LizItaly Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 My twin 9yo DDs go through phases of getting along really well and phases of constant fighting. Their fights are the usual sillinesses: "That's mine, don't touch it!" "Eww, you burped! You are so disgusting!" "She touched my eraser!" "She looked at my page!" "It was my turn to answer!" You get the idea. In a non-schooling situation, when they get into a bickering mode and can't seem to get out, I separate them and they usually calm down quickly and will often want to be together again right away. We are in a bickering phase now. It takes so much time away from school because I often have to interrupt what we are doing to ask one or both to lower voices, not to interrupt, to be polite, to choose not to fight. Then they are sullen and cranky. I should add that, for the moment, they are being pretty cooperative with me. It's a sister problem. Our time is tight as it is because of the needs of the my younger DD, and because, well, there is just never enough time! Separation won't work because this is happening when we are all working together. When they are not fighting, we have such a good time together, but the bickering just sucks the joy out of everything. I would love to hear how you deal with it. I need some new tactics! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaltLifeNC Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I feel your pain! I have 12 year old twin girls who constantly bicker too. They have to share most of their textbooks and it's usually, "MOOOOMMMMM! She has the book where it can't see it!!" Most of the time I wait and see if they work it out themselves, I'm pretty good at tuning it out, but sometimes I move the book to a neutral position and tell them they can't each have the book right in front of them. The biggest thing that has worked is when they say, " I'm never talking to her again!", I'll say "okay, stick to it :)." Because, inevitably they will want to talk at some point and won't be able to... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 When the bickering exceeds my patience, I send them outside to either rake leaves, pull weeds, shovel snow or pick up dog poop. If the weather is too bad for those, I send them to clean the basement or crawl space. Their small annoyances can't last against strenuous or disgusting work, AND I don't have to listen to them. It is really a win for me. I sometimes have to warn them that if they complain about each other or the work, I will continue to assign more until they can get along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I think that it's an age thing. I've got an 11yo dd and an 11yo ds (not twins-dd is adopted). They've been bickering like crazy. It's like they're in a constant contest to prove who is the most mature and they take pride in how snide their remarks can be. It's so exhausting! One thing that has helped to some extent here has been some heart to hearts with them. When things get bad I send the worst offender away (separating them for the arbitration is vital) and then talk to them each privately about how their behaviour is making the other one feel. I think that sometimes they're just oblivious to this and sometimes they think that their comments are just playful when really it's just a sly kind of rudeness. I've also told them that when they bicker so much it make me want to get away from them. This definitely has an influence on them. Really I suppose what helps the most is when I remain calm and can help them arbitrate the conflicts. If I listen to them and acknowledge that their complaints are legitimate and then explain how they could have handled the situation better then they respond well. When I screw up then things can turn pretty miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space station Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 When the bickering exceeds my patience, I send them outside to either rake leaves, pull weeds, shovel snow or pick up dog poop. If the weather is too bad for those, I send them to clean the basement or crawl space. Their small annoyances can't last against strenuous or disgusting work, AND I don't have to listen to them. It is really a win for me. I sometimes have to warn them that if they complain about each other or the work, I will continue to assign more until they can get along. I agree. Extra chores have always been a consequence of bickering around here. It doesn't always cure the problem, but at least some cleaning gets done! :tongue_smilie: Seriously though, often all I have to do is say something like, "Wow look at all those leaves on the lawn," and the bickering stops. If I hear it again, they get extra chores. The other result is that sometimes I have caught them bickering sotto voce with each other, but at least they are keeping it quiet and not bothering me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 My dd10 and ds8 are about the same size. They used to fight a lot. I mean, a lot!!! One time, while we were at disney, no less, they were really fighting. I made them hug and kiss each other (on the cheek) and say sorry. They both looked at me in disbelief and started crying like it was going to be painful or something. Well, they did it, and I warned them that they would kiss again if they continued to fight like that. Ever since then, they have gotten along much better. :p They still bicker, but nothing like they used to!! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizItaly Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 We've had a few heart-to-hearts and they do help short-term, but my kids slip back into fighting pretty easily. I may give extra chores a try; the problem with living in an apartment, though, is a general lack of outdoor space and associated chores! However, I know I can find more stuff for them to do. I had been taking things away for rude behavior, but I think adding a chore is a better consequence. I agree that when I react with annoyance, the whole situation becomes miserable. Thanks, all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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