How do you manage your child's "screen time"? *Update*

[Linz1084]

We don't have any hard and fast rules, but screen time is saved for the witching hour... AKA 4:30pm when I am needing to cook dinner, but daddy isn't home yet.  They watch up to an hour usually.  Also - all of their toys have to be picked up before they get a show.  My oldest can get SUPER addicted, and we've gone weeks without any screen time if behavior is bad, so they know it is a privilege, and something that can (and is) taken away.  But my kids are still young (4.5, 3, and 2) - so, they tend to be climbing all over me if I don't have something to distract them during the dinner hour.  

 

And funny... we tend to watch more on Sunday afternoon (football anyone?), because it allows DH and I to relax more!!!

[Tsuga]

I can compare two systems.

 

One was for my step kids, and one is my bio-kids. Step-kids were "self-regulating" (OR NOT, because shockingly, it turns out that not every human being regulates, wow, mom and dad, who'd have thought...). My kids had an earned screen time limit: in addition to having to have grade-level or above marks in all areas at school, including behavior, they could only have screen time on non-school nights, Fridays and Saturdays, through Sunday morning.

 

That could be earned via extra homework (10 minutes of screen time per page of math, 10 minutes of musical practice, page of writing or for the wee one, a short book of reading). Usually, they just didn't do the extra and no screen time.

 

When I decided to have them practice their instruments daily, I introduced a short screen time to incentivize that, but it's going away because it was awful to hear them whine about screen time. I'm looking for more relevant daily incentives.

 

The favorite activities are: DD14, Vine, YouTube, text, some games. DS12, same, some free app games a la Angry Birds, Crossy Road, that type of thing. DD8, Minecraft, texting, Animal Jam from National Geographic. DD6, PBS kids videos. (Step)Dad: Fantasy sports, ESPN, Words With Friends. Me: Message boards, Words with Friends, New York Times, the Economist. Step-kids watch TV as well but we don't have Netflix or a cable package so around here it's pretty boring. My kids don't get addicted to TV shows as I don't buy them and they can't afford them. Step-kids watch a lot at their mom's.

 

Step kids and we bought our phones, they with a lot of birthday money but also some earned money. My kids have a phone from their dad meant to call him, but which he said they could play games on. This phone was a major issue with me as the primary residential parent giving in because he is military and far away so I pursed my lips and said they could keep the phone but I'd limit its use other than calling him, so that's the truce.

 

For four very different kids, this was how it played out:

 

DSD14 (self "regulating"): Texts frequently, got into drama arguments on the phone with friends and now ex-friends (as far as I'm concerned that type of thing is everybody's fault, no winners and no righteous people in texting drama wars), still managed a decent GPA but test scores slipped in terms of percentiles. Got Cs on a few tests and she never used to get Cs. However, she brought up her grades so overall the grades were okay, all As and one B. The course work did get slightly more challenging in 8th grade.

 

DSS12 (self not-regulating): Always on the goddamned phone or desktop. In addition to just not doing homework, developed a habit of lying about it. Frequently even when told to do homework first, I'd be home and see him on the computer. (This is ending this year--we have a different parenting plan for me as a step-parent, but I'm giving you the historical stuff.) Because they are in PS, we could see he was lying about his grades and homework, and then he'd whine that he forgot. Okay, so you happened to forget every day for weeks on end and never, ever listened when we said "last time you forgot, is that possible this time?" "No, I know what I'm doing!" "Okay, look at this--here are all the ones you forgot." "You just want to make me feel bad!" UGH. Lied about homework the first week of school. Like, this week. Teacher sent a note. So things are going to change around here for one child. This was just the icing on the cake.

 

DD8: Now do I get screen time? Now do I get screen time? Now do I get screen time? Now do I get screen time? But also got through Beast Academy 3A and B for the sake of Minecraft. FTR: Not educational in my opinion. Also, when given unlimited screen time, plays Minecraft for about 10 hours per day, while texting, for days in a row. I tried this a bit this summer. What a disaster. Shockingly, the child of two screen addicts has zero self control.

 

DD6: Loves math and therefore regularly earns a ridiculously long amount of time on the computer, but often gets so caught up in Singapore or reading that she forgets to spend her time on Sid the Science Kid. Freak. ;)

 

So, this year we're combining the methods to create one continuum of rights and responsibilities with respect to screens. We don't restrict content except to say it has to be legal.

 

Straight As in all honors/accelerated courses: Unlimited screen time. (NB: This is impossible for our kids. The accelerated program is hard and none of our kids is so profoundly gifted that they could ace pre-algebra in 4th grade and spend extensive time on the phone/computer on school nights) Renewed on a quarterly basis. 

 

Straight As in gen ed courses or mostly As, 1-2 Bs in accelerated program: 30 minutes of screen time in the evenings after homework and music practice is done. Any evidence that you are not trustworthy with respect to homework, and this is no longer an option, since on any given night, we don't know if you actually have homework or not. Renewed on a quarterly basis. Weekend screen time in primary is earned, screen time in middle school is unlimited on weekends if you play a sport regularly (for their health). And no we wouldn't have to write this out if we did not have kids who would give up sport and moving their bodies entirely, for the sake of video games.

 

Any Bs, no Cs and certainly no Ds: 15 minutes of screen time in the evenings after homework and music practice is done. See "straight As" in gen ed regarding individuals who lie about homework. Screen time in primary and middle school is earned.

 

Poor academic performance: Screen time in the afternoons on weekends only.

 

None of this would have developed if we did not have a couple of kids (DSD, DD8) who would completely fall apart if not given strict, logical, clear, and consistent screen limits. Their reactions developed independently, it seems, of attitudes: DSD was raised in a screen-permissive and even screen-positive environment, DD8 was raised in a screen-skeptical but tech-friendly environment. But DSD takes after his uncle, a video game addict, and DD8 takes after her mom, dad, and my parents (so two grandparents), computer/video game addicts all.

 

Speaking of, I'm getting the heck off of this computer!