ELaurie Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 For those of you who are familiar with this approach (and thank you to everyone who responded to my question yesterday :001_smile:): How do you encourage yourself to consistently notice all of those positive qualities in your dc? To be the guy in the tolbooth? To set the bar low, ala Shamu? What helps you remain consistent in the way you use time outs and enforce rules? Thank you for taking time to respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 For those of you who are familiar with this approach (and thank you to everyone who responded to my question yesterday :001_smile:): How do you encourage yourself to consistently notice all of those positive qualities in your dc? To be the guy in the tolbooth? To set the bar low, ala Shamu? What helps you remain consistent in the way you use time outs and enforce rules? Thank you for taking time to respond. It is difficult to stay consistent, and to keep trying to find the positive things to notice. And my ds, even with the neutral comments, would still often argue with me about them, which made it even more difficult to stay positive with him <sigh> But I started jotting down notes when we started out to help me remember at the end of the day certain things to praise for, and I'd just try to constantly remind myself to notice and give affirmation. Starting out with the system can be so difficult and challenging in itself, I think (at least it was for us). But it did get easier. With timeouts, I just had to give them and follow through, instead of not giving them when I should, hoping for improvement in the behavior (because I didn't want to deal with the explosion of emotions from the timeouts). Things did get worse in some ways before they got better, because my ds had to test every new rule put in place, to see just what *would* happen. We did write out a list of the rules in the beginning to help both dh and I to be consistent on what got a timeout, and for ds, so he could see the list and know what was expected of him. We're in the middle of breakfast here, so I should get back :) I don't know if that helped at all? I can try to elaborate more later if you want me to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELaurie Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 right now your encouragement means more than you know :Angel_anim: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Being consistant is so difficult. Our biggest thing with my 6 yo was we were battling constantly at the table to do work. It was very new and I had high expectations. He was frustrated and uncertain as to what was going on. The book came to me at a perfect time. I was able to eliminate the battle, lower my expectations, and slow down for him. I took the attitude that he needs everything to be remedial. It worked wonderfully! The positive reinforcement was more natural and automatic because he was really wanting to earn it. It was as though he needed to know I was in control of what was going on and was going to make it as positive as I could. He is like a new kid in about 4 weeks! I think the transition from summer to home school really threw him for a loop. I was worried he may be ADHD and in the last week or so I would think that he was taking a drug to control him. It's that remarkable a change. It's as though he saw us slow down and he is following our lead. It is hard and if you don't see some kind of change it is only more frustrating. I wish you lots of luck, I know how difficult it can be, Lauren Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELaurie Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Thank you for your encouraging post Lauren. You offer good advice; our 6 yo ds is very bright, but also very resistant to doing things that he finds boring or tedious (such as hand writing, which I require relatively little of at this stage). It's frustrating for me to know he has the ability to do his work, but takes forever to get it done. OTOH, I know there is a part of him that wants to please; and ultimately I want him to feel a sense of success and accomplishment for making better choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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