self-control. They've rejected my love so completely that all I want to do is mark time until they leave for college and then I can hide in a cave and lick my wounds until I die. So for that reason, I feel like giving up. I just don't want to be yelled at anymore. My heart hurts too much. Please don't quote that last part.

By the way, everyone - I haven't kept up with the "likes" and :"thank yous" but I do thank every one of your for your help. I really appreciate it. I can't keep my eyes open any more. Be back tomorrow...

Thank you! I'll have to start that thread tomorrow. Maybe I'll also start the thread, "How to continue parenting the kids who hate your guts". 😉

Okay - just had to ask my husband. It's Verizon - postpaid.

Oh, okay. Where do you find out about these apps that you have to install yourself?

We have a flip phone. It's for emergency use only. And our daughter can use it whenever she wants - but she wants a smartphone. Thank you for the link. I'll look into that deeper. But what about how people say, "You and your daughter need to decide together what apps you want on." What apps? Do they get loaded when you buy the phone? If you want an app that does something like keep your kid off dangerous websites or let you know where your kid is at all time, how do you do that?

Thank you, Arcadia. I'm afraid my head is spinning. I don't get any of this.

So - I know this is going to sound like I'm a baby, but maybe one of. you can help me with filling in these blanks: "Quarter Note, walk into [blank] store. Go up to the salesperson and say [blank]. Ask for [blank]."

This is a great idea - thank you! But I know it's still not as simple as buying a bag of potatoes. I know what to do with that!

Well, of course, and I understand the point. But I just really don't have the mental bandwidth to deal with something that isn't all that important to me right now. I mean, the water heater is real. Books are real. A vacation is real. Trying to get dinner on the table is real. Scrolling through a phone all the time seems like a waste of life-time. I hope this doesn't come across as snarky, Anne. I don't mean it to be. I just don't want to waste time when I have real things to do. ETA: My husband and I are always trying to give our kids non-internet options for their time. I want them to see that they have alternatives to screen time. The internet may be big, but real life can be bigger. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you all, but I'm still really clueless. I really need your help. Please talk to me like it's 1999. What does "data plan" mean? "Call plan"? Everybody says that I should put "parental control apps" on the kids' phones, but what are they? Where do you buy phones - in the local supermarket or Target or something? (I shop at a small natural foods store - there's only one supermarket in our town, and no big box stores.)

You and me both!!!

I get that, and many others here have said the same thing. It's good advice. Thank you. But - I just hate the thought of paying for something expensive that I don't even want! I mean, I'd rather spend money fixing the broken water heater. That seems like much higher priority to me than having this thing weighing down my purse and beeping at me all the time. I'd rather be free! A smartphone feels like a waste of time and money. (Really - I know I sound like an old fogey, but I'm not!)

This is what I think that we'll have to do, but I don't want to go in sounding like a complete caveman. (Like I'm doing right now. 😉 ) So do I go into the Verizon store and say, "I need a phone, and a data plan, and a call plan, and a texting plan, and apps, and I don't know what else"? I don't want the salesperson to take advantage of me. Where do I look for all these "plans"?

Nope. That's why my husband and I really don't know anything about them. My PalmPilot was just a bulky grocery list. It's hard to imagine that I would enjoy being tethered to a smartphone the way most people seem to be.

I should add - we have the Verizon store, but anything else would be about an hour away.

Is that a Verizon brand? (Really - I know nothing!)

Hi friends. Some of you may remember a thread of mine from a while back about my fourteen-year-old daughter's absolute fury that she didn't yet have a smartphone. Well, we decided that we would start doing the research to get one, but it's just been slow going, and she's still furious. She has a flip phone with texting capabilities, but that's obviously too embarrassing. Her fury is hard for me to deal with. (I get it - she feels like we're blowing her off, but really, smartphones are just lower priority than everything else that demands immediate attention - like broken major appliances...). But we do know that the school really expects that every student has a smartphone, and we don't want her to feel socially behind. All of her problems will be solved by a smartphone! (Eye roll - but we were all fourteen once, right? I remember those days.) What would you recommend for a smartphone for a teen? Talk to me like I'm one hundred five. 😉 We have a Verizon store in town. I know that buying a phone also requires a "data plan". I know that there are helpful "apps" you put on the phone. My daughter's two highest priorities are the ability to text her friends and to take videos. I pretty much know nothing else. (P.S. - I'm not anti-technology. Believe it or not, I used to be a software engineer. Back in the day, I had a PalmPilot, but hated it and never felt that having a smartphone would be an improvement. The reason why I don't have a smartphone myself is that I want to protect my time from being squandered by always being leashed to the internet.)

Ting Tang, you are going through so, so much right now. Wishing you peace.

Oh, one other thing to encourage those of you who sew: The last time that we had some flannel sheets that got worn out in the middle, I realized that there was enough strong fabric on the edges to make myself some pajama pants. They're comfy! Yes, some people might think that that's way too Depression-era to make clothes out of what others would think of as rags, but I was pretty proud of myself!

About crocheting items from old t-shirts: I've also done this to make grocery shopping bags, too. But wow, I have so many shopping bags that I don't need another, and the t-shirts keep piling up... I also try to make handkerchiefs from old clothes - but again, the clothes get old faster than we need new handkerchiefs! I really try not to throw away a piece of clothing until it has at least become a gross hole-y rag. For another use for old jeans (not new!) check out this video: 10 Min DIY Tote bag made with unused Jeans (The title says unused jeans, but what's the point of that? I'll just make the bag up to the point where there's a hole in the knee.)

Carol and popmom, just want to tell you thank you for letting us know about these companies! I'll use my towels and sheets until they fall apart, but I'd really like to support these two companies when I have a chance.

There’s something basic that seems to be missing in so many in-law relationships: ALL healthy adult to adult relationships should be based on respect, whether it’s husband-wife, MIL-DIL, two sisters-in-law, friend-friend, etc. Just because a wedding has taken place does not mean in any way that the foundational work of grounding a relationship in respect can be bypassed. Or, to put it another way, a wedding is not a proof of purchase of a woman’s time, schedule, or holiday celebrations.

Lucy, can I "like" these two posts 1000 times? This is absolutely beautiful.