momee
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Posts posted by momee
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"So, while I find some parts helpful, I think much of what she suggests should be taken with grain of salt"
Re: Home Comforts
I have checked it out multiple times from the library and my take was kind of the same. But, it was helpful as part of my arsenal of knowledge. It was good to read. I should get it again.
I have these two things on my amazon wish list to show what a geek I am about this topic.
We know a very, very wealthy associate of my husband's. His home is near DC. Extremely wealthy social circle, large house, etc. He employs a chef, a house manager, a personal assistant, among various other household help (yard crew, decorating crew, maids, caterers, etc.). I'm not by any means in that financial position, lol, a long way off, but I am acting out (on a waaaay smaller scale) many of those roles in our humble space. KWIM?
Like Home Comforts, they will hopefully be helpful in the journey. Doesn't mean I'll spend my day being a butler, but I will be growing in my precious role as homemaker.
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That's what I was doing when I was teaching myself to clean, reading books from decades past about cleaning methods - really cleaning, not swipe and swish with chemicals. But I digress.
I think really, my anxiety stems from having to mutli task and LEARN how to do so many of the tasks I'm facing but I guess if I approach it with the right attitude - that it's a journey and I should enjoy the travel - it might be less of ...idk..a burden mentally.
I've taught myself to clean, parent, cook and entertain at my current level. We're functioning fine, I am just chatting it up with fellow moms for support.
I do care about table linens, about ironing a crisp pretty collar for my husband, about actually making edible granola, about having cut flowers.
That's a great thing. That I care. It's not great that I stress over it sometimes (because I don't know everything, lol).
Thanks for listening. No one here (in my home) wants to hear about my inadequacy, they just want a happy momma.
Last night it was just the 8 of us, lol. I saw shrimp at the local food store for sale 5.99 lb. I googled shrimp and grits, bought the ingredients, doubled the recipe and made some green beans. We went home, set the table with our Christmas best (took 18 mins total) and enjoyed a night of laughing, delicious food and great family time.
I can do this, lol. I can do this.
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As for cooking, I just wanted to share two things that have made entertaining SOOOOOO much easier.
They are both cookbooks but I'm finding if you feed people food, the fun naturally follows.
http://www.amazon.com/Americas-Test-Kitchen-Menu-Cookbook/dp/1933615907
The fajitas menu and the french silk pie make me look like a rockstar in the kitchen ;)
and I've been crazy about pie making and this bourbon pear crumble is - incredible
As far as home management - I've resurrected this one because it speaks to 1) my heart issues regarding serving others on a daily basis and 2) is very practical for a large multi-gen family like mine
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I agree, Garga. It really does. I've just moved and learning to plant grass, design flower beds, consider kitchen cabinet and pantry walk in organization, daily meals for 7, laundering, garage organization, holiday decorating, well - all decorating.
I mean it, I am overwhelmed sometimes with all I have to learn before I can even act. Thanks for the post because it makes me remember it is a journey and takes years.
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"That price tag - do you think that's per person or for a group of 12? I don't quite understand their wording. Did you see the book on their website? "
I don't know but I heard them speak when I was at Monticello for the Heritage Festival two years ago. They were marketing their business at the end of their workshop - and their idea sounded like a super fun concept. They call themselves Deans of the Home Academy of Domestic Pursuits. Reall though, I don't give myself enough credit. After 21 years at home, I am a stinking Dean too, lol. I manage this place, I entertain regularly.
But tbh, I am lacking confidence. I don't fee I could host a cocktail party for 12 or to quote the title of one of their classes - "inherit a silver service" (lol, that's not happening!) and actually USE it.
I want to grow in those skills and am having a heck of a time figuring out how to. Maybe I should just practice on my friends, I guess.
I need a mentor, lol. All the older women in my life are - idk - just not into any of that.
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Posting on my own thread, lol, cuz I'm crazy about learning. I found this and thought I'd share this in case anyone wanted to send me here as a Christmas present, lol.
Totally just kidding but can you imagine? Super fun get away...
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I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years and still feel like I need a "how to care for your home class"
What are you doing/have you done to up your game in caring for your peeps and place?
I'm currently learning about table linens because I was challenged at Thanksgiving time over picking out a tablecloth. Growing up in a townhouse with a single mom we didn't have much opportunity to really use "linens". I have women girlfriends now who had moms with dresser drawers full :) that actually laughed when I brought it up.
Some times I get frustrated by my lack of skills in the area of homekeeping. I taught myself to clean by checking out the old housekeeping books in the library - like from the 60s kind of old.
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"The Peaceful Palate."
This has been on my Amazon wishlist for over a year. Maybe I'll go with this one :)
All the suggestions are great though, thanks for taking the time to respond.
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I'm considering this but not really sure it's for us...has anyone used it?
The Skinnytaste Cookbook
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My hopes are to find a book that has
whole food, lower fat, lower carb recipes
multi generational family friendly
not time consuming
uses local supermarket ingredients
I have these and like them but need to branch out
for entertaining
for quick weeknight meals but not super healthy choices
and
for when I'm taking lots of time in the kitchen and cooking vegan
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I was going to post on the Tackle Friday or whatever type post,
"I spent my beautiful afternoon on the phone with telephone reps from multiple companies getting my address removed from their lists."
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Somehow we got on someone's buy list. I'm not kidding, we are getting...10 per day?
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Miss Peregrine -
this "I feel so stupid." is typical. I bet you would really appreciate the book by McBride. Even if the offender isn't your mom, it helped me tremendously to work through those type feelings.
I'm happy to be an ear should you need it through pm. If not, no worries.
Just know you aren't alone, and I'm guessing not to blame :)
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Thanks, mathnerd. Ditto - DH knew for years my mom was having those issues and saw clearly their hold over me. He reassures me all the time regarding those things. I am so grateful in so many ways for his wisdom.
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Thanks Miss Peregrine. I learned a bit late that anger parenting is viciously nasty and needs attention and effort to overcome. My oldest suffered from alot of railing from me. Angry vocal outbursts and lack of patience. I have and still do apologize for those outbursts. I am heavily burdened that his issues in being a late bloomer are my fault.
But then I put on glasses of grace :) and I remember his bad decisions are not because I've lost my temper at times. I was - as my mother always said - "doing the best I could with what I knew". She too was abused. BUT I , unlike her...learned new ways. I realized what my anger was doing to my family. What my lack of control and emotional immaturity were doing to us (this was 18 years ago, I've learned soo much, thank God)
You are right though - I have broken the cycle. I am so greatful for godly examples and teachers who have been helpers in my healing. My later children benefit from a mom who found grace, found Jesus and a new and gentle way to live. A mother not motivated by self and brokenness and vindictive behaviors, but motivated out of love and longsuffering, patience and gentleness. Kindness, mercy and forgiveness are my goals now.
I am horribly suffering the decision to go no contact with my mother. Soooo much guilt, but it has helped tremendously with my mental health and my family's stability. She has affected me even as a grown woman, unfortunately, in many hurtful ways.
Good for the OP to seek help. Narcissism is insidious and hidden and difficult for everyone involved.
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That sounds like I have some abuse issues myself. See - here's the guilt cycle of being the child of a narcissist. Sooo much guilt, so much over analysis of my role and problems and ... blech.
I am not in danger of hurting anyone, I'm stupidly trying to say I really have to work at controlling my behavior when anxious, I have to work at being a quiet mom when things get really loud and I really have to learn new methods of parenting each time my kids get to new stages of life - because all I have to go on are her examples.
I'm so thankful for a new life, peace, protection, and a mentally healthy home.
Enough rambling...
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I've found some things to help me...because the abuse my mom gave out had so many negative affects, especially regarding my parenting - stabbing a fork in my hand when I was eating with my mouth open, for example. So I really have to battle some days to not copy her discipline methods or react out of anger - the way I was parented. This isn't an excuse - it's the truth. When all you've seen is drama and dysfunction, normal is hard to imagine in some arenas. That sounds so awful to actually type out.
How to Control Your Emotions So They Don't Control You - Brooke McGlothlin
and
Ungluedare my two favorite mom books to help keep me gentle and have given me new techniques to parent with.
Also, as far as being the daughter of a narcissistic mom - this book was very, very difficult to read - it was THE book that helped me realize what was happening with my mother - and sooo much of what I have experienced as a grown woman having been raised by a narcissist.
Karyl McBride - Will I Ever Be Good Enough
Peace to you as you maneuver this. Not easy.
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OK. Good idea.
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nm, I'm not up for stirring up the beehive today
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Just bought NY Strip for $6.99 lb. What would you do with it?
I bought some montreal steak seasoning and was going to grill it but...boring, no?
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Please help a mom who has NO IDEA about what's needed or the best buys.
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"I got rid of a ton a few years ago, and feel lighter and happier. Tons of handed down Xmas Spode china and glasses went out the door, along with handed down "snow babies" (the look of those things give me the willies). The china went because I am simply done with hand washing, due to health reasons. I freecycled it, and it gave me such joy to give it to someone who was practically dancing with excitement. :)"
I would have loved to be the recipient of this! Trying like mad to collect pieces - I've been working on actually having enough to use for...idk..10 years!
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Awww. Don't 'dis the young men :)
I love feeding teens. Love them around, love to see them eat. Love to know they are safe - cared for - and to see my kids choosing great friends.
I hope the event surprises you and instead of feeling ... imposed on...(that's too strong but you hopefully know what I mean) that you instead are delightfully amazed and blessed by it all~
We entertain teens every Sunday over here, I know what you mean about amounts, expense, etc. So hopefully you take what I'm giving as encouragement. I'm so happy for you. Hope it's a blast.
I was going to suggest chilli with the fixins, cheese - avocado - sour cream - etc. But you already got that, it is easier, I've found to just make real food than try to fill them with bags of air - bka chips.
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I get that. Kids keep us hopping because they are so different in what each one needs. Whatever you decide, I pray you find a groove. If nothing else, reading advent books is one thing I'm definitely putting some workbooks aside for in the next few weeks.
Time flies and they aren't this age forever. (Said a mom who greatly misses her oldest now out of the house in the big, big world)
House Management - I need a how to course, lol.
in The Chat Board
Posted
That looks awesome! Thanks so much.