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Posts posted by annandatje

  1. You may be reading too much into it if you think she is oversharing or seeking attention.  It is very possible that she is posting in support of a friend going through a difficult breakup.  Why would you have to leave facebook because of something your daughter in law posts?  She should not have that much power over you.  You can snooze her for 30 days or unfollow her.


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  2. I took both rounds of the Pfizer vaccine with no side effects except for bruising, which is due to fact that my platelet count sometimes drops below 50,000 because of ongoing disease process.  I do not count soreness of arm as a side effect since I expect that quick jab with needle will result in minor temporary soreness.  During my vaxes, I was working around 75-85 hours a week because of our busy season.

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  3. We inherited care of my husband's intellectually disabled brother who had lived with mother until she unexpectedly developed septicemia during routine surgery and died.  It was rough first few years when we tried to involve the other five siblings to care for him part of year and frankly the constant change would not have been good for him.  We had to let go of resentment over other siblings not helping out.  Thus, he stayed with us, and eventually we found a good placement for him in agency-supervised living with a roommate.  He is an integral part of our nuclear family as he is over at our house on weekends, usually with his roommate.  However, with only one adult child still living in our city, we do worry about what will happen to him when husband and I both die.  We would not change anything about our situation with him.

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  4. Do not give them unsolicited advice or make comments about them being "woke." In fact, if they do ask for advice, you may say," You have a good strong mind, and I'm sure you will come with a reasonable solution to your problem."  Their behavior does not strike me as uncommon for their age group.  Do not expect them to return texts or calls promptly.  Even if you consider their responses to the situation as hysterical, would you truly want someone else telling you how should feel about a situation or judging your response to be hysterical?  Acknowledge that the situation must be stressful for them and tell them you hope they get it worked out.  For me, it has helped to remember to talk to my adult children the way I would talk to friends.  

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  5. Has daughter been screened for ADD?  My son, who was disgustingly messy, was diagnosed and medicated for ADD at age 31.  Now his apartment is neat and tidy and stays that way.  It can indeed make a world of difference.

    As for how I handled it when he lived at home, I wanted to be happy, so I had to let it go.  However, I insisted he keep his bedroom door closed, not bring his messiness into common living areas and not do anything that would permanently devalue my property.

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  6. One generally has to delve into details about these situations because media tends to hyperfocus on the alleged silliness of it all. 

    Remember the coverage of the McDonald's coffee case?  People were up in arms that a woman had audacity to sue because her coffee was hot.  However, she suffered substantial burns and had to have skin grafts.  At the time, McDonald's coffee was served at about 40 degrees less than boiling point!

    I feel a great deal of sympathy for the Gorilla glue lady being our temporary laughingstock and criticism target.  I, too, have unintentionally misused a product, but fortunately there were no disastrous effects.

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  7. Some states allow children of decedent to claim an elective share, so, yes, she can make potentially make trouble if she is in applicable state and is familiar with the law herself or seeks legal advice.

    Her father can pass an inheritance to her via trust if she is a spendthrift or if she receives government benefits that are asset or income based.

    One of my clients had a falling out with one of her grandchildren and disinherited him in both her will and in a life insurance trust.  Subsequently they reconciled but she failed to update terms of will and insurance trust.  Thus, when she died, he was denied his share of her estate.

    FTR I strongly disagree with disinheriting children or treating them unequally in legal documents.

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  8. I strongly believe that anyone who has reached age of reason should have autonomy over their own body even if I think they are a lunatic for not getting Covid vaccine.  

    If you do not want your children around unvaccinated adult relatives, I see no other option at this juncture than to have a brief honest discussion with your parents explaining why the kids can or can't visit and let the chips fall where they may.  Your parents need to respect your parenting decisions regardless of whether they agree with them.

    However, I always wonder ..... how far would one take that?  Do people routinely ask neighbors, friends, relatives and acquaintances about their vaccine history before allowing children around them?  Reason I ask is that in my entire mothering life,  I have had exactly one mother ask if my children were up to date on vaccinations, and this was in absence of a pandemic. 

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  9. As a person who sometimes has trouble interpreting tone of voice, I tend to listen closely and focus on words.  The words "watch out" or "watch yourself" would not seem friendly to me since I probably would not recognize the cheeriness in your voice.  I know you didn't ask but what I say in those situations is usually something like "oops we almost had a collision."   As for her complaining about it to her companion, well, that is unnecessary and whiny in my opinion.

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  10. 6 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

    But if he left everything (that he legally owned) to his wife, the spousal exemption would apply, so no taxes would be due until she dies, and the current exemption is 11.7 million. 

    If deed named children as owner after father's death, there would be no spousal exemption for what passes to children.  However, Scarlett has stated that total estate was under $500K so there would be no estate tax even if nothing passed to spouse.  The current exemption of $11.7 million is for 2021 deaths only so would not apply to the father's estate.  Exemption is adjusted annually for inflation, and is set to drop back to $5M adjusted for inflation after 2025 unless Congress extends the generous exemption.  

  11. How much money are you talking about in royalties from minerals?  Attorney fees may outweigh whatever  royalty payments would have been.  If not, then yes indeed the adult children need an attorney.  The plaintiffs will have case against "landman" or against mother/stepmother for taking what was rightfully theirs for 34 years although you stated that at least some of the children "signed off" on those conditions.

    Re: estate taxes.  If decedent died 34 years ago, the federal lifetime exemption was $500,000 at his death.  Thus, if the fair market value of his assets at death exceeded $500,000, then, yes, the decedent's estate would owe estate taxes with outrageous penalties and interest to the IRS.  That is landmine I would not want to set off.  Do not know if LA and AR had estate taxes at decedent's death.  Only a handful of states still have an estate tax provision, but more states had estate tax in the 1980s.

  12. No, I have not felt jealousy because of my children's relationships with each other.  In fact, I celebrate that they are quite close to one another and turn to each other in times of need, nor do I feel envious of relationship they have with my sister.  The wider a person's support network is, the better chance they have of making it through tough times intact.

    I do not want to hijack thread so I may start another thread about an interesting observation that some parents are jealous of what their children achieve and attempt to minimize their accomplishments.

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  13. No, it is not healthy to exclude your daughter from family events such as upcoming birthday.  Sister may invite whomever she pleases to her own get-togethers, but she is going a step too far when sister insists your daughter not attend event sister is attending.  Essentially your sister is trying to cut your daughter off from her beloved extended family.  That is a no go.

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  14. On 1/13/2021 at 10:21 AM, BlsdMama said:

    So, I'm curious, if you don't carve out the date and make the time, do you find it still happens?

    Yes, it still happens but not on any regular schedule.  My husband's work schedule is rather unpredictable, and during my busy season at work, I cannot handle obligations other than work and family emergencies.  It helps that husband and I are homebodies and introverts, so we may not need quite as much date time as some other couples.

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  15. I had a rare aggressive breast cancer and currently am NED (no evidence of disease) although treatment caused other serious health issues.  During treatment, my firm and friends helped out with meals.  My one daughter who still lives in city helped us out a great deal.  She handled laundry and dry cleaners and did other chores and errands for me.  Of course, my  husband was big help.  So sorry your friend's marriage is not a source of comfort to her; that makes things tougher.  The one thing I could have used help with was housecleaning because our house cleaners quit years ago and I had never hired another one.  People offered house cleaning but I turned them down because I decided I should wait until I declined further.  I should have graciously accepted their offers. 

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  16. 5 hours ago, Plum said:

    Do you feel stronger mentally taking in and discussing covid 24/7? Do you feel it is unhealthy to focus on it so much? Do you find you have to take breaks from the news? Social media? These forums?  Are all of these covid threads helping or stressing you out? Both?



    Do we no longer have polls? 

    My only covid19 goal is to be informed by qualified scientists or doctors, not politicians.  My primary source of information is CDC and my local public health department.  Have watched very little tv news coverage and *generally* do not read the covid threads here since they tend to be in-depth discussions that delve further into issue than I care to.  Knowing and exercising the basics of social distancing, mask wearing, avoiding travel and going to stores only for essentials is all I can do to avoid covid19, so I do not unduly stress about covid19 or any updates on it since it is beyond my control.  However, I do feel a deep lingering sadness that apparently a sizable portion of USA population refuses to abide by the basic methods for not spreading virus.  On the other hand, I would not rat out anyone for not following guidelines.

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