How do you raise the bar for a kid who is sliding?

[JennifersLost]

This year has been so busy for me. My ds, who is in 10th grade, is pretty much keeping up with the work but he just handed in two projects that aren't anywhere near what I know he can do.

 

Several things have messed with his drive:

 

1. A school experience in which he got all A's without doing ANY studying, re-reading of papers he handed in, etc.

 

2. The knowledge that we are only going to have a certain amount of money per year for college, so he may well go the "two years of community college" route before switching to a four year school. His thinking is why work hard when anyone can sign up for community college.

 

3. He wants to be online; sometimes chatting, sometimes playing games, sometimes creating things instead.

 

Help! I feel like I'm losing my handle on all of this and it doesn't help that I've been throwing myself into pursuing my own dreams instead of concentrating on his schooling.

 

Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

[SheWhoWaits]

Wow. I hope you get some answers. I have one with similar issues, for different reasons. Whenever he thinks what I have assigned is too hard (which is most of the time) he just gives up and doesn't even try.

[lllll]

..

[Jenn in CA]

This is good advice. Seems there have been several threads lately about unmotivated teen boys.... or maybe I just notice them because I have 2 teen boys (14 & 15) who struggle with motivation. I think most teen boys do, actually.

 

If he's not motivated to get into a good school because you can't afford it, what about starting community college now? And, there's the motivation of working to get scholarships. If neither of those appeal, like ksva said, it sounds like a lame excuse on his part.

 

I thought this thread had a lot of good advice. It's long but you might find something that resonates with you.

 

He needs to be held accountable in some way, shape or form. Sometimes I sit w/my son right after breakfast and say, "Show me your plan for the day." He writes it on a daily schedule grid. This helps. I don't spend a lot of time w/my kids actively teaching them, but when one has a big or daunting task, I will sit down w/him for 15 minutes and go over it at the beginning of the day, make sure he knows what he needs to tackle on it, and ask to see it later in the day. My oldest takes 2 college classes right now and I've done a lot of this with him this semester.

 

My kids respond really well to losing computer/music/video game privileges. For a long time, if necessary. If they're expecting an important email, I'll check their email for them. Our basic computer rules are: No fun computer until all work is done, and if I catch you, you are in Big Trouble. Usually they'll lose it for a couple days if they break that rule. Then they can always lose iPods, music, movies/other screen time, any other free time activities.

 

SheWhoWaits--I have one of these. "Giving up" or "not trying" is considered passive rebellion in this house. It is not a time to coax, it's a time to push from behind. I will say to my son, "Have this done in x hours/days or [insert serious concrete consequences]. If you need help, you know where to find me." It's on him to just do it, it's not on me to make him want to try.

 

Ladies, stay strong! I was just thinking about this quote: "We love girls for who they are, boys for who they will become." Boys are diamonds in the rough. We need to look past the rough stuff, and put our faith in God to complete what He's begun in them. Dream big dreams for your boys then help them gain the self-discipline they need to accomplish them. Sacrifice if necessary... you only have a couple years left.

Edited November 21, 2008 by Jenn in CA
clarity

[Moni]

He wants to be online; sometimes chatting, sometimes playing games, sometimes creating things instead..

 

This is okay.

There many creative boys out there.

But, is he "actually" doing these things instead of your required assignments?

I wasn't sure if he was "just wishing" or 'actually doing' these things.

 

If he's getting creative and/or fun stuff and/or privileges without doing required work, then that is totally expectable that he would do that instead of his assignments.

Smart kid ;) to opt for the fun stuff when he can do those things without doing his homework.

 

In general, I agree with what the other two so far said.

 

But I was thinking, if he's not motivated now, what makes me think he will be motivated for a CC transcript??

Might be setting up for failure

But, hey, if he wants to do it, then there you go. That might be a solution after all.

 

All of this stuff I find falls back onto the Mom.. yup, us. :lol:

Even their stuff is our fault if we aren't doing what we need to do to put the teens in a position to enjoy success.

 

I find if I set clear requirements and check up on those, things go well.

The less I monitor, the less well the homeschooling goes.

I think this is typical...especially if the students are under-motivated.

 

Most families I know have a No Screens Mon-Fri rule, and only on the weekends if there is no Late Assignments, and only to the degree parents allow, which varies.

 

I like to say, We can't make a teen boy do anything he doesn't want to do, but if he Wants To do it, there is no stopping him.

 

So our job is to Make Him Wanna.

or at least make compliance a better alternative. ;)

 

All this assumes he is in a position to attend to school though.

Physical, Emotional needs are met, feels loved, valued, and supported, etc.

Nutritional and exercise needs are being met, etc.

If so, he will be in a better position to receive your cheerleading efforts

:)

 

And some weeks boys have faster metabolisms some weeks than other it seems. Keep those protein and healthful snacks "silently and suddenly appearing" on his desktop throughout the day, whether he asks for them or not. If he needs 'em, he'll eat 'em. If not, they will remain for you to clear in a hour or so.

But keep that brain powered with level blood sugar levels, and keep him hydrated. The doc says the brain is "Fat, Water, and Electricity" so a little hydration can make a big difference.

 

And sure, he won't need to compete for a seat at the CC.

He's right about that. Smart kid.

And also . . . so what? :lol:

He's not doing all this stuff to compete for a seat.

 

:seeya:

[JennifersLost]

Thank you, ladies.

 

I hate to say it, but all my kids now that a sad face (even at 15) really gets to me.

 

A lot of this is my fault. I might be here in the house all day, but I am not HERE a lot this year. I think I might be getting to the end of that period. Some things that were consuming me are falling away right now. In a few weeks several commitments will be over.

 

It's all about us, isn't it? No matter what, the answer always seems to be: be present, be vigilant. Nothing takes the place of that.

 

Time to figure out how to get myself back "here" in my home and family.

[Moni]

Some things that were consuming me are falling away right now. In a few weeks several commitments will be over..

Aww, well there you go.

This is actually good news.

The reason why things are going the way there are is known to you. That can be half the effort right there, the finding out why and how things got to this level.

And if the commitments will be over, then you are in a good spot to monitor the homeschooling again.

This is all good news! :)

Many of us have seasons some more busy than others, outside commitments at times more than other times, etc.

It happens and it's okay.

But when we become more available, time to restart the homeschooling routine on a good plan.

 

:seeya: