That's a nightmare! It would drive me crazy to have so many changes, and I think that's got to be even harder to navigate for students with issues with executive functioning. My son uses Canvas now in his online school, and MOST teachers and organized and do a great job, but we've got one wild card. My son rolls with it pretty well, but it makes me bananas. You're right: that's a lot to process and support when you're also getting used to college life....!!

I'd love to know--if you are willing to share--what traits she had that made you decide that living at home and commuting would be a better option for her than on-campus living. I ask because my oldest is, well, my oldest, and I've never done this before. But I can already see that his 7th grade sister will be 100% ready for on-campus college in all the ways--and it's harder for me to envision this with him, even though he's in 10th grade.He just doesn't seem "there yet," although I also know a massive amount of maturation can happen in boys in the late teens. So I sometimes wonder if he would benefit from living home and commuting. Having never done this before, I'm trying to figure out a framework for decision-making. We have one reasonable, small LAC that is commutable for us (about 20 mins) and another small LAC that is maybe not a great social fit that is 45 minutes away (commutable but not ideal), but the university that I think would ultimately be a WAY better fit for my son's interests, personality, and goals is 2 hours away....not commutable. So I'm chewing on all this a lot.

OH MY WORD!!!! I had no idea. You mean I can stop setting aside quarters for my son to take to college?! This is excellent--so much easier than coin-operated laundry.

SAME. Because no one washes like I do. I am the master!!!! 😉 But we'll sometimes put fun music on and make the kids do it--and I leave the room so I don't have to witness it all. It gets done, and everyone is happy!

YES this resonates with me so much. A framework for making choices is essential to good adult functioning, I think, so one isn’t tossing along on the sea of “whatever feels right” or “whatever is easiest,” etc…..because making choices NOW is what leads to the things later. I’m waiting for my 16 year old to fully understand this. He’s excellent at making good money choices but is struggling with time…I am choosing to see this as a process of maturation. We talk a lot about how the me of tomorrow (or next week, month, year) will either thank or curse the me of today for the choices I make….

I’ve had to make a concerted effort to allow myself to allow my kids to do their own laundry, because I. love. laundry. And am rather jealous of anyone else using my washing machine. 🫣 However when they were both 10 years old they learned to operate and wash. I suspect the tricky bit for most college kids is operating those pay-as-you-go machines and, well, remembering to do it!!! 😄

This is SO helpful. We dropped off of weekly meetings and I think that has been to our mutual detriment. We need to restart that to be sure we are on the same page & there are no huge surprises. I agree with the exercise! That’s a hard area. He’s not an athlete at all, but takes long walks on our farm. That’s the extent of it (along with tai chi with some elderly folks once a week 😄). I thin teens need major expenditures of physical energy!

I know you’re right. A friend said to me yesterday “your biggest issue with him is that he wastes time. Trust me, you’re lucky.” it drives me crazy but I’m realllllllly trying to see this is an issue that I need to work through/adjust expectations/etc. And the relationship is so essential and I do not want to damage it.

For those of you who have launched a child into college, what skills or experiences have you found are most helpful in making that a smooth transition? My son will be 11th grade next year (though he’s an older 10th grader now). I’m trying to be proactive in thinking this through. I’m not just talking about academics—although there is that—but also socially, emotionally, practically. All kids are different, but he’s: 1) a boy 2) an introvert (albeit a very friendly and theatre-involved one!), 3) not a child with close friends, 4) very cerebral, 5) a bit of a procrastinator/easily distracted. I think he’ll need some transition help. My 13-year-old daughter, on the other hand, could probably go to college today and win at everything. 😄 Such different humans!

I am going to do this for the remainder of the school year. He pulled an all-nighter last night 🙄 but is cheerful and content today. The natural consequence of exhaustion should descend upon us anytime now! 😉

Yes-parent controls on the Apple devices are great, and awful on Microsoft, from what I can tell! I've considered enrolling him in a hybrid school, but I don’t know if it would be more challenging (he’s already taking pretty tough classes) or just a time-filler. And we don’t need more time-fillers unless there’s a real ROI somehow!

That has only happened once or twice, thankfully! And he understands that the next day is awwwwful. But I sure don’t want it to be a habit!

Yes-I think that’s it. The lack of efficiency drives me bananas especially when it results in things like getting 4 hours of sleep because he has procrastinated and has to scramble, or missing fun family stuff because he has let his work snowball. The fallout is irritating for his parents, and seems to result in a cycle of fatigue-crankiness-panic-work-fatigue….which I realize describes college for many of us, but still, I don’t like it! It may be that I need to give him the rope and see what he does with it. He’s certainly old enough. It is hard, particularly when I also see him sullen or super cranky from suffering the bad effects of his poor choices. I almost feel like we are in a push-pull. We never had that in toddlerhood—guess I’m due for it now. But I do want him to get confident that HE can manage himself without me micromanaging. And I know it’s crucial for him to develop his independence from me—& perhaps this is his way? His EF skills aren’t great (but mine are really, really strong, so could be his are more typical) so I worry about his ability to function well. At the same time, he’s a theatre kid who is never late for rehearsal, never misses his lines, and has huge backstage responsibilities during shows because everyone thinks he’s so reliable. So I try to remind myself that he CAN do well with tasks and responsibilities when he’s motivated to do so. He just doesn’t seem very motivated at home!

Do you have a recommendation for this? We’ve never used any software because it never seemed necessary—until now. He doesn’t do games, just YouTube, Duolingo, and, like, the UN website. He’s a language/politics nerd!

He uses a paper planner! It worked great for a long time.

We’ve covered that—and you’re right that we lead by example! But it’s certainly not enough in our case. At all.

I am really curious about the best way to handle the now-daily tension I am experiencing with my son, who is 16 and in 10th grade. Historically we’ve gotten along very well. He’s a really sweet guy and we’ve always had a very congenial relationship. But I feel like an alien has inhabited his body! He has grown a TON in the last year and put on weight, and seems to be raging through late puberty. But he’s so sullen, cranky, resistant, and (dare I say it?!) lazy/procrastinating that we are constantly irritated with each other. He has 3 online classes this year (he has 1 in person class that is now done) and is struggling to get assignments turned in on time and with managing his coursework. Lots of “making playlists,” taking walks, and listening to French podcasts. Ok. Lots of YouTube. Even so, he has straight As and notes that the issue is me, not him (he could be right?). He is extremely intelligent. I think he wastes time and it drives me bananas. I think we’ve got executive functioning issues but he’s completely resistant to help. For instance today I gave a clear expectation of what he was to do for 1.5 hours (the overdue geometry, no screens). I went out for a walk and half an hour later came inside and he had done 3 of the wrong geometry problems and was on YouTube watching something to do with the Paris Olympics…..I feel like I need to hover over him, which I didn’t have to do in the past! We never had these types of issues before and I can’t tell if it’s an emotional meltdown (he sometimes gets super overwhelmed and then shuts down), character/laziness, depression (he’s often sullen and sees no point to some of his schoolwork), executive functioning issues (he can get inattentive at times, but also has extreme focus on some things), or typical teenage pushback/quest for independence. Or a combo of the above. But our arguments are now occurring daily, *always* over schoolwork…..we never argue about anything else. He’s honestly a joy to parent when we’re not butting heads over this. I have tried making him skip theatre rehearsal, taking away social activities (sparse to begin with so I don’t want to do that too much), removing access to devices (hard when he does online school). I oscillate internally between thinking I need to just totally let it go or I need to totally crack down. I’m even considering a hybrid school next year (3 days there/2 days at home) just because I’m so worn out by the constant friction we’ve gotten ourselves into! But I don’t know it that will solve any issues or just compound them. He takes FOREVER to do his work. I wonder: does he have too little? Or too much? Need more time with peers? Etc… We are going to see a therapist in a couple of weeks, I’m hoping that we’ll get some objective insights there. Anyone else with teenagers have any wisdom here? Is there an alien in my home?

I dm’ed you!

Excellent-thank you!

These are great tips. He does already have a job (he’s a dining server at the local ritzy retirement home), and he’ll for sure continue that until he’s in college. (Sadly his coworkers are not his tribe, so no post-work hanging out there. I won’t get into it, but I think he’s showing exceedingly good judgment in that regard. 😳) I like the idea of DE classes that are distinct from his primary interests. I hadn’t really thought of that as a tactic for choosing, but I like it a lot.

Thank you! He does a lot of French on his own already (he too is an autodidact, I insisted he start classes when he was 13, he placed into Honors French 2 with no prior formal learning!). He listens to podcasts (One Thing in a French Day has been a perennial favorite!) and the news in French almost daily. So he can definitely always do that and we can call it “a class” but I do think he’d prefer more formal learning in addition to it. He’s studying French literature this year and it has been so fun to see him fall in love with the books! Les Miserables would be a good one—he hasn’t read that yet and it’s such a classic story.

I SO wish we had an Alliance Francaise here! We’ve been to a meeting at the nearest one, which was awesome for my son (& the others there couldn’t believe he hadn’t been to France), but it’s far away—too far for regular involvement. He would probably say he wants to live in Belgium. Ha! I should check to see if Roanoke College does DE. He doesn’t seem interested in it as a college choice, but for DE—if they offer it—it could be a really nice in-between. Thank you!

My son is an "old" 10th grader this year (he's 16, will be 17 in June). We've got next year nicely mapped-out, but I'm starting to think about his 12th grade year. After this year, he will actually have enough credits so that I could "graduate" him--plus, the summer after 11th grade he'll be 18. However, we are not in a rush to matriculate at a college yet--he is still working on life skills (driving, self-management, coping mechanisms when stressed, etc). So I'm thinking of trying to do a lighter senior year after the heavy junior. We're in Virginia, FWIW. Near Roanoke College, and not too far (an hour-ish) from Va Tech and W&L. We're not sure what he will study in college, but he's interested in French, philosophy, theology, politics, linguistics, and other languages (he speaks French and Spanish and has done heavy dabbling in Mandarin, German, and others). What types of things would you do with a 19-year-old 12th grader? A few notes: *In 11th grade he will have maxed out the French that his online French provider provides. He'll take AP French next year, and we need to find *something* to do senior year that will keep him immersed in learning French, since he'll probably major/double major in it in college, and he loves it. Our community college doesn't offer French. I'm not sure what to do for French for this year between AP and college, but we do need something. *We could look into DE at the local community college. It is about half an hour away from us, and gets mixed reviews from most people I know. I don't know if online DE with a college/university would be a reasonable option or not. Frankly, I just haven't wandered down the DE path yet. We've loved the richness of The Great Conversation courses at WHA, and we decided to focus more on those than on trying out community college classes--which is what most homeschoolers his age around here do. *He tends to need external structure and he tends to flounder without it. He's a curious and interested kid, but as he has gotten into the teen years, he definitely needs more direction/guidance. At the same time, too much and he gets overwhelmed or resentful. So although some kids could just be told "do whatever you want for 12th grade and we'll make it look cool on the transcript," this would give him paralyzing anxiety. *He is lonely, and there's no way to sugarcoat it. He's an introvert, but even introverts have their limits. 😉 He takes an in-person Spanish class, participates in a weekly choir, takes Tai Chi with the elderly, attends Youth Group once a week, and is heavily involved in community theatre, so he has lots of social exposure and acquaintances (and we are super active in our community in general--small town life!), next year he'll be in a government class with some peers....but he doesn't really have friends at this point, and that has been a point of struggle. I don't know that we'll be able to easily rectify that, but it's just a point I thought I'd mention. He doesn't do sports and he's not into the things that most teenage boys in our area are into (sports, video games). I think he'll probably find his tribe at college--that's how it was for me. We are still brainstorming on this front, but pickings are kind of slim around here. More time with peers would be great. If it didn't seem completely wacky, I'd consider enrolling him in public school for 12th grade, but I doubt that's a possibility! *We could continue with Wilson Hill classes in 12th grade, but he'll have done 3 years of online schooling by that point and I think we're a bit tired of it (although we LOVE WHA, don't get me wrong--overwhelmingly positive experiences with them!). That may end up being the route we take, but I'm just trying to cast about for fresh ideas since he'll have all his credits and I can tell he's wanting Something Else. Brainstorming! That's all it is--but I would appreciate any thoughts. Thanks!

Accidental triple post. 🙄

Oops, triple-posted! Not sure how to delete.