A couple of years ago there was a monthly thread on foreign language learning, and I'm definitely not committing to a monthly thread, but it would be nice to hear how all of you are progressing in your studies. I'm dedicated to working on my languages (German, mainly, though I dream of bringing French and Italian up to competence as well), but my progress seems to be so slow. What have you all been doing in your studies? Let's encourage each other!

Jann, what a shock, even for us who never knew your SIL. Please accept my condolences. May you find peace as time goes by.

Pintosrock - just wanted to let you know that I'm doing this exact same thing with the Chronicles in German. It's a great way to practice a language, since you have seven books with presumably the same translator. Good luck, and have fun! (I'll tell you, though,: Peter's extra-formal letter to Miraz in Prince Caspian may give you a linguistic workout! It did for me!)

OH, I completely forgot something that I wanted to tell all of you. Early yesterday morning when I was reading on the couch, my son came out and lay down next to me and just put his head in my lap for about twenty minutes. There was nothing more important at that moment than just encouraging him to be his sweet self with me, with him telling me about how cute furry animals are, etc. There is a great boy in there, and I need to keep that in mind.

This is our goal. The fact that you're there now gives me hope.

Lecka, your words lightened my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this encouragement. @TechWife and @ScoutTN, thank you for your suggestion about the residential treatment programs. My state has very, very few resources like this. There is a day-only program about 45 minutes away from us, but, due to our geography, that needs to be last-resort-only. But the main thing about not sending him away is what @PeterPan noted: anxious ASD kids need to feel safe. It seems cruel to send my son away from his "safey". That may also be why the homeschool-to-public school transition was so hard on him - public school was in no way safe for him. (By the way, PeterPan, he does have a weighted blanket, though he probably needs a heavier one by now.) That's the hard thing. PeterPan, over the years I've tried most of the resources that you've recommended above. At this point, I've lost all authority with him for any new curricula, because he has "real" teachers now. 😞 But I am interested in the Easy Button and Power cards ideas. Oh wow, yes. Thank you for this example.

You are right, Innisfree, and I do recognize that. Playing Minecraft together is about the best bonding time that my tow kids have with each other right now! Policing their Minecraft playing is very, very low on my priority list right now. I just wish that they would do it in the same room instead of yelling across the house to be heard by each other! 😉

I did it in 2021. It took me 18 months. 😉 But that was okay. Here is something that helped me: I learned how to take my inside work outside. So, for instance, this sounds funny, but I started folding laundry on our backyard bench. I trimmed green beans and shelled peas and shucked corn on the bench. There were probably some other things that I don't remember, but it was much easier to get more hours once I realized how easily work could be transferred outside. It was worth it. The birds, clouds, flowers, deer, stars, breezes were waiting for me to uplift my heart. I imagined that I was the kid in My Side of the Mountain. Hmm...Maybe I'll try to do it again in 2024... Good luck to everyone!

I try to do the Literary Life reading challenge every year, and just finished up today! Yea! One funny thing to relate: I kind of got in a Scotland theme for the second half of the year: Kidnapped, The Scottish Chiefs, and The Lady of the Lake (abridged - because I knew there was no way that I was going to get through anything by Sir Walter Scott in three weeks without an abridgment!). For a while, all three books were getting completely muddled up in my head. All the protagonists, historical figures, castles, and even centuries started to mix together. It was tough to remember which book I was in! (Psst - the main reason why I wanted to read The Scottish Chiefs was for the N.C. Wyeth illustrations. They were great.) Marbel, when you're ready to tackle it again, let me know. I will be your biggest cheerleader! @Lady Florida., @marbel, and @Grace Hopper, thinking about not wasting life-time on books that aren't worth it, I have a philosophy that has guided me for the last couple of years. My guideline is not so much that I don't finish a book that isn't worth it, I won't even let myself start a book unless there is a really clear reason outside of my own enjoyment to finish it. It has really helped me to prune through some to-read lists. Here's to a great reading year in 2024 for all of us!

Funny you should mention this. My kids were both on their Chromebooks, obviously playing a game together. When I asked them what they were playing and they said Minecraft, I asked, "Isn't that not allowed on the Chromebook? How did you get that?" Their answer, verbatim: "Through a loophole. Everyone knows about it. Even the school." PeterPan, I can't even tell you how insightful this is. I am going think a lot about how to give my son's words more power, rather than just his actions. Lecka, this is convicting me (in a good way, of course), because I go through spurts of trying to write down behavior tracked with food and meds, but I also get overwhelmed, forget about it, etc. - then when we go in to the dr. I have no idea what to say. I will try to get back into a consistent habit with this.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to come back to say a few more very specific thank yous. I appreciate all the helpful suggestions, and I will miss a few people whose comments I really appreciate. My husband and I are coming up with some plans of things to address before the next semester starts, with a few back-up plans as well. So many more of you have chimed in to help me with positive, sympathetic support. I really appreciate the support and encouragement! This tired mom has a lighter heart than she did three days ago from all the wisdom shared on this thread, I’ll update in a few weeks after we see how all this shakes out. There really is a wonderful kid inside my son. Here are a few more specific thank yous that need to be said, though I appreciate all of the positive encouragement: @NorthwestMom your post is a treasure. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts as a BCBA. We have just started working with a BCBA (only two visits so far), and your post gave me some ideas to share with my son’s BCBA and the language to use. Your encouragement, as someone who has seen families like mine, means a lot! I’m so glad that you jumped in and posted. @maize, I’ve been pondering your words that “mental health takes precedence over academics” if we were to homeschool again. That gives me some language to use with my son, because one of his big frustrations is the school’ pressure to get good grades. It also completely ties in with @ScoutTN’s wise reminder to use the time of influence well. Thank you both! @PeterPan, your words about the importance of deescalation have really hit home. It’s a fine line between walking away to calm down and “giving in”, but I think that you pointed out that there is a difference. PeterPan, thank you for always being the one on this forum to remind us that our troubled loved ones can’t help their own chemistry, and that fixing the chemistry is foundational for lasting change. Just so you know, we’re working definitely working on that one. @freesia, please don’t apologize! I hope that you didn’t think that my words about “don’t judge me” were directed to you - because they certainly were not! In all honesty, those words were meant to head off a potential conflict with someone I had a run-in with on this forum a few years ago, but who hasn’t been on this thread, so it’s all okay. On the contrary, I remember how warmly you encouraged me several months ago I another thread to support my daughter in this hard time of her life, and I still thank you for your encouragement! @Lecka, I didn’t say this earlier, but I should have: I really appreciate all your posts walking me through questions about the situation, and your thoughts about what the school can change. Thank you for being so willing to jump in! @Kanin, your “shorthand” post about the differences between 504 and IEP was very helpful. Thank you! It also has given me courage to ask for the things that my son needs but that I didn’t know a school could provide (executive functioning skills instruction, etc.). Those things will definitely go in the written request! @EKS, I’m going to use your exact words when I speak to the school about his Chromebook. Thank you for giving me those words, and the courage to use them. And to everyone else who wrote helpful, encouraging posts, a big thank you!

My husband and I just read through every single one of these posts. So many of you had very helpful things to say. These two tired but very loving and well-intentioned parents thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I'd like to respond to many of these posts individually, but I think that I need to step away for a little while. But I do want to say three special thank yous: @PeterPan and @maize, you two are absolutely wonderful. Thank you especially for your supportive posts. @Pam in CT, you are one of the most thoughtful posters on this forum. I really appreciate your carefully-thought out posts about the school-related issues. Be back later after I've had a chance to heal.

Deleted for privacy. Thank you.

Ausmumof3, I don't want to quote what you shared but I really want to say that I admire you for what you did. It was very strong of you to be so fully present with your husband when he was engaging in that behavior. Your presence said to him, "Come back to real life. Make better choices with your time." I'd like to think that that might help with my son, but I'm not sure. First of all, he would scream at me if I sat next to him while he was playing his games...

Oh, bookbard, I don't want to quote what you shared but I am also shocked at what you were told! Thank you for your sympathy, too.

*****, you are absolutely right about going to school board meetings, etc. - but I don't have this kind of fight left in me. Maybe in a few years...

Soror, not only do I add my voice to those saying, "Go for it!" I want to also add: Thank you. Bless you. You are so needed in a world full of hurting kids and hurting families. We need more social workers like you!

@Katy, I love your suggestion for changing the IEP. The school keeps dragging their feet on even getting one in place! We'll be sending an e-mail to the special ed coordinator before the next semester starts, and I'll see if they'll do your suggestions (though I'm not going to get up hope.).

Thank you, @lmrich. We are getting professional help. It's just not doing much and it's simply not fast enough.

Time to delete for privacy. Thank you.

Corraleno, thank you so much for giving me hope. PinkTulip, I'm so glad that you understand! Kuovonne, your post was very helpful. Thank you! @YaelAldrich, I don't want to quote you, but I do want to say thank you for sharing your story about your son. I hope that more time will help him out, and your relationship with him. Everyone, I'm sorry that I had to step away from the forum for a few days with my own thread still active. The other kid had a crisis. 😞. (I'll start a different thread about that.). My husband and I are still planning to do more research on phones for our daughter. All of your thoughts have been very, very helpful. I'll update you all with what we decide when we make our decisions.

@Innisfree a quick thank you for your encouraging words! My husband keeps muttering, "I wish the internet had never been invented". And he's a computer programmer, too!

Friends, I understand everything that you're saying. Maybe it's just going to take me a while to wrap my head around having a smartphone of my own. This is going to go a little off-topic, but it will help you all understand where I'm coming from. I was/am a Charlotte-Mason type of mom. I really thought that if I was always calm and cheery, gave my kids butterfly nets and high-quality books with gorgeous illustrations, and had them memorize sweet nineteenth-century poems, it would inoculate my kids against adolescence. The CM books never prepared me for being yelled-yelled-yelled at just for putting up appropriate limits. I still haven't really come to grips with doing everything "right" and still failing at making a happy true-good-and-beautiful home. I want to burn all my CM books. ETA: it's not just CM. We took the Love & Logic class not once but twice! We really thought that we would just raise our kids well and wouldn't have any of these issues.

Oh, of course, Forget-Me-Not. But she wants to be in shark-infested waters. She's convinced that she can handle everything. That's why she's in public school. I couldn't homeschool her anymore with her total anger at me for being alive. She acts as though homeschooling is the worst thing that ever happened to her and it should be illegal so that no one else will ever be as socially deprived as she was. (Maybe someday she will realize that the pandemic was not my evil scheme to keep her from having friends.) And the reality is that it's a very fine line between ineffectually controlling her and tempting her with forbidden fruit. Knowing that the internet is big and scary, and knowing that we can't protect them for everything, we've tried to teach them wise discretion for what they encounter in life. But she's just not in a place for making wise decisions. And if it's not a smartphone, it will be the school-issued Chromebook. Someone will say, "Quarter Note, your daughter needs therapy." We're working on it. She has a social worker who is trying to find a therapist for her.

@mommyoffive, thank you for your kind words. The smartphone issue has just been the tip of the iceburg.