First post. Looking for feedback.

[Colleen in NS]

Just to echo what Sahamamama was saying about beauty and how dealing with your current circumstances well can be positively formative - here are some books I have loved over the years - perhaps you can find them in a library.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Living-Guide-Sourcebook-Stressful/dp/0553067966/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441332598&sr=8-1&keywords=janet+luhr

 

http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Art-Homemaking-Edith-Schaeffer/dp/0842313982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441332674&sr=8-1&keywords=the+hidden+art+of+homemaking

 

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Home-Defining-Want-Live-ebook/dp/B00BKZGNWS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441332784&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+at+home+by+alexandra+stoddard

[pinkmint]

I read the last couple of posts and I don't have time to articulate myself fully at the moment but thank you so very much, ladies, for taking the time to post. Suffice it to say, on the verge of tears. Touched. 

 

And yes, I am a praying woman and a Christian woman. I've been praying that our situation would improve long and hard. DH and I have young kids but we got a bit later start and are not all that young. It feels sometimes like I've wasted too much of my life praying for things to change and get better. Sometimes I wonder if part of my/ our family's mission on this earth is to never see any real improvement to our circumstances and still say that God is good. Maybe it's to show that loving him and following him is not based on getting what you want in life. But I guess it's all relative. I would just about kill for a nice, safe, clean home, merely an average income and a means to be free of our debt (incurred out of stupidity that I would go back in time and change if I could). But instead I get things that money can't buy like well adjusted children when I was anything but as a child. 

 

I believe truly that God can do anything he wants, in the most unlikely of circumstances. Still I must admit it is hard when I see how sin and reality plays out. I cannot think of anyone I have ever met or gotten to know who's improvement in circumstances didn't seem traceable back to some big advantage in life that DH and I do not have. For example, people may take for granted that they were raised in a Christian home, and/ or in an in-tact home and/ or have some level of family support system. Not having these things... I won't go into gory details but a snapshot of my growing up years included watching my mom's drug crazed boyfriend try to strangle her with a telephone chord. Not having these advantages in life is no small thing, let me tell you. 

 

Our whole game plan (if you can call it that) is for the sin and mess to stop with our generation and not have it's tentacles in our children. Just no. It's going to stop with us. I don't care what I have to do... how hard it has to be, how pitiful our standard of living has to be, how we may do all this deep, legacy changing work in a small nasty rental in a sketchy neighborhood. I'm determined, and I see the big picture, but like I said, it's hard to keep my spirits up in the day to day. So thank you for the insights and ideas. And thanks for letting me be real and post what I'm really dealing with. 

[Colleen in NS]

 

Our whole game plan (if you can call it that) is for the sin and mess to stop with our generation and not have it's tentacles in our children. Just no. It's going to stop with us. I don't care what I have to do... how hard it has to be, how pitiful our standard of living has to be, how we may do all this deep, legacy changing work in a small nasty rental in a sketchy neighborhood. I'm determined, and I see the big picture, but like I said, it's hard to keep my spirits up in the day to day. So thank you for the insights and ideas. And thanks for letting me be real and post what I'm really dealing with. 

 

You both are very strong.  I'm sure you have a lot of days when you don't feel strong.  But you are.  Just know that.  And keep reaching out for support from here.  And I hope/pray you can find support nearby you, too.  It's tough letting yourself "fall" on other people/strangers/new acquaintances, esp. when you know many people have support networks in place most of their lives.  But many also don't.  And there are some good people in this world.  Keep trying to find them in real life.  Meanwhile, we're here.  :D

[Sahamamama]

I once had a clothes rack that I placed over floor heating vents and this is where our clothes dried.  I also once rigged up broomsticks, that I'd found, from ceiling hooks - for awhile this served as a clothes drying place.  It wasn't "normal" for North America, but it WORKED and it prevented us spending money on electricity, so I didn't care.  [snip] Have a "We Have A Clothes Dryer Now" party!! 

 

When we moved into our old house, there was not only no dryer, there was no dryer hook-up. My dad and my husband put in the gas line. My father told my husband, "Cut this gas pipe here and here. I'm going to Home Depot to get a part. I hope the house is here when I get back." :lol: We still laugh about that one.

 

In our previous place, we also had no dryer (but we had a washer, go figure). We had two closets with folding doors that were opposite each other in a long, wide hallway. I put brass cup hooks on the inside of closets, above the inside door jambs. If you didn't know the hooks were there, you'd never guess, KWIM? I rigged a clothesline to have loops on both ends. The length of the line was exactly right to hook the loop to a hook and zig-zag the line, back and forth, from hook to hook to the final hook inside one of the closets. Instant indoor clothesline! It took about a minute to put up the line, and a few minutes to hang the clothes. We never spent money at the laundromat (not to mention the safety and logistical issues with that + a newborn + fumes). We didn't waste money on electricity or gas to dry clothes.

 

It was a little weird going down the hallway through the underwear, LOL. Good memories. Really. :)

 

I almost never use my dryer now. Haven't for years. Habit.

[Classical Katharine]

Hi again Pink,

 

Jean and Sahama and Colleen and others have shared such wonderful and helpful things that I almost don't want to add anything, and think there's almost nothing to add, but I did remember a day or two ago that I meant to tell you about Judy Rogers.

 

http://judyrogers.com/catalog.php?category=CDs

 

 

She writes songs for children that teach lots of Scripture and are fun and singable--good for lifting the spirits and teaching at the same time. Maybe they would be a blessing to you all. "Go to the Ant" is about the book of Proverbs and is very practical.

 

If you can't afford the CD yet, this site has the words and if you are musical, you can make up your own family tunes:

 

http://judylyrics.klsoaps.com/WCISG.html

 

Edited to add: if you go to the page for each CD, you can hear the tunes, for example: http://judyrogers.com/catalog.php?item=3&catid=CDs&ret=judyrogers.com%2Fcatalog.php%3Fpage%3D1%26category%3DCDs

 

I also would like to second that you are fighting a noble fight against discouragement and from the brief glimpse you shared of trauma when you were young, it sure is possible that you were not encouraged in your home growing up. Some of your feelings of not measuring up might come from those years, but God sees and loves you as you should have been seen and loved then. Your determination that the craziness is going to stop in this generation is of God, it's pleasing to God, and it's an amazing example to the rest of us.

 

Thank you for sharing and for starting this thread.

 

 

[Classical Katharine]

I also wondered if there might be any possibility of having your debt payments rescheduled so that they take up less of your monthly budget, but you are still paying it off? Often creditors are willing to do this. After all you are seeking to do the right thing and they would rather get something than have a customer declare bankruptcy, so they are often more favorable to this idea than you might expect.

[lllll]

nm

[Sahamamama]

There are many in the same boat as you.  Hunter has a lot of posts on low cost homeschooling.  

 

How old are your children?  My kids are teens now but I've been where you are with the littles plus being cooped up.  We did things like make the couch into a boat, and used boxes to make things like puppet theaters.  There are a lot of free homeschooling materials online.  I know there was a thread very recently on homeschooling on or near the poverty line that had lists of free options.  Are you close enough to a library to utilize their books and services like story time?  Even in some of the sketchy places I've lived, the libraries have felt like pretty safe places to be.  

 

:wub: ROFL, we were opposite to you!

 

We turned a box into a boat! And the girls would crawl behind the couch, and that was the puppet theater!

 

OP -- I just wanted to mention that when your youngest is no longer a baby, it changes. There is more freedom to go places, and (at least for me) there was less of that "cooped up" feeling. Hang in there.

 

I remember when I was juggling babies to go somewhere one day. I must have had that Frazzled Mommy look, because my mother said, "Sweetie, someday you will say to these three children, 'Go to the bathroom, put your shoes on, and get in the car.' And they will do it. All on their own, they will do those things. I know you can't imagine this now, but someday you will reach that point, and then life will be different." I laughed then, but I knew she was right.

 

And she was. We made it. ;)

 

 

[Colleen in NS]

 

...So I looked at my life and thought about things like the Serenity Prayer and figured out what things I COULD change - and set about doing just that.  And I never really thought about it, but I recently realized that I, like you, didn't care what I had to do to make those changes and do what needed to be done.  I didn't really know the details - how, when, where, etc. - I just knew that it HAD to be done and there was no one to do it BUT me.  ...

 

 

  

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

 

Ah, it's nice to "see" you here again (I recognize you).  You always have so much wisdom to share.

 

And funnily, as I was thinking this morning about pinkmint, The Serenity Prayer came to my mind, too!  For the same reasons - you can't change the people and some circumstances around you (though I still try, lol), but you can change what you do and think.

 

 

[Sahamamama]

Whatever your politics, reading about Dr. Carson's upbringing might be inspiring to you.

 

:iagree: I read his biography over the summer, and it helped me through a bit of a "wobble" in my confidence to homeschool. Despite rather bleak circumstances, young Ben Carson's determination, continuous effort, time-on-task, faith, courage helped a very "unlikely candidate" to become successful and have a fulfilling life.

[kalusignan]

I can't say I've been where you are, but I have had to deal with trying to entertain small children all day FWIW.

 

You mentioned that you have access to Youtube. Something I do that has been very helpful and beneficial: make a Youtube playlist and change it frequently. Incorporate a variety of different, educational videos plus ones where they have to get up and move (search for "brain break" videos). Some good youtube channels to look at:

Art for Kids Hub

Barefoot Books

Harry Kindergarten

Smarter Every Day

Storylineonline

The Learning Station

 

All or most of these stations would be appropriate for kids under 6. The key is picking the videos and making the playlist. My kids know that once it's over, that's it, they don't get to pick their own videos, and, best of all, it will be different next time!!!

 

Hang in there! 

[Sahamamama]

I'm coming back here to read the responses because I am having a tough time today. Often times, like today, I cannot come up with enough things to just plain occupy my kids in a good way. "Doing school" takes a small portion of our day since my kids are 6 and under. Then we have these seemingly endless stretches during the day.

 

Going on a walk in this neighborhood is not very safe or pleasant, like I mentioned. Weather is still in the mid 90's every day where I live and I can't handle sitting outside at the park in that heat.

 

What gets me is the heavy feeling of failure every day. I can honestly say that I feel like I'm doing a decent job maybe 1% of the time. I have an almost non-stop anxiety about ruining my kids lives. And it seems like people (not referring to anyone here) think they would have the strength, wits and determination to make the best of a situation like this (being at home full time with small children, aiming to homeschool, skimming the poverty line, living in a beat down neighborhood where you can't even take a walk etc) but I don't see anyone but me trying to do it. Maybe I'm crazy and stupid. 

 

We don't make enough money to be "normal" in any way. And I have heard the lectures about how well off we are compared to people in 3rd world countries... it doesn't help, especially coming from people who make 3+ times our income and/ or who aren't massively in debt with no assets (home owners as opposed to a cr*ppy rental, livestock, spacious property for the kids, a garden etc) at all. These are real things that are hard in real life. But I do get caught up wondering if I'm a hopelessly negative person. I am a Christian, and I know the value of contentment. I also get tired of hearing about contentment from people who I wish would just say "That's a hard situation to be in." or something along those lines. 

 

Anyway, thanks for reading my ranting if you got this far. 

 

It is a hard situation to be in.

 

When we lived in our old neighborhood, I almost never took the kids for a walk there. Too much crime, too many roaming dogs, too many creepy people walking around talking to themselves. The days were looooooooooooong.

 

I'm trying to remember what we did to fill up the time. I know, I know, it's not that long ago! But it's amazing how it blurs!

 

We took naps, every day, from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm. But my kids still slept from around 7:00 pm to 7:00 am, so the nap didn't interfere with night time sleeping. Could you get into the habit of at least taking a mandatory Quiet Time each day? If the kids are required to rest in a dark, quiet room with nothing to do and are not allowed to talk or get up, they might sleep. It might be worth a try? I do know that some kids aren't the "power sleepers" that mine were (and still are)! LOL.

 

Sometimes, I would say, "Bath Time!" just out of the blue on a hot day, and they would each take a turn playing in the tub with toys for twenty minutes. I made a long hour for me, sitting in there with them, but they sure had fun.

 

We never had a TV, so that wasn't a temptation.

 

The library was cool and the coolness was free.

 

I went around one summer putting aluminum foil (shiny side out) on all the windows on one side of our little house, it was SO HOT. The kids thought that was funny, to have foil on the windows.

 

We went to the library and loaded up a folding wagon with books. We read all the books, and went back for more. In some ways, having few places to go was a good thing. The most exciting part of our week was the library. :)

 

We sang a lot. We'd check out CDs of kids' songs from the library and play those. We'd get songs from the Internet and sing to them, dance, beat on pots with wooden spoons.

 

We picked apples from a friend's tree and made applesauce (often). Little kids just love making applesauce.

 

We dyed noodles with rubbing alcohol and food coloring, let them dry in the sun, and strung them to make necklaces.

 

We did a lot with sidewalk chalk, which is cheap at the dollar store.

 

When they were really little, maybe two and three, they always had a great time with a tub of water (in the kitchen, on towels) or a tub of rice or a tub of lentils. I poured the lentils out under the small deck one time (duh) and then we had lentils growing all around the deck!

 

They sprouted beans in cups.

 

They did the celery and colored water thing.

 

We made soup in a crock pot together a lot -- onions, garlic, carrots, celery, potatoes (or not), sweet potatoes, cabbage, peas, corn, cauliflower, tomatoes, beans, zucchini, herbs, a little water. Actually, now that I think of it, we probably made a pot of soup nearly every week. We still do this, but mostly in the fall & winter.

 

We decorated our house for each season, using simple construction paper. So, for March, we'd put up two shades of green -- clovers and a paper chain. In July -- red, white, and blue. In October, autumn colors and shapes of leaves. In winter, paper snowflakes. It was always simple stuff, but gave the girls something fun to do, and the inside of our house was really beautified by it. I'd trace the lines on the paper, and they'd cut out the strips and join them. I remember those days, when making a new paper chain was the EXCITING thing for the day. :001_wub:

 

We made simple costumes from old T-shirts and pipe cleaners (antennae for bugs, you know). The girls put on skits (when they were a bit older, maybe 5, 6, 7, 8?). I bought inexpensive felt and cut out shapes, and they played with those for hours. They enjoyed puppets and storytelling. Candyland. Hi-Ho-Cherry-O. Trouble-in-the-Bubble.

 

Oh, that reminds me! They LOVED playing with bubbles, which are also cheap at a dollar store. But when they were really little, I learned to hold the bubble bottle, and just give them the wand.

 

If you have little girls, in a few years, they will possibly enjoy a tea party. Serve tea, make your own cookies and scones (simple), and act all formal and ladylike. So fun.

 

Sometimes, I would sit in the middle of the floor, they would bring all their "hair stuff" and play Beauty Parlor on my hair. You can't imagine how many hairbands and clips and barrettes went into my hair -- three little girls, so excited. The results were not exactly beautiful, but they sure had fun. My husband has photos to prove it. :blushing:

 

******************

 

Those are some ideas.

 

About the sense of failure, Pinkmint -- don't feed it. Figure out the small, daily things you need to do to defeat it. Let the Holy Spirit's calling and affirmation be your source of information. Ask him to encourage you. I believe and pray that he will.

 

Here's a thought to consider: if your children are all six and under, you are their reference point for "normal," and they don't even have a clue that there's anything else, unless you make it an issue for them. When my children were small, their world was "small," too -- our house, Grammy's house, church, library, park, and living history farm.

 

I don't see that as a bad thing. It didn't need to be bigger.

 

Would all the bells and whistles be nice? I don't know, really. IMO, some young children can have too much of "educational experiences," when what they really need is a nap. They are tired, dragged from pillar to post, and worn out by the time they are five years old. My friend says her seven year old granddaughter had to go to counseling because she was stressed from having so many after school activities (at least one a day). She was so tired and worn out, she just wanted to be home.

 

I think we can create for young children a gentle, beautiful, quiet, and nurturing space. We need to have that spirit within ourselves to work it out in our homes.

 

When we lived in that house, for a short time I went to a Mom's Morning Out. These were ladies from my church, who all had young children. We were worlds apart. They all lived in big, beautiful homes in the wealthy part of town. A few had nannies, but were home full-time. They had their children in preschool from the day those children were potty trained. They used to say, "When are you going to put ________ into a school?"

 

And I would say, "I'm not. She's two, and I'm keeping her home." I was like a pariah to those women. So I stopped going.

 

They could not understand me wanting to be "home all day" with three babies. I could not understand them having babies they didn't (seem to) want to be with. :confused:

 

I didn't know anyone IRL who did what I was doing. Not one person, for years. My father would ask on a regular basis, "Are you putting those kids in a real school now?"

 

If you are going to do this homeschool thing, you need to ignore that "we're not normal" feeling -- even in comparison to other homeschoolers -- and just march on. Homeschooling itself is "not normal," but I don't think there is (truly) a Standard Homeschooler. There is a Standard Homeschooler stereotype, but the reality is much more diverse.

 

We do now live in an affluent area, but we are by no means comparable to some families who homeschool here. There is one family we know here that spends more than $30,000 per year on gymnastics, let alone all the other lessons and classes and materials and just regular bills. One family has a private art teacher. Co-ops, classes, cottage schools, online course, CC, and more abound here, but we certainly couldn't afford those things. I'm not sure (at this point) that I'd put that money out if we could!

 

We just do everything at home. In fact, I think we are the ONLY homeschooling family in this county that doesn't have our kids in any for-pay outside classes. They do AWANA (minimal dues + a book). They do our own church's midweek program (minimal dues, no book). They do choir ($60/year for three kids). Other than that, we don't put money out for outside classes, because they are just TOO EXPENSIVE for three kids to continue with in any meaningful way.

 

I've had my moments of feeling like our girls are missing out. I've had my moments when I think it's just too much work (for me). But when I look at how happy and well-adjusted and healthy and smart and loving they all are, I'm glad we do what we do, and accomplish our school work at home, with the resources we can afford. It's okay, really. HTH.