Guest horseshoe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I am a middle aged, married woman with children who seems to have always had a hard time making friends. I was the kid in school that was always made fun of. I had always had horrible self esteem. It just has been so hard for me to shake. I am educated. I have a good job. People always tell me how nice I am, but it never goes any farther. I would like to have a couple of close friends that I could talk to and just hang out with, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Welcome to the boards! :) I've found that the best way to make friends is to connect with others around a shared interest. Do you have a hobby or something you enjoy doing in your spare time? Are there groups in your area where people connect around that hobby/activity? I'd start by checking out www.meetup.com, www.groups.yahoo.com, as well as the community boards on www.craigslist.org for your town. If you're on Facebook, you could also search Facebook groups for your area. Join a few groups, and just lurk for a bit to get a feel for the groups and how people interact and connect. If it seems like a group and its members might be a good fit for you, sign up to attend a meetup or get-together, and go from there. Attend several group get-togethers to start getting to know individual members better. Group meetups are a great low pressure way to get to know people. After awhile, you'll likely form a closer connection with some individuals and can then invite someone to join you for coffee or lunch outside the group. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Once you have a 'target' - lol - be someone who is genuinely interested in that person. Ask them questions, remember stuff they tell you. Remember to share appropriate info about yourself. Be hospitable. People appreciate someone opening their home. Don't take rejections personally. Sometimes its just not meant to be. It doesn't reflect on you. Once you have a friendship going, keep it going. Do your bit about keeping in touch, supporting her, showing an interest. Be interesting (OK, I find this hard at times :)) Share an anecdote, a funny story, an interesting news story. You don't have to be an extrovert or very confident to do the above. I'm an introvert with plenty of friendships built through the above ideas. If you don't feel confident about initiating friendships, fake it :) Putting yourself out there does carry a risk of looking stupid or rejection, but that doesn't kill you. Loneliness, while safer, is no fun either. And be patient. Friendships can take months or even years to blossom. Good luck! Great advice, especially the bolded IMO. Keeping in touch is so critical. While you don't always want to be the one emailing, calling, initiating get-togethers, etc. (one-sided relationships aren't fun) don't always wait for the other person to make the first move either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alef Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I find that having a regularly scheduled activity together is best for building friendships. It can be getting together for coffee every Friday, meeting at the park on Wednesday afternoons with the kids, meeting early in the morning to walk, having a Sunday afternoon scrapbook party...the activity itself doesn't matter other than that there needs to be time to interact and it should be something you both enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 ((hugs)) Sometimes making friends is hard. Sometimes we go through seasons where we really don't have time in our lives for them. If you want friends to just hang out with, then call or email some one you would like to be friends with and set something up. But go in knowing that sometimes people are busy and might decline. Ask them out to a coffee shop, lunch or pie, or come over to your house for tea, whatever. The activity doesn't matter - some people that are in the same spot like getting invitations. Then you can call them again later (after a week or so) and ask them out again. If after the 2nd or 3rd invitiation they don't offer you an invitation, move on. It's okay! People are busy, not everyone fits together. I find that there are some people that are just hard to get to know! If you don't know any one to ask, then join a Meetup.com group or Yahoo group and actively participate. It took me years to realize that the reason people post on Meetup is so that they can meet people. lol! Sounds silly, but I found groups that had cliques and wondered why they used Meetup at all until I realized that they post events because they actually do want to meet new friends :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTmom Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 good advice above... are you looking for friends for yourself or friends where the families will get along as well. I find that its easier to make friends on our own but when you try to include DH and kids, then not so much... I also find that with teenage kids, I have not that much interest in people with smaller kids, just very different concerns and issues... I have never joined a meetup group. Tohru, was your experience positive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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