kbutton Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I took about a six month break at one point a few years back. My dh continued going and took the children and worried about me a lot, but I just needed to sit alone and be mad at God and have whatever feelings I needed to have. During the end of this period, I was listening to hymns on youtube and had a pretty profound spiritual experience in which I came to see that while my life had been hard in ways that caused me a great deal of pain, God was not absent. I kind of found some inspiration and "raised an Ebenezer", an actual stone I dragged into the woods in the back of my property. I said a prayer. I told no one until about a year later, when I told dh. I've also spent time sitting in the driveway in the rain and screaming and cursing at God. I got away with it. I'm still here. No punishment came. God made me, knows me and knew what He was doing and what He would get with me. I assume at some point He said, "Bring it on!". I think God appreciates me a lot for my stubborn willfulness. I think God needs stubborn and willful people. Keep in mind that the only people available to God for any sort of use to Him are imperfect ones. I've done way worse things in my life than you have, and I feel no guilt. Let that guilt and shame go, sister! It is not God's plan for your life. I don't even know you, and I promise you that is the case. Let God love you. Be and don't do. I haven't taken a break exactly, but this is much like my current experience right now. I think I am near the "raise my Ebenezer" stage (I hope). It has coincided with perimenopause for me (in my case, premature perimenopause). It also occurred after some controlling church experiences that were abusive. It's hard. Our new church is very supportive and not controlling, but i still have times when I cringe at sermons that are really not about me but are a bit triggery just because I'm still raw at inopportune times (and this happens outside of church too with other life circumstances that have been painful). Be gracious to yourself. I hope you find a safe and truthful place to land that points you toward a healthy view of God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (((hugs))) kbutton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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