ProudGrandma Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 My boy's horn teacher (and good friend) is having his first of 12 chemo treatments tomorrow. He is 38 with stage 3 colon cancer. He is a dad of 3 small kids...ages 8, 5 and a newborn. He has an 80% chance of surviving this. I have never been around anybody undergoing chemo treatments and so I do not know what sort of things are helpful and not helpful...so, please if you can share with me what I might think to do to help or say or not say, I would greatly appreciate it. He has a great attitude about the whole thing...he thinks he will be able to do much of what he is used to doing...which is A LOT...it's musical time, honor's band time, pep band time...and the list goes on and on. I don't want to squash his hope of doing lots of these things because he lives for his job and his band kids, but on the other hand, if he gets his hopes up too high and then can't, I would feel so bad for him... and if you are a praying person and want to include him in your prayers...his name is Nate. thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 (edited) I would offer to set up a Care calendar type of thing for the family. That way you could post their actual needs and friends and neighbors can sign up. It is helpful when people volunteer to do chore-type stuff. Even though if he is married , his wife could cook, she may be emotionally wiped out and really appreciate a break. It will be important for people to honor what he can and can't eat. Other ideas are things like yard work or running errands. He may well have the energy for band, etc. but not really be able to face a snow shovel or lawn mower. It's important to offer to do things that take the load off his partner because her energy needs to go toward supporting him as much as possible. Offering to babysit while the couple has a date is another possiblity if you know the kids. Just think about all the stuff you have to do to keep life going that you don't particularly get energy from and offer to do those kinds of things for your friend and his family. Edited March 15, 2017 by Laurie4b 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in Richmond Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 You sound like a real good friend! I just got home from a prayer service for a friend who is starting her treatments tomorrow, and I went through chemo myself last year. None of knows what to expect from chemo treatments ahead of time. It's different for everyone, but there are some things that would help in any case. Talk to him about all the normal everyday stuff. He needs to feel that life goes on & he's still part of it. It's okay to ask him how he's feeling and how the treatments work & their effects on him. It's all new to him, too. It's common to have a couple of bad days each cycle, followed by better ones. Call first before visiting. Just keep all the talk positive. Never mention anyone who fought cancer yet died of it. (sounds common sense, but I did have someone do that). Stories of people who fought it and survived are very encouraging. Cards and little treats cheered me up a lot. Hard candy, lotion, little reminders that I was in their thoughts. Let him know you're praying for him. It means more than you can know. If you have time, send over a dinner to the family, or treats/dessert for the kids. They will appreciate it :-) Offer play dates if your kids are friends. The only hurtful people were those who avoided me (which I could understand, cancer is difficult for some to face), or only bragged about their own great news the whole time... I will be glad to pray for Nate! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 A good question is: "How are you feeling today?" It will change day -to-day and it can be nice to have someone ask and be able to complain a bit on the bad days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 If you're comfortable in medical waiting rooms, sometimes just the driving to the appointments can be a huge help. When my dad had cancer and had treatments every week, his students set up a rotation to drive him so my mom had that time to get other things done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 (edited) Offer to drive him to and from chemo. When our neighbor was diagnosed Stage 4 :-( colon cancer she was able to drive at first, but the chemo caught up to her and it was easier to have neighbors/friends to arrange to drive her to and fro. Her chemo took five hours at a time, so her hubby got her an iPad full of movies, books, games. She had three little kids, too, but only got 2.5 more years with them. If he ever just feels bad and needs to be sad, don't try to be falsely cheerful, but agree that it SUCKS but you will be there for whatever is needed. Edited March 15, 2017 by JFSinIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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