annandatje
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Posts posted by annandatje
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As child and young adult, I ate very little meat because of its texture. Married an omnivore. I do consider myself a regular meat eater but I prefer a quite small amount of meat in proportion to bread for sandwich. When I prepare pot roast, typically only have one small chunk meat with large serving of the vegetables. In short, I tend to view meat as more of a condiment than a main course. When I eat meat, I need some sort of seasoning and flavoring such as teriyaki to make it more palatable. Although I prepare an elaborate Thanksgiving feast, I seldom ever even taste the turkey. I strongly dislike turkey whether fresh or frozen.
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My gut reaction is to doubt the accuracy of the statements made. However, the advice to contact authorities is sound; they can ferret out the truth and decide how to handle.
Honestly, on another note, I would have been thrilled to get to observe surgery and handle bones when I was eight years old.
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I would not get another cat given fact that dog did not care for previous cat. It *could* go smoothly in certain circumstances, but I personally would not want to risk another territorial marking war and having to monitor relationship between dog and cats to make sure no critter is injured or traumatized. About a decade ago when our last dog passed, I decided to discontinue having dogs and cats live together in spite of having a dog and cat who were best buddies when I was in my 20s and early 30s. We chose cats as preferred companions. My dogs never injured the cats, but they would frighten, chase and bark at them. When one cat got out, he ran away. I have always blamed myself because it was the day after I hosted a big dog rescue picnic in our backyard.
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15 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:
Wear your lovely ring whenever, however and wherever you desire without worrying about what other people will think.
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Validate daughter's feelings and then let it go.
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Instead of picking individual stocks, purchase shares of a balanced or growth-oriented mutual fund with low load cost.
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I worked in canine rescue for years. When pets came into rescue due to aggression issues, the majority of them had to be euthanized by the rescue, and we always stayed with them during the procedure.
My point is that when the guardian has tried training and sought medical treatment for any health issues without success, the guardian knows what needs to be done so why have someone else like a rescue have to handle the euthanasia? Wouldn't the dog go more peacefully with family members around him during the procedure? The "giving him another chance" sadly boils down to giving him another chance to do harm to another living being.
I am so so sorry for your situation, Thewellerman and hope you do not suffer guilt because you have provided a loving stable home for the dog.
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On 4/7/2022 at 5:58 PM, Quill said:
Do you ever just think something like, “Well I don’t think I will live much longer/to an old age”? Or is that just my own personal weirdness?
Like, sometimes I just think, “What am I even doing? What’s even the point of anything I do?” And I will think, I can’t really imagine being 70, 80, 90.
It’s not like SI or wishing I would cease to be (which I have experienced before) and it’s not like hopelessness about the future, which I have also experienced. It’s almost like an out-of-body feeling, like I’m looking at myself and wondering what the point of all my doing is. Like I just found out the Matrix is true and we’re all just being programmed to think this steak is juicy and delicious.
Sorry; I am in a low mood today.
Can't say that I have ever pondered why I am here because I do not believe that there is any inherent purpose or meaning to life beyond doing things that are meaningful to you.
At age 60, I was given an unsettling prognosis which temporarily saddened me, but now I play a mental game of being one step ahead of the grim reaper. I can honestly say I have not experienced depression since the initial shock, and the way I view life has changed. It is hard to explain but things that once concerned me, I now accept as part of the big colorful collage of life on this planet and developed a much deeper and comprehensive compassion for the struggles of others. I no longer feel internal or external pressure to meet up to my former standards or to anyone's standards. There are days where I do feel like I would be ready if it were my time but not in a sad way.
Prior to my diagnosis, I had what some may refer to as "out of body" experience. For a couple months, I had seen in my mind a woman with graying blond short cropped hair lying in a hospital bed with bandages on her chest. I chalked it up to ADHD and silently chastised myself to focus on my work. A few weeks passed when ..... I don't know how to describe this .... but I felt a strong sense of urgency to walk down the long corridor to where she was .... I was tired but not exactly asleep ..... and when I got closer, the person in the bed was me. Essentially this experience led to my diagnosis as I had not sought medical treatment for a couple decades at that point. I assume that all this weirdness originated within my subconscious to advise me to pay more attention to my health.
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Prefacing these comments with fact that I adore companion animals, and almost all of ours have been strays or rescues who were not considered desirable companion animals because of various personality and behavioral quirks. However, I draw a line at certain types of aggression whether it is aimed at people or other animals. Based upon what you have described, I absolutely would not pawn off this dog to a rescue or to a "good home." As his guardian, in my opinion, it is your duty to deal with the issue which probably will mean euthanizing the dog assuming that his aggression is not sole result of a medical issue or training issue that can be resolved. I know how difficult a decision that is. A family member of mine who is excellent dog trainer got a puppy so she could bring it up right from the start. Unfortunately, after it had bitten every family member and some guests in spite of proper ongoing training, the vet and the other trainers she worked with supported her decision to euthanize the then two year old purebred dog that had been in loving stable home since puppyhood.
ETA: the puppy came from highly respected breeder whose dogs had good conformation and temperament.
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6 minutes ago, maize said:
I don't think we need to presume that the established adult (this isn't a 19 or 20 year old) who had no trouble at all informing his mother-in-law is too fragile to inform more extended family himself.
That's a rather demeaning assumption.
I am not quite sure how you find relaying real life experience to a poster who asked for commentary to be a "demeaning assumption." My comment was based upon experience and observations of people who are transgender with no reference to age unless you assumed I was referring to 19 or 20 year olds. Generally it does NOT get any easier with age to tell others. Oftentimes the older the transitioning person is, the more they have to lose financially and relationship-wise.
Homeschool mom in NC, what did you decide to do about your the request?
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Why not help notify the extended family? It is incredibly scary to face the rejection of extended family when transitioning especially when a person has spent their life attempting to conform to a gender identity that is socially acceptable. My young adult literally shook at thought of telling certain family members. He has since eliminated from his life those people who negatively judged him for something beyond his control. Imagine being judged for trying to live genuinely.
I am a capable woman but once in a while I ask my daughter to handle certain stressful tasks for me. Could I do it on my own? Sure. She does it because she wants my life to be freer of stressors.
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Generally people lie to avoid punishment or other negative consequences, to avoid being embarrassed, to keep their privacy and to portray themselves as more skilled and talented than they truly are. Once you determine *why* this person is lying to you, you will be better equipped to handle it.
The fastest and easiest solution is probably to discontinue asking the type of questions that result in a lie.
Since the liar in question is an adult, you could insist the liar move out, especially if you are not interested in a long term relationship with him or her. Have not read entire thread but I can't imagine a scenario where I would ask a roommate, including an adult child, where they had been and what they did unless it arose naturally and voluntarily in the course of conversation, nor would I have myself so invested in the person's comings and goings that I would do legwork to confirm he/she was lying as long as their lies were harming no one.
Ultimately the liar will have to deal with the consequences of his/her lies, so sit back, relax and watch the life lesson unfold.
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I am amazed by all you have managed to accomplish while dealing with highly difficult circumstances. You've been a good example to your children by working hard to accomplish your goals.
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I developed severe fibrosis in breast after oncological breast surgery and radiation five years ago.
Early on, the shooting burning nerve pain was almost unbearable because the internal scar tissue would press on or wrap around nerves. Nothing helped, and my body cannot tolerate opioids. The medical team reassured me that THE THING (what we call what was formerly my right boob) would soften over time and stop developing scar tissue. It was only at my last follow-up appointment October 2021 that scar tissue "had not expanded since last visit."
As a child, I got a nasty cut in arch of foot. The nerve discomfort of scar when touched lasted a couple decades.
I hope your friend's issue is external scar tissue which is easier to deal with. Numbing creams may help her.
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If he wishes to entertain visitors, what were terms when he moved in? Was he aware that it was against rules? I am sorry you are having issues with him after working so hard to get him set up comfortably in your home.
If he is unhappy with the constraints of his living situation, he should make the changes needed within his limitations.
Do not interfere by disclosing his health condition to potential sweetheart. It is a violation of his privacy to do that; leave it up to him how much he wants to disclose.
As for money, a person has legal right to do whatever they desire with their money. About all you can do is make sure his will and, if applicable, revocable living trust, are properly drafted in accordance with his wishes. I understand your apprehension about the woman, but so far has she given you any reason to be wary?
The closer to death I get, the more I understand a person seeking out joy wherever they can find it. However, I hope he stays with you where he is surrounded with love and caring family.
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Yes, it is a necessary skill for my work and, to much lesser degree, personal relationships.
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I would cut the alleged manager some slack. Many people are quickly depleting their compassion reserves during these crazy times. Write off the pizza place and find a new one. Maybe in six months or so, check it out again to see if quality back up to par.
Personally I would not bother calling to report manager's behavior because I have never seen a sustained improvement after complaining to corporate or to local franchisee or owner.
Many years ago, I wrote letter to Arby's to complain of outrageous neglectful behavior of their employees at 8:30 p.m. in a location that was open until 10:00 p.m. The lights were on and door were unlocked. The workers stood at counter chatting and never asked for our order. Some of them ambled toward back of store. When I asked to place order, the sole worker left at counter told me "we are going to close." Got zero response.
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We have always put money in tip jar or on credit card when we pick up a takeout order, so nothing new here. However, we feel free to tip a little less than standard 20%.
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Yes, I do indeed feel cherished. When my husband and I had to stop by hospitalized mentally ill sister's apartment to take care of things after she was taken to hospital by ambulance, he told me to go work on other tasks while he cleaned up all the feces mess on furniture, floors and wall.
I feel cherished by my children who actually like hanging out with me. The one who lives locally often runs errands for me when I have zero excuse for not handling myself simply because she thinks I should relax more.
I have never quite knew exactly what "cherish" translated to in real life, but I have a network of emotionally supportive husband, children, sister and friends.
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I would not allow your son and the younger cousin to spend time together unsupervised although I truly believe it is a sweet innocent gesture for him to befriend his younger cousin. However, your sister has slyly let you know that she has a weapon loaded and ready: false criminal allegations. Initially at least, I would be the only supervisor with thought that eventually supervision may be extended to your parents depending upon nature of their relationship with sister.
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I am sorry that contact with her did not turn out to be what you had anticipated or hoped for.
One parent alienating another is downright evil to both the alienated parent and to the child who has been indoctrinated against the parent. A friend of mine who was the parental victim of alienation from children by narcissist ex has suffered terribly and still does to this day. She has occasional contact with children but in no time they revert back to parroting revisionist history that their father provided. Her ex has extended their children's alienation to include maternal aunts, uncles and grandparents.
At this juncture, assuming you have an address, ship *all* her personal belongings to her without any further communication. I advise NOT asking for reimbursement for shipping costs unless you are unable to afford the cost. UPDATE: Faith-manor's advice to drop off at home of relative or friend is better choice. The topic of cost will not come up in that scenario.
It sounds as if she has blocked you and decided to go non contact with you. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do at the point without driving her further away.
Hopefully in time she will mature enough to recognize that while things were difficult, you have always loved her. The ball is in her court now.
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In my professional field, I have encountered those dynamics you describe with numerous family businesses from privately held small businesses all way up to publicly traded on the exchange.
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4 minutes ago, Frances said:
.... What really bothers me in general, and sometimes on this board, is that it often seems to be assumed or stated that non-religious people, and especially non-Christians, are missing a steadfast moral compass in their lives and how could one truly be a good person and raise good, moral children without religion? ...
Ah, reminds me of an experience my husband had with a business associate while on a flight. Business associate started the predictable Southern queries about religious affiliation. Associate actually asked him, "How do you raise moral children without believing in god?" Husband went on to give a well thought out response to which associate replied, "What about Satanists?" Husband replied that he supposed Satanists would go where they wanted to go. Puzzled the associate into temporary silence.
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Quill, here is another example for you:
When I moved to a small town of around 30,000 in this state, I was still in elementary school. In 6th grade, a school friend invited me to her Southern Baptist church's summer vacation bible school which she sold as a fun arts and crafts adventure. It was indeed fun Monday through Thursday. On Friday, all of us had to go to a religious service in the sanctuary where we were subjected to hellfire and brimstone altar call. I am a lifelong atheist but always knew to sit quietly and respectfully in church. The teacher boldly walked to pew I was sitting in with friends and began to castigate me for not allowing Jesus into my heart. Still I sat there like a stone not knowing how to reply to teacher so I remained silent.
I told this story couple decades later to a co-worker of mine who informed me that Baptists "do not do that anymore."
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Would you leave this alone or offer to help?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Leave it alone.