Mom2boys Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Anybody have any experience with this? Ds7 has become more clingy in the last six months, instead of outgrowing a need to have me with him all the time. He will separate from me if his father, or grandparents will be with him, but I can't leave him with anyone else. A dear friend is perfectly willing to watch him this week when I go to the doctor. Ds7 knows her, loves to play with her children, has been to their house many times, will have his older brother with him, but is panic-stricken at the thought of being left there for an hour while I go to my appointment. I will only be about 7 minutes away from him by car - literally just down the road. Part of me says to just leave him with my friend to help him overcome his fear. The other part of me is worried about making his separation anxiety worse by leaving him with my friend. Any advice for me? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Honestly I would explore what could have happen or be happening over the past six months to cause this. Family changes, social changes, unfortunate experiences, etc....and then I would respect your ds's wishes as I expect they are coming from somewhere and are legitimate. But that's just me going one very little :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 I don't think there has been an incident in the last six months that is causing this. He has always been clingy, but has been getting worse instead of out-growing it. When I ask him what he thinks will happen if I am not there, he can't articulate a specific fear or worry, just that he doesn't want me to leave him. So, I don't know if I should keep waiting for him to get over this on his own, or force the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Greta, this is a tough call. I certainly wouldn't stress him, that's for sure. Whatever is causing it, you can't deny that your son's fear is real, and needs to be treated with respect. I think I'd try this: go to your friend's house and just stay someday when you have time. Do this a few times until your son is more comfortable. Next, leave with his knowledge, but only to drive around the block. Make sure he knows that this is all you are doing. Build up to leaving for a longer period of time. In the meantime, I'd take him with you. Don't make it fun or an adventure...waiting around while moms do mom-stuff can (and should be) boring, lol. His fear is real, for whatever reason. Working with him to overcome it peacefully is probably going to be less traumatic and work more effectively than the alternative. Hope this helps... Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide eyes & laughter Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 So, my 2cents is take him with you, knowing he will outgrow this someday. Some of the best parenting advice dh & I rec'd was from a dear friend who said, "Love them into independence". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 can you realistically go to this dr. appt with him? Nope - going for a mammogram. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Greta, this is a tough call. I certainly wouldn't stress him, that's for sure. Whatever is causing it, you can't deny that your son's fear is real, and needs to be treated with respect. I do accept that his fear is real. But there are times when it is keeping him from doing things he would really like to do (like play with my friend's children). So that is why I want to help him overcome it. But maybe he just needs to keep missing out on the fun, in order to finally decide he wants to separate from me? I don't want to make him more fearful. Thanks for your advice about leaving him for very short amounts of time and building up to a longer separation. I appreciate it. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 FWIW, both of my older two went through this--right at age seven. They would even do things run to find me as soon as they heard the door to the garage close, and I had just gone out there to do laundry! I would say it's something he'll outgrow (both of mine did), and for the upcoming appointment just talk to him about his fears and explain (again) that you will be nearby, brother will be there, etc. The only way I would NOT leave him is if he is so beside himself with fear that he can't be consoled while you are gone, and that's because I wouldn't expect even a good friend to have to deal with that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 When my dd had issues with SA, I'd go with her to where ever I was dropping her off, and stay for a while. Of course before hand I'd have a couple of talks with her about what was going to happen and how long I'd be gone, what she was going to do at her friend's house. Kinda play it up. If you have a cell phone, can you call him when you get to the facility, then when you are waiting to go back, when you are done with the test, and when you are getting in the car to come back to him? Let him know that you will call in 10 minutes when you have to leave, then call again while you are waiting and tell him that you'll call him in 30 minutes, then call him and tell him to get ready to go home and pick up toys because you'll be there to get him in 10 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Greta, this is a tough call. I certainly wouldn't stress him, that's for sure. Whatever is causing it, you can't deny that your son's fear is real, and needs to be treated with respect. I think I'd try this: go to your friend's house and just stay someday when you have time. Do this a few times until your son is more comfortable. Next, leave with his knowledge, but only to drive around the block. Make sure he knows that this is all you are doing. Build up to leaving for a longer period of time. In the meantime, I'd take him with you. Don't make it fun or an adventure...waiting around while moms do mom-stuff can (and should be) boring, lol. His fear is real, for whatever reason. Working with him to overcome it peacefully is probably going to be less traumatic and work more effectively than the alternative. Hope this helps... Ria :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 7 is an age for seperation anxiety, I think. Both of mine had it then, even my very outgoing oldest. My youngest started getting very clingy at around 6 1/2, and is now coming out of it, a year later. I stayed with her as much as possible, but I don't know if that helped of if they just grew out of it. I tend towards the latter- a few people have had similar experiences with their kids at 6-7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2boys Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to reply. It is very comforting to know others have had this same problem with their children at this age. I don't know anyone IRL who has had this problem, so I thought it was just something with my child, and maybe he had been traumatized in some way, and I hadn't realized it. So thank you all for letting me know this can be typical for his age, and for giving me hope that he will outgrow it. I had visions of sitting next to him in his college classes. :D And thank you, Parrothead, for the cell phone advice. This is just what we plan to do. Plus, he will have dh's number so he can reach him on his Blackberry if he is really upset and I can't be reached. My appointment is this afternoon. I'll let you all know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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